The gatekeeper turned pale. In the process of closing the gate, he had failed to notice the footprints leading to the right side of the gate. The way the gate opened from the inside and closed by pulling meant that area was a blind spot.
Leaving the gatekeeper behind, Kaon trudged through the snow that had been cleared earlier in the morning, making it relatively shallow. As he walked further, the snow deepened, reaching up to his ankles.
He knew exactly where to go. For morning patrols, the gatekeeper would open the gate in advance, and the two squads would gather at the entrance of the forest. She was likely to be there.
‘She must have gone out and come back.’
The thick snow blurred his vision, making it hard to see ahead. It had been somewhat manageable in the morning, but even then, the snowfall was getting heavier.
Alessia was smart and rarely forgot anything, so she would have realized her mistake and returned by now. She was probably at the library, engrossed in her favorite maps.
Still, Kaon kept walking. Despite thinking it couldn’t be true, his legs wouldn’t stop. He gradually picked up speed. The swirling snow pelted his face, but he pressed on without hesitation.
‘It can’t be.’
No, it can’t be. It mustn’t be.
Kaon repeated these words to himself as if to reassure himself while pushing through the snow. In the distance, he saw the forest. The entire world was blanketed in white, making it hard to distinguish anything.
Kaon moved closer to get a better look. And then he stopped.
There was Alessia.
***
Despite desperately hoping otherwise, the figure standing at the entrance of the forest was unmistakably Alessia. She seemed to blend into the falling snow. Kaon ran towards her.
“Alessia Ingelos!”
At his shout, Alessia slowly turned around. Kaon, who had run like the wind, brushed the snow off her head and shoulders and wrapped his cloak around her.
Not satisfied with that, he even took off his coat and put it on her. Her movements were stiff, and she lacked strength. Given the weather, it was no surprise she was frozen after being outside for hours.
“Are you an idiot? If no one shows up, you should go back inside! Didn’t you learn that patrols are canceled in this weather? You always call others fools, but now you’re the fool!”
Kaon shouted in frustration, and Alessia quietly laughed. Kaon barely restrained himself from yelling at her for laughing in such a situation. He decided it was better to scold her after they were inside.
Kaon quickly lowered himself. Her body was already frozen, and walking back would take forever. It was better to carry her and run.
Soon, he felt her cold body on his back. She was so light that he had to reach back to confirm she was really there.
“I thought someone seemed really upset….”
Her small voice reached him then.
“…So I decided to let them have their way for a bit.”
Kaon, who had secured her legs and straightened up, paused. It didn’t take long to understand her words.
“…You knew the patrol was canceled today?”
“Not from the start, but later. When no one showed up.”
Every word she spoke sent white puffs of breath into the air, like a snowstorm. Her voice was weak, as if she could fall asleep at any moment, but there was a hint of amusement.
“If you knew, you should have gone back. Why did you stay out here? Are you really that stupid? You’re only hurting yourself with this nonsense!”
Kaon, even angrier, snapped at her as he started running. He had thought she was smart, but this was beyond foolish.
To think she would do something like this just to appease someone’s annoyance. It was baffling why she would suddenly act like this when she usually didn’t care. If she had just ignored it as usual, he would have been frustrated but not nearly as worried as he was now.
“Do you think someone will worry about you if you do this?”
Alessia’s slow reply was even more exasperating. Kaon frowned deeply and snapped back sharply.
“Who would worry about you?”
“You.”
Alessia’s thin voice answered as if it didn’t matter at all. Her breathy voice seemed ready to break at any moment.
“Don’t say ridiculous things.”
He mustn’t let her lose consciousness.
With a primal instinct, Kaon retorted fiercely, pushing through the snow as he ran. He was determined to keep her talking no matter what.
“Then why did you come out here?”
But he had no answer to Alessia’s next question.
“Foolish Kaon Ferdinand.”
Her words seemed to pierce his thoughts, leaving him speechless. Kaon gritted his teeth and focused on running.
***
Alessia remained unconscious for two whole days. The doctor said that not only her body but also her mind seemed severely weakened.
