Copy of Resentment

In fact, even Bian Shengjian himself found it difficult to tell what kind of state he was in at that time. But if one insisted, it may not be much different from dying. Eyes could see, but he didn’t know what one was doing.

 

Ears could hear, but he couldn’t hear exactly what one was saying. The heart was beating, but it felt like the blood had already cooled through.

 

Feeling flustered, the hands trembled violently too.

 

But what kept echoing in his mind was the sentence Lu Shen said:

“Dear, you have to remember to come and see me.”

 

“Shengjian…”

 

Bian Shengjian was in a trance and heard someone calling him, but he didn’t seem to have heard it.

 

“Shengjian…”

 

The voice became louder and louder, even a little hoarse.

 

 “Son!”

 

Someone grabbed Bian Shengjian’s shoulders and shook him a few times, and finally pulled him out of that chaotic state temporarily. “What’s wrong with you!”

 

“…Dad?” Bian Shengjian stared blankly at the person in front of him, and gave a little shout.

 

“It’s gone, it’s already gone.”

 

Bian Jianhua hugged his precious son in his arms, and his hands were shaking, while being fatigued due to traveling all the way. “Is there any injury? Ah? Is there any injury?”

 

Bian Shengjian looked at him with his mouth slightly open, gently shaken for a long time. “…No.”

 

Bian Jianhua looked at his son’s dazed state, he really had a mental problem due to the stimulation of the bloody scene, thus he took out his mobile phone to make a call, while he turned around and said, “Comrade police, my son can leave after he’s finished with the transcript right?”

 

“Can, but if there is any progress in the follow-up, we still need to invite Shengjian to come to the police station to cooperate with our investigation.” The police lady said apologetically, and looked at Bian Shengjian with some pity. “Mr. Bian, you can take him with you and leave first, our nearest hospital is…”

 

“What else can he cooperate with you? What else can he say?!” Bian Jianhua’s emotions suddenly became aroused, “His current emotions are already like this, don’t force him anymore!”

 

“I can understand your mood, however…”

 

“What however? I’m going to take him back now!” Bian Jianhua patted the table angrily, and said, “I’ll help him with the transfer procedures right away…What exactly does the police station on your end do? There was such a big incident in the past four years and no investigation was made to find out who the murderer was? You all are just…”

 

“Dad.”

 

Bian Shengjian finally raised his eyes, a rare sober light flashed in them. “I don’t want to transfer schools.”

 

“…What?” Bian Jianhua was stunned for a moment, and then nervously grabbed his shoulder with both hands. “Why not transfer? Son, it’s really dangerous for you to stay here. Why didn’t you tell Dad anything when you left? You don’t know, if something happens to you, your mother still dreams…”

 

“I won’t transfer schools.” Bian Shengjian’s tone didn’t fluctuate much and repeated it again, “I want to stay here, I need to wait for him.”

 

“Wait for him?” Bian Jianhua frowned, “Who are you waiting for?”

 

“…Yes.” Bian Shengjian’s eyes became confused again, and in front of Bian Jianhua, he stretched out his hand and gently grabbed a handful from the air. “I need…Who am I waiting for? Will he come back…”

 

When Bian Jianhua saw this nerve wrecking scene, his heart ached beyond words, but when he was about to step forward, he saw two tear stains obviously slipping down Bian Shengjian’s face, while he trembled and muttered, “I….I looked at him like this….little by little, little by little disappeared in my arms….Where is he now? Will he come back?”

 

Bian Jianhua and the police officer looked at each other for several seconds. The latter sighed lightly, said something in a low voice and left, leaving only a sad father and a child who looked equally sad to the extreme.

 

“Let’s go, son, let’s go home first.” Bian Jianhua held back his grief and grabbed Bian Shengjian’s arm. “Father will take you to the hospital first, okay?”

 

“To see a doctor?” Bian Shengjian raised his eyes, his eyes were still a little red. “What’s wrong with me?”

