“Wait, wait, Anje. Don’t just crawl back into the blanket right away. Just a moment.”
“…Leave me alone.”
She wasn’t Anje anymore—she was Anje the bug, retreating into the dark cavern of her blanket whenever she was embarrassed.
Aiden pulled the blanket away again. This time, his grip was firm, determined to coax her out.
Anje tumbled out of the blanket and glared at him before clinging to the wall like a spider.
He hesitated before reaching out, then stopped and spoke to her back, which appeared small and stubborn.
“Hey, I’m sorry.”
“Hmph.”
Today, she didn’t want to forgive him so easily. Anje deliberately acted more upset, moving even closer to the wall.
“It always feels like I’m the only one desperate. Sometimes, I wonder if you just don’t find me attractive—”
“That’s absolutely not true!”
He clenched and unclenched his fists, hesitating for a long time before letting out a sigh that seemed heavy enough to shake the ground. It pained him that she had to bring this up first—it highlighted his inadequacies.
It seemed like he needed to explain more about himself, about his situation.
“…The truth is, I want it too.”
“What do you want?”
She almost took the bait he had thrown, but Anje held back, glaring at the wall instead. She wanted him to feel as conflicted as he had made her.
“I want to be closer to you, too, but…”
He carefully chose his words.
“I’m scared.”
She felt the warmth of his body on her back—a heat emanating from his forehead as he rested it against her.
“Scared? Of what?”
Anje forced her head to stay fixed forward, even though she wanted to turn to face him, and asked. He, unable to bring himself to even look at her back, spoke in a low, strained voice.
“…I’m scared you’ll be disappointed when you see my body.”
“That’s ridiculous!”
Anje spun around abruptly and shouted. The plan to make him feel sorry for longer had long since vanished from her mind.
“How could I ever be disappointed in you when I like you so much?”
She cupped his face in her hands and lifted his lowered head, a deeply twisted smile was revealed.
She knew that smile all too well—it was the one he forced when he was hurt or sad.
“You’ll be shocked if you see it. My scars are really bad… Unlike your body, mine is ugly.”
“My body isn’t perfect either. See? I have a scar here from when I fell down the stairs at five years old.”
She pointed to a faint scar, bringing it right up to his face to make her case.
But no matter what she said, to him, she was flawless—a being without blemish. She was like the pure white snow blanketing the fields in winter, untouched and pristine. In comparison, he felt like a muddy swamp, trampled on by carriages and people alike.
“If it makes you uncomfortable, how about I keep my eyes closed? Or even wear a blindfold?”
The furrow in his brow smoothed out ever so slightly.
“Some people might be into that, but I’m not.”
“Into what?”
Anje tilted her head in confusion, seemingly unaware that her suggestion might come off as provocative to some.
Having spent time on the battlefield surrounded by men and their crude jokes, Aiden decided to skip explaining the nuances of “preferences” and returned to the earlier topic.
“Even in a situation where your eyes are closed or it’s too dark to see anything… I still find it difficult. I can’t explain it logically, but…”
“Still, try. I want to hear what you have to say.”
Aiden sighed again. He wanted to touch her, bare skin to bare skin. He wanted her to know how much he loved and desired her.
“Even if you can’t see me, there’s something about undressing in the same space with you… It feels wrong. I can’t describe it.”
Anje’s heart sank. Noticing the change in her expression, Aiden quickly added,
“It’s not just with you. Even back when I was in the hospital, I hated showing my body to the doctors and almost refused treatment.”
“You can’t do that!”
“Yeah, the doctor said there was no way they’d let me be discharged in that condition… and I didn’t have the strength to resist.”
He let out a weak laugh and held his head in his hands.
“Isn’t it strange? It’s not that difficult, but it feels so hard.”
After all, it was just undressing—something most men wouldn’t hesitate to do in front of someone they loved, especially for the sake of growing closer.
He reached for the buttons on his shirt, as though determined to take it off somehow, but he tightly shut his eyes and gave up. Anje might not have known, but it was already one of several failed attempts.
“I’m sorry. Once again, I’m showing you such a pathetic side of me―.”
“Shh, come here.”
