Chapter 1
Afrosa felt extremely disoriented at the banquet she attended after a long time.
The chaotic atmosphere evoked a familiar tension. It was a rare event for her to attend as the Empress Dowager, the mother of the emperor.
It was a banquet held to commemorate the emperor’s 59th birthday. It had been about 15 years since Afrosa had attended such an event. She resolved to calm her nerves with deep breaths, focusing only on caring for her son, avoiding concerns about anyone else.
She saw Loras, the young man with sand-colored hair shining like his mother… her son who stubbornly refused to grow up.
“Come play with me, my lady? Hm? I brought some wine for you… to share…”
“Please stop, Your Highness. Laras. I’m afraid of what others might think.”
Julina, Afrosa’s husband, pushed Laras away as she narrowed her eyebrows. But Laras was undeterred.
“Oops!”
Laras, trying to attract his wife Julina’s attention from the carriage, accidentally spilled wine on her dress.
“Oh, um… I’m, I’m sorry. Julina. Um, what should we do? Uh…”
“Oh, my…!”
Tears welled up in Julina’s eyes as she was embarrassed in front of the courtiers.
“Move aside!”
Julina pushed Loras away and turned her back sharply. Seeing Julina’s fierce reaction, Laras hesitated, then glanced at Afrosa. With tears in her eyes, Afrosa opened her arms towards Loras, who was running towards her.
“Loras.”
“Mother…”
She embraced her son, who was walking with long strides. Afrosa comforted her son as usual. The gaze of the emperor, Ailek, fell on her. His steel-blue eyes were indifferent and dull. If you lingered too long in his gaze, he would surely misunderstand it as a significant gesture.
“Shh… It’s okay, Your Highness. You shouldn’t cry over such matters.”
She turned her gaze away, It wasn’t difficult. Turning away from him was a repetitive task she had done for a long time.
“What if Lady Julina is very angry? Hm? Mother. Mother, please apologize to Lady Julina for me. Please?”
Laras sobbed as he clung to her. Afrosa gently stroked his round head and wiped away his tears. His sniffling was pitiful and pathetic.
“What did Mom say, my son?”
“His Highness should be dignified.”
“That’s right, Laras should be dignified so Julina will like it. Grown-ups shouldn’t cry like babies.”
The child, who had been sniffling with a sullen face, lifted his head. His sky-blue eyes were cloudy. He had grown into a healthy twenty-three-year-old, but he suffered from severe mental retardation. The genius that had been destroyed by the poison fed to him by Balletti shortly after birth never returned.
“Today is Her Majesty’s birthday.”
After gently wiping her son’s cheek, Afrosa patted his shoulder.
The faint shadow of her intellectually impaired son’s melancholy eyes tore her heart apart. However, Afrosa didn’t show her emotions and smiled brightly.
“…Yes. That’s right. Today is Mommy’s birthday.”
Laras responded, She brushed off the dust from her broad angular shoulders and then lifted the child. At some point, her husband had approached them. Loras nodded her head and then looked at her father.
“Abamama!”
“Laras, Have you been well?”
“Yes, I ate cookies and picked flowers with Mom… Oh! Right, I also gave grass to Jamie.”
“Jamie?”
“Yes, Jamie is a baby goat we got a week ago. Aristeides and I named him Jamie. Abamama, did you know?”
“No, I’m hearing about it for the first time today. Seeing how much you love it, I also want to see it. Will you invite me to your palace? I want to bring lots of grass for Jamie.”
Ailek smiled, It was a gentle and affectionate smile. Laras asked excitedly, her face lit up even more.
“Really? You want to come to our house, Father?”
Laras grinned mischievously, her eyes sparkling.
“Yes, Father always wants to see Laras and Aristeides.”
Ailek nodded in response, As kindness sparked in the Emperor’s long-dried eyes, courtiers began to take notice. Oblivious, Laras continued to chatter energetically, not behaving like a twenty-three-year-old. Afrosa looked around and then discreetly pulled Laras closer.
“Oh? Mother, what is it? Do you have something to tell me?”
Laras turned to her mother, oblivious to Afrosa’s touch. Afrosa couldn’t think of what to say and bit her lip. Sensing her wife’s confusion, Ailek looked at Afrosa. Blushing, Afrosa finally spoke up.
