Before her eyes, the layered waves boiled up like foam and then shattered.
She had chosen the beach of Futuo, unable to bear leaving her corpse in Praeterita. The already barren land and the good people living there tenaciously shouldn’t have to deal with such an unfortunate incident.
Besides, surely that vast ocean would have enough space to embrace her body. The surging water would carry her anywhere without asking for payment.
But even without such reasons, she felt she would have arrived here eventually.
From deep within, instinct called out. Go to the sea.
‘I’ve seen enough.’
Helena brushed the sand from her clothes as she stood up.
And almost simultaneously, a child running from the opposite direction started heading toward her.
Finally arriving before her, the child caught his breath and smiled brightly.
“It really is, huff, you, Noona!”
“…?”
“Aren’t you Helen Noona? You moved away when I was seven or eight. When we lived in Praeterita.”
The child seemed genuinely delighted to meet her. His innocent face didn’t appear to be lying.
Helena quickly tried to recall the past. His face did seem familiar. But no clear memories surfaced.
“…How old are you now?”
“Twelve. Don’t you recognize me?”
Between the child and herself, the same span of time held several times the disparity. The repetitive layering of regressions had blurred the time before her marriage.
Moreover, according to Eric, she had once hit her head hard against a table while defying Matilda.
Helena absently rubbed her forehead, hidden beneath her hair. She could feel a scar about the size of the tip of her pinky finger.
It was a scar that had gradually taken away her memories even into adulthood. Fortunately, since most were childhood memories, she was spared from becoming completely senseless.
“…Noona?”
…Except in cases like this.
The child’s upturned eyes were, unfortunately, so transparent that with each blink, she felt an unwarranted sense of guilt.
Helena had no choice but to fumble through pretending to know him.
“Ah… were you from next door?”
“No.”
“…The house across the street?”
“I lived behind you.”
“Then… you’re Theo. No, Peter…? Peter?”
“Theo is my brother’s name. I’m Paul.”
“…Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
Nothing she guessed was correct. Having nothing particular to say, she blurted out the first question that came to mind.
“Did you move here?”
“No. We came here because some handsome mister from Praeterita gave us gold coins to properly hold a funeral for my brother Theo. I’m on my way back after meeting with the funeral director to set a date.”
“…I see. Your brother would be happy.”
It seemed someone generous had made a charitable donation. If only she had arrived a little earlier, could she have received something too?
As the conversation grew awkward again, Paul turned his head toward the harbor.
In the distance, an old man was shouting something.
“Ah, grandfather is calling. I still live in the same place as before, so visit anytime, Noona!”
Paul waved his hands hurriedly as he moved away.
Helena waved back until he became just a speck, then turned around.
‘Well, I doubt I’ll see him again.’
Over the crashing waves, dazzling sunlight shattered brilliantly.
‘With nothing to my name, no family, and nowhere to return to, I was just about to die.’
As if it were calling to her.
Helena quietly inhaled in the calm before the storm. The sea drew closer.
If death had a smell, she rather liked that it smelled like the ocean. Even with the end in sight, she remained calm.
She only hoped this death would be her “final” death. She didn’t want to open her eyes again on Eugene’s bed.
If she were to return again, she wouldn’t care if it was right before his eyes—she would put a gun to her own head. She would pull the trigger again and again until nothing remained.
And once her soul wore away and disappeared, she would never have to see him again.
“…Eugene.”
Helena savored his name on the tip of her tongue one last time. He was like a dam that overflowed no matter how much she tried to block it. Eugene’s image rushed in with the sound of the waves.
[Helena. I will always be by your side.]
It had been a world where she stood alone, unbearably so.
In that world, she couldn’t even remain by the side of the only man who had spoken of love and embraced her, and now it seemed this was the end.
‘If I had given up on you in that life… perhaps the ending would have been better than this.’
But unchanging repetition drives a person mad. Waiting without promise exhausts one.
Expectations that ultimately go unrewarded made her give up not on Eugene, but on herself.
It had always been this way. The feeling of liberation was fleeting, while longing was eternal. Even her own emotions constantly mocked her. Death seemed a far better choice than solitude.
‘Since loving you was the reason for my life, now…’
Helena slowly stepped toward the surging water. Her body moved as if the water were pulling her in.
‘Eugene. Will you understand me? That all the time contained in Evergale was my suicide note.’
Sand mixed with seawater filled her shoes, floating seaweed brushed against her calves, and chill seeped into her bones. The high tide was merciless. Just one more step until she would be completely submerged.
There was no reason to hesitate, no lingering attachment. It was a death she had chosen herself, not one forced upon her at the gallows. Perhaps that alone made it a good death. It was only a pity that she had only now found the courage to die, foolish.
Helena took her final step.
