042. What I Truly Want (6)

Surprisingly, Lucia found herself unable to answer Marie’s question.

Her mind went blank for a moment, as if drained of all thoughts.

‘…Why?’

It wasn’t even a question that should have flustered her so much.

Lucia found her reaction strange and awkward.

As she furrowed her brow, Marie stepped out of the carriage.

“Then I’ll be going to my carriage.”

The carriages for the nobles and their servants were separate.

Lucia’s carriage was a grand and ornate one adorned with the family crest, while Marie’s was small and plain.

Lucia watched Marie head to her carriage in a daze before blinking.

She still felt dizzy from the alcohol.

She exhaled deeply and leaned against the window.

‘What do I want?’

She still didn’t understand.

Why did Marie ask that question?

Marie, who had been by her side the longest, seemed to have realized something before she did, but what it was, she couldn’t guess.

‘I just want to possess people as usual.’

If she wanted something, she had to have it—that’s who she was.

So Owen was part of that.

Just like how she kept Marie by her side because she liked her, just like the maids and knights under her command, just like the noble ladies and gentlemen who socialized with her.

Owen was just one of those people.

Surely, that was all.

‘…If there’s something different.’

After Marie asked that question, something began to bother her.

‘I tried to make Owen like me. I tried to instill a certainty that he did.’

Lucia usually didn’t make much effort to make people like her.

Most people liked her anyway.

It might sound overly conceited, but it was true.

People either already liked her, had a favorable impression, or needed her.

Like Marie.

Whether they were in poverty and hardship, wanted to establish themselves in society, or wanted to succeed.

In either case, people wanted what she had.

Except for Owen.

‘But isn’t that natural? Owen already has everything.’

But on further thought, Owen didn’t particularly need what she had.

At most, her beauty or family might be of interest.

There were hardly any people with comparable family status and outstanding looks.

Of course, Owen didn’t seem particularly interested in those aspects either.

‘Even now… he doesn’t seem very interested in the family.’

Though Owen had started to change a few months ago, he still showed little interest in Edelte.

That was a good thing for Lucia.

Lucia had no particular thoughts about Edelte either.

Instead, Owen had started showing interest in her.

He seemed to react differently to her appearance than before, but that wasn’t all.

Owen was responding to every little thing about Lucia.

It was quite remarkable.

Her voice, her words, her actions.

He behaved as if she was his entire world.

It made her wonder if that was what love was.

Lucia thought love was unnecessary, but she had heard the word “like” countless times.

She had experienced the affection of family and friends, but the gaze of unrequited love was something she was quite familiar with.

Despite that, Owen’s attitude was a very new experience for her.

No one in love had ever acted like him.

No one prioritized someone else over themselves.

It was natural.

How could anyone in the world be more important than oneself?

But Owen defied that basic and obvious principle.

Owen did anything for Lucia.

Without a word, without question.

He would rush to her without seeing anything if he thought she might be in danger, and he quickly understood and fulfilled her desires.

Being with him made Lucia feel like an absolute person.

In his world, she was the only person.

‘Because Owen likes me.’

That must be his love.

They say everyone has their own way of loving, and it seemed that Owen’s way was like that.

His love was about his world being filled with just one person.

‘It must be his first love.’

It could be.

Owen didn’t understand emotions well.

Neither did she, but he was probably even worse.

Unlike her, he didn’t even understand the feelings of possession, obsession, or wanting to have something.

So he could be swept away by unfamiliar feelings with a clueless face.

It was natural.

‘But then…’

But why did she feel excited about his behavior?

Was she simply happy that he liked her because she wanted to possess him?

‘Why…’

If that was the case, why did she refuse her father, the Duke of Edelte’s proposal?

If she wanted him that much, she could have accepted the proposal to marry him.

If they got engaged and then married, he wouldn’t be able to escape her.

The delayed answer would eventually come out soon.

Even if he one day no longer liked her, he wouldn’t be able to leave her.

Divorce in noble society was not easy.

‘Why did I do that?’

If there was a means, she should have used it.

That was who she was.

Lucia had lived her life in that way.

It was natural, and that was the only way to get what she wanted.

Most nobles were like that too.

It was a common practice.

‘Did I hope Owen would realize it on his own?’

Lucia reached her own conclusion from her continued thoughts.

