HIFH | Chapter 45

Episode 45

A few days had passed.

During these days, Lu suffered from a high fever four times and nearly lost consciousness twice.

Each time, the physician examined him with a grave expression, and all I could do was anxiously pray by his side.

Me, praying?

I had lived my whole life insisting that gods didn’t exist.

A hollow laugh escaped me, but that was how much Lu’s recovery meant to me.

Because he got hurt because of me.

That made it even harder to bear—it was driving me insane.

If Lu were to die like this…

If that happened…

What would I do?

A dark imagination clouded my vision. My stomach, already aching, twisted even further.

But I couldn’t call this pain.

Because Lu, who took a bullet because of me, was struggling between life and death.

“Oh my, miss. You’re still here?”

Just then, Mardi entered the room carrying a bowl of water and a towel.

“You should at least eat something… You’ll make yourself sick like this.”

“No, I can still manage.”

A Catacle agent must endure, even if it means starving for days.

“And with Lu in this condition, how can I just rest comfortably?”

“Don’t say that. If the master knew you were like this, he would be upset.”

In the past, I would have outright denied it, but after experiencing Lu’s kindness multiple times, I couldn’t completely dismiss the thought.

“I’ll go down to the dining hall in a little while.”

“Please do. Everyone’s worried about you.”

Nodding, I glanced at the bowl and towel Mardi had brought.

“You brought that to wipe Lu’s sweat, didn’t you?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Give it to me. I’ll do it.”

Mardi handed me the white towel with a small smile.

“I suppose that’s for the best.”

Hmm. Her tone sounded like ‘You’ve already seen everything anyway, haven’t you?’—but it was too awkward to correct her, so I pretended not to notice.

“Then I’ll be off. You must come to the dining hall later!”

“Alright.”

Once Mardi left, I dipped the towel in the water and wrung it out tightly.

Then, carefully, I reached out and wiped the sweat off Lu’s forehead.

His skin was still feverishly warm, a sign that he hadn’t been able to sleep properly due to the pain.

After his forehead, I wiped his cheeks, then his neck. And then…

I hesitated.

His clothes were damp with sweat.

I can’t take them off, right?

No matter what, that would be too much.

So instead, I slightly lifted the hem of his shirt.

His toned abdominal muscles were revealed.

I had expected it, but seeing it in person, his body was even more impressive.

The sharply defined abs beneath his clothes had been hidden all this time.

A body not artificially built up, but honed through real combat.

“……”

But his skin wasn’t unmarked.

Deep scars ran across his flesh.

Faintly healed wounds and blade marks covered his body.

They weren’t fading over time; they had accumulated.

Without thinking, I murmured,

“That must’ve hurt.”

The moment I said it, I realized.

This must be how Mardi felt when she looked at me.

And how Lu felt when he worried about me.

“So this is how much you’ve worried about me.”

I let out a bitter smile and took a deep breath.

Lu’s scars weren’t those of someone who had simply trained—they told the story of a man who had fought to survive.

And yet, he was the one worrying about me?

I shook my head at the irony and continued wiping his sweat.

Then, something caught my eye.

Near his hipbone, something glowed faintly.

A tattoo?

It was a cluster of dots connected by thin lines, resembling a constellation.

And it was shimmering.

It looked different from the tattoos I knew…

Maybe it’s a trend.

Shrugging it off, I pulled his shirt back down.

“Hurry up and wake up.”

I looked at his pale face and whispered,

“I need to apologize.”

There was a lot to apologize for.

For getting him into this mess because of me, for snapping at him in the control room, for dismissing his worries, for acting recklessly…

And lastly…

For pretending not to see how much you care for me.

I wanted to apologize for all of it.

But even if I did, it wouldn’t ease my guilt.

Because I was already committing the worst betrayal of all.

Hiding my true identity.

That was a betrayal of his feelings for me.

But I can’t reveal the truth either.

That would mean betraying Baylor.

I was walking a tightrope between two betrayals.

I buried my face in my hands and exhaled deeply.

No. Now wasn’t the time for these dark thoughts.

I had to focus on one thing—praying for Lou to wake up.

So…

“Please… open your eyes.”

Once again, I clasped my hands together and prayed.

And then—

“I don’t think there’s anything to apologize for.”

A familiar voice brushed past me.

“Oh? Or did you change your mind about picking a wedding dress? In that case, yes, you should apologize.”

I snapped my head up.

Lou was looking at me with a playful smile.

“You… You…!”

This bastard! The first thing he does when he wakes up is tease me?!

But more importantly—

“I’ll get the physician. Wait here!”

I hurriedly got up to run out.

But—

“No.”

Lu grabbed my arm with surprising strength for someone who had just woken up.

“I feel like I might fall asleep again, so stay with me until then.”

“But still—”

“I don’t want the first thing I see to be that old physician.”

Such a gentle voice, yet such unreasonable words…

I wanted to refuse, but his eyes looked somewhat desperate, so I had no choice but to sit back down beside him.

As soon as I did, he spoke.

“Why do you look so haggard? Did you skip your meals?”

And so, I laughed.

I couldn’t help it.

“Why are you laughing?”

Lu frowned slightly.

“No, no, I’m not mocking you.”

I quickly shook my head.

“It’s just… I had a feeling you’d say that the moment you woke up.”

Lu pursed his lips and turned his head away.

He studied me carefully, as if gearing up to nag me.

Sensing this, I quickly cut him off.

“If you’re planning to ask if I’m okay, don’t. I am okay. And right now, your health is more important, so if you say anything unnecessary, I’ll really get mad.”

“…You already sound mad.”

“Lu.”

“Alright, alright. I won’t tease you anymore.”

Lu chuckled softly and playfully winked at me.

Even in such a frail state, lying there weakened, why did he still look so adorable?

I mumbled to myself that looking handsome even from this angle was unfair, then rested one cheek against the bed and tilted my head slightly.

“By the way, who was that kid who saved us?”

Wow. The first thing he does after waking up is question me.

“A kid I met in the slums a while back. I bought him some bread a few times, so maybe he waited to say goodbye when he saw me boarding the ship. Then, when the ship sank, he helped us.”

“For something like that, he sure seemed comfortable handling a gun.”

“He borrowed it from the security forces.”

“A waterproof shotgun?”

“It’s a harbor—apparently, they have them.”

Thank goodness I had prepared my answers in advance.

Of course, Lu’s suspicious gaze didn’t waver.

“Anyway, I already gave a rough explanation to the guards.”

I deliberately changed the subject, but this topic wasn’t much better.

“They want to track down the culprit… but I doubt they’ll find them.”

I knew who the culprit was.

It had to be one of the Catacle agents.

More specifically, one of Baylor’s direct subordinates who had been monitoring me.

Whoever it is, they better not get caught.

Because if they did, I wouldn’t stop until I beat the dust out of them.

In any case, since Catacle was involved, I was certain the culprit would never be found.

That only made my guilt worse.

Because Lu had gotten hurt because of Catacle.

And I… am a Catacle agent.

Ugh. My stomach started aching again.

“The culprit?”

Just then, Lou spoke.

“I already know who it is.”

“…How do you know that?”

“There are ways.”

Wait, what?

He wasn’t supposed to know.

“It’s most likely a secret organization within the Empire.”

…What?

“They’ve been targeting me for a while now.”