Because of having a child, her emotions had become slightly sensitive, and while trying to remain calm, she was overwhelmed with sorrow. More than the good memories, the cold atmosphere when they parted was filling Sienna’s mind.
The deeper her unease took root, the darker emotions drew her into familiar memories. The mother cast out by her father and her own childhood, constantly ignored by that father.
Would Declan have now lost all interest in her? From there, her imagination would often mutate into a fear that this child might also not receive a father’s love.
When such fears suddenly welled up, Sienna would spend the night wide-eyed.
While her internal terror gradually expanded in some corner of her heart, time continued to flow steadily.
After several months passed, Sienna’s needlework had developed to the point of producing quite impressive finished products. Moreover, the day the child would be born was drawing near.
While any other woman might be spending her days with excitement about meeting her child, Sienna was engulfed in the deepest self-loathing.
“Grotesque,” she would mutter to herself each time she looked in the mirror.
As her pregnancy progressed, even wearing spacious clothing could not hide her swollen belly. And Sienna found it painful to look at herself in such a state.
The household staff did not understand her. Instead, they clicked their tongues behind her back, saying she had not abandoned her vanity even after becoming pregnant.
“Your Highness is actually quite slender,” Christine said, explaining that pregnant women’s bodies were naturally like this, but Sienna’s face remained dark.
“…Won’t he dislike me?”
“Pardon?” Christine asked, puzzled by the statement without a subject. She then burst into laughter after belatedly understanding the meaning.
“Oh my. What worries you have. Not just His Grace, but men are generally like that. Really.”
Seeming to find herself a bit shameless, Christine suppressed her laughter and added her comment.
“But now you are a mother, so you need not worry about such things, right? After the baby is born, you probably won’t attend social events as much as before…”
Though she had gained a bit of weight in her chest and hips, Sienna was still not robust. Christine’s gaze suddenly focused on Sienna’s delicate wrist. Could she properly give birth with that body? Christine involuntarily clicked her tongue.
“You must eat more properly now, Your Highness. Only then can you have a safe delivery.”
Sienna nodded weakly. Yet she could not imagine the scene after the child’s birth.
Christine believed that mothers naturally develop maternal instincts, but for Sienna, this did not resonate. From some point, even feeling the baby’s movements did not evoke tender feelings. Instead, she only felt fear.
Could I become a proper parent? She could not even understand what a proper parent was to begin with.
As her body grew heavier, her overwhelming helplessness also grew.
Within her unresolvable anxiety, she felt herself slowly becoming emotionally parched.
Around that time, a dramatic victory horn sounded where Declan had been deployed.
Just as he had said, the war did not last beyond half a year. When two seasons had passed since Declan left Monferrato, the war finally concluded.
A few days after this news reached the Grand Duke’s residence, a carriage arrived from the imperial palace.
****
“…Who came?”
While walking with Christine, Sienna stared blankly at the Count upon hearing about the unexpected visitor. Count Monches spoke again expressionlessly.
“Her Imperial Highness the First Princess has arrived. She has been received in the drawing room, so please prepare yourself…”
“Are you crazy?”
Sienna sharply cried out.
Though she had been suppressing her personality and living calmly since coming to the Grand Duke’s residence, her explosion was instantaneous. Christine and Ruben exchanged awkward glances.
“How dare she set foot here?”
“She is a guest of the Grand Ducal house. Moreover, she is not someone we can simply turn away,” the Count remained steadfast even before the agitated Sienna.
“Your Highness is now the proper mistress of the Grand Ducal house. You are no longer a princess who can act carelessly.”
Ruben, standing nearby, tried to mediate while checking Sienna’s reaction.
“Count Monches, that’s enough…”
“Wouldn’t it be better to mind your words for the sake of the child about to be born? Unless you wish for the child to suffer from the mother’s actions.”
At those words, Sienna’s face hardened. Frozen for a moment, she let out a bitter laugh.
“Listening to the Count’s words, it sounds like I’m just a mother who would be a stumbling block to my child’s future.”
The Count did not respond. That silence was answer enough for Sienna.