Anje wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her. Even though the weather wasn’t cold, his fingertips were faintly trembling.
“I don’t want to see you pushing yourself too hard because of me.”
“But still…”
“Just being honest with me like this is more than enough, you know.”
It must have been a difficult thing for him to talk about. Anje brushed his bangs aside and lightly kissed his forehead.
“Let’s start by figuring out together why your heart feels so heavy. We can take our time with everything else.”
Just as she could be natural in front of him, she wanted him to feel free to show her every side of himself.
“We have plenty of time, don’t we? We’ll be spending the rest of our lives together.”
“…You’re right.”
Thankfully, the smile he gave this time was genuine.
As Anje watched him, a thought suddenly came to her mind, and she voiced it cautiously.
“…This is just my guess, and I could be wrong, but…”
“It’s okay. Go ahead.”
Hesitating slightly, she began to speak.
“Maybe the reason you don’t want to show me your body… could it be related to those occasional seizures you have?”
In the stories he had shared about his comrades who had been tortured in his stead, there was a mix of self-loathing, guilt, and shame.
If he still couldn’t fully accept himself, then revealing his bare skin to someone else might indeed be difficult. Especially if the scars on his body were tied to the war, which seemed likely.
‘I used to have my own meltdowns over not wanting to go outside looking like this.’
She recalled the day they had first gone to town together, back when she’d been overly conscious of her fuller figure and had panicked.
Though her reasons felt trivial compared to his, she thought their underlying psychology might not be so different.
After mulling over her words, Aiden slowly nodded.
“You might be right. There could be a connection.”
If her theory was correct, it would also explain why he particularly didn’t want to show his body to her. More than anyone else, he didn’t want to appear inadequate in her eyes.
Anje gently proposed an idea.
“Hey, Aiden, what if I… undid just a few buttons? Just a little.”
“Yes?”
In the past, Aiden had avoided not only going to town but also meeting people in general. But after spending time with her and encountering various situations together, he had come a long way.
“Since it’s hard for you to do it yourself, we can practice together little by little. No rush.”
She thought that by starting small—like revealing a tiny part of himself through the slightly opened collar of his shirt—he could gradually grow accustomed to it.
“Well… I suppose. Alright, let’s try.”
After some hesitation, he nodded slowly. He wanted to overcome this trauma as much as she did.
“If you feel uncomfortable, I’ll button it back up right away.”
Anje reached for his shirt. He unconsciously clenched the hem of his trousers to keep his hands from reflexively pulling his shirt closed.
Watching his expression closely, she carefully undid about a third of the buttons, taking her time.
“Does this feel manageable?”
“Yes… Could you, um, turn off the light?”
“Of course. That might make you feel more comfortable.”
She blew out the candle by the bedside. Thanks to the bright moonlight streaming in through the window, she could still see him clearly, but she wanted to ease his emotional barriers, even just a little.
“Then, I’ll open it just a little, just a tiny bit.”
“The way you’re saying it… it feels like you’re inspecting the inside of an oven.”
“Well, saying I’m ‘undressing you’ would sound even weirder.”
“Fair enough.”
They shared a light laugh, their tension easing slightly.
‘No matter how bad the scars are, I won’t let myself be shocked.’
Steeling herself, she pulled his shirt apart, exposing his chest.
But no matter how much she prepared herself, the long scars running across his torso struck her heart like a heavy blow. They were so vivid, she couldn’t imagine how much pain he must have endured when he first got them.
Seeing her wavering gaze, he tried to make light of the situation.
“A bit hard to look at, isn’t it?”
“No, I think they’re cool. I actually like them.”
Swallowing back the tears welling up inside her, she stood up from her seat.
“Hold on. Let me adjust my position.”
“What are you―?”
He raised both hands to his chest as if ready to close his shirt at any moment.
‘I can’t let it end like this.’
To stop him, she climbed onto his lap, sitting astride him. She intended to keep him in this state of partial exposure a little longer, so he could grow accustomed to it.
TL/N: THAT’S MY GIRL. GET HIM ANJE.
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Maybe she is a predator in the jungle? rawr~ rawr~ ANJE!