Side Story 9. I Didn’t Know It Would Be Like This (4)

Percy rested his forehead on her shoulder, his usually handsome face shadowed by a somber expression. He hesitated for a long time, burdened by the idea of laying bare his emotions. Sienna watched him steadily with unwavering eyes.

‘How could I ever beat you at this?’

She could sense his struggle to conceal his vulnerable side. Her emerald eyes, determined and patient, silently urged him forward. At last, with a sigh-laden voice, Percy broke the silence.

“I thought having a child would secure your place by my side. That it would keep you from running back to the imperial palace at any moment.”

“Is that what you thought?”

Sienna’s eyes widened in surprise. The ever-confident Percy had harbored such insecurities? She had never imagined.

Percy gave an awkward smile.

“It’s not much different even now, that feeling of unease.”

Sienna realized that Percy’s fears were far deeper than she had guessed. His long fingers coiled gently around her hair, almost absentmindedly.

‘You don’t know, do you?’

Percy harbored a fundamental sense of self-loathing. No matter how much he achieved or controlled, he had never been able to love himself.

Having someone as dear as Sienna had only made it worse. He couldn’t shake the feeling that she, too, might one day grow to despise him.

That self-loathing had reached its peak now. He hated himself for thinking that a child could anchor Sienna to him. His voice grew heavy with melancholy.

“When I saw you in pain during the birth, it felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped over me. If I had known how heavy the weight of a child’s existence could be, I wouldn’t have been so blindly happy.”

Sienna was genuinely shocked by his words.

‘I thought we were living happily. How could I have missed that my husband was feeling this way?’

She grasped his hand firmly.

“Is it because Julius visited? Did he make you anxious again, thinking I’d divorce you and return to the palace?”

“…Yes.”

“Oh, heavens.”

At her exclamation, Percy looked down like a scolded child. Sienna gently tugged at his hand.

“Percy, look at me.”

She couldn’t imagine how long he had been stewing in such thoughts. Meeting his red eyes directly, she asked softly,

“You weren’t like this when you reached out to me and brought me out of the palace. Why are you suddenly so uneasy?”

Before their marriage, it made sense for him to worry about whether or not they’d end up together. But they were already married now.

Seeing Sienna’s puzzled expression, Percy hesitated even more. He bit his dry lips before finally answering.

“Back then, I was the only one who extended a hand to you. But now, there are so many people who love you.”

Speaking the reason out loud made him feel even more pitiful.

‘Pathetic.’

The idea that others could see Sienna’s brilliance made him want to lock her away. But at the root of it all was his fear of losing her.

Now the world no longer scorned her.

‘What if she realizes the world isn’t as frightening anymore and finds staying by my side dull?’

Sienna’s face fell at his words, and Percy immediately regretted saying them. He reached out, brushing her cheek with his fingers. All he could say was a faint apology.

“…I’m sorry.”

Sienna sighed softly.

“You’re right. The curse is lifted now, and there are many people who love me. Should I leave and go to the one who makes me happiest?”

“Sienna.”

He couldn’t bear the thought. Percy clenched his fists tightly. But then Sienna’s next words broke through his tension.

“That person is you, Percy. My happiness lies here, with you.”

Her confession made Percy’s gaze waver. He couldn’t stop himself from admitting the darker thoughts he’d been suppressing.

“I’m twisted, Sienna. I can’t face Noah with the same pure heart as you.”

Sienna gently enclosed his hand with her own.

“At first, maybe you didn’t feel any guilt. Maybe you saw Noah as a kind of shackle you were glad to have. But now, the fact that it bothers you shows that Noah is no longer just a weight to you. Doesn’t that mean something?”

Percy met her gaze again, his expression conflicted, while Sienna’s warm voice continued, soothing him like a healing balm.

“That’s enough for me. Some parents love their children from the moment they’re born, while others grow to love them over time. If we’re not the former, we’ll just become the latter.”

“Sienna.”

“I won’t leave you. I love you, Percy. So stop worrying about that.”

Percy bit his lips for a moment before lowering his gaze.

“…That’s not something I can easily stop.”

As long as he couldn’t love himself, he knew he wouldn’t be free from these doubts.

“But I’ll try to believe.”

With that, Percy pulled her into a firm embrace. The force of his arms brought Sienna onto his lap effortlessly.

Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, Sienna looked down at him, her position slightly higher than his. She smiled mischievously.

“It’s been a while since I’ve had this vantage point.”

“Has it?”

“Yes, since Noah was born, we’ve had so little time alone together.”

Before Noah, Percy’s lap had practically been her throne. But after the baby’s arrival, they had to adjust their distance to care for their child.

‘And after giving birth, I couldn’t share a bed with him for two months. He hardly came into the bedroom.’

Now that the months had passed, Sienna decided it was time to close that gap herself. Hearing his complicated thoughts only strengthened her resolve.

Leaning down, she pressed her lips to the bridge of his nose, then playfully nibbled on his pale cheek before kissing his lips. Percy responded gently to her teasing invitation, his lips as warm as ever. His fingers gripped her waist tightly, as if thirsting for more.

Feeling his desire, a faint blush crept onto Sienna’s cheeks. She was elated, as though catching her breath after a sprint. Stroking the soft hair near his nape, she whispered in a low, teasing tone.

“I’d prefer it if you worried about something else—like when we’re going to have our second child.”

Percy’s shoulders trembled slightly at her words. He responded firmly.

“That’s out of the question.”

“Marin says it’s better not to have too big of an age gap. It’s easier on the body to raise them together.”

“Absolutely not. I can’t bear to see you in pain again.”

“I’ve already forgotten about it, so why are you making such a fuss?”

“How could I ever forget?”

She hadn’t seriously meant for them to try for another child immediately, but his adamant refusal made her pout.

‘So he’s been avoiding intimacy because of the baby.’

Clearly, Noah’s birth had left a strong impression on him.

‘This will just take some time.’

No matter how much Sienna insisted that she was fine, it wasn’t something Percy could simply accept until he convinced himself. Besides, Sienna was still adjusting to raising Noah; it wasn’t the right time to even think about a second child.

Still… Even if another baby wasn’t on the table, avoiding their marital intimacy entirely was crossing a line!

Sienna locked eyes with Percy at close range and asked softly,

“Does that mean you won’t even hold me?”

“That’s…”

“What if I’m tempting you like this?”

She slowly began undoing the buttons of her blouse, one by one. Percy’s Adam’s apple bobbed noticeably as he swallowed hard. He exhaled a long, defeated sigh.

“…I truly can’t win against you.”

His lips descended onto hers, and Sienna wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

<End of the Side Story>

Tl/N: Finally complete. Thank you so much guys for being here and reading this novel. I really appreciate it ♥️

 

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