“Just because you’re a favored vassal of the Grand Duke, you think you can do as you please. How presumptuous.”
Sienna muttered quietly while suppressing her boiling emotions.
“Before throwing out such shallow advice, wouldn’t it be better if the Count showed some respect to the mistress of the house? Why? Is your pride too wounded to do so?”
“If I sound discourteous, I apologize,” the Count bowed his head. His apology was neat, but devoid of sincerity. In Sienna’s eyes, it looked more like a gesture saying, “I’ve bent, so you should compromise too.”
Meanwhile, she was not unaware that she herself was being irrational in this situation.
It was natural and her duty for the mistress to receive guests, and thus to personally welcome the Grand Duke’s guests. Entertaining Marianne was essentially the same as organizing account books or managing the household.
She was no longer a princess. The brilliant crown that had shone with pride for half her life had mercilessly shattered and subdued her.
Quietly biting her lips, Sienna soon clenched her fist.
****
Marianne sat on the drawing room sofa, smoking her cigar stiffly. Her green eyes swept across the room as if evaluating it, finally landing on Sienna as she entered.
“What’s going on?”
Sienna sat opposite Marianne without properly meeting her gaze.
“The Emperor ordered me to personally deliver a commendation to the Grand Duke for his merits in the war.”
“…”
“Well, it looks good in people’s eyes.”
Marianne exhaled a sigh mixed with annoyance and irritation, as if to indicate she hadn’t come of her own volition. Consequently, a repulsive tobacco smell permeated the air.
Sienna barely suppressed her rising nausea.
“I came to see your face as well. I thought perhaps we’d been too indifferent about you being pregnant.”
If you were indifferent, then you were indifferent. If not, then not. She certainly spoke in a strange manner.
Marianne herself seemed to find the situation amusing, letting out a light chuckle.
“His Majesty seems to have a soft spot. Looking at it, there’s a part of him that’s grown tender. Why else would he care so much about an already married younger sister?”
It’s not tenderness, but just fear of public opinion.
Unable to voice this thought, Sienna lowered her gaze silently. Then offered what she considered an appropriate response.
“…Please convey my thanks for his consideration.”
The corners of Marianne’s mouth curved into a sharp smile as she exhaled cigar smoke.
“I will.”
The pungent smoke made Sienna block her mouth with the back of her hand, suppressing her nausea.
Though she spoke of caring for her sister, the act of smoking in front of a pregnant woman clearly revealed her true, less-than-kind intentions.
At that point, Sienna’s mood also twisted.
“In a few days, my husband will arrive. Wouldn’t it be appropriate to exchange greetings? I’m sure he would want to express his gratitude directly.”
These words were deliberately spoken to provoke Marianne, recalling her long and tender first love.
As expected, Marianne’s face instantly hardened at the intimate reference to her husband.
“…You seem to have a good relationship with your husband?”
“Wouldn’t you see that if you looked?”
Her sarcastic response caused Marianne’s face to turn cold. Her gaze suddenly fixed on Sienna’s noticeably swollen belly, and the malevolent emotion in her eyes intensified.
Sienna lifted her teacup without breaking her gaze from Marianne’s face. In reality, they had spent months in a delicate relationship without properly reconciling after their marital fight, but Marianne had no way of knowing such details.
In Marianne’s eyes, Sienna was merely a woman basking in happiness, leisurely embroidering for her unborn child while awaiting her husband’s honorable return.
“Do you really not know? Or are you pretending not to know?”
Marianne suddenly muttered.
“Don’t you understand why the Grand Duke married you?”
Her voice was mixed with rage and contempt. Sienna’s brow furrowed at the sight of her barely controlled emotions.
Regardless, Marianne began speaking with a face contorted by bitterness, her lips curling.
“You were used. He wanted to retire from the military but had no other excuse. He married you to escape.”
“…..”
“You didn’t actually believe he truly loved you, did you?”
Marianne sneered.
“How could he possibly have genuine feelings for the daughter of those who killed his family, unless he was mad?”
At her neurotic muttering, Sienna slowly blinked. It took several seconds to fully comprehend the words that had flowed into her ears.
“…What are you talking about?”
