As her stay lengthened, Alessia discovered something new.
“Ugh, no thanks. Managing a separate troop is just a headache. I’m not even of age yet. I won’t do it.”
“You only bring up being underage at times like this. Anyway, I have relayed Lord Leonidas’s message. You can’t say you didn’t hear it later.”
“Joseph, just who do you think you’re serving? It’s clearly not me.”
The truth was that Ferdinand Kaon only pretended to be mature in front of her.
Once she noticed this, she often saw him acting that way. Honestly, it was quite amusing.
The boy, who had seemed so perfect, was actually just an immature kid trying too hard to impress her, which was laughably absurd.
“Miss Alessia.”
“Trying to change the subject… Alessia.”
Kaon’s face, which had been scrunched up in frustration, softened quickly when he noticed her. His voice automatically lowered, his head straightened, and his posture became stiff and formal. Only then did he transform back into the Kaon Ferdinand she knew.
“I heard we’re going out next week. It seems I’ll be accompanying you. May I ask you a few things?”
Despite having seen the whole process, Alessia feigned ignorance and inquired, pretending she hadn’t noticed anything. Kaon visibly relaxed at her reaction.
“Of course. Joseph, we can continue our conversation later.”
“Oh, yes…”
The aide, who had witnessed his young master quickly adopt a dignified demeanor, looked quite skeptical.
And rightly so. Even Alessia found it amusing occasionally, so one could only imagine what his aide, who saw him daily, must think. Alessia fully understood his feelings.
‘So foolish.’
Thinking this, Alessia unintentionally let out a chuckle. Both pairs of eyes suddenly turned towards her.
“Ah…”
Alessia was flustered. It wasn’t something she had intended, and she didn’t know how to react on the spot. Even in that brief moment, she habitually checked the expressions of the two men; Kaon’s lips curled up slightly.
“It’s not because you were looking at me like that.”
“What have I done now?”
“Just keep looking that way.”
“What?”
As if to encourage him, Kaon patted Joseph’s shoulder a couple of times and then looked at Alessia, still smiling.
Seeing his face, seemingly without a care in the world, she felt she ought to be angry….
“Shall we go then, Alessia?”
“…Yes.”
Strangely, she felt nothing. Neither displeased nor boiling with anger. It was an odd feeling, and she wasn’t inclined to explore why.
Just the faint thought crossed her mind—could she keep smiling like this if she stayed by his side?
***
Alessia dashed into her room, desperately seeking the darkness, and hid in the wardrobe.
She had just fled from an encounter with Kaon, who was draped in a red cloak and adorned with red ornaments from head to toe.
Crouched in a corner of the room like she used to do when she was younger, Alessia hugged her knees and buried her face in them, her body shaking as if she were caught in a chill.
“But you should know this going forward. I really like this color.”
His voice, soft yet clear, echoed in her ears like tinnitus, and his figure, decked out in all sorts of red ornaments, flickered before her eyes.
Alessia had long noticed that her red eyes garnered disdain from the people of Ferdinand.
It was impossible not to notice when more than a few would hurriedly bow their heads if their eyes even accidentally met, as if some great misfortune had occurred.
The garishly extravagant hat was a strategy devised to cope with the situation.
Although it was too peculiar for life in the castle, looking unattractive and often blocking her view, causing her to misstep every now and then, it proved very useful.
She was willing to endure all the discomfort because wearing that hat meant at least they wouldn’t avoid her gaze in fear.
Alessia was adapting to Ferdinand faster than she had expected, and she felt a bit proud of herself. She sometimes wanted to praise herself for doing really well.
However, the moment she saw Kaon speaking in front of everyone in such a ludicrous manner, a myriad of indescribable emotions enveloped Alessia.
‘Did I appear so ridiculous? Did I look so pitiful that he felt he needed to intervene?’
On further reflection, it was easy to see why Kaon Ferdinand had stepped in. The boy simply wanted to make life a bit easier for Alessia.
Yet, at that moment, the situation felt incredibly embarrassing and shameful. She thought she was doing well, but apparently, she looked pitiful enough for someone to want to help her, trampling her scant pride.
