For Your Failed Unrequited Love

That night, Felix lay in bed and stared blankly at the ceiling. His head was jumbled up, and he didn’t want to think of anything, yet her face kept popping up.

She has fluffy light brown hair and mysterious emerald eyes.

He kept thinking of Lucy Keenan, hiding under the bushes, looking at him and smiling. The more he tried to shake it off, the deeper she dug into his head.

He wanted to give her all the clothes, shoes, and accessories in the store. But even if he had given her that much gift, he still wouldn’t be satisfied.

Finally, Felix had no choice but to admit it.

The fact that he liked Lucy Keenan.

He wanted to see Lucy Keenan smile more. He hoped she wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with him anymore, and he wanted to go on a date with her every weekend…

His face, lost in thought, had a shadow as dark as an autumn night outside the window.

But Lucy Keenan doesn’t like me. The person Lucy Keenan likes is…

“How was your trip to the town?”

Yeah, it’s this guy.

Felix’s eyes were filled with bitterness as he looked at Adrian, which made him worried with the sudden shift in expression. “What’s wrong? Earlier, you were talking as if something good had happened.”

Felix turned his head, not answering the question.

Adrian continued, not letting up. “Have you been to the pharmacy? I feel bad, I think I wasted Lucy’s time.”

“…Don’t worry. She’ll enjoy even the time to make allergy medicine for you.” Felix muttered.

However, Adrian ignored him. He didn’t put any meaning to Felix’s words.

“I heard that Rosé was also there,” Adrian asked, curious.

Felix frowned slightly when he heard the name he didn’t want to think about.

“You didn’t use Lucy to go on a date with Rosé, did you?”

Felix jumped up at Adrian’s ensuing question. “What nonsense!” He shouted sincerely as if he was wrongly accused. “What do you mean used her?! I’m the one who got in the way!” With that, Felix lay back on his bed, annoyed.

Adrian tilted his head at Felix’s outburst; he didn’t understand. He looked at him with a strange expression for a moment and soon smiled and shook his head. “Okay, just read this. It’s a letter.” He handed it to Felix. The crest of the Berg family is stamped on an envelope that exudes a subtle fragrance.

As Felix opened the letter while lying down, the Duchess of Berg’s neat handwriting formed neat rows and filled the paper.

“To Adrian and Felix.”

The letter contained the mother’s minor concerns; whether they were adjusting well to the new school year, if they caught a cold in the increasingly chilly weather, if the allergy symptoms were ok, or if the last year at the academy was too busy.

Felix put it back on Adrian’s bed after he was done reading. He would always hand their mother’s letters back to his twin. The letters were never intended for him.

The Duchess of Berg had never written a letter to her twin sons separately. She always wrote letters that began with “To Adrian and Felix.”

It wasn’t because they were twins or because she loved them equally. The Duchess of Berg’s letter was written entirely for Adrian. Felix’s name was inevitably added because they were twins.

It had been a long time since he had stopped thinking about why Adrian’s name was always written first in her letters, even though he was the older twin.

Now Felix knew the reason well. Their mother loved Adrian more than him. Every time he thought of it, something sharp pierced his heart.

You can’t even tell us apart. But how can you have a son you like more?

There was clearly a problem with the favoritism of the Duchess of Berg, who loved one over the other without being able to tell them apart.

It would be fine if he didn’t know, but the duchess often confused the two sons and hurt Felix deeply.

 

“Adrian, come on. Eat up before Felix comes.”

“Adrian, don’t tell Felix you received this. It’s a secret.”

“Adrian, you should be the only one who knows what I just told you. You can’t tell Felix.”

Felix was confused and saddened to watch his mother happy at keeping a deep secret with his younger brother Adrian, leaving him out, but he couldn’t voice his feelings.

He felt out of place. He felt like he was in a position where he shouldn’t intervene. Instead, he seemed to have become a hindrance between his mother and Adrian.

