Copy of Resentment

Shooting Star

Can I pursue you?

You want to pursue me?

Pursue me.

You.

Bian Shengjian opened his mouth but didn’t speak, Lu Shen’s hand on top of his head was still firmly propped, and he kept staring at him from a close distance, with the tip of his nose almost touching the other’s.

“May I?” Lu Shen asked softly again.

This was the situation.

Bian Shengjian could directly feel Lu Shen’s slightly heavy breathing brushing against his face, while he could also faintly hear the voice of the host talking. This kind of place where there was only a curtain between them and the public made him inevitably feel ashamed and angry, not to mention someone had passed by just now……he didn’t even know if she had seen his face clearly.

But what Bian Shengjian cared more about now than these things was the look Lu Shen was giving him at this moment—longing, pain, struggle, begging…..There was also a deep emotion that was too thick to dissolve.

Is it like? Or love?

“Let me go!” 

Bian Shengjian finally struggled out of the chaotic state, and kicked Lu Shen’s calf fiercely. “Go away!”

Lu Shen groaned when he kicked him, and his hands loosened.

Bian Shengjian took the opportunity to push him away, tightened the strap of the gig bag, and turned around to walk down the stage. He took a long step, but his figure seemed a little unstable—however, before he could take another step, his arm was grasped tightly. The man grabbed it firmly with such force that he felt his arm would almost be dislocated. 

“Lu Shen!” Bian Shengjian gritted his teeth and let out a low growl, but before he could turn around, he was suddenly hugged from behind. Lu Shen’s chin rested on the hollow of his shoulder, and his arms wrapped around his waist were like steel rings, and he felt his waist and internal organs were being crushed.

“Fuck.” Bian Shengjian felt that the fire in his heart was getting hotter and hotter, and without hesitation, he elbowed him backwards, hitting his ribs, but Lu Shen still hugged him silently. 

Feeling as if he would disappear if he let go.

Bian Shengjian took a deep breath and was planning to hit him again, when suddenly he felt a few drops of warm liquid dripping on his neck. Bian Shengjian paused and froze in place.

Lu Shen……Is he crying?

“I’m sorry.” Lu Shen’s voice was very low, but it didn’t sound like he was crying, “Third brother, don’t go, I’m afraid that you won’t come back after you leave.” Bian Shengjian didn’t speak, and suddenly felt a little out of breath.

But not of anger……..just like he’s being strangled.

“Third brother, I like you,” Lu Shen rubbed his nose lightly against his shoulder, “I need you….I want you to be by my side every day……Only you can remember me, remember the traces of my existence in this world.”

“I’ve been thinking about what the meaning of my existence is….until I met you,” Lu Shen’s tear fell on Bian Shengjian’s neck, and he couldn’t help shrinking because of the instant scorching heat. “I’m very scared, I’ve always been scared, I’m afraid that I will always be alone…..But I am even more afraid that if we are together, what will you do when I am gone one day. “

Bian Shengjian was shocked, and tried to turn around but failed. “You……”

Lu Shen took a low breath, and finally his voice sounded nasally when he spoke, “But you are so good, I can’t help but get close to you, your kindness, your beauty, everything about you, I want to know and touch…..I’m sorry Third Brother, I couldn’t help but kiss you when you were asleep that day in your room.”

“Didn’t you also kiss me just now?” Bian Shengjian gritted his teeth, and his mind started to become confused again.

“That’s right.” Lu Shen chuckled twice, and eventually loosened his grip. “Young Bian, I’ll let you choose.”

“What choose?” Bian Shengjian cleared his throat with difficulty, but still didn’t look back.

“If you…want to be with me, stay, and I will try my best to make you like me.” Lu Shen said, “If you are afraid that I will…….or if you don’t like me, just go, I won’t pester you in the future, I promise.”

Lu Shen let go of his arms, took two steps back, and looked at Bian Shengjian’s back with nostalgia in his eyes. “Is this okay?”

