“We administered opium for anesthesia. She will wake up in a few hours.”
Only then did Declan’s gaze turn to something covered with a white cloth beside the bed. It wasn’t difficult to guess what lay beneath.
Despite having seen far worse sights on battlefields, Declan suddenly felt nauseated.
The dead child was a boy.
A child who, had he lived, would have inherited the family name. A child who would have become his mother’s pride and his sister’s strongest shield one day.
Beyond all that, a being he would have loved more than his own life, just like Soliet.
Looking at the remains of his child who perished before even blooming, he slowly averted his gaze. Though his face was deathly pale, he remained remarkably composed for a father who had lost his son.
Declan barely managed to leave the delivery room.
No matter what price he had paid, Sienna was alive.
For that alone, Declan had no reason for regret. Even if the same situation were to happen several more times, he would have made the same choice.
Nevertheless, he couldn’t bear to face Sienna, who would surely pour out her resentment when she awoke.
Though she survived, she was left with terrible aftereffects, just as the physician and midwife had warned.
She suffered from chills severe enough to make her teeth chatter even in midsummer, and her body couldn’t endure without painkillers. It was an inevitable outcome for a body that had organs removed.
She vomited everything she ate, managing only thin porridge at best. At night, she couldn’t properly sleep, writhing in pain. Even when she managed to doze off with painkillers, their effects didn’t last long.
“It would have been better to just die.”
Sienna’s face contorted at her own voice, which sounded like scraping metal. Declan, who had been sitting silently, raised his gaze.
When she met his bloodshot eyes, a sound that could be either a sigh or a scoff escaped Sienna’s lips.
It felt both futile to see herself reduced to practically a living corpse, and somewhat amusing to see the man’s completely disheveled state.
Since Sienna’s stillbirth, he too had deteriorated considerably. His once-shining golden hair had turned completely white and grown past his shoulders, having been left unkempt for a long time.
His elegant and beautiful face, which once easily captivated people’s hearts, had transformed into quite a cynical expression.
Still, these were trivial losses compared to what she had lost.
Sienna, who had been quietly observing him, moved her cracked lips.
“I heard it was a boy.”
Despite her parched voice, Declan’s face showed no reaction. Sienna truly couldn’t understand him.
“Why did you make such a choice?”
“Because I couldn’t guarantee your survival in that situation.”
“I know that. That’s exactly why you should have saved the child!”
A sharp scream echoed through the bedroom.
His bloodshot eyes blazed fiercely at her. Her casual mention of her own death, both then and now, made his anger rise.
“Don’t you care about those who would be left behind?”
“I’m sure you’ll take good care of Soliet.”
And finding a stepmother wouldn’t be difficult for you either, Sienna retorted with evident disgust.
Declan laughed silently. Though he chuckled as if he’d heard a joke, his eyes grew red.
It wasn’t because he was worried about a child losing their mother. He was afraid of living without her.
Sienna, who had been watching him limply, finally burst into tears.
“Do you really not understand what you gave up?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I’m not grateful to you at all. How long do you think I can endure with this body?”
She sobbed continuously, unable to bear this situation where all hope and possibility had vanished.
“I won’t even see Soliet enter society. I’ll die before then.”
Sienna sensed that she didn’t have much time left. She wouldn’t last long.
She couldn’t believe this was a decision made by a man known for his rationality.
“You should have chosen the child.”
Sienna repeated the same words like someone who had lost their mind. Declan silently watched her cry as if she had lost the world for a long time.
****
Nothing was the same as before.
Soliet too seemed to notice that the atmosphere in the Grand Duke’s residence had changed.
She visited Sienna’s bedroom several times but always came out looking gloomy. It became routine for her to come out crying and seek comfort in Declan’s arms after visiting her mother’s room.
The sight of Sienna’s rapidly deteriorating condition must have been quite shocking to the child.
Sienna was in no condition to care for the child either. According to Christine, though she managed to maintain a composed appearance before Soliet, she seemed reluctant to show her current state to the child.
Moreover, when the effects of the painkillers wore off, she could barely endure the pain, sometimes forgetting even the child’s presence beside her.
As a result, Declan had to spend more time with Soliet than before. He even slept in the child’s room and concentrated his official duties during Soliet’s lesson times, staying by her side as much as possible.
In truth, it wasn’t just for the child’s sake. Just as Soliet depended on him, he too felt like he would lose his mind without someone by his side.
Sometimes, when Soliet had trouble falling asleep, instead of forcing her to sleep, he would carry her to the castle walls.
In the magnificent moonlit view of Monferrato, the occasional cricket sounds breaking the silence and the wind slowly sweeping across the fields seemed to calm their troubled minds.
Soliet appeared to quite enjoy the night view from the castle walls. While looking up at the stars densely dotting the sky with wonder, Soliet suddenly asked.
“Can you see this from Mother’s room too?”
“I wonder.”
“It would have been nice to watch together…”
There was no response. Instead, only a gentle hand stroked her head.
Soliet, who had been staring up at her father, burrowed into his warm embrace instead of speaking further.
In fairy tales, princesses and knights always had happy endings, but her mother and father didn’t look happy at all. Even though they were the most beautiful princess and the finest knight in Soliet’s world.
Mother always said that Soliet’s eyes were the most beautiful in the world. That was also a trait inherited from her father.
Conversely, Father said Soliet’s smile was the most lovable in the world. And that was exactly like her mother.
So Soliet knew that Mother and Father didn’t hate each other.
When morning came, Sienna unusually invited Soliet to have a meal together in her bedroom. Soliet asked Declan to join them, but he left the mansion, making an excuse about being busy with work.
It was disappointing that they couldn’t spend time together as three when Mother had finally regained some strength. But because his voice saying “Have a good time” was so affectionate, Soliet decided to forgive her father.
Soliet’s steps, which had been as if walking on clouds with excitement about meeting her mother after so long, stopped when she reached Sienna’s bedroom.
Suddenly feeling playful, instead of opening the door noisily as usual, Soliet pushed it carefully.
She planned to sneak in and surprise her mother. As Soliet peeked into the bedroom with a mischievous face, something red suddenly entered her vision.
It was a bottle full of bright red berries. Mother, sitting at the edge of the bed, took out a few and put them in her mouth. Soliet could hear the cracking sound of the berries breaking in her mouth.
‘What is that?’
While Soliet stood puzzled, having stopped mid-way through opening the door, Sienna’s gaze slowly turned toward the door.
Her black hair, once glossy, was now like dry straw, and her skin, once pearl-white, was so pale it had a bluish tinge. She looked like a moving corpse.
When her eyes met Soliet’s, a brilliant smile spread across her listless face.
“Soliet.”
When she opened her arms as if beckoning her to come, the child blushed peach-pink and fell into Sienna’s embrace.
“You seem to have grown taller since I last saw you.”
Murmuring in a voice mixed with regret and wonder, Sienna rubbed her cheek against Soliet’s.
Then she whispered her longing in a soft voice. Her affectionate tone completely melted away Soliet’s gloom from the past days. Soliet hugged her tightly while nestled in Sienna’s embrace.
Soliet loved her mother. And she loved her father just as much as she loved her mother. So she couldn’t help but notice when their tender gazes sometimes missed her and fell on someone else.
Soliet, tightly held in her mother’s embrace, suddenly smiled softly.
On the next full moon, she would definitely make a wish.
For Mother’s health to improve. For Father to be a little less busy. And for their family to be happy.
For them to be a little more honest with each other.
