How to Feed an Abyss!

Chapter 68.2 – Honesty and a Sketch

The battle situation, later on, became tense, Lin Yeran was busy with projects, and Yan Xin was promoted to captain and became the right-hand man of Colonel Lu, who spent most of his time in Iron City.

The two of them got together less and less, and when they finally got together, they were no longer as sweet as before.

At first, it was a quarrel about daily necessities, and then it was mutual accusations and criticisms. The two had different personalities and different concepts of big things and small things. After a long time, the initial filter was stripped away and the problem was exposed.

Every quarrel would end with Yan Xin’s concession.

Yan Xin lit his cigarette and said, “Lin Yeran, why can’t you be more honest?”

“Honest about what?” Lin Yeran was looking at the data model on the computer, and there was another error, he frowned.

“Admit your mistakes honestly, be happy and angry honestly, and say I love you honestly,” Yan Xin said, “There shouldn’t be secrets between us, what can’t we talk about? You pick a fight all day long and you always keep everything in your heart.”

Lin Yeran didn’t speak.

Yan Xin sighed: “I am also a human being, and I will be tired too. I really want to hear you openly and honestly say ‘I love you’ while looking at me.”

Later, they had another fight.

After many years, Lin Yeran no longer remembered the reason for the quarrel.

It might be that he forgot his date with Yan Xin again, it might be that his attitude was too indifferent, it might be that he had been awkward and couldn’t express his emotions, and he couldn’t show his care and love when Yan Xin was depressed and needed him.

In short, Lin Yeran knew it was all his fault, but he couldn’t admit it.

Yan Xin said: “I’m going to Iron City. The situation is urgent over there. I don’t know how long it will take to come back.”

“It’s okay,” Lin Yeran said, “I am also busy with my project.”

Yan Xin said again: “I should go to the communication tower this time. The sunset there is very beautiful and the signal is the best. I can send you a picture of the sunset from the top of the tower.”

Lin Yeran: “You concentrate on your command, don’t think about these.”

Yan Xin packed his bags and looked at him before leaving: “Sometimes, I don’t know what you are thinking, and whether you still like me or not.”

“What’s wrong with you?”

“How about this, you tell me your thoughts honestly, and I will show you the sunset on the communication tower. In addition, I’ll tell you a little secret of mine.” Yan Xin winked. “That secret I’ve been hiding for years. How about this, is this a good deal?”

Lin Yeran opened his mouth.

He wanted to say something, but in the end, he didn’t say anything, just said: “Hurry up and go, you’re already in your thirties and you’re still childish, you’re still a captain.”

“I can never hide anything in front of you.” Yan Xin was a little disappointed, but quickly concealed his expression and opened the door. “I’m leaving. Goodbye, I love you.”

Then Iron City fell, and Yan Xin died at the top of the tower.

Until he died, he never heard Lin Yeran say I love you again.

Twenty years later, in the middle of the night in Fengyang City, Lin Yeran talked to Shi Yuan intermittently about the past.

He said: “After Yan Xin left, I kept thinking about it and felt that I did something wrong. I owe him a lot of apologies.”

He said: “I am always not honest enough. When he pursued me, I had long since stopped hating him, but I still had to put on a stinky face, just to save face. I always say that he was childish, but in fact, it was myself who was childish.”

He said: “I still have a lot to say to him. I have been hard-mouthed, awkward, and mean, but he just likes this kind of me.”

Shi Yuan listened silently.

From beginning to end, Lin Yeran’s voice was calm, as if he was telling other people’s stories.

Lin Yeran said again, “After the fall of Iron City, the surviving combat records were all sent to the data center. I was the supervisor at the time and had several project teams under me, including the audio and video analysis group I was in at the beginning. I got the recorder images of every soldier, which also included…the group of people in the communication tower.”

He continued, “Most of the data collection was done by AI, some parts also needed to be checked manually, mainly the records of those officers, including Lu Zhun and Yan Xin.”

“I offered to help and saw Yan Xin’s combat record. I saw him retreat from the street defense point, come under the communication tower, and then climb up layer by layer. I saw his comrades-in-arms killed, the floor collapsed, and Lu Zhun, who was left behind, also died, only he reached the top of the tower. At the last moment, he transmitted data to Fengyang City. And through his eyes, I saw the sunset in Iron City. He didn’t break his promise.”

