FWTR Chapter 37

Chapter 37: A Name That Was Never Taken Away

“I’ll call the physician right away. Please wait.”

Estelle forced herself to stay calm, suppressing her trembling heart. She didn’t want to alarm Count Madel by overreacting.

“No, Estelle. There’s no need for that. I don’t have much time left… I just want to spend it with you.”

He pulled out a handkerchief, wiping the blood from his lips, and let out a few light coughs.

“If you don’t mind, would you stay with me until I fall asleep?”

His funeral would take place in winter.

But it was still summer, which meant his death was not imminent.

Even if she didn’t call the physician immediately, he wouldn’t die—at least not yet.

“…Then, you must get a check-up in the morning.”

This was no time to be leisurely painting. He needed to lie down and recover.

But Count Madel showed no intention of putting down his brush.

Estelle glanced at the canvas.

He was painting a portrait of her mother.

The warm colors in the painting reflected his longing to see his daughter again.

“I hope it dries well without fading.”

After placing her mother’s portrait on the windowsill, Count Madel set a fresh canvas on the easel.

“Estelle, come sit in front of me.”

“You’re going to paint me too? It’ll take a long time. I’ll be here for a while—please paint me another time.”

“Estelle.”

His voice was gentle but firm.

“This old man has learned something in his lifetime—there is no such thing as ‘another time’. If you want to do something, you must do it now.”

There was a desperate sincerity in his request.

So Estelle sat down, clasping her hands together.

Compared to the day she had her portrait painted for the hallway, she was far more nervous now.

Count Madel squeezed a bit of blue paint onto his palette and smiled faintly.

“It’s such a bright, vivid color, isn’t it? I was so pleased when I saw your eyes—because I was tired of seeing only pink. Your color belonged to someone I loved.”

He moved his brush as he added,

“Your eyes are just like your grandmother’s.”

“Estelle, you’re twenty this year, aren’t you?”

“Yes. My coming-of-age ceremony is soon. Grandfather, I know it might be difficult for you… but will you be able to attend?”

So please—

Don’t leave me this winter.

Stay with me for a long, long time.

Count Madel didn’t respond.

He simply gazed at her in silence.

As if he didn’t want to make a promise he couldn’t keep.

Understanding his feelings, Estelle didn’t press him further.

“…Seeing you up close, you look even more beautiful. You remind me of Alicia when she was young. Your mother hated boredom—she was such a restless child. She talked endlessly, to the point where my ears would ache. Lucas is exactly like her.”

He spoke softly, reminiscing about her mother.

“What was my mother like?”

“No one has told you about Alicia?”

“…There was no one to tell me.”

He fell silent for a moment before finally speaking.

“Your mother, Alicia… she was bright and determined. She had a strong will—once she decided something was right, she would see it through to the end, even if I opposed her. She could be lazy at times, but she was brilliant. I had no worries about entrusting Madel to her.”

A refreshing laugh escaped his lips—

Then, a transparent tear slid down his weathered cheek.

“She told me that if I didn’t allow her to marry that damn Duke of Winchester, she would cut ties with me. I had no choice but to give my blessing.”

“…”

“I resented her for blackmailing me into letting her go… But now, she doesn’t even appear in my dreams anymore. How cruel.”

His sorrow flowed endlessly, like an open wound that would never heal.

Estelle’s heart ached.

She couldn’t meet his gaze.

So she lowered her head.

“…I’m sorry. Because of me… Mother—”

“Don’t say that.”

Count Madel clasped Estelle’s hand and patted it gently.

“You are the precious gift Alicia left behind.”

Of all people, he had every right to resent her.

Yet he gave her nothing but love.

That love was harder to accept than hatred.

“Estelle, from the moment I lost you, not a single day passed where I didn’t miss you.”

His voice was full of regret.

“I kept writing you letters. But I never sent them… because I had no right to.”

It wasn’t that she never received a reply.

He had written to her—

But he couldn’t bring himself to send them.

And she—unaware of this—had once resented him for cutting off ties.

“…Estelle.”

His frail, bony fingers tucked her tangled hair behind her ear.

“I was so consumed by grief after losing my daughter that I avoided you. I failed to take care of you properly.

I’m sorry.”