But the conclusion was so ridiculous that she let out a short laugh.

‘What meaning does that have?’

Making someone realize their emotions.

That was her final goal.

But she didn’t wish for it to happen naturally.

‘…Why didn’t I just say it?’

She had thought that as long as he realized it, it didn’t matter how it happened.

Upon reflection, there was no need to beat around the bush.

‘I could have just asked if he liked me.’

Then Owen would have undoubtedly reacted honestly.

Blushing, feeling shy, and eventually realizing it himself.

Why hadn’t she said anything?

Lucia exhaled deeply and leaned her head against the carriage wall with a thud.

“The alcohol is too strong….”

Her thoughts continued to spiral.

They were trivial thoughts.

What did it matter how Owen behaved or how she led him?

If he realized it, he could act on it.

There was nothing complicated about it.

“I just need to say it, yes….”

Lucia muttered to herself, lost in her thoughts.

Lucia, who had been mumbling in a drunken voice, soon fell asleep.

When she opened her eyes again, she had already arrived at the Edelte mansion.

“Ugh…”

Having slept off her intoxication, she now felt the dull ache of a hangover.

As she groaned softly, Marie brought her some water.

“Did I do anything embarrassing?”

Lucia gulped down the water Marie handed her and then asked.

“Not at all. But… don’t you remember?”

Marie shook her head at Lucia’s question, then added cautiously.

“I remember up until the picnic ended, but nothing after that.”

“Ah…”

Marie sighed in disappointment.

She had tried her best to give useful advice, but Lucia had forgotten all their conversations.

Although she felt a pang of regret, there was nothing she could do now.

Bringing it up again might seem like meddling.

“Was there something important?”

“No, nothing like that.”

“Really?”

Lucia, looking puzzled for a moment, then dismissed Marie, saying she could leave now.

Having forgotten all the conversations with Marie and her thoughts in the carriage, Lucia casually stood up.

She needed to pick out what to wear to the social gathering in two days and decide which social events to attend in the coming weeks.

She also needed to choose an outfit for her visit to the boutique with Owen this week.

Lucia opened the door to her dress room and surveyed the neatly organized dresses before pulling the bell to summon a maid.

This time, she called not for Marie, her personal maid, but for the maids who specialized in managing her wardrobe.

“I’ll wear this dress in two days. And this one for the boutique. Prepare them in advance.”

“Yes, my lady.”

“And bring out the accessories that match the colors of the dresses.”

“Yes.”

The number of dresses Lucia owned was not small.

Her dress room was almost as large as her bedroom.

Naturally, the number of dresses stored there was in the dozens.

Her dresses spent more time hanging in the closet than being worn.

If left in the closet, they could acquire unpleasant odors and might require washing or mending.

Therefore, dresses to be worn to social events needed to be chosen in advance to air out any closet smells and prepare for washing and mending if necessary.

Additionally, accessories matching the colors of the outfits had to be selected.

“Hmm… This one looks good.”

From the accessories the maid brought, Lucia chose a set made of red sapphire that Owen had given her.

The deep red dress she planned to wear to the greenhouse tea party tomorrow would go well with it.

For the visit to the boutique with Owen, she chose a black dress.

She picked earrings and a necklace made of obsidian adorned with gold to go with it.

Since the symbol of the Verdun family was black, wearing black clothes and accessories would imply a significant meaning.

It would signal that Lucia was soon to become part of the Verdun family.

“Prepare these as well.”

“Yes, my lady.”

The accessories would be thoroughly cleaned and organized to perfection.

After dismissing the maids, Lucia sat down at her desk.

Although she had agreed to visit the boutique with Owen, they hadn’t set a specific time.

She picked up a pen and pulled out some stationery.

She calmly wrote a note suggesting a suitable time for their meeting, then sealed it in an envelope and called a footman to deliver it.

Even before the letter reached Owen, Lucia hummed a little tune, clearly in high spirits.

“My world is made entirely of you.”

It was a song from an opera she had attended a few months ago.

The opera was called *The Witch’s Man*.

The song’s title was *For My Beautiful and Cruel Witch*.

It was sung not by the female protagonist, who played the witch, but by the male protagonist, an enchanted count.

The lyrics went:

“I can do anything for you. The world calls you a witch, but it doesn’t matter. Because I love you just as you are.”