*Trigger Warning: This passage contains descriptions that may cause depression or trauma.*
Declan returned to the Monferrato territory several days after his departure. After completing the procedural report to the Emperor, he immediately returned to his estate.
Sienna had carefully dressed up, wearing a lavender dress she had recently tailored.
“You look absolutely beautiful, Your Highness.”
Christine exclaimed enthusiastically, but Sienna stared at herself in the mirror with an impassive expression.
She went out to greet him with the vassals. The vassals looked visibly excited, but Sienna was in no mood to be elated.
It was the first time she was meeting him since parting on the day of his departure, and Marianne’s words still lingered like thorns.
When Declan finally arrived in the Monferrato territory and dismounted, the vassals welcomed him with joyful faces. Praise and flattering words about his contributions were continuously heard.
While she hesitated to approach him directly, Declan’s gaze turned towards her.
“Sienna. Did you come out to greet me?”
Declan approached with a smile. There was no trace of awkwardness on his face. The remnants of the marital conflict Sienna had been worried about were nowhere to be seen. Even Marianne’s words, which had been gnawing at the back of her mind, gradually faded.
Sienna’s face, which had been tense, softened.
“Welcome back?”
The conversation between them was no different from that of any ordinary couple. Sienna, contrary to her previous stiffness, expressed how much she had missed him with affectionate complaints.
“I’m so glad you returned safely.”
A deep smile spread across Declan’s face. Instead of responding, he embraced her tightly. The warmth that enveloped her body was comforting. Only then did Sienna fully realize that her husband had returned.
‘This isn’t a dream.’
Her heart began to beat slowly. If things continued like this, she hoped they could return to how things were before. The joy swelling in her chest quickly deflated with the first step.
‘What audacity.’
How could she dream of a happy future with him, having inherited the blood of those who destroyed his family? There are limits to shamelessness.
Though the embrace was warm and his words were tender, the guilt sprouting inside her stung sharply.
Only after hearing Marianne’s words did all the puzzle pieces seem to fall into place.
The reason the people of the Grand Duke’s household treated her coldly. The occasionally overly hostile gazes. Even the words she had once heard in passing.
If the servants’ anger at losing their master was this intense, how would children feel losing their parents overnight?
Sienna buried her face in his embrace without saying a word. Declan chuckled, holding her back. While gently stroking her back, he suddenly pressed his cheek against hers and whispered in a low voice:
“I missed you.”
“……”
“So much.”
Listening to his pleasant bass voice, Sienna closed her eyes.
I missed you just as much, but why is it so difficult to even feel joy now? There was nothing that could absolve her.
She could never be free from her parents’ sins. Now that they had passed away, the guilt was entirely hers.
Therefore, no words could lighten her heart.
****
After returning, Declan spent hectic days. It wasn’t just for work-related reasons.
Voices began emerging from various quarters claiming that legislation needed to be revised to allow him to return to the military. While many had already lamented his military retirement when he first returned to the capital due to this marriage, this incident completely solidified those sentiments.
While the nobles actively pushed their agenda, the Emperor maintained a lukewarm attitude.
The heated discussion about his return was finally extinguished only after Declan explicitly demonstrated his refusal. The nobles, though disappointed, no longer pressed the matter given his firm stance.
Instead, the blame soon turned towards Sienna. Harsh gazes began targeting her once more.
[If it weren’t for her, the Grand Duke would never have retired from the military.]
[He wouldn’t have had to give up all those glorious moments and honors.]
Such words stabbed Sienna like awls.
No matter what others said, Declan would no longer go to the dangerous battlefield, and that was that. Sienna tried to brainwash herself.
But even while silently doing her work and pretending not to hear anything, her mental state was already reaching its limits.
She had originally suffered from chronic anxiety. This trait had worsened after having a child, and the words that had escaped Marianne’s lips further fueled her unease.
At some point, even when she opened ledgers, the numbers wouldn’t register properly. There were countless instances where she would be lost even with simple calculations.
