HPBUY Chapter 147

Sienna’s pupils trembled slightly.

When the end approached, these situations inevitably arose without exception. Yet he was a man who could deliver even his lingering feelings with perfect clarity.

While leaving room for possibility, Declan always seemed far removed from any hint of cowardice. As if he would accept whatever answer she gave.

And at least for now, his attitude wasn’t particularly welcome to Sienna.

“What do you expect me to want when you say such things?”

His attitude showed no desperation whatsoever, as if rejection would simply be unavoidable. Though she knew this demeanor was ultimately for her benefit, she couldn’t help feeling slightly irritated.

“I don’t need a husband right now. Nor a lover, for that matter.”

At her dry tone, Declan lowered his gaze instead of responding. He seemed to accept her firm rejection as the end of their conversation.

For the briefest moment, Sienna wondered.

If she revealed everything, how would he react? Would he forfeit everything to stay by her side? Though that wasn’t what she wanted either, the thought suddenly occurred to her.

The person who had once persecuted them was now disabled, unable to even show their face in public, and she herself had changed significantly from the past. So… would it be wrong to be selfish once more?

“…But I do need someone to look after the child.”

At her faint murmur, Declan showed no reaction. His face, which had displayed only slight puzzlement, gradually cracked with realization as he belatedly understood her meaning.

Sienna tried to muster something resembling a smile through her rigidly tensed muscles.

“As you know, I have no talent for childcare.”

But her voice was hopelessly inadequate, almost unbearable to hear.

“It might even be that child. I know it sounds foolish, but I still…”

Since they had already experienced defying the world’s principles once, it wasn’t completely absurd to think so. But words she wasn’t certain of even to herself couldn’t continue properly.

Sienna dropped her gaze.

“Even if it’s not Soliet, there’s no way I wouldn’t love this child.”

In contrast, Declan couldn’t readily answer.

Though logically the responsibility lay with him, he couldn’t affirm Sienna’s words. This wasn’t a matter of loving the child or not.

In this situation, where she hadn’t even properly established herself in a new land, the existence of an illegitimate child could hardly bring her positive influence. Moreover, the memories of the past remained too vivid for him.

There was no guarantee she would safely deliver like Soliet, and he couldn’t remain by her side either.

As his silence lengthened, Sienna’s face darkened. While she understood this was unexpected and confusing for him, she couldn’t help feeling despondent inside.

As if to hide these inner feelings, Sienna spoke with an even firmer attitude.

“This is a path I’ve chosen entirely of my own will, so I won’t hold you responsible in any way. Even if you pretend you never heard about this today and go on to build a new family, I won’t resent you.”

“There’s no need to go that far.”

Declan gave a bitter smile, unable to keep listening.

She seemed concerned that the existence of an illegitimate child would be considered a blemish for him, but in reality, his sense of doubt stemmed from more than just worry for the unborn child. The Empire’s unusual inheritance laws were more rigorous about gender distinction than legitimacy.

Even Sienna herself had experienced this. Despite being the only legitimate daughter, the imperial throne eventually passed to Joseph, who had been born illegitimate.

So the child was not a major issue for him, but it was evident that it would negatively impact Sienna’s new life in a new land. The burden Sienna would have to bear alone was too great.

“You know I cannot be your lawful protector, and this child cannot have a proper status.”

But Sienna stubbornly sealed her lips instead of answering. Despite this, her blue eyes were filled with resentment, as if she still had much to say.

“I don’t need a protector. I now have the strength to protect myself, and I can sufficiently safeguard the child alone as well.”

She understood what he was concerned about.

The events they had experienced were each too tragic to casually forget. She too wasn’t without fear that a terrible cycle might repeat itself.

The cold sensation of holding a breathless child and the despair she felt at his death were still vivid.

But hadn’t many things already changed? Before this happiness that was within reach, she didn’t want to retreat in premature fear.

“The past and present are different, Declan.”

Declan silently gazed at Sienna’s eyes, which were gradually turning red.

“I must return to the Empire.”

“I know.”

“So give me time.”

Her gaze, which had been fixed somewhere in the void, finally turned back to him.

“When all matters in the Empire are resolved and this child has grown enough to inherit a title, I will come to your side and spend the rest of my life with you.”

His heart desperately yearned to stay by her side, but he now knew that emotions alone couldn’t solve everything.

In his past life, Declan had given up everything to obtain Sienna, but for that very reason, he failed to properly protect her when the crucial moment came.

The peace he had finally achieved now came at a price. A life preserved by the Empress’s mercy required paying a fair price in return.

When the time came for the Crown Prince to come of age and inherit power, that would probably be when he could return to her side.

“Until then, I’ll live as Your Grace’s open consort.”

He smiled as their gazes met. Tears gradually welled up in Sienna’s eyes, which had been frozen in a daze.

“…You’re not forcing yourself to say such things against your wishes, are you?”

Of course not. Declan gave a brief laugh. A face still half-doubting looked back at him.

“I’m truly happy.”

I’ve always wanted to be family with you. As he whispered the sincere feelings he had kept deeply hidden for so long, Sienna burst into tearful laughter.

But we were already family, Declan.

We were just foolish lovers who lacked courage.

****

Outside the window, the sky was already turning a deep blue with the dawn.

Declan’s gaze, which had briefly rested on the window, returned to Sienna, who had fallen asleep.

She had finally closed her eyes after being unable to fall asleep for a long time past midnight. Judging by her tossing and turning, she wasn’t in a deep sleep.

Still, whenever he stroked her hair, she would return to peaceful breathing as if nothing had happened.

Watching over her and repeatedly mulling over the conversation they had in the evening, Declan inadvertently spent the night sitting on the bed.

Gazing at her intently, Declan reached out to smooth her slightly furrowed brow.

“She won’t wake up in the middle.”

Jane lit an incense candle and raised her upper body.

Declan also put down Sienna’s hand that he had been holding for a long time and rose from his seat. Jane’s puzzled gaze followed him.

“Are you going straight to the border?”

Shaking his head lightly, he said he would visit the royal palace.

Since he had come all this way, it would be impolite to leave without a proper greeting. Though neither side would welcome the encounter, there were many expressions of gratitude and other matters to discuss.

Roughly running his fingers through his hair and heading toward the doorway, he suddenly stopped and turned to Jane.

“Do you intend to stay here?”

“Yes, probably…”

As Jane answered reflexively, his gaze turned again to Sienna.

Though she appeared stable now, he couldn’t be at ease.

For Declan, the memories of his previous life were too vivid. The image of Sienna lying unconscious with one arm twisted still felt like only yesterday to him.

Even though the situation had improved incomparably, as long as the memories of the past remained, the emotions he felt then still persisted.

For reunited lovers who had overcome adversity, his face was veiled with deep shadows. With his gaze fixed on Sienna, he suddenly asked:

“How is the Princess doing?”

Jane, who had been half-bowing her head, jerked it up.

Though it was a simple question, Jane, who had never had a proper conversation with Declan before, became extremely tense. She fidgeted with her clasped hands, desperately trying to figure out what would be appropriate to say in this situation.

“…She’s trying very hard.”

Declan’s gaze somehow darkened further. But there were no more questions.

“I see.”

With a barely audible reply, his gaze was withdrawn.

If she still had the will to do something, that alone was fortunate. If Sienna had resolved to live here, there was no reason to harbor further attachment.

So, if there were elements that might interfere with her, apart from himself, it would be better to clear them away in advance.