“…Please don’t say that.”

“You were the only one who ever loved me.”

“Tell me everything.”

He gazed at her with warmth.

“How have you been all this time?”

Count Madel smoothed her hair with his trembling hands.

“I’ve been well. I haven’t been sick at all. I get along well with my brothers, too. They were so worried about me going to the South alone that they followed me here.”

She smiled as she lied.

She didn’t want to burden him with worry.

“Estelle.”

His voice was soft yet insistent.

“It’s all right. You can tell me everything.”

“Tell me all the pain you’ve been holding inside.”

He cupped Estelle’s cheeks.

She had tried to hold it in. She had sworn never to say it out loud.

But the sorrow she had been suppressing finally burst forth.

There was something she had always wanted to ask him

“Why did you send me away…? I begged you not to. You told me that a loving family would be waiting for me there… but they all hated me.”

“…My dear.”

“I grew up alone. And it was so lonely. I tried so hard, but no one ever saw me.”

He met her eyes and gently stroked her trembling hands.

“At the time, I truly believed it was the best thing for you. I wasn’t confident that I could raise you well, and I wanted to send you far away so you would forget about the attic that frightened you.”

“……”

“But I was wrong. No matter what, I should have kept you here in Madel, raised you, and loved you. I hurt you in a way that can never be undone… I’m so sorry.”

He wiped away the tears that had reddened her eyes.

“Stop crying. Your eyes will swell, and it will hurt. If you cry this much now, what will you do when I die?”

‘Someday.’

He mentioned his death.

Estelle already knew. But she refused to accept it.

“Don’t say that! I don’t want to hear it. Grandfather, please stay with me for a long time. If you abandon me again… I will truly hate you.”

“…I thought you had grown up, but you’re still just a baby.”

He opened the window.

A cool breeze drifted in from outside.

He pointed toward the twinkling stars in the night sky with difficulty.

“The night sky is particularly beautiful tonight. Did you know? Your mother originally wanted to name you ‘Melody’. But when she saw this, she changed her mind and decided to call you ‘Estelle’.”

“…What?”

It was the first time she had ever heard this.

Even the servants of the Duke of Winchester’s household knew that her mother had planned to name her ‘Melody’.

“Why…?”

“She said she wanted you to live a life that always shined, like those stars.”

She had never lost her name to ‘Melody’.

Realizing this, Estelle felt comforted.

“When everyone else told her to give up on you, Alicia refused.”

Estelle couldn’t understand.

Her mother already had two children.

Why did she insist on giving birth to a baby she had never even seen?

“Unlike Lucas, who was a quiet baby, you were especially lively in the womb. She said she could feel you moving, as if you were telling her, ‘I’m here.’ She couldn’t let you go.”

“…Something like that… is such a small reason…”

“More than fearing death, more than being afraid of leaving behind her two children… her love for you was greater.”

It was still a love she couldn’t fully grasp.

“I’m so glad… I got to see you before I die.”

Count Madel coughed, his throat raspy, struggling to breathe.

It was still summer.

There was still time before winter.

“…Grandfather?”

He closed his eyes and smiled faintly.

“Estelle. Never lose your light. Always shine, so that Alicia and I… can find you. Promise me…?”

But why—

Why now, so soon?

How much more did she have to suffer?

“No…! Someone, please! Anyone, help…!”

Estelle screamed as she buried her face in Count Madel’s lap.

“My lady…? My lord!”

“Grandfather?”

Amid the commotion, the head maid and Lucas rushed inside.

“H-Head maid… I’m grateful to you… Lucas… Take care of Madel… and Estelle.”

Count Madel forced his eyes open and spoke, one by one.

Finally, he placed a trembling hand on top of Estelle’s head.

“…Estelle… I loved you. I wanted to love you even more…”

Thud—

His hand fell.

“…Grandfather. Stop joking. It’s not funny.”

Estelle shook his leg.

“…Let him go.”

Lucas, who had approached slowly, gently pulled her away.

“No… let go! This isn’t real. Grandfather, it’s still summer. Winter is far away. I hate winter more than anything… So please, can’t you stay with me until winter at least…?”

“……”

No matter how many times she called for him,

There was no answer from the one who had left.

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