They couldn’t go on patrol anyway. Fortunately or unfortunately, the snowstorm hadn’t let up. But the snowfall was easing, and by tomorrow, it might be manageable to clear.
While Alessia slept, she cried a lot. Even in her unconscious state, she seemed overwhelmed with sorrow and exhaustion. As Kaon wiped away her tears, he pondered. He couldn’t understand her. He wanted to, but it was difficult.
He had thought she was an angel, but it turned out that was a façade. Sometimes, she was harsher than a demon, appearing to open up only to guard herself fiercely. She said she hated him, but it seemed she actually hated herself. She showed an undeniable hatred while acting as if she understood everything about him. Kaon thought that if he ever came to understand Alessia Ingelos, he would be amazed at himself.
“Hey.”
Kaon quietly called out to her. Though she didn’t move, the slight rise and fall of the blanket with her breathing was his only solace.
“You were right.”
Alessia was inconsistent and capricious. He had never met anyone like her before and doubted he ever would again.
“I do worry about you….”
So, since they had met, he wanted to see her for a little longer. He didn’t understand her yet, but he felt that if he stayed by her side a bit longer, he might. Once he understood her, he might also understand why she disliked him.
“Wake up soon.”
And who knows? Maybe, by then, Alessia might like him a little.
***
Alessia regained consciousness the next day. Blinking repeatedly in a daze, the first thing she said was, “What about the patrol?” Upon learning that the snowstorm had stopped, she even tried to get up to join the patrol.
Kaon, the doctor, Madeleine, and the maids all opposed her. Alessia couldn’t insist any longer and rested quietly.
Another two days passed like that. Although she was well enough for daily activities, she wasn’t yet recovered enough to go on patrol.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m fine now. It’s time to go back out.”
Kaon’s face twisted as he brought her medicine and water. Alessia had somehow gotten up and was fully dressed in her coat, ready to go out. She seemed determined to join the patrol, even though it was clearly not the right time. Her insistence on participating in the patrol was infuriating.
“I told you it’s still too soon.”
“That was yesterday. Today, I’m fine. It’s definitely different.”
Alessia acted as if taking even a single day off would result in her being immediately expelled. There was no one in the castle who would do such a thing, but she was making a fuss all by herself.
“Things run smoothly even without you. We managed just fine when we were almost at odds with the Mage Tower. The knights aren’t that weak.”
“I know. I just really feel like I’m ready to go. I’ve been lying down for days. I can’t stand it anymore.”
Kaon felt a surge of anger but held it back. He wanted to shout at her to just lie down, but she was still a patient, and raising his voice didn’t seem appropriate.
“Then at least go to the library or something.”
“I was planning to do that and then head out.”
With a face as pale as a ghost’s, she was stubborn to the point of death.
‘If she was going to be like this, she shouldn’t have gotten sick in the first place.’
Kaon had plenty of things he wanted to say, but he held his tongue. He placed the medicine and water down and spoke, trying to suppress his irritation.
“Everyone is managing just fine without you.”
“I know. But the time it takes to wrap things up is different. They’ve already spent several times the usual amount of time. I don’t want to be a burden any longer.”
“You’re not even a real mage, so why do you keep—!”
Kaon finally snapped, raising his voice. His frustration had reached its limit. The guilt of wanting her to recover quickly also played a part. However, he soon realized his mistake. He had said something he shouldn’t have.
A heavy silence filled the room. He quickly focused his senses, but fortunately, there were no signs of anyone outside. Even if someone had been there, his last bit of self-control had kept his voice from getting too loud, so it likely hadn’t reached outside.
“I’m sorry, that was a mistake.”
Kaon immediately apologized. Speaking out her secret was obviously a problem, but the words themselves were also too harsh. Though he hadn’t meant it that way, it likely sounded to Alessia as if he was belittling her.
“It’s okay.”
But Alessia didn’t get angry. She responded calmly, with an expression that seemed completely unaffected. It was so natural that it didn’t seem forced at all.
She tightened her coat and left the room with just one parting word. Kaon couldn’t bring himself to stop her.
“It’s not like you’re the only one who’s said that to me.”
He simply couldn’t.
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