“Alex brought some cards earlier and asked if he could show you some magic tricks. I know Your Majesty is busy, but…”
Alex was Laras’s attendant. At gatherings like this, he always made sure to have things that could keep Loras’s attention so she wouldn’t disrupt the party. Today was no different.
“Really? I want to go see!”
At the mention of card magic, Laras perked up. Watching Laras leave with a sigh, Afrosa observed her retreating figure.
“Rose.”
Suddenly, the Emperor called her. Afrosa snapped back to attention and met his gaze. She could see remnants of emotions swirling in his lips. Longing. Fondness. And anger at having his only son taken away from him… She averted her gaze slightly. She didn’t want to read what she didn’t want to see. It was like an unwanted debris washed ashore, even if it came from him, it made her feel uncomfortable.
“Congratulations on your birthday, Your Majesty.”
She gathered her hands neatly and greeted him, She scrutinized him with a calm gaze. His face, with barely visible wrinkles, was refined. It seemed as if time had only lightly touched her. Her husband had hardly changed.
“Yes. Empress.”
“Yes, Your Majesty. Have you been well?”
His steel-colored pupils stared at her persistently.
Afrosa met his unwavering gaze without flinching. The eyes, tinged with regret, turned her insides. She averted her gaze, took a moment to catch her breath, then composed herself to face his stern countenance again. The Emperor’s eyes hardened sharply at her ever-changing demeanor. Undeterred, she moved forward and gracefully bowed.
A courtier stepped forward and presented the gift she had prepared to the Emperor.
“This is…”
The Emperor’s face was gaunt. It showed no meaningful emotion, and his rigid gaze remained inscrutable, as if it had always been so. His expressionless face was lonely. Afrosa also spoke her prepared words devoid of emotion, like a doll.
“I have prepared this with utmost sincerity to congratulate Your Majesty’s birthday.”
“Thank you.”
The Emperor murmured, It was a short response. She hesitated in her steps, not wanting to be close to the Emperor. Suddenly, she heard a soft voice calling her ‘Rose’. Reflexively, she turned around to see him looking at her with a broken expression. It was a very brief moment.
She hadn’t known it would be revealed in such a short moment. Such things, she thought, had dissipated. Now all those countless emotions. Sensations. Regrets. Memories… All those longings and resentments she had held onto so tightly. She had believed they had all faded away. She had believed he had also withered away. She had sincerely hoped for that and felt relieved to hear it from someone else’s mouth.
‘So, has he become free?’
She didn’t know.
“I have something to say, Could you give me a moment?”
The name, which he had once called out frequently and endlessly, flowed from his lips. A sudden surge of anger engulfed her. Afrosa moistened her lips and replied.
“Well…”
“Please.”
It was a desperate plea.
Afrosa stared blankly at the man before her. Beneath neatly combed black hair that exposed a prominent forehead, his sharp features were firm and commanding, exuding an irresistible beauty. He hadn’t changed. Despite aging, he remained dignified, with faint lines of wisdom on his face, yet still exuding an emperor-like aura, commanding respect from the world below.
Young concubines, barely twenty, eagerly awaited him every night. And Rose… sometimes, just meeting his gaze was unbearable. The thought of their skins touching was even more unbearable when their gazes clashed.
“Ah!”
His hand reached out and grabbed Afrosa’s slender wrist. Startled, she shook him off instinctively, feeling a chill run through her. The atmosphere turned cold instantly. She couldn’t breathe. She didn’t want to feel defeated anymore, so she turned her head away.
“You’re shaking so much; let me be direct.”
“…”
“…Do you remember?”
As she attempted to step back, he grabbed her again. She stared at him, unable to comprehend his words. His broken face whispered desperately.
“Do you remember?”
Ailek asked again. Afrosa grimaced, trembling from the cold creeping up her arm through the hand he held tightly.
“…Please… Let go of my hand.”
Struggling to speak, Afrosa managed to utter a few words, but Ailek only tightened his grip, refusing to let her go.
“I’m begging you.”
Afrosa finally managed to say, Ailek stared at her with a completely shattered expression. Afrosa denied what she saw. He had no reason to break down.
Since ascending to the throne, he had always been sharp and unyielding, with no room for a single needle to penetrate. Therefore, she couldn’t believe he was a man who couldn’t love enough to feel restless. There was no reason for such a man to break down. He had no reason to have lingering emotions. It had to be that way. Because…
“Answer the question I asked.”
Because he had many wives.
