Chapter 15
She hung up abruptly after unilaterally pouring out words without listening to Jae-in.
A father who retired as an elementary school vice principal, a homemaker mother, and three siblings. Not wealthy, but an ordinary family.
Jae-in was the second of three siblings. Born a year apart from her older sister Jung Jae-hee, and six years older than her younger brother Jung Jae-yeol. The ambiguous position of being in the middle remained even at thirty-five.
Five years since moving out, she had always rushed over whenever called, rain or shine.
When she was young, she didn’t know. That even in a family, the size of affection isn’t the same for everyone. Some fingers didn’t hurt.
“The mackerel stew you like.”
Jae-in bumped her forehead against the back of her hand on the steering wheel.
“Mom, you’re so consistent…”
She couldn’t eat mackerel stew. In fact, she couldn’t eat any stew or soup with fish in it.
Sensitive to smells since childhood, the fishy odor of boiled fish was always torture for Jae-in.
The one who liked mackerel stew was her older sister, Jung Jae-hee.
It saddened her whenever she confirmed the measure of affection this way. Still, Jae-in couldn’t bring herself to hate her mother.
Psychologists call this phenomenon a side effect of unfulfilled needs towards a deficient object.
This side effect is often manifested in various forms, with lovers, friends, or work colleagues.
Knowing she wouldn’t get back as much as she gave, she would give even more. And then wait endlessly and patiently for even a little in return.
Thinking that if she tried harder, if she gave everything asked of her, then maybe she would be noticed, eroding her self-esteem with this expectation.
Such one-sided love should be stopped immediately, they say.
Some people claim that even being hated takes courage, but is that really true?
No one can endure being ignored by someone they love. So it was much easier to smile through the pain than to muster the courage to be hated.
It was the same for Jae-in.
She tried to understand her mother who prioritized her older sister and younger brother over her. Even if she was treated like a sack of barley.
Mom has only one body and it’s tough to take care of three children alone. I can take care of myself. My sister and brother need mom more than I do.
The eldest wanted all the attention and love because they were the eldest, the youngest because they were the youngest.
Whenever her mother’s gaze or touch passed her by, she comforted herself like this.
Jae-in saw herself as the ugly duckling. So she feared that even that handful of love, compared to her siblings, would disappear if she didn’t act that way.
And now, as an adult. Her mother was using even that love as a weapon to manipulate Jae-in.
“Haa…”
Lifting her head from the steering wheel, Jae-in picked up her phone and called Seo Mu-young.
—”Yes, Seo Muyoung speaking.”
“It’s Jung Jae-in. Where are you now?”
—”Where do you want me to be?”
“Rather than where I want you to be, I hope you’re not at the hotel.”
He let out a long, quiet sigh before answering cheekily.
—”What should I do? I can’t grant that wish. You must be disappointed.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can keep our appointment today.”
—”Where are you now?”
“In front of the hotel, but I need to go right away.”
—”Ten minutes.”
“Pardon?”
—”Let’s just meet for ten minutes to talk face-to-face.”
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Knock knock—. Seo Muyoung tapped on the car window.
As Jae-in unlocked the door, a man with a fresh, cool scent like the winter wind got into the passenger seat. The fragrance that filled her nostrils seemed to loosen her tightly wound lungs.
“It’s been a while. Almost a month?”
“24 days.”
Jae-in corrected him immediately, forgetting to apologize, and Muyoung’s expression became enigmatic.
“Why?”
“You’re so precise, as if you’ve been counting the days since we met at the lab. Well, I guess doctors are good at math. I have no talent for it.”
“Dates are more of an astronomical concept than mathematical.”
“Whatever it is, I meant you’re better at it than me.”
Muyoung smiled gently as he looked at Jae-in. It was an intense gaze impossible to ignore.
“Is there something on my face?”
“It’s a face I haven’t seen before.”
Can there be a face you haven’t seen on someone you’ve only met twice?
“You look hurt.”
Taken aback by the spot-on observation, Jae-in bit her lip.
It was true that she was a bit hurt by her mother’s inconsiderate words and actions, but it had been going on for so long that she thought she’d gotten over it quickly…
Does it show on my face?