The Duchess also chose Adrian without hesitation whenever she was at a crossroads. Felix witnessed it right before his eyes eight years ago.

It was around the time when there was a deep discord between the duke and the duchess. They raised their voices and had a screaming match. Then, the duchess ran into her room and sobbed for a while.

After that, the duke left the mansion, rubbing his angry face. Soon, the duchess left her room again, luggage in hand.

Felix, the only one who saw his mother, got up from his chair. “Mom, where are you going?”

The duchess rolled her anxious and blank eyes around and turned to the sound. Her lips kept muttering as if they were chanting a spell. She soon walked over to Felix and snatched her son’s wrist.

“Adrian! Come here!”

“Where are you going?”

“Hurry up and follow me!”

While being dragged by his mother, Felix, a ten-year-old kid, had an epiphany. He kept quiet whenever her mother often mistook him for Adrian, but now he thought he shouldn’t. Not only his mother but he would also be seriously hurt when the truth came out.

“Mom, I’m not Adrian…”

However, Felix, who was trying to reveal the truth, shut up when he saw the duchess’ expression. The duchess, rolling her bulging eyeballs back and forth, seemed insane at first glance.

She was so preoccupied with running away from the mansion in a hurry that she didn’t even notice her little son was trying to say something. It was as if all she could think of was how she needed to hurry and run away, taking her beloved ‘Adrian’ with her into the carriage.

The carriage never stopped and rushed down the road once their journey began. It was not until the hills, and lakes passed through the window and darkness fell slightly over the world that Felix gathered his courage.

“Mom, I’m not Adrian.”

The duchess had been staring out of the window all the time. She slowly turned her head and looked at Felix.

Felix thought he would jump out of the carriage to avoid the situation, but he couldn’t, so he just closed his eyes tightly.

“I’m Felix.”

Felix then slowly opened his eyes again and thought.

Wouldn’t it be great if, when I opened my eyes again, my mom told me that I was lucky to be with her instead of Adrian?

His mother’s face came into focus as his eyelids opened gently. At the same time, a very sharp wound was deeply engraved in his chest.

The duchess sitting in front of him looked more dismayed than ever. Felix had never seen her mother so distraught. His heart seemed to sink to his feet at the fact that he was the cause of that despair.

I should have told you before the carriage departed. I should have said I was not Adrian, and her beloved Adrian was left in the mansion.

Felix regretted it. But he was too late. The carriage had already entered the Everen family estate, the duchess’s former residence.

Marquis Everen, the duchess’ father, severely scolded his daughter for returning home as if she were fleeing to her homeland.

“You ran away to your parents’ house because you fought with your husband?! Are you out of your mind?! What kind of disgrace is this?!”

The duchess, who would normally have bowed at his father’s scolding, was stubborn this time. She returned to her room, declared she would not return to the duchy, and locked the door behind her.

She didn’t come out of her room for a whole month.

Strolling through the lakefront of the garden of Everen, feeling the grass on his feet, Felix felt guilty and waited for his mother to leave the room.

If it were Adrian, not me, who came here, would Mom be less sad? If so, she might not have stayed in the room. Maybe Mom would take a walk in this garden with Adrian and share her childhood memories to soothe her gloomy mood.

And a month later, the duke appeared on the Everen family estate to take back his wife and son.

Felix saw his father enter his mother’s room. He didn’t know what the two of them were talking about. All he knew was after a short conversation with his father; his mother came out after a month. She called Felix and got back into the carriage.

Thus, the duchess’ month-long runaway came to an end.

When Felix returned to the duke’s house, he tried to forget about it. Remembering it would just cause him more pain.

But still, Felix had a question that popped into his head from time to time.

Why is it, Adrian? We have the same face, height, and voice. How did my mother come to love my younger brother more than me?

And these days, that question sparked another one, making Felix suffer even more.

How did Lucy Keenan come to like Adrian, not me?

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