 

Bian Jianhua didn’t say anything more, but pulled his hand and didn’t let it go. “…the driver has been waiting outside for a long time, let’s go first.”

 

“Tell me, what’s wrong with me?” Bian Shengjian raised his voice, and the whole person looked very angry. “Tell me!”

 

“Okay, okay.” Bian Jianhua was taken aback, and quickly coaxed him in a low voice. “Not sick, not sick. My son, let’s go home first, shall we?”

 

Bian Shengjian stared at him for several seconds, then squeezed his hands together and slowly squatted down, letting out one or two sobs that sounded uncomfortable. “I won’t…I won’t go…… “

 

Bian Jianhua pinched the bridge of his nose with his hand and sighed heavily.

 

******

 

When he saw Bian Shengjian sneaking in from behind like a ghost, Old Tan was really taken aback. “Shengjian?”

 

Following Old Tan’s exclamation, everyone in the class looked over. The expressions on their faces were more of panic, and occasionally there was a whispered discussion of “how can he come back?”

 

With no expression on his face, Bian Shengjian closed the door and returned to his seat.

 

Him and Lu Shen’s seat.

 

‌He hadn’t been back to school for a few days, and there were already some miscellaneous items and test papers piled up on the desk. After Bian Shengjian stuffed those things below the desk, he took out a tissue from his bag and began to wipe the desk carefully. After wiping his side, he then wiped Lu Shen’s, until the table top was polished, stopped, then threw the paper towel with some gray marks into the trash can, and sat back on the chair. There was little focus in his eyes, as looked towards the direction of the podium.

 

Old Tan stared at him in a daze for a while, then slowly left to the office with the homework that he had collected, planning to call Bian Shengjian’s father later.

 

“Jian…Brother Jian.” Zhou Li swallowed carefully and approached, but he didn’t dare to mention what happened before. “How are you?”

 

“Hm, what’s wrong?” Bian Shengjian focused his eyes on his face for a long time. Although his tone was very light, it was no different from before. “What?”

 

Seeing that his condition seemed to be fairly stable, Zhou Li finally breathed a sigh of relief. “No…it’s nothing, why are you back?”

 

“Where will I go if I don’t come back?” Bian Shengjian looked at him and asked.

 

This time Zhou Li was embarrassed to ask, he stretched out his hand and scratched his skin in embarrassment and said, “Haha, right?”

 

“Zhou Li.” Bian Shengjian paused briefly and called him.

 

“Yes.” Zhou Li quickly stood up straight, and glanced at Bian Shengjian with a nervous expression. “Brother Jian, what orders do you have?”

 

“Accompany me for a walk,” Bian Shengjian took a deep breath, “Now.”

 

“Ah?” Zhou Li was taken aback for a moment, “But the next class is…”

 

He paused for a moment, and the moment he met Shengjian’s gaze, he didn’t say any more, and hardened his skin and nodded, “Okay.”

 

When Bian Shengjian said “to take a walk”, he really meant to walk around.

 

Just when Zhou Li followed them to just aimlessly walking around the school for an hour and a half, he finally endured the pain in his heels and asked in a low voice, “Brother Jian, why not take a break?”

 

Bian Shengjian didn’t speak, and kept staring at his toes while walking. This kind of silent walking experience that refused to communicate the whole time was not very pleasant to think of. Zhou Li endured it and said, “I’m tired, why not take a break?”

 

Bian Shengjian still didn’t respond.

 

Zhou Li gritted his teeth and had to increase his volume and shouted again, “Brother Jian! I said let’s take a break!”

 

Bian Shengjian finally lifted his head up, and the two of them happened to be walking to the edge of the lake at this moment. After a little thought, he slowly played back what Zhou Li said just now in his brain. “Okay.”

 

Zhou Li looked at his back and sighed, but he didn’t dare to say anything. He sat down on the bench by the lake, cleared his throat, and prepared to start the first topic, “Then what, Brother Jian, you… …um, aren’t you going to transfer schools yet?”

