“Episode 44”
The once strong woman now wore a helpless expression. Evan left his wife’s side to stand before her.
It was heartbreaking to see his old friend, who used to be the first to spar with a sword during their academy training, lost in the past.
Evan spoke calmly, “I did my best to help Lucian. But since becoming emperor four years ago, Lucian Vu Aryacne doesn’t believe in any loyalty I show. In the end, he became like the very kin he scorned. He’s even attacking me in such despicable ways. I can’t sincerely deal with him until he returns to his senses.”
“Why would my brother do such a thing?”
Claudie shouted, enveloped in love for her cousin.
Doubts began to mix into Claudie’s eyes, filled with protective instinct. Deep down, she too had not acknowledged it. Her brother was going mad, losing his judgment. With an obsession with the throne, he was alienating noble families, including their loyal ducal family, and going so far as to persecute them like barbarians.
“…You’re so despicable. How could you repay what Evan did for my brother like this? Memories of the duchess are so precious to you. You always—”
Claudie murmured sadly.
Back when they attended the academy, Evan would sometimes look at someone in the distance with tender eyes. Claudie envied his ability to draw someone even in the harshness of his own life.
That’s why she had genuinely rejoiced when she heard that he miraculously succeeded the duchy and even married his first love.
But he wasn’t her cousin. Evan, who was always gentle and intervened to prevent Claudie from fighting, had already seen that marriage as ‘dangerous’ back then.
To him, it was nothing more or less than the combination of the von Hohenzollern and the von Bülow families. As Evan Helchen, the commander of the Imperial Knights and the delegate of military authority, married into the wealthiest Ovun duchy in the empire, it was just annoying to Lucian Vu Aryacne, who was the ’emperor.’
For some reason, when Claudie caught a glimpse of Lucian Vu Aryacne’s true feelings, even now her heart ached.
“…What should I do? How should I act?”
Yuliana said to the despondent Claudie.
“Your Highness, if you want to help Her Majesty and protect the ducal family, it’s simple. Please evict my foolish sister from Her Majesty’s palace. And send that child to the ducal family.”
“…Lucian won’t leave me alone.”
Claudie said softly, as if she were a child. Then she straightened up and spoke firmly.
“But there’s no other choice. I can’t stand by while my brother destroys himself with his foolishness.”
Then she apologized to Yuliana.
“I’m sorry, Duchess. I didn’t know my sister would attack so viciously. And I’m sorry for speaking lightly. I thoughtlessly used the name of your late mother to justify Iris’s actions.”
Yuliana nodded to accept the apology. After bidding farewell to the duke and duchess, Claudie promised to bring Iris back. Soon, only the sound of her footsteps running down the stairs echoed in the distance.
Yuliana sighed deeply as she heard the sound.
So much had happened, and not even a day had passed yet. Would she be able to pass this spring smoothly? She frowned with frustration.
Looking at his wife, Evan cautiously said, “Yuliana, rest. I’ll do whatever I can—”
“Evan, maybe it’s because I’m sweating, but I want to take a bath. Can you prepare the bathwater for me?”
Yuliana interrupted her husband’s words. Evan nodded and immediately ordered the servants to prepare the bathwater. Soon, warm water was ready in the large tub. Yuliana spoke firmly.
“I’m not sure if the water temperature is right. Could you check it for me?”
Although there was no need to check twice, she said so anyway.
Nevertheless, Evan quietly checked the water temperature as his wife instructed. Then, he silently brought soap and towels even though she didn’t ask for them.
Meanwhile, as Yuliana soaked herself in the hot water in the bathroom, she glanced at Evan passing the soap through the open door.
Thunk—.
As Yuliana stood up, the calm water rippled. Even amidst the noisy water, she reached out through the open door and firmly grabbed Evan, who was extending his arms.
“……!”
Evan met Yuliana’s blank stare with his own, uncertain of what she might say or how she would react. Frozen, he grimaced painfully.
He wanted to kneel before her, to cry and beg for forgiveness. But he had been unable to cry for so long that he had forgotten how.
“Damn it.”
Evan bit his lip tightly, feeling a surge of pitiful desire to be forgiven, which only added to his misery.
“Yuliana…”
“You should be preparing the bath. Where are you going?”
Ignoring her husband’s pleading voice, Yuliana turned swiftly and sat down in the tub, hunched over.
Watching her, Evan knelt on the bathroom floor, unaffected by the wetness soaking his pants. He dipped a towel into the hot water and lathered it with soap. Soon, rich foam bubbled up. Yuliana obediently presented her back as she checked the foam over her shoulder.
While Evan dried her back, Yuliana remained silent.
Finally, Evan spoke with effort.
“I did something foolish. I wasn’t in my right mind when I heard you were suffering. At the time, I was engrossed in creating a new magical tool and thought that if I did it my way, some of your memories would be preserved. Extracting part of the memory removes the emotions associated with it. Like…”
“Like when you erased the feelings of humiliation and shame you felt when you were abused as a child?”
Yuliana spoke slowly. Evan paused in his towel-drying. Then, he resumed rubbing her back.
“…Yes.”
“When memories are preserved like that, you only remember the ‘events’ while erasing the emotions. It’s peculiar. Did Your Majesty help that way too?”
“Lucian is different. He focused more on preserving the memories themselves.”
Yuliana didn’t comment further on his clumsy confession. She simply dipped her head, a silent request for him to wash her hair.
With one hand, Evan gently held her head, guiding it to the far end of the tub, where her hair could hang freely over the edge.
He took the opportunity to carefully massage her scalp as he worked up a lather with the soapy hand. After a while, when enough foam had formed, he began to wash her hair from the ends to the roots. It was quite a satisfying massage for Yuliana.
Suddenly, as she lay still, Yuliana quietly opened her eyes.
Her cheeks were wet. Looking around, she found Evan’s tear-streaked face still dripping tears onto her cheeks.
Although Evan was focused on washing her hair, he seemed unaware that he was crying. His tear-filled eyes, like midnight seas, gradually washed away her cheeks like raindrops.
Only then did Evan realize that he was crying.
Crying had always been a torment for him. Tears were like leeches, born from negative emotions of being hit, cursed, and denied existence since childhood.
But now it was different.
The tears that fully exposed his weak self…
“…Yuliana.”
Evan moistened his dry lips with some difficulty.
As he gently wrapped her unwashed hair through his fingers, Yuliana looked stubbornly into his tear-filled eyes. Her gaze acted as a signal, and Evan’s tears, which seemed to stop or start, continued to flow.
Approaching her like a immature priest seeking forgiveness before a deity, Evan knelt with wet knees and bowed his body to her.
“Forgive me.”
“Are you asking me to forgive you for trying to save me from danger with a mistake?”
Yuliana pointed out the truth in a flat, emotionless tone.
Evan raised his damp sleeve anxiously. Then, he grasped near her head. Like a weak man who couldn’t dare to touch his wife, he choked back his sobs and said,
“…I gave you incomplete memories. I lacked the courage. Yuliana, I couldn’t muster the courage to tell you… to tell you.”
“I see.”
Yuliana said quietly.
Evan became increasingly fearful of her lack of anger or cursing.
Unpleasant emotions surged in his mind. Emotions he had never revisited while preserving memories separately and erasing emotions.
