Ahem. The editor and I would just like to say you should listen to Guilty as Sin by Taylor Swift while reading this chapter. Now, onwards with the chapter!
Roderick had intended to step out with a composed expression, but his face was full of smiles.
She was chatting idly with the knights about trivial matters when Roderick approached and pulled her into an embrace. Grinning, he asked,
“What did our Queen say?”
“Huh? Oh, she just asked if I was doing okay, if I had eaten lunch properly, and took care of me.”
“…“
“She also asked what tasted the best… and mentioned that she never liked that particular side dish either. Ah, but she said that taste is a personal thing.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Your Majesty, I swear I didn’t say much. I just answered since she asked…”
“Is that so? The Queen is rather kind, after all.”
The knight glanced around nervously while Roderick chuckled and asked again,
“But… she didn’t happen to say she liked me, did she?”
“…“
“No? Huh. Why not?”
“…“
“I mean, she said it two or three times today. I’d say it’s safe to assume my Queen likes me quite a lot.”
Lee-Jae shot him a scandalized glare, completely dumbfounded. What the hell is he doing? But Roderick didn’t care in the slightest. Instead, he scanned his surroundings, clearly looking for someone else to boast to—until he spotted Jade standing on guard.
But Jade, the king’s longtime friend, knew him all too well. The mischievous grin on Roderick’s face told him exactly what was coming: the King was about to play a ridiculous prank.
Without missing a beat, Jade suddenly shouted,
“Oh! That area over there looks a little unsecure.”
“Commander?”
The knights turned to him in confusion.
What? Now? Nothing is out of place. Are you seriously one of the greatest knights in the realm?
This was an insult to the pride and reputation of the knight order. Their instincts were telling them—loud and clear—that there wasn’t a single thing wrong.
But Jade had already begun shoving them forward.
Yeah, yeah, I know. But trust me, it’s definitely unstable over there. Have your brains gone stiff? Do you think just being good at your job is enough? No—success comes from having a sharp instinct.
Just shut up and run, you fools. I’m doing this to save your asses.
Desperate to escape the King’s antics, Jade continued to push his men toward the so-called “unstable” area. He was, indeed, a legendary knight—not just in skill but in instinct too.
* * *
Roderick and Lee-Jae walked slowly toward the river. Gazing into the distance with a distant look, she let out a faint sigh. Lee-Jae was about to sit down on the riverbank, but Roderick stopped her and spread his coat on the ground for her.
The river was much wider and deeper than it was in Hailey’s memories. Like a person’s life, it rippled and flowed ceaselessly.
She sat on the coat and stared at the water for a while before speaking honestly.
“Your Majesty. The truth is… I really like watching the water.”
“Hm, I figured as much.”
“…”
“You keep staring at it like it’s on your mind.”
“…”
“Why do you do that? Do you know how much I worry about you?”
Lee-Jae had always found humility in watching water, though she could only observe from a distance.
Those with the sight were not arrogant—they became more humble instead. Because they understood all too well how dangerous their vision was.
“You’re probably not worried for the same reason as I am, but I know why you’re concerned. I just… I like looking at vast things.”
She gave a faint smile, but her hand, pointing toward the flowing water, was firm.
“Look. It makes me feel like I’m nothing at all.”
“…”
“Your Majesty, the world is vast, and I am just a speck of dust.”
Lee-Jae had always wanted to believe that.
“People always say we should live grandly, that we should be important. But I prefer the feeling of being small. When I stand before something enormous, I realize that none of my worries really matter.”
“…”
“It makes me feel like… it’s okay to do nothing at all. And that’s what I like about it.”
“…”
“Am I… being foolish?”
She smiled faintly. Roderick, understanding her perfectly, shook his head.
“You carry too much weight on your shoulders.”
“Maybe I do.”
The truth was, Lee-Jae was in pain. Hailey was not here.
Lee-Jae had thought that Hailey should have become a water spirit, bound to this place by her unresolved resentment. She couldn’t quite understand how someone with such bitterness could simply pass on.
Hailey, where are you?
Overcome with helplessness, Lee-Jae lowered her gaze, then shut her eyes tightly and began to pray.
O divine beings who govern the laws of this world.
I am late, but I have something to confess.
Once, in my suffering, I resented humanity. I wish to atone for that sin.
I was young and foolish then, blaming innocent people and committing wrongdoing in my heart.
Perhaps my parents never truly wanted to abandon me. But I won’t say they were right. I won’t even say I understand them. That would be arrogance, and a lie.
I simply acknowledge that I was narrow-minded, petty, and a weak human being. Just because I was a little unhappy did not give me the right to curse the entire world.
I was wrong. So please, just this once—help me. I don’t know how to set things right.
Some people are without sin. If you have given them the eyes to see the suffering of others, you must also grant them the power to help.
She prayed earnestly, but no answer came.