Handling work normally became increasingly difficult. No, it wasn’t just work—she began to feel overwhelmed even maintaining her daily routine.
“You must be feeling unwell, so it can’t be helped.”
Ruben said understandingly, but she herself knew otherwise.
It wasn’t just numbers. Even when she opened books, the text wouldn’t enter her eyes properly. While she would have easily read a book in a day previously, now she could barely turn two or three pages even after holding a book for half a day.
Her mind kept becoming hazy, and her body felt completely depleted. It felt like something was fundamentally broken.
At some point, she found even swallowing food troublesome, and the days without proper sleep increased.
Christine clicked her tongue seeing Sienna’s increasingly withered limbs but seemed to dismiss it as common morning sickness.
Though the cook prepared numerous dishes designed to stimulate her appetite, Sienna couldn’t eat persistently. More often than not, she would end up vomiting everything.
Fruit juices and water mixed with fruit were the only things she could consume without issues.
She wasn’t unaware of her increasingly strange condition.
The incident occurred on one such day.
Christine, concerned about Sienna’s progressively shorter sleep periods, had obtained a prescription for a mild sleeping aid candle. However, perhaps even that wasn’t entirely effective, Sienna awoke one dark, early morning.
In the pitch darkness, the white ash of the sleeping aid candle still contained a lingering ember. Sienna gazed drowsily at the red dot before slowly raising herself.
Her head throbbed and her body felt heavy from the sleeping aid candle’s strong fragrance. Feeling she would continue to be restless if she remained lying down, she decided to step outside for some fresh air.
“Christine?”
Due to the late hour, the corridor was empty. Not wanting to cause unnecessary commotion, instead of waking a maid, Sienna descended the stairs alone. Placing her hand on the railing and slowly descending, her steps were unstable due to having hardly eaten properly in recent days.
As she descended a few steps, she suddenly stopped. Her face, still hazy from the sleeping aid, blankly looked down the stairs.
The stairs in her vision swayed dizzily. As she blinked to regain her senses, a distant whisper reached her ears.
–[Wouldn’t you rather have all of this end? Ending this tedious life would only require one moment of courage. The method isn’t far away] it murmured.
Her face looking down the stairs remained calm, devoid of any distinct emotion.
Eventually, removing her hand from the railing was an entirely impulsive action.
Her pure white foot slowly stepped into the empty space.
****
The position of those who marry into the imperial family is always terminated.
This was one of the empire’s long-standing laws. The Emperor, who had seemed ready to amend the law to return Declan to the military whenever he went on a campaign, immediately sealed his lips as soon as Declan returned in victory.
Although the nobles tried to subtly persuade him to return to the military, Declan flatly refused and immediately returned to Monferrato.
The Count, who had somewhat expected this but was inwardly disappointed about Declan’s military achievements, let out a long sigh and asked:
“Do you really have no lingering attachments?”
“None whatsoever.”
Declan showed absolutely no sign of regret.
Even the time close to half a year was more than enough for him. His place was not on the battlefield, but here in Monferrato territory, where his wife was.
“By the way, did the First Imperial Princess come?”
“Yes, she recently said she wanted to meet Your Grace…”
Before the Count could finish speaking, Declan let out a low sneer.
“How predictable. She must have come to cause some mischief.”
The siblings had a particular talent for behaving despicably.
The brother was utterly incompetent, and the sister excelled at stirring things up everywhere and turning people’s hearts inside out.
“If anyone from the imperial palace comes to find me in the future, have them report directly to me without informing my wife. When I’m away from the Grand Duke’s residence, handle the reception yourself.”
The Count looked at him with a slightly disgusted expression. What Declan said so casually was against the empire’s etiquette.
But what could be done?
The Grand Duke, who was usually rational, made an exception when it came to his wife. For some reason, he seemed to have an almost obsessive tendency to surround the Grand Duchess.
