For Your Failed Unrequited Love

“…… what?”

Felix’s hand, which was holding Adrian’s shoulder, fell down. He only looked at him with a frown, as he did when he heard the news of a war overnight.

Felix, who couldn’t figure out what to say back, asked a dazed question a long time later.

“What do you mean…”

“literally.”

Adrian explained, looking at his brother with dismal eyes.

“Since I was very young, I knew father didn’t like me. The way he looks at me. ……his eyes that want me to disappear from this world. They look like they’re saying I shouldn’t have been born. Even though I was young, I could feel it all.”

Felix listened to Adrian and recalled his childhood memories.

Adrian was right. However, it was the same for Felix.

He also used to freeze like ice when he stood in front of their father, who was strict and never smiled at all. In front of his cold father who never says warm words, he also felt terrible fear and tension.

“……it was the same for me, Adrian. That’s the way he is. He’s a terrible person who’s even hard on his wife.”

At Felix’s words, Adrian’s blue eyes sank cold like a frozen winter lake. He opened his tight mouth and spouted out softly.

“When we were six years old, he strangled me.”

“…… what?”

His brother’s words were once again shocking, forcing Felix to ask back with a blank face.

“He wasn’t drunk or out of his mind. He was in a sober state of mind, he just strangled me without any guilt. As if that’s what he has to do at that moment.”

His distant voice seemed to penetrate Felix’s head once, then fly away and scatter.

He didn’t know what to say back. Confused, Felix just listened to his brother’s story with a stunned face.

“At that time, mother ran to stop father. She begged desperately. To save me. To not kill me.”

Adrian paused for a moment with a dark face as if he were recalling that time.

Two identical blue eyes stared at each other. However, the difference was, one side was in shock, and the other side was sinking like death.

“……but father didn’t stop. No matter how many times mother shouted that I was his child, he didn’t stop. Then mother changed her ways and began to persuade him in other words. Our faces are becoming indistinguishable, so he can use me somewhere. At that, he stopped strangling me. That’s all she could say to save me. I’m his son, but I don’t mean anything to him.”

Adrian let out a self-help laugh.

“That’s how I was able to survive. Like mother said, father didn’t try to kill me afterwards because he thought he could use me for something. He started using me as your replacement.”

When Adrian stopped talking, a terrible silence filled the room.

“Why in the world…”

Why does father want to kill Adrian?

It never happened to me. Not even once.

Adrian and him were twins born on the same day. He couldn’t think of a reason why he would kill only him.

“Why on earth would father…….”

Adrian laughed bitterly at Felix’s vain murmur.

“I don’t know, Felix.”

A desperate voice came out of his mouth.

“Like you, I also don’t know. Why did father try to kill me?”

It wasn’t until he heard this tremendous fact that Felix realized. Why their mother tried to protect Adrian as obsessive as she has been.

Why Adrian always came first to his mother.

“I think that’s when mother started over protecting me. Mother was always afraid that my father would try to kill me again when she didn’t know.”

Adrian, who struggled to finish his words recalling the terrible memories of the past, collapsed on the bed.

“So…… don’t tell me that mother loves me more. Because it’s not true.”

How can I respond to that?

Felix couldn’t say anything in front of his brother who confessed his trauma.

* * *

Felix quietly left the room. Now, he walked slowly in the dark along the campus, which smelled like winter.

Adrian’s voice was calm and quiet, but his words caused a stir in Felix’s mind.

Why did my father want to kill Adrian?

He already knew that he was crazy when it came to his family’s business, but he couldn’t understand that he tried to hurt his child.

Shortly after he walked, he found a person standing in front of a nearby flower bed and stopped walking. His mother, who stumbled out of the room, remained in the academy with the help of a maid.

With a pale complexion, her eyes widened when she found Felix.

……I’m not Adrian.

He tried to let her know, but his mother called him first.

“Felix…”

She bit her lips as if to say something. Felix watched the figure closely.

Felix couldn’t even imagine the fear Adrian felt in front of death when he was young. He may not understand how painful it was or how scared he must have been until the day he dies.

He somehow understood his mother’s feelings, her heart must have been torn apart looking at her son like that. The life of a mother who had to protect her son who might die at the hands of his father, not anyone else, must have been difficult.

But she shouldn’t have done that to him.

Felix thought, biting his lips.

It was the same for him.

He was also young, he was just a child too immature to handle his mother’s indifference.

Whatever the circumstances of his mother, the fact that she had left him alone didn’t change.

Felix looked at his mother with disappointed, somber eyes.

Did she think that all my pain would be compensated with the title and property I would receive?

The duchess stepped forward. She shook off the maid’s hand and tried to approach Felix.

But the next moment, Felix turned away from her face. He walked right past his mother and into the darkened campus.

The Duchess, who was about to say something, stopped walking. He couldn’t hear the sound following.

Felix walked the road with more distressing and mixed feelings than ever before.

He was sorry for the fact that he had no idea that such a harsh thing had happened to his one and only brother.

And disappointment for his mother, who didn’t even give him the slightest bit of attention, even if she had been preoccupied with protecting his son.

The mixture of emotions made it even more difficult for him.

When he felt lonely and alone, only one face came into his mind. There was only one person he wanted to see now.

He might feel less lonely at this moment if this person magically appears in front of him.

At that time, he saw someone walking towards him from the opposite side of the darkness. As he got closer, her emerald eyes glistening in the dark became clearer and clearer.

Unbelievably, it was Lucy.

A little pale and thinner than usual, she was trudging and stopped only when she found Felix. Her face was haggard enough to notice how much she had suffered in the last few days.

“Lucy.”

He called her name with a surprised look on his face.

Lucy, who was also looking at Felix with round eyes, stepped forward and approached him.

A strange look came to her face as she walked with a powerless smile.

“Felix-sunbae.”

She asked, examining his face.

“Why are you crying?”

At Lucy’s words, Felix wiped his eyes. There was something damp on the tip of his finger.

Felix approached her silently and buried his face on her shoulder. It was a sudden act, but Lucy patted him without asking anything.

What’s going on?

The person who is in a most difficult situation right now should be her because of the war in her hometown. She couldn’t comfort him, but she gave him a squeeze and asked.

But Felix did not stop crying. Her shoulders became damp.

“What’s wrong?”

“……I resent my mother so much.”

He brought up something he couldn’t say to anyone.

“But I feel so sorry for her again.”

Lucy didn’t reply. He just swept his back gently.

She patted Felix’s back without saying a word.

He never cried in front of others because he thought it was embarrassing to show tears. But now he doesn’t feel ashamed.

He buried his face in Lucy’s shoulder for a long time and cried.

 

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