Chapter 10
But still, I didn’t move.
Then, I heard it—the rustling of grass behind me, the path I’d come from.
So he really did come after me.
I stiffened, already imagining his voice, sharp and irritated:
“Why are you hiding here?”
But it wasn’t him.
A hand parted the tall grass.
I blinked.
“…Ah.”
A dimple.
That’s what I saw first.
He looked like he’d found something he thought that was lost forever.
The corners of his eyes crinkled softly, brows relaxed. A warm, tentative smile bloomed on his face as he stepped through the split grass.
“You were here,” he said gently.
White fingers brushed a few leaves off his sleeve as he moved closer.
I glanced at his face. Not the eye—that was untouched. Good.
There was thick gauze taped to his temple, though.
My stomach twisted.
“Hi,” he called out.
Hi?
That simple word shattered the stillness.
Hi… Hi…
His fingers trembled as he raised his hand to wave.
Or maybe it wasn’t just his fingers. Maybe his whole body was shaking.
I stared.
He smiled, embarrassed, then slowly lowered his hand when I didn’t respond.
Something caught in my throat.
I couldn’t breathe.
It was like being slapped—hard—by Jin Eun-sol all over again. My scalp tightened. My throat clenched.
And then, without warning, it hit me:
Guilt.
Like blood that had frozen in my veins suddenly running hot again, it flushed through my head, my chest, my limbs.
Dirty.
I heard his voice in my mind.
“Oh—hey! This!”
The boy stepped forward. I flinched at his sudden movement.
What kind of face was I making?
He held something out to me—eager, like he needed to prove something.
Don’t do anything dirty again.
The memory of Jin Eun-sol’s voice clamped down on my chest like a hand.
But my eyes moved anyway, helplessly.
It was a plastic container.
The one I thought I’d lost.
“Did you… pick it up?”
My voice barely came out.
I looked up at the boy again.
“I wanted to return it to you,” he said softly.
“That’s all. It didn’t mean anything.”
It was mine. I recognized it. I knew it was mine.
But I just stared at the plastic container in his hands.
Something about it felt… wrong.
I couldn’t take it.
‘Dirty.’
Jin Sol’s voice echoed in my head like a curse.
If I took it—if I accepted this simple thing—I felt like something terrible would happen.
Like I was stepping into a trap, like I was betraying something I wasn’t even sure I’d agreed to.
I hesitated.
Then I saw it—over the boy’s shoulder.
I froze.
My whole body locked up.
The boy looked at me, confused, but I couldn’t speak.
I didn’t need a mirror to know all the color had drained from my face.
Because there he was.
Jin Eun-sol.
His eyes, dry and unreadable, were fixed on me.
And then—
click.
The sound of fingernail against teeth.
My breath caught in my throat.
It was iced over.
His nail clicked once against his teeth, then stopped.
He lowered his hand slowly, and from the edge of his fingertip, a single drop of blood fell to the ground.
Drip.
“Are you okay?” the boy asked.
His voice, kind and ordinary, suddenly roared in my ears—too loud, too much.
I jumped.
He looked concerned now, his eyes were serious and dark.
“No,” I whispered, though I didn’t mean to say anything at all. I shook my head instead.
Then—rustling again.
The boy turned to look.
I wanted to scream at him not to, to run, but nothing came out.
I didn’t say a word. I didn’t take the container.
Even though it was mine.
I couldn’t.
The sound of slow, deliberate footsteps crept closer.
My eyes stayed on Jin Eun-sol.
“Eunsol…” I managed, as if calling his name might soften his expression.
My heart pounded, not like a drum, but like something trying to claw its way out of my throat.
He was still walking towards me.
Still looking at me.
That stare—it was like he was going to wrap his fingers around my neck and squeeze.
Every step echoed in my head.
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
I wanted it to be over. Just hurry up.
Rip it off like a bandage.
But then—
He passed me.
He walked right by, without a glance.
My head snapped around to follow him.
“Eunsol! Where are you going?”
No answer.
Just his back, getting farther and farther away.
I turned fully now, heart thundering.
That direction—
No. No, not there.
“Eunsol!”
He was moving faster now, breaking into a run.
That’s the cliff—
“Are you insane?!” I shouted. “That’s a CLIFF!”
At that moment, my body lurched forward, my feet propelling me towards Jin Eun-sol.
“Eunsol, wait, wait!” I screamed.
But he kept running, farther and farther, toward the cliff.
The hairs on my body stood on end, my heart racing faster with each step I took. Jin Eun-sol seemed so far away now, his back was a silhouette against the fading sky. Every inch I moved, he seemed farther out of my reach, like an inevitable fate I couldn’t stop.
If I kept running like this, I really would end up at the edge of that cliff, too.
Why was he doing this? Why?
The panic spiraled in my chest, my mind spinning in circles, unable to grasp why Jin Eun-sol was acting like this.
Then, the memories from that day flooded back. The boy—his voice, desperate and trembling as he yelled that he wanted to die. “Please die with me. Let’s die together.” The words haunted me. I had been so scared back then.
So scared of death. So terrified of losing him, of losing myself.
I wanted to live. I wanted both of us to live.
But I couldn’t say the words I needed to, and now here I was—feeling the same suffocating fear.
It hit me like a slap on the face. The realization, the guilt, the panic. I was scared now, just like I was back then.