Jae-in lowered her head, trying to hide her expression. Muyoung reached out towards her.
“Seeing your face is enough. I wanted to talk, but it doesn’t seem like the right time, does it?”
As his warm, large hand cupped her cheek, as cold as her pale skin, she tensed the corner of her mouth.
“Should I comfort you?”
It was a lighthearted comment, but his voice that burrowed into her ear made her heart sink heavily.
“Or should I keep quiet and pretend I didn’t notice?”
For a moment, her expressionless face contorted as if she might cry at any second.
It was the first time someone had caught onto her deeply hidden emotions. For some reason, her throat tightened, and she swallowed hard.
At the same time, she felt ashamed, as if her vulnerabilities had been exposed to this man who knew nothing. Jae-in barely opened her mouth and murmured like a sigh.
“Keep quiet and pretend you didn’t notice.”
“Alright then.”
The man shrugged lightly and smiled again.
Jae-in turned her head away, avoiding his dark eyes that seemed to peer into her inner thoughts. As soon as she moved away from the hand cupping her cheek, it quickly turned cold.
Muyoung’s gaze was still fixed on her, but Jae-in fixed her eyes beyond the driver’s side window.
The man silently observed the woman’s face reflected in the car window, while the woman gazed at the night-drenched hotel landscape for a long time.
Then suddenly, Jae-in swallowed a breath.
Staring almost fiercely at the trees standing straight despite the freezing weather, she comforted herself once again.
What’s the big deal? It’s always been like this. Why does it suddenly hurt so much…
Her mother’s once kind voice had turned irritable at a single refusal. She would do things to Jae-in that she would never do to her sister or brother.
Even her greetings had ulterior motives. Unless she needed something, her mother wouldn’t even send a text, let alone call.
Jae-in was fully aware of what she meant to such a mother.
A daughter thirsty for her mother’s affection, easily swayed by the guise of love, ready to bring whatever was asked for.
That was also why she had dared to move out despite having a house in Seoul.
They say out of sight, out of mind—she thought that if they weren’t seeing each other every day, she might be able to breathe a little easier.
Fearing that tears might fall if she blinked, Jae-in forced her eyes wide open, pressing her fingertips hard. It wasn’t something to cry about, and she didn’t want to cry. But she found it difficult to control her emotions.
Ah. Why am I like this today of all days?
Moreover, how strange must I look to that man who doesn’t even know what’s going on?
Jae-in took a deep breath, inflating and deflating her chest cavity. The long, exhaled sigh was quite effective as a temporary measure to offset the stifling situation.
“I’m sorry for wasting your time. Anyway, since things turned out this way, let’s set up another appointment next time. If you’ve already paid for the hotel, I’ll reimburse you, so please let me know your account number.”
“Ha.”
Muyoung laughed bitterly at Jae-in’s words. Then he shook his head. Showing his displeasure openly, he muttered,
“That damn hotel fee. It’s the second time I’m hearing this, and I still can’t get used to it.”
Soon after, he spoke again in a disparaging tone.
“If you ever meet another guy, never say something like that first. Any bastard who makes a woman pay for the hotel room is either an idiot or a cheapskate, definitely one of the two.”
His eyes, conveying something between advice and warning, exuded a chilling aura even in the dim interior.
Whether an idiot or a cheapskate, she had no intention of meeting anyone else, but there was no need to say that. Jae-in just wanted to wrap up this situation quickly.
An apology and appropriate compensation.
“That’s that, but today isn’t the right—”
“Ten minutes.”
Muyoung lifted his wrist to glance at his watch.
“I think seeing your face like this today is enough for me.”
Including the time they had spent in silence, it had just passed ten minutes.
“Next time, I’d prefer to meet for longer than today.”
Having neatly concluded the situation, Muyoung opened the door and got out of the car with no unnecessary movements.
“Ah.”
Then, as he was about to close the door, he opened it wide again.
“You know what?”
Poking his face through the open door, he spoke as if it were no big deal.
“Sometimes, just being quietly by someone’s side can be more comforting than a hundred words.”
The man who had unexpectedly penetrated her defenses like a gentle breeze was more confident than ever.
“But I definitely prefer physical comfort, just so you know.”
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Thank you for reading! ♡