“Helena!”
At that moment, she heard splashing sounds and a small shout from behind. Someone’s urgent cry strangely sounded just like her name.
But nothing would change. It was probably an auditory hallucination.
Perhaps it was her own farewell, crying out after craving love so presumptuously.
‘Will there be anyone who will miss me?’
Before she could feel more sorrow, a fresh wave crashed over her head, pressing down on her body. Taking her deeper into the sea.
The light penetrating her vision became increasingly blurry, and her ears became muffled.
The end was approaching. Even the pain of suffocation felt comfortable. All sensations disappeared.
Just as she was about to lose consciousness…
Splash!
“What do you think you’re doing!”
A fierce shout burst near her ear. At the same time, not just her head but her upper body was quickly pulled above the surface.
Cold air seeping deep into her lungs rapidly reactivated her suspended senses. She thrashed reflexively while gasping, but she didn’t sink again.
Helena felt around her waist, sensing the firm pressure. Something solid was wrapped around it. Someone was desperately pulling her while swimming.
‘Let go, let go of me…!’
She tried to pry off the fingers, but it was futile. The more she pushed away, the tighter the grip around her waist became.
Finally, when the water level lowered to her chest, a large palm supported her back and an arm slid under her knees, lifting her up.
Exhausted from the struggle, Helena gave up resisting and went limp.
She could barely breathe, her head resting against the stranger’s chest. Having swallowed too much water, her body felt like a stone.
When she managed to raise her blurry gaze, droplets fell one after another onto her face.
Due to the backlighting, she couldn’t tell if they were the man’s tears or seawater dripping from his wet hair.
Before she could cough up all the water choking her, the man waded through the waves and reached the shore.
Only after reaching beyond the waves’ reach did he kneel on the sand.
“No, Helen. You can’t lose consciousness. Helena!”
Helena trembled all over like a cornered mouse.
Her body, soaked through, felt so cold. Yet intensely hot breaths kept enveloping her.
He pressed his lips to her forehead, kissing it repeatedly as if combing through her hair. With each breath hot enough to scald her skin, he desperately whispered her name.
With a voice she was hearing for the first time, yet somehow not for the first time. He kept calling her like that.
Following that desperate voice, thoughts drifted through Helena’s mind like a final breath.
Why was he shedding tears for her?
Why was he calling her name so earnestly?
Why wouldn’t he let her die as she wished?
Who was he, exactly?
‘Why are you holding onto me as if I’m your everything?’
Just then, the sun emerged from behind the clouds, illuminating him like a spotlight. Under the pale light, his contours and face slowly revealed themselves.
Helena took in his face as if caressing it with her eyes.
Silver hair like a melted full moon, lavender eyes as warm as lilacs.
Though filled with nothing but cleanliness and warmth, perhaps due to his distinct nose bridge and jawline, his overall impression tended toward ruggedness.
A man more suited to a battlefield covered in the scent of blood than to a spring field.
Such a man was now crying.
While embracing her so tightly she might break.
“Don’t leave me alone. Stay by my side. Please, please…”
She wanted to respond somehow, but Helena’s efforts were in vain.
The persistently damp voice grew fainter. Her eyes gradually closed against his desperation. She was too tired.
“Helena, please…!”
Hearing the man’s final plea, Helena quietly wished:
May my breath stop here and now, forever.
****
That night they parted, the last words she had dropped.
[You must find me.]
Thirteen years had passed since then.
It was a whisper that lasted but a moment, a promise that was no more than an instant. Words that should have faded by now.
Yet no matter how much time stained with blood and carnage covered him, Helena’s existence only became more distinct. Rather than being forgotten, she grew clearer.
Whether his feelings for her remained the same, he didn’t know, but he needed to meet her again. He had to find her somehow.
Until then, it felt like the thirst that nothing else could quench would continue. So Ian clung desperately to that one promise and came blindly to the beach of Futuo.
Never dreaming he would witness a scene he never wanted to see.
“Helena! Helen!”
The red hair spreading in the blue water was chilling. It was as if the sea was turning to blood. She was drifting away to a place beyond his reach.
Ian’s molars clenched tightly. Unbearable self-reproach washed over him.
Was I too late? Is that why you made this choice?
With what determination I came all this way. Enduring with the sole resolve to protect you.
‘I cannot lose you too.’
Without hesitation, Ian plunged into the sea. Cutting through the rough waves and emerging onto land, he finally managed to save her.
He adjusted her increasingly limp body in his arms, called her name, made her expel the water. But Helena moved less and less.
It was as if she refused to wake up. Ian’s insides burned black. He couldn’t think.
He embraced her with all his might and whispered frantically. He kissed her wet forehead over and over, begging.
And betraying all his waiting, Helena closed her eyes.
