Episode 32
It wasn’t until a month after the induction ceremony that Lu Vantes saw Sharan again.
A month wasn’t a long time, but it was enough for memories to fade.
His first encounter with Sharan had been intense, but Lu Vantes had too much on his plate to dwell on it.
As the top recruit of this class and the adopted son of the High Priest, he had countless responsibilities.
—The first, the second, and even the last mistake will never be tolerated. If you are not perfect, you are worthless.
—Don’t think that just because I took you in, I have accepted you. You are still being tested.
Every morning, the High Priest would pressure Lu Vantes with similar words.
He had to be grateful for being adopted. He had to be more successful. If he failed, he was worthless, useless.
Every time he heard those words, he felt like he couldn’t breathe, but thanks to the breathing technique Sharan had taught him, he managed to hold himself together.
That’s why he remembered her.
That’s why he thought of her at every moment.
But he didn’t want to admit it.
Right now, completing his missions successfully was the priority.
He didn’t want to be distracted by something as trivial as a single woman.
So he told himself he didn’t know her. That he had never met such a woman.
That was how Lu Vantes went about his daily life.
So when he saw Sharan again while escorting a noble from the duchy who had defected to the Holy Kingdom, he was momentarily flustered.
“Oh?”
As soon as Sharan saw him, her eyes widened like a rabbit’s, and she let out a brief exclamation.
Did she remember him?
Without realizing it, he hoped she did.
But—
“You’re the leader for this mission, right? Nice to meet you. I’m Sharan.”
She didn’t seem to recognize him.
It made sense.
What happened at the induction ceremony was just a brief moment.
Lu Vantes had also put it out of his mind.
Yes, so it’s not strange that she doesn’t remember…
Then why did he feel so irritated?
His emotions were so tangled that he felt confused.
He hastily turned away, not even bothering to greet her.
“Oh. Rude much?”
He could hear Sharan complaining about him with the other agents behind his back, but he ignored it.
Because he couldn’t deal with her while feeling something he didn’t even understand himself.
After that, Lu Vantes never spoke to Sharan.
But that didn’t mean he had lost interest in her.
“I heard Sharan placed second this time.”
“She was late again because she overslept.”
“Why doesn’t Sharan ever buy new clothes? Someone please take her shopping.”
He knew she was always second in quarterly evaluations, that she sometimes overslept, and that her fashion sense was awful.
He also knew how people talked about her.
“Sharan is a good person.”
“She’s bright.”
“She has no worries.”
And so, Lu Vantes unconsciously built an image of Sharan in his mind.
She must have grown up without a single hardship.
Unlike him—abandoned by his parents, abused by his adoptive father, twisted by his upbringing—Sharan must have grown up in a loving, prosperous home.
That’s why she could be so cheerful and optimistic.
That’s why they were different.
That’s why there was no shame in his own resentment.
That was how Lu Vantes judged Sharan.
But—
“What, me? I don’t have parents.”
A conversation he overheard in the cafeteria.
“When I became aware of things, I was already growing up as a slum kid. That’s when I realized—I’d been abandoned.”
Sharan hadn’t been born into a happy family.
She wasn’t the way she was because she had parents who loved her.
She had lived a life similar to Lu Vantes’.
No—perhaps even worse than his, since at least he had been adopted by the High Priest.
But—
“But what could I do? I’d already been abandoned, and I still had to survive. So I just kept living, and now here I am.”
Then why?
Why did she still shine?
Why wasn’t she broken?
“Because I lived like that, I’m who I am now. And I’m satisfied with that.”
Why… did she make him feel ashamed?
He was angry.
Yes, overwhelmingly angry.
At Sharan, for living the same life as him yet turning out so different.
At himself, for resenting her.
At himself, for never even considering that he could become like her.
The shame engulfed him.
He hated Sharan.
He hated how well she had grown.
He hated that she made him feel ashamed.
So, he ran away. From Sharan. From himself.
***
“Charles always makes me angry.”
At Lu’s words, Sharle blinked several times.
Wait a minute. Who was he to say that?
She was at a loss for words.
“You’re mad because I don’t take care of myself?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because—!”
Lu suddenly stopped speaking.
An emotion he couldn’t explain was caught in his throat.
Because…?
How was he supposed to put this into words?
He wasn’t someone who was used to expressing emotions.
His fingertips curled slightly.
He tried to maintain his usual cold expression, but his brows furrowed slightly.
As if he had come face-to-face with a feeling he had never expected.
This was strange.
He was used to seeing Charles risk her life.
Her reckless behavior wasn’t new.
And yet… why did it unsettle him every single time?
Why did it make him feel so awful?
It was like reaching out for something only to have it slip through his fingers.
His lips pressed tightly together, his gaze wavered.
And finally, without realizing it, he confessed.
“Because you’re a better person than me.”
He shut his eyes tightly and spat the words out.
“But you don’t even take care of yourself. You should be living better than me. You should be happier than me. So why—”
“Wait, wait. Hold on.”
Charles quickly waved her hands.
“I have no idea what you’re saying. Can you explain properly?”
Lu stared at her.
A clueless person.
An innocent person.
Someone who had suffered more than him but had still become a better person.
So, he—
“I hate you.”
I hate you.
“I hate you so much it’s driving me crazy.”
“……”
Charles was left speechless.
Avoiding her gaze, Lu slowly stood up.
“I’ll call a doctor.”
Then he left.
Looking at the empty space he left behind, Charles muttered absentmindedly.
“See? Told you he doesn’t like me.”
• ❁ • ❁ • ❁ •By Esraa• ❁ • ❁ • ❁ •
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