Meanwhile, after turning my back on my dad and returning to my room, I was overwhelmed with feelings of self-reproach.
“Yeah, if this isn’t taking out my frustrations, then what is?”
The knights of Emblem have never truly taken me seriously.
It’s not just a day or two thing. Ever since I first picked up a sword, aside from my mom and Lawrence, the knights of Emblem have been merely humoring me.
They would always leave an opening when their decisive strike was about to reach me, deliberately holding back their swords. My victories in training had all been due to these openings.
People started saying that the knights of Emblem were no longer a match for me, praising my skills as if I had outgrown them.
But what if all this was just an illusion created by the knights humoring me, and now I’ve become incapable of even defeating Enoch once?
It was this doubt that led me to take out my frustrations on the knights of Emblem.
‘If only I had beaten Enoch, I wouldn’t have acted out like this.’
Born into the Emblem family, I had always been proud of it—except for this moment. For the first time, I disliked being part of Emblem.
On my desk were heaps of society journals covering my and Enoch’s victories.
At some point, these journals started adding phrases like ‘surprisingly,’ ‘unexpectedly,’ or ‘unbelievably’ to my victories.
In contrast, Enoch’s victories were always followed by phrases like ‘as expected,’ ‘as always,’ or ‘yet again.’
“Haaaaaa…”
My head was a mess. I knew I was getting overly anxious.
Looking in the mirror, I saw a face darkened by despair.
The chubby cheeks of my childhood were almost gone. My jawline had sharpened, and my features had started to assert themselves. My hair, still tied in a ponytail as it was when my grandfather did it for my seventh birthday, had grown long enough to reach my back.
“I haven’t grown at all.”
Physically, I had grown, but inside, I was still the same immature child, throwing tantrums like an overgrown kid.
The memories of my past life made my feelings of self-reproach even deeper.
“……..!”
At that moment, there was a neat knock on the door.
Startled, I lifted my head. It seemed I had been so lost in thought that I hadn’t noticed any presence outside.
“Cherrya, it’s Mom.”
“…Mom?”
I hurried to open the door in surprise. After my grandfather went on a long vacation, my mom took over as the acting Duke of Emblem, becoming so busy that it was hard to even see her once a week.
I had just been told that she wouldn’t be returning to the mansion today.
“My dear! You missed me, didn’t you?”
As soon as I opened the door, my mom stood there with a radiant smile, arms wide open.
“Mom!”
I completely forgot about just moments ago lamenting how childish I was and ran into her arms like a little kid.
Now that I was eighteen and had grown tall, I should have been the one embracing her.
But I squeezed into her smaller frame, determined to stay in her embrace.
“What brings you here?”
In my excitement, I started bouncing on my feet, and my mom, who had wrapped her arms around me, also found herself bouncing along, laughing heartily before letting go.
“I came because I missed my darling Cherrya too much.”
“Mom, you’re the best in the world…”
“Really? What about your dad?”
“He’s great too, but right now, it’s all about you, Mom.”
“Yay!”
Even such a simple reply made my mom beam as if she had the whole world, and her smile chased away the darkness in my heart like light.
As I walked back into the room holding my mom’s hand, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror.
Unlike earlier, my cheeks were now tinted with a lovely color, and I looked much better than when I had been wallowing in self-pity.
It was such a strange thing. Although I was born with an adult’s mind and, counting all the years I’ve lived, I’m technically older than my mom.
I still become just Cherrya, the silly daughter of Melsia, whenever I stand in front of her.
“Did Dad contact you to come here?”
“Oh? How did you know?”
“It was obvious.”
It was clear that my dad, who had noticed my condition right after the training session, wouldn’t just leave me alone.
Although I felt a bit guilty for disturbing my already busy mom, I needed her more than anything at that moment.
“So, be honest with me, why were you upset if the sparring was the same as usual?”
“Despite being weaker than me, they’re going easy on me. How can I possibly learn from this?”
Understanding my frustration, my mom smiled gently and said,
“Well, you’re my daughter and will be their superior someday. Of course, it’s difficult for them to fully engage with you.”
“Once you pick up a sword and enter a sparring match, that shouldn’t matter. In war, a blade won’t recognize your status and avoid you.”
“My dear Cherry, you speak as if you’ve been to war, but you’ve never even set foot on a battlefield.”
I couldn’t help but know these things since I’d heard them so many times.
My grandfather always said that in the chaos of battle, where blind blades fly from every direction, your status is worthless.
He’d tell me that a sword wouldn’t stop and say, ‘Oh, you’re a noble knight from the renowned Emblem Duchy. It’s an honor to meet you! Since you’re such an esteemed person, I’ll just pass by this time. Hohoho!’
The most common last words of knights who entered their first battle were, ‘Do you know who I am?’ My grandfather warned me repeatedly to never die such a pathetic death.
“It’s just common sense.”
This is the result of early education. Feeling proud, I lifted my head and continued,
“So, it should be the same in sparring. What you can’t do in practice, you won’t be able to do in real battle. If the knights of Emblem don’t attack me properly, I’ll only ever learn to handle soft attacks.”
“Cherry, you…”
My mom’s eyes narrowed as she looked me over. Then, meeting my gaze, she poked my cheek with her finger and said,
“You’re anxious.”
It felt like it wasn’t my cheek that was poked, but my conscience. Feeling a pang somewhere in my chest, I raised my voice defensively.
“No! I just want to have a proper sparring match!”
“Do you think the Gray Knights wielded deadly swords against Enoch during their sparring sessions, making him the exceptional swordsman he is now?”
“……….”
“Cherry, you’re anxious because Enoch is starting to outpace you, and you’re worried because he’s pulling ahead, aren’t you?”
It was a heavy blow of truth. I was so stunned that I stood there with my mouth open, unable to respond for a moment.
“Maybe that’s true.”
In the end, I had no choice but to quietly lower my head and accept my mom’s words.
It was only my petty pride that didn’t want to admit it. That pride doesn’t feed me or solve my problems.
“You used to say that you loved the sword. How do you feel about it now? Do you still love it?”
“……..…”
I bit my lip at my mom’s question.
The sword, something I once believed I loved.
My mom’s gaze felt like it was stripping me bare, leaving me feeling exposed.
I realized that I would never be able to lie to her.
With a trembling voice, I finally answered.
“Mom, it feels like I’ve broken up with my sword.”
“…………!”
I didn’t know what kind of response my mom was expecting, but when I saw her eyes widen at my words, I suddenly felt a surge of sadness.
“Mom… I hate the sword, like an ex-boyfriend!”
“Well, that’s understandable, I suppose…”
Confessing like this to my mom, as if in a confessional, made me feel a bit relieved.
It was as if a dam had burst, and all the thoughts I hadn’t even been aware of flowed out.
“But being next to someone more skilled than me makes me want to take it back. Yet, even if we reunite like this, I’m not sure if things will work out. I’m even starting to question whether it was love in the first place. I just don’t understand my feelings anymore.”
But contrary to my outburst, my mom’s expression grew more and more peculiar.
After I had poured out everything, my mom looked at me seriously and asked in a measured voice,
“…Cherry?”
“Yes?”
“Did you have a boyfriend? Have you ever been in a relationship?”
“What?”
What on earth is she talking about?