“I know,” Shi Yuan said, “I know this story.”

Lin Yeran smiled: “Then you definitely don’t know that in the middle of his transmission of data to su*cide by taking a bullet, there was a minute of spare time, he used the terminal to send a private message.”

“…” Shi Yuan’s eyes widened slightly, “was it sent to you?”

“The clarity of the recorder is limited, and it is damaged, making it impossible to see the recipient and content clearly,” Lin Yeran said, “But it was sent to me, otherwise who else would it be? He loves me so much.”

Shi Yuan asked, “What did he say?”

“I don’t know.” Lin Yeran said, “The signal was unstable, and Yan Xin’s message was lost in the airwaves forever. I watched the replay over and over again to see how he slowly died, and I don’t know how many times I watched it, but I couldn’t find that message. After the analysis work was over, I resigned.”

Shi Yuan: “Why did you resign?”

“I have read his combat records too many times, and I remember every sentence, every inch of light, and every detail clearly. As soon as I sit in front of the screen, I think of him. Even to this day, I remember that it took him 27 steps to climb the stairs to the top floor, and 18 minutes and 27 seconds to transmit data. He committed su*cide with the third bullet in his gun,” Lin Yeran said lightly, “So I thought, I might have to take a break. I resigned and came to the psychological counseling center. I didn’t expect it to take 16 years.”

His voice was low and hoarse: “After all that time, I always thought it was a thing of the past. Until a few months ago, I got drunk and woke up to find his dog tag around my neck.”

Shi Yuan: “……”

He brought it back from Iron City and gave it to Lin Yeran.

Lin Yeran: “I thought either I was crazy or Yan Xin had come back. So I went to the data center again and saw how he died before I broke the illusion.”

Shi Yuan clenched the phone handle tightly.

His original intention was just to give it to its rightful owner, so that Lin Yeran could get a little comfort.

“There is no way for the dead to be resurrected, but fortunately, part of him still returned to me.” On the other end of the phone, Lin Yeran squeezed the dog tag tightly, and his fingertips turned white with force. “I don’t know how this dog tag came back, but…this is a miracle.”

“This kind of thing has happened, what else is impossible? I want another miracle. I’m going back to the data center. In those data turbulence, maybe one day, Yan Xin’s message will also come back to me.”

Before he knew it, it was already three thirty in the morning.

Lin Yeran said, “My story is over. You… you should also go to rest early.” He paused and thanked sincerely, “I just wanted to talk to myself on the phone. Thank you for answering my call. Thank you for listening to me. It’s weird, isn’t it? The last customer of the consultation hotline was actually its boss. Don’t tell anyone about this, it’s too embarrassing.”

“It won’t,” Shi Yuan said, “This is an anonymous call. I’m just an operator. How can I know who you are?”

Lin Yeran was taken aback and laughed in surprise.

Before hanging up the phone, he said, “If I was given a chance to start over, I would definitely tell Yan Xin that I still love him, and that has never changed. Now I can understand him, sometimes between people, what is needed is really that little bit of honesty.”

The phone hung up and the office returned to silence.

Shi Yuan took the evening tram home.

Lu Tinghan went to the main city and he didn’t know when he would come back.

The tram moved forward, Shi Yuan sat against the window, and a few street lights passed by. He thought of the apologies and confessions that Lin Yeran failed to say, and he also thought of many others, such as Su Enqi and Su Liang, the strict and stubborn old man, who waited until the last moment to soften and admit that he loved Su Liang deeply. For example, Lu Tinghan and Lu Zhun, if Lu Zhun had apologized sincerely earlier, would the relationship between father and son be different? Lu Tinghan would accept that heroic and ordinary father, right?

Many contradictions and all kinds of regrets.

They didn’t want to say it, and when they wanted to say it, it was already too late.

There was such a truth that people know and admit, although whether it was realized or not was another matter.

But Shi Yuan was a little monster.

A strange, little monster with nothing to worry about.

In this late night, in a quiet and silent tram, with dim lights on his shoulders and a long black street outside the window, he witnessed so many stories, and he finally realized something very belatedly and suddenly—

Love required honesty.