Yet, if she had been able to hear the voice of the gods, they would have answered her like this:
Lee-Jae.
Let it be your pride that, even amidst the hardships of life, you have never ceased to strive to love others.
The fact that you abandoned anger and knelt down is not because you are weak, but because you are strong. Even if no one acknowledges it, that life is not more pitiful than a life spent in hatred.
After finishing her prayer, she continued to watch the flowing river. Her thoughts were drifting in another world, but reality was here. And thankfully, she was not alone.
“Your Majesty.”
“Hm?”
Lee-Jae seemed like she wanted to say something, but instead, she sighed and bit her lip lightly. When the King once again ran his thumb over her lower lip, she let out a soft chuckle.
“Isn’t the water so beautiful?”
Roderick felt a strange ache in his chest but nodded.
“Yes.”
“You don’t think it only looks beautiful to me, do you?”
“…Why would you think that?”
Seeing her melancholic expression, Roderick gently pulled her into an embrace.
“Hailey.”
“Yes.”
“Hailey.”
“Yes?”
Like Lee-Jae, he gazed at the flowing river.
Roderick wished for his wife to no longer suffer.
“Are you okay?”
“Of course.”
Roderick searched her eyes, as if trying to confirm it. Lee-Jae gave him a faint smile and nodded.
He nodded as well.
“Then let it go.”
“…”
“You told me not to worry. You said it wasn’t something to apologize for. You alone came to understand others. Simply because you wanted your heart to be at peace.”
“…”
“Then do the same for yourself. Let go of the past. Grant yourself that same mercy.”
Lee-Jae stared at him intently.
“Forget what happened before and come with me, Hailey. Just let it all go and take my hand. I can treat you better than anyone else.”
For the living, the privilege was that the future was always waiting.
The King was ready to meet that future. He was strong, a man who bore many responsibilities.
Yet, he had never once looked forward to what was to come. Some nights had felt like hell, and in those nights, he had been alone.
But if his wife walked with him, the journey would be joyful.
He wanted to share the same future with her and walk it together.
Roderick extended his hand, and Lee-Jae quietly stared at his large palm.
He didn’t fully understand the burdens she carried—he could only guess, based on what he knew of Hailey.
Yet, strangely, his words brought her comfort.
She cautiously reached out and touched the tips of his fingers.
“Your Majesty.”
“Hm? Tell me.”
Lee-Jae hesitated before shaking her head.
“Never mind.”
“Our Queen, I swear, has a strange talent for making people desperate to know what she’s thinking.”
“…”
“What is it? Just say it.”
Lee-Jae let out a soft laugh.
“You don’t have to doubt me anymore. You already know I’ve had feelings for you all along. I would never betray you.”
“….”
“But if you still want to doubt me, go ahead. If that’s what puts your mind at ease, then fine. Honestly, I don’t even find that upsetting.”
“…How could you not be upset about that?”
Roderick lightly nudged her knee with his own, as if telling her not to say such things, and Lee-Jae chuckled again. After a moment of contemplation, she spoke, unable to keep the words buried in her heart any longer, just like feelings overflowing past their limits.
“You know, when I first saw you, there was something that crossed my mind.”
“What was it?”
She smiled silently.
“Oh… I might end up losing everything here. It was this strange kind of premonition.”
“How can you say something like that?”
Roderick sounded genuinely hurt.
But in truth, that was how fate had arrived—unexpected and unrelenting.
And with the unique sight she possessed, she had sensed it from the start: that getting entangled with him would bring trouble.
A warning bell that her life as a shaman could be destroyed.
The divine punishment that awaited those who interfered with fate.
Lee-Jae had lived with the lingering thought that she might die because of this.
And yet… Why couldn’t she look away?
Was it because she felt sympathy for him, tormented by vengeful spirits?
Maybe it was because he always gave her choices no one else would.
Or perhaps, when he had stepped in to shield her from being struck, something in her heart had shifted.
She had agonized over it, and had tried to rationalize it in every way.
But deep down, there was also a selfish reason for her hesitation.
“I kept thinking about it, and…”
“….”
“Even if I do end up losing something…”
“….”
“Maybe my life could change here.”
Perhaps it was… anticipation.
A feeling that made her realize—she was human, too.
Fear had always been there, lingering. But if she let this second life slip away out of fear, she would spend the third one cowering as well.
Lee-Jae didn’t want to live like that anymore.
She wanted, for once, to face regret head-on.
She gripped his hand tightly.
“Then please… come with me.”
If she was going to protect someone, she needed to endure, to grow stronger.
“Every time I see you… my heart moves.”
“….”
“Then maybe… I don’t need to think so hard about it anymore.”
With her resolve set, Lee-Jae smiled, feeling a newfound sense of relief.
The river flowed on, never stopping.
And now, they were looking at the same scenery, sitting together.
That simple fact brought her immeasurable comfort, and she continued to smile.