 

As soon as Zhou Li finished asking, he felt even more embarrassed, and he immediately covered up the content of this kind of chat about which pot was not opened and carried which pot, “What the hell did I just say…..How are you feeling lately?”

 

(t/n: “Which pot is not open and carry which pot” is a common saying that originally meant to carry a cold pot and let people drink cold water, and later it was extended to say things that should not be said, do stupid things, and do things that should not be done, with a kind of complaint)

 

Bian Shengjian didn’t have much reaction to his question, but stared at the sparkling lake not far away and asked quietly, “Zhou Li, do you still remember Lu Shen?”

 

“Lu Shen?” Zhou Li rubbed his face, and immediately tried to recall this person, but after a few seconds, he was still confused and shook his head, “I don’t remember… Is there such a person in our class? Or did it transfer later?”

 

“You had a meal with him at the beginning of semester,” Bian Shengjian kept staring at him as he spoke, which made Zhou Li feel pressured all of a sudden. “During the basketball game of the school sports meeting, he was the guard, and you’re the forward, don’t you remember?”

 

“Ah?” Zhou Li was even more confused by what he said, and he stumbled for a long time and said, “This… Brother Jian, do you have his photo? I really can’t remember what you said?”

 

Bian Shengjian paused for a moment and slowly took out the phone from his pocket. “Yes.”

 

“Let me have a look.” Zhou Li immediately leaned over and said apologetically, “I’m sorry, I really don’t remember…”

 

Bian Shengjian’s fingertips trembled slightly, and he unconsciously closed his eyes when he found the group photo taken when treating the class to hot pot at the beginning of the semester, and after clicking on it, he handed it to Zhou Li. “……the one sitting next to me.”

 

He still remembered that at that time Lu Shen always liked to talk into his ear like a lunatic, and even when taking the picture, he had to put his arms around his shoulders to take pictures together, he didn’t know if he had plotted against him since then….

 

Ah, Lu Shen.

 

Lu Shen, Lu Shen, Lu Shen, Lu Shen.

 

I miss you a little.

 

I’m going crazy.

 

“Ah? Wasn’t I the one sitting next to you?” Zhou Li asked with some doubts.

 

Bian Shengjian suddenly opened his eyes, and Zhou Li couldn’t help shrinking his neck because of his stare at that moment. “How could it be possible!”

 

“If you don’t believe me, you can see for yourself…” Zhou Li felt aggrieved and handed the phone back. “I remember you invited a large group of us out for dinner, but the photos all showed people I know. There’s really no brother like Lu Shen you mentioned…..who the hell is he?”

 

Bian Shengjian stared at the screen in disbelief.

 

Lu Shen, who was supposed to put his arms around his shoulders and smile into the camera together, disappeared, replaced by Zhou Li sitting next to him holding a wine glass. 

 

Although he didn’t want to believe his eyes, Lu Shen, indeed from this photo…was erased.

 

A terrifying thought instantly fermented in Bian Shengjian’s heart. He shook his hands and started frantically flipping through the photo album–

 

Previously, not wanting to see the photo was heartbreaking, but now it’s more about fear.

 

‌What…..the proof of Lu Shen’s existence is erased?

 

Bian Shengjian remembered that the five of them also took a group photo after the basketball game, and later in the school sports meeting, the aquarium, and he secretly took a lot of photos of Lu Shen when he was in the dormitory, thinking that when he remembered it, he could still take a look….

 

But what….

 

Bian Shengjian stared at the screen so hard that even his eyes began to feel sore.

 

Gone.

 

All the photos about Lu Shen disappeared.

 

It seemed that someone was deliberately erasing the proof of his existence bit by bit, that even everyone would no longer have this person in their memories.

 

Except him.