“Lu Shen.” Bian Shengjian turned around suddenly, and his eyes were a little red. “Why are you….”

“What?” Lu Shen was taken aback.

“Lu Shen, why the hell are you like this!” Bian Shengjian yanked Lu Shen’s collar fiercely with all his strength and growled. “You are the one who provoked me first! And now you’re letting me choose! Why? Who do you think you are!”

“I…” Lu Shen paused, his throat filled with bitterness. “Okay, then what choices do you want ?”

“First, go away as far as you can from now on.” Bian Shengjian stared into his eyes, “Can you do it?”

“…can. “Lu Shen closed his eyes.

“Second, if you don’t want to go away, then stay with me from now on.” Bian Shengjian said.

Lu Shen suddenly opened his eyes and looked at him in disbelief. “What did you say?”

“How long have you fucking liked me? If you really liked me, wouldn’t you be able to tell…” Bian Shengjian paused, but still said it out loud in one breath, “Wouldn’t you be able to tell that I also fucking like you!”

The expression on Lu Shen’s entire face seemed to turn dull, and it took at least ten seconds for the machine to crash before finally working again, and with a look of ecstasy, he said, “Really? Are you serious! Third brother, you seriously……………”

“Shut up!” Bian Shengjian quickly covered his mouth, “There are fucking people below the stage! Are you an idiot!”

“Third brother………” Lu Shen took a deep breath, but two more tears rolled out of his eyes uncontrollably, “I’m so happy…”

“Happy, my ass,” Bian Shengjian grabbed his neck with one hand, and said viciously, “Why was it a forced kiss a while ago? Huh? You fucking…”

Lu Shen didn’t say a word, merely put his arms around his neck and quickly bit his lips. “I’m sorry.”

“The heck?” Bian Shengjian was stunned, the veins on his forehead throbbed violently. He pinched Lu Shen’s chin neatly and kissed him fiercely. He swore that he would get back all the humiliations he had suffered three times at once and directly bite Lu Shen’s lip, and both of them tasted blood at once.

It’s painful.

Lu Shen’s breathing became heavier and heavier.

But this painful kiss, even if he drank ten bowls of the Mengpo soup in the future, he probably wouldn’t be able to forget it.

“…..Are you feeling good?” Bian Shengjian took a deep breath and wiped the corners of his mouth.

In fact, he had never been in a relationship, and naturally he had no experience in kissing. He just gnawed at it, but this gnawing unexpectedly made him feel the fire a little bit.

Damn, fortunately I wore a pair of loose pants today.

“Good.” Lu Shen looked at him and smiled, but he hesitated for a while and said, “Third brother, but if I later……”

“Lu Shen,” Bian Shengjian interrupted him, “I don’t want the future, what I want is now.”

Lu Shen only stared at him blankly. 

“I…… have never liked anyone, and I don’t know how to say love words,” Bian Shengjian frowned, “but I just want to be with you now, do you understand?”

“I understand.” Lu Shen reached out and hugged him, his body trembling with laughter. “It’s okay, I’ll just say these words later.”

“You are really one with a poor mouth.” Bian Shengjian clicked his tongue. 

In fact, what Lu Shen just said was not completely unreasonable. He had been thinking about similar issues before, but before he could figure it out, tonight’s unexpected situation happened so unexpectedly, and it gave him no room for maneuver at all.

But…… 

Bian Shengjian sighed, and reached out to Lu Shen’s back to pat lightly.

But at this moment, the embrace that Lu Shen gave him was so real, warm, and with a rapid heartbeat just like his own

Is this what it feels like to love someone?

Bian Shengjian closed his eyes.

In a trance, he suddenly remembered the sentence that his Chinese teacher repeated in class in his elementary school.

 “Whatever it is that you do in the future, even if you can fool others, you will definitely not be able to fool yourself.”

…..Yeah, no matter how good the disguise is, how could it be possible to deceive yourself?

What the teacher said really makes sense.

“What, let’s go down first.” Bian Shengjian coughed lightly, “I really