In Ferdinand, of all places, she wanted to appear dignified, on this land where no one knew she was essentially a useless person. She didn’t want even a shred of sympathy. It seemed it might help her forget the demeaning past.
Alessia clenched her teeth, holding back tears, and stood up, fists clenched. It seemed better to confront Kaon Ferdinand directly.
‘Thank you, but I can handle my own affairs. There’s no need for you to go that far.’ That would have made her feel better.
‘Stop doing unnecessary things. Even without you, I can manage on my own.’ That would have been even better to say.
Or perhaps, ‘Just ignore it, please. Even if I struggle, just pretend you don’t see…’ That’s what she wanted to say.
“Alessia, I…”
But the moment she burst through the curtains and faced Kaon Ferdinand, Alessia instinctively knew she could never utter those words.
The innocent, transparently concerned expression of that young man was filled with only worry for her, even in that moment.
“I can explain…”
No explanation was necessary. She could tell from his eyes alone that there was not even a hint of intention to belittle her. Ah, those eyes were so honest. They simply loved her too much, wishing only that she would not struggle.
Instead of hurling accusations, Alessia impulsively embraced him, fearing her tears would start to fall first.
She really did not want to cry, especially not in front of Kaon Ferdinand, who seemed so much stronger in every aspect.
But his embrace was infinitely warm. His awkward patting on her back, a gesture of care she had never experienced, was clumsy yet also comforting.
By then, there was no stopping the tears welling up in her eyes, so Alessia buried her face deeper into his chest.
Ah, she had to admit it now.
Kaon Ferdinand liked Alessia Ingelos enough not to care if he looked foolish, and Alessia Ingelos did not mind that at all. She had finally accepted that fact.
***
After embracing each other for a while, Alessia and Kaon awkwardly parted ways. Kaon didn’t know what to do and busied himself by averting his eyes towards the ceiling, while Alessia, feeling equally embarrassed, cast her gaze downward.
Her embarrassment deepened when she noticed that the red cloak she had leaned against was now patchily stained with her tears. Her eyes stung and felt swollen, unmistakably revealing that she had been crying.
“Thank you.”
“Ah, yes…”
Only after speaking did she realize she had dropped the formal speech she usually maintained, but she had no energy to worry about such trivialities right now. Alessia just wanted to escape this situation quickly.
She hesitated, looking around, then turned abruptly. Her chest was soaked, making it obvious she had cried, but she still didn’t want to make it too apparent.
Although being around Kaon was no longer as uncomfortable as before, it still wasn’t entirely comfortable either. She might have appeared weak, but she didn’t truly wish to be seen as frail.
“Just a moment!”
However, she was soon stopped by his voice calling her back. Without turning around, she stood still, prompting Kaon to hurriedly add, “Just a moment, could you, I mean, could you spare some time…”
His rambling was a mix of formal and informal language. Alessia felt embarrassed, and it seemed he was too.
Realizing this somehow made her feel a bit better. Finally relaxing, Alessia chuckled soundlessly.
‘I thought I was the only one flustered.’
She had never been comforted by anyone before and had felt foolish standing there alone, tense and awkward. But seeing Kaon Ferdinand also flustered made her think that perhaps she wasn’t the only one.
“Why don’t we just talk informally? It’s just us here anyway.”
Feeling more at ease, Alessia made a suggestion she normally wouldn’t have. Fortunately, Kaon’s voice brightened noticeably as he asked again, “Could you spare a little time this evening, is that okay?”
“…Yes.”
Alessia pondered for a moment and then slowly nodded. The thought of her possibly reddened eyes was irritating, but a cold water soak might help.
Initially, she was not in a position to refuse Kaon, and certainly not now after having sought comfort in his embrace.
“See you later then.”
Trying to act nonchalant, Alessia turned around and crossed the curtains, only to collapse onto the floor the moment she was out of sight.
‘What have I done?’
Regret washed over her, but she knew she wouldn’t act any differently if given another chance. This realization only added to her confusion.
🍉🍉🍉