 

“What…” Bian Shengjian’s face was pale, and even his hands were shaking. “What happened…”

 

“Jian… Brother Jian, what’s the matter with you?” Zhou Li also panicked all of a sudden, pointing to those photos and said anxiously, “Brother Jian, did you remember wrongly? At that time, isn’t only our class participated in the basketball matches? How could there be an extra Lu Shen? Is he a substitute?”

 

“No…” Bian Shengjian’s voice was a little hoarse, and his face looked devastated after suffering a huge blow. “This is impossible…”

 

“Brother Jian, what’s wrong with you?” Zhou Li swallowed. The rumors about Bian Shengjian’s mental disorder that had been circulating in class before came to his mind. He didn’t want to believe it at first, but seeing Bian Shengjian’s current appearance, he couldn’t help but cry and said, “Brother, what’s wrong with you…..Who the hell is that person?”

 

Bian Shengjian didn’t speak, and insisted on flipping through the album little by little, watching all the memories about him and Lu Shen slipping away like steam.

 

Lu Shen with his back to the huge glass wall of the aquarium, Lu Shen running in the sun, Lu Shen smiling at him, Lu Shen fighting with him…  

 

Nothing, already, nothing left.

 

Bian Shengjian suddenly felt very lonely.

 

This feeling was unprecedented, and it had far surpassed the loneliness when he was not used to the environment when he transferred to the new school.

 

At the same time, he was still a little chilly, so cold that his teeth began to tremble.

 

…In this world, I am the only one who remembers him.

 

“Brother Jian!” Seeing that his condition was getting worse and worse, Zhou Li frowned and pulled his arm. “Don’t look! I’ll take you…”

 

Bian Shengjian shook his hand, and the cell phone he was holding suddenly slipped from his fingertips and hit him. At the same time, he suddenly raised his head and yelled at Zhou Li, “What!”

 

“Wh… what what?” Zhou Li was stunned by his sudden yell, but he still held onto his arm.

 

“What, you don’t even remember him at all!” Bian Shengjian felt his face was a little hot from the excessive emotional fluctuations, and his eyes were also a little blurred. “Tell me!!”

 

“Jian…” Zhou Li panicked the moment he saw his tears, and frantically took out a tissue from his trouser pocket, “Brother Jian, don’t cry, I, I, I…”

 

Bian Shengjian pressed his eyes hard with his hands, and his tone was hoarse. “You don’t remember him…”

 

Zhou Li frantically handed him the tissue, and his heart felt sore. “Brother, what happened… Can you tell me?”

 

“The person I like is dead.” Bian Shengjian said with his eyes closed, and at the same time he felt tears flow more fiercely.

 

If Lu Shen suddenly came back to life at this time, he would definitely laugh at him as to why the cool school bully’s frequency of crying was a bit high.

 

But not anymore.

 

Bian Shengjian gritted his teeth, and tasted a salty bloody smell gradually filling his mouth. He probably bit the flesh of his cheeks when he was too emotional just now.

 

Damn, it really hurts.

 

Bian Shengjian closed his eyes.

 

He had never cried bitterly for anyone, Lu Shen was the first one.

 

“Then…” Zhou Li wiped his face fiercely, and said in a tone that was about to cry. “Then where is his tomb…shall I accompany you to see him?”

 

Bian Shengjian suddenly opened his eyes, and stared at Zhou Li with a gaze close to a cannibalistic gaze, “…What did you say?”

 

“I…” Zhou Li couldn’t help shivering, and repeated carefully, “I said his tomb… I’m sorry Brother Jian! I said something wrong, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

 

“No,” Bian Shengjian stood up suddenly, as if he had opened a clear path through the chaos, and muttered, “Yes…his tomb….He never told me where his grave is..…”

 

“Brother Jian, where are you going?” Zhou Li looked at his back and shouted in panic.

 

Bian Shengjian paused for a moment and slowly turned around. Although there were still traces of tears on his face, a faint smile appeared on the corner of his mouth for a long time. “It’s time to go find that bastard’s tomb.”