HPBUY Chapter 134

Where did it all go wrong?

I murmured the question I had repeated hundreds of times in my previous life.

I just hoped this life would be different from before. I desperately wished not to repeat the foolish act of harboring feelings for a man beyond my reach.

So when I learned that my father had left me something, I considered it absolute salvation.

An opportunity to escape from my nauseating bloodline, or perhaps the only way to save my life without having to ask that man for help.

I thought that even if I couldn’t completely erase the existence of that man who had burned so deeply into my heart like a part of me, it would be enough if there was no point of contact in this life.

But… that was merely a wish from the time when I never thought he would experience the same things as me.

Even when neither knew about each other’s regression, Declan tried to help Sienna achieve her goals under the pretext of personal grudges, but now I know that wasn’t the whole story.

Even though the word love was never spoken, I can’t deny it anymore.

The hesitation occasionally reflected in his eyes was no different from her fear of being rejected by him. Their desire for each other while ignoring the imminent future was clearly the same.

At some point, they both knew their means and ends had been reversed. Yet they lacked the courage to face it because their previous failure remained too painful for both of them.

Sienna’s unfocused gaze suddenly lowered. Her face, which she had barely managed to keep composed, crumbled in an instant.

Without going back to the past, reality was still a quagmire.

Her slightly trembling hand moved toward her lower abdomen, but ultimately clenched into a fist in midair without touching it.

What she had suspected was becoming increasingly certain.

Even attempts to deceive herself were meaningless. She tried to deny it, telling herself nothing was certain yet. But she was all too familiar with the symptoms of pregnancy.

She swallowed her sobs while gasping for breath. Tears fell freely from her eyes filled with water.

‘…What should I do?’

As the certainty that she might really be pregnant took hold, her mind grew distant. At the same time, she felt guilty for not being able to feel completely happy about it.

She couldn’t have this child.

Though she knew it was a selfish thought… it was clear that it would be better for the child too.

Sienna clearly remembered the insults she had endured in her previous life because Soliet was her daughter. Would it be any different here?

Her relationship with Declan was already a widespread rumor across the Kralto continent, so people would quickly figure out whose child it was. In such a situation, would the nobles of Parma, who weren’t particularly friendly to her yet, accept this child as well?

She would inevitably love the child, but the people of this land would not.

Even as she reached this rational conclusion, Sienna placed her still-trembling hands over her stomach that showed no signs yet. Despite her decision, her lingering affection was evident in the way her hands hovered over her belly.

At that moment, there was a knock from outside.

“Your Highness, I’ve brought some warm tea to help you feel better.”

Jane entered the bedroom, pulling a trolley. Sienna, with her back to the door, hastily wiped her face with the back of her hand and turned around.

But the tear stains on her pale face were too obvious. Jane, who had approached with a bright face, hardened her expression upon seeing the tear marks. However, she seemed to understand the reason without asking.

Jane deliberately showed no reaction as she handed Sienna the tea that smelled slightly bitter with herbs.

“It’s brewed with herbs that won’t strain your body, so you can drink it without worry.”

“It’s alright, Jane. I don’t have an appetite right now…”

Despite Sienna’s slight smile of refusal, Jane didn’t back down. Instead of withdrawing her hand, she said something unexpected.

“Your Highness, do you know why I was banished to Lopwell?”

Only then did Sienna’s face, immersed in despair, slowly turn toward Jane. There was no answer, but Jane gave a faint smile.

“It was for murder.”

“…….”

“The charge was killing unborn children.”

Sienna’s eyes gradually widened. She was surprised by this new information and taken aback that Jane knew about her pregnancy. A bitter darkness settled over Jane’s face as she looked at her.

Though abstinence was a principle in the temple, there were sometimes women who became pregnant unwillingly.

Making medicine to terminate a pregnancy wasn’t difficult. If taken early, it didn’t cause great pain. Nevertheless, it was considered a sin.

“So if you need help, feel free to tell me, Your Highness.”

“It’s not like that, Jane. I…”

Even as she hurriedly denied it, Sienna’s words trailed off.

If asked whether she wanted to terminate the pregnancy, she couldn’t give a definite answer. She knew this child would have a negative impact on her current situation.

She recalled Soliet from her previous life, who was the talk of social circles. Back then, she herself had been the child’s weakness.

But now the situation had changed. Unlike Soliet who grew up under the protection of the Grand Duke’s family, a child born in Parma wouldn’t even receive their father’s protection.

So perhaps it would be better for this child not to be born at all. Above all, Sienna wasn’t confident that she could see the born child as its own person. She would unconsciously keep projecting Soliet onto the child.

So in the end, Sienna and the child would become hell for each other.

Despite this cold conclusion, Sienna kept hesitating. This was truly an absurd delusion but… what if. Just maybe.

What if this child was that child?

If her calculations were correct, the child would be born in late summer. Soliet was also born in that season. This illogical and blind thought continued to cloud her judgment.

To reach her desired conclusion, she sought implausible excuses.

In the end, she couldn’t give Jane a proper answer. She only made her promise not to tell anyone about this, and sent her away.

Even after that day, Sienna went through her schedule without properly concluding anything. Following Jeremiah’s recommendation, she studied Parma’s laws and culture, which differed from the Empire’s, and developed plans for how to rebuild Ricata in the future.

That much was fine.

Learning a new culture was a natural process, so she had no complaints. And regarding Ricata, even though the ownership issue hadn’t been completely resolved yet, she couldn’t just sit idle until a conclusion was reached.

The problem arose on the day when Jeremiah first invited her to tea with the nobles.

“Since you’ll be seeing each other every day, it would be good to get acquainted from now on.”

Jeremiah said that while introducing Sienna, but there wasn’t even the customary response from the nobles. Sienna, who had been lowering her eyes in silence, looked up.

The nobles’ faces clearly showed their displeasure. Obtaining Ricata was certainly a gain, but from Parma’s perspective, it wasn’t entirely welcome.

It was a matter that involved many risks. Nevertheless, no one voiced these concerns.

Sienna ran her tongue over her mouth, which still had the bitter taste of medicine.

The people here didn’t welcome her either. She hadn’t expected a warm welcome, but the overt cold treatment was similar to what she had received in the Empire. However, she no longer had the luxury of being discouraged by such facts.

Murmuring voices could be heard from various corners, but Sienna calmly kept her place.

“Excuse me for interrupting, Your Majesty.”

Someone raised their hand at that moment.

Both Sienna and Jeremiah’s gazes turned simultaneously toward the owner of the voice. It was a woman around Sienna’s age.

“I apologize for bringing this up during a peaceful tea time, but since the person in question is here, I’d like to ask something.”

Jeremiah looked slightly suspicious but gestured with his chin to continue.

“Is it necessary for Parma to possess Ricata?”

Sienna froze at the words that followed.

“If it’s just a matter of ensuring autonomy, complete independence for Ricata wouldn’t be impossible.”

“Well, I think that’s the option closest to being impossible in reality. Doesn’t the lady know that well?”

Jeremiah countered lightly. The woman fell silent for a moment, then tilted her head and continued.

“Honestly, I’m skeptical. I wonder if that place, which is now little more than ruins, is really beneficial. To restore it to its former state would require time and development. We should also consider whether the time and cost spent on that would be worth the benefits of acquiring Ricata.”

“Lady Kershaw’s words are reasonable, Your Majesty.”

“What’s the point if our relationship with the Empire is ruined?”

Starting with the logical statement, the nobles each added a few more words.