– ̗̀ ˚ ·* ༊*·˚ ˊˎ-
And what if I knew the answers to questions I knew I had, but pleaded ignorance because I’m too scared to lose anything? Yet, it is truly strange for without choosing anything or anyone, I am losing them both.
I am stuck in indecision, in an impasse I’m not sure I can pull through. Now it feels like all I’m doing is guessing, and my instincts and emotions are all in chaos. I am a rollercoaster ride, up one moment and down the next. I cannot even trust myself, for I no longer have the good sense to decide for myself.
I know I must do something, and do it soon, but I can’t just seem to move my frozen feet wanting to stay at the moment, move my hands clinging to both threads, can’t make them let go even though the fire is slowly consuming them both, and sooner or later I will get burned. I already feel the scorch of its heat, and it’s getting closer and closer with every single day, every single hour, and every single minute.
I am clutching at straws, desperate to find a reason to stay. Because… I am selfish. There, I said it. I am selfish. One cannot have everything, but still, I try to tempt and test fate, to see whether I can best it. And I would probably lose, but for now, this is enough. Everything is hard, but simply thinking of losing everything is too much to process, and I find myself in denial of what ought to be done.
It’s a sad story… But what can I do? This is me and my life, the choices I have made, not yet made, and will make. I have never, in my life, ever wished for anything as much as I wished for this moment to stop, to stay right where we are.
– ̗̀ ˚ ·* ༊*·˚ ˊˎ-
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