*

Cai Deyuan took out the key, opened an old lock, stretched out his hand and pushed, and the old door “squeaked” open.

“General Lu, this is it,” he said. “No one has cleaned it all these years, and it’s all dusty.”

“It’s okay,” Lu Tinghan said, “I just stopped by to get something.”

Cai Deyuan was a logistics soldier.

Lu Zhun and Yu Qingmei didn’t care about family affairs. Cai Deyuan regularly delivered daily necessities and supplies to the Lu family, and occasionally cleaned and took care of flowers and plants. Lu Tinghan had seen him many times since he was a child and called him “Uncle Cai””

And this was the old house where Lu Tinghan lived in the main city.

For a while, Yu Qingmei wanted to stay in the main city research center. They moved here for a year and a half, and then went back to Fengyang City.

The old house was full of dust.

Cai Deyuan coughed from the dust and opened the window to let in the air. Lu Tinghan went straight to his room and dragged out a few cardboard boxes from under the bed.

The box was also his childhood belongings, and he turned it over a little bit.

“That’s right!” Cai Deyuan said in the living room, “There’s still a plate of fever-reducing medicine here, right in the drawer, I remember it perfectly.”

“It’s expired for a long time.” Lu Tinghan took out a bundle of popular science magazines.

“That’s not it, it was all from when you were 8 years old,” Cai Deyuan said, “I remember it very clearly, after all, you have only been very sick once or twice.”

Lu Tinghan paused: “I had a cold and fever?”

Cai Deyuan was surprised and said, “Don’t you remember this? I was the one who took care of you.”

“I don’t remember.”

“Professor Yu and Colonel Lu didn’t mention it either?”

Lu Tinghan recalled for a while: “Maybe they mentioned a sentence or two. They were not very concerned about this kind of thing.”

“No, no, no, that’s weird.” Cai Deyuan patted the gray on the sofa and sat down. “It’s just that on your way to the main city, there was a thunderstorm in the main city, and it was not convenient for the aircraft to land. You just transferred to the vehicle at the outpost. As a result, during the break in the middle, you actually ran away alone!”

Lu Tinghan: “…ran away?”

“Yes, you ran to the wasteland alone,” Cai Deyuan’s words were chiseled, “But Captain Huang, who led the team, was scared to death. The entire team looked for you. You disappeared for half a day and came back on your own, with no injuries and no infection, just a high fever. They all said you were frightened and had a fever.”

He shook his head: “Tsk tsk, I remember the fever reached more than 40 degrees and lasted more than a week. Fortunately, you are still so smart after your fever, otherwise, it would be a big loss. Hehehe.”

“Uncle Cai, are you sure about this?”

“Of course, how could I remember it wrong.” Cai Deyuan thought of something, and added with a frown on his old face, “Captain Huang probably didn’t make it clear in the report, for fear of being blamed – that old fox, I only heard it from the rest of the team. Your parents might… not know that you had been out for so long, and they just thought it was an ordinary sickness, so they didn’t mention this matter to you more. Hahaha, the two of them were too busy, too busy, don’t take it to heart.”

Lu Tinghan fell silent.

He frowned slightly.

There were many things in the carton, and he sorted them out one by one.

He found a few marbles and put them away in the box, thinking that Shi Yuan might like them.

In addition, there were popular science books, a few beautiful postcards, a few violin scores… He put them all away and prepared to take them back to Shi Yuan.

He also found a sketchbook.

He came to the main city at the age of 8, and his drawing skills were quite childish, but the lines were drawn very straight.

He had drawn streets, crowds, people, and tall city walls, with glorious sunrises and blooming snow.

After turning over more than a dozen pages, the drawing style gradually matured, and the picture became patterned. The child recorded the world in this way and drew what he saw.

Lu Tinghan turned over a dozen more pages, and just as he was about to close the sketchbook, he suddenly stopped.

He froze all over.

A piece of drawing paper sandwiched in the middle, fluttered and fell. The flowers on the drawing were in full bloom and the light was like a tide.

— The delicate-looking little devil sat cross-legged, hugging his own tail, his eyes were extremely bright, and the ends of his hair were blown up by the wind.

Time flew and the past quietly floated.

Across 23 distant years and the howling wind, Shi Yuan looked at him with flowers and light and bent his eyes with a smile.