Where did it all begin?
Was it when I grasped that man’s hand at the monastery in the North? Or was it when I returned to the capital, blinded by revenge against my own flesh and blood?
If not that, perhaps the very fact of my existence in this world is the whole story of misfortune.
Like prisoners facing imminent death often do, I tried to trace back my tangled life, but no clear answer emerged.
After all, people had despised me from my earliest memories. Trying to trace back to the origin of misfortunes already upon me only left me feeling powerless.
I irritably squinted at the sunlight seeping through the cracks in the stone wall, then quickly turned my head away.
Pushing my body into the corner to avoid the sunlight in my eyes, I felt the damp, cool touch of stone against the back of my head.
The stone-built prison reeked of moisture. With not even a small window for proper sunlight and no ventilation, a musty air always lingered.
‘This unpleasant place will end tomorrow.’
Thinking that way was rather refreshing. Rather than living with a trampled life, barely clinging to breath, it was better to end it all perfectly like this. Tomorrow, I will be free from this wretched bondage and finally find rest.
Despite all my desperate struggles to survive, my obsession with the world crumbled overnight. After the child died—the only reason I had endured a life full of pain—the world held no meaning for me.
Anyway, there was no one in this world who loved me except that child, and I had no particular attachment to a world without them.
There was nothing proper to pass the time in prison. The charges against me were so ridiculous and unfair, but after a day or two, even raging about it felt futile.
Joseph had finally found the perfect pretext to eliminate me completely, and he wouldn’t miss this opportunity. My very existence was a blemish on his legitimacy, and with my disappearance, he would finally become an unblemished emperor.
Resignation came quickly in a place where no one would listen no matter how much I screamed. On the third day of my imprisonment, instead of shouting my innocence, I quietly accepted death.
Thinking about it, it wasn’t such a bad thing. Although it was a dishonorable death, my child was waiting in the afterlife. Perhaps it might even be better than this world.
When confined in a small space with nothing to do, unproductive imaginations naturally bloom in one’s mind. A prisoner in jail was no exception.
Curled up in the corner, I imagined what would happen after my neck was hung in the square tomorrow.
The occasional chatter of guards outside the door, seemingly meant for me to hear, provided fodder for my imagination.
Stories about which woman the Grand Duke, my husband, was rumored to be in a scandal with. How evidence proving my crimes was continually emerging. Such pointless talk.
They said people beyond the castle walls were celebrating that the day when that evil woman’s head would finally fall was not far off. The situation inside the imperial palace wouldn’t be any different.
By now, Marianne and Joseph must already be raising their glasses in celebration. Wasn’t my death what they had wished for all their lives?
It wasn’t hard to imagine them grinning from ear to ear at the sight of my neck hanging in the square.
‘It doesn’t matter anyway.’
Whatever others might say about my death is none of my concern. I never received sympathy or compassion while alive, so it wouldn’t be any different after death. However…
The man’s face fleetingly crossed my mind. That noble man who never faltered in any situation.
Would he be happy?
He wasn’t the type of lowly man who would laugh at another’s death. However, I was someone who had brought utmost disgrace to his life filled with honor and glory, and I was the root cause of his most precious daughter’s death. Even if he wouldn’t openly laugh, he might feel relieved inside.
My gaze, fixed on the sunlight hitting the floor, grew even gloomier.
Thinking that way was unbearable. More than death itself, I feared his reaction after my death.
Would he smile? Or would he feel even a tiny bit of sympathy?
Continuing these futile thoughts, I hugged my knees and buried my face in them.
I wish the day would pass quickly. A spirit that has left this world wouldn’t feel such emotions.
How much more time had passed? I opened my eyes to the creaking sound of the rusty iron door opening nearby. The guards only came to my prison to deliver meals, so quite some time must have passed.
With my face still buried in my knees, I weakly turned my head. Through my unkempt black hair, I vaguely saw a figure approaching me.
But something was odd. Instead of the usual shabby military uniform, this person wore obviously expensive clothing, and the typically short and chubby build seemed unusually slender today.
When my hazy gaze fell on the ring the man was wearing, my eyes widened. I jerked my head up.
The moment our eyes met, I forgot how to breathe. The one who had opened the door and entered wasn’t a guard, but my husband.
‘I thought he wouldn’t come…’
He, who had been as broken as I was for a while after our daughter’s death, had somehow returned to his impeccable appearance. As his violet eyes scanned my face, I hastily turned away. I belatedly realized how terrible I must look.
In contrast, he still looked perfect. His handsome face and his walk towards me were as composed as ever.
For a man whose wife was to be executed tomorrow, he looked far too nonchalant, which stirred the faint remnants of pride within me.
“Why did you come?”
Though not intentional, my words came out cold. But he, already accustomed to my coldness, stared down at my face instead of replying.
Our gazes locked obliquely.
Finally, he spoke.
“Soliet’s funeral is over. She’s buried in the family cemetery in the Grand Duchy, in the sunniest spot. You should be satisfied.”
His emotionless words drew a bitter laugh from me. What use was knowing this when I wouldn’t even be able to place a single chrysanthemum before my child? I wouldn’t be able to be buried beside her even in death.
It felt like I was experiencing the worst things a mother could go through. Not only did I outlive my child, but I was also accused of being her murderer, and now I couldn’t even be buried with her.
Thinking of my cold-sensitive child lying in the cool ground tore my heart apart. It should have been me who died, not Soliet…
“Are you mocking me?”
Having barely eaten since being imprisoned, my voice sounded pathetic.
“Joseph has stripped me of all my titles.”
“…”
“Not content with demoting me to a bastard, he’s made me your mistress.”
Being erased from the damn imperial family tree didn’t matter, but being removed from the Grand Duke’s family registry was different.
If my marriage to my husband was nullified, wouldn’t my dead daughter become illegitimate? I had no honor left to lose, but I couldn’t bear my child’s honor being tarnished.
“I suppose everyone will be happy once I’m gone. Joseph and Marianne, those vermin, and you too…”
I paused and glanced up. The man was still standing like a tree, looking down at me.
His face, now marked by the passage of time more than when we first met, seemed somehow thinner than I remembered. Wrinkles had formed around his eyes, and his once brilliant golden hair had faded.
Despite this, he was still beautiful. Though the atmosphere was slightly different from his younger days, he remained an exceptionally handsome man.
I inwardly sneered. As always, he was a man who received the envy of women, so even after my death, he would live amidst the flirtations of many women.
Perhaps it was natural for a man blessed with wealth, honor, and appearance. Crucially, he had no son to inherit his title. While this fact always caused me chronic anxiety, it was the best possible situation for his fervent followers.
After losing my last child in stillbirth, I was told I could never conceive again. After this became public knowledge, the number of women openly flirting with my husband increased significantly.
Even if he hadn’t taken a mistress until now for the sake of my child’s position, there was no need for such restraint anymore.
Moreover, thanks to the Emperor personally nullifying our marriage, his family register was now spotlessly clean. My imagination would likely become reality soon.
If only I disappeared, he would form a family with another woman and live on as if nothing had happened.
The very thought made my insides churn.
“There have always been many women desiring to be by your side, so taking a new wife should be no trouble. Whoever she is, she’ll at least be able to bear you a son. Congratulations in advance.”
“At this point, your self-pity is a disease.”
The voice from above me was cold. The gaze I met from not too far away was equally frigid.
“Even without Your Highness saying so, there’s already a festival in full swing outside. Not to mention those inside the imperial palace.”
At his voice, devoid of any emotion, I bit the inside of my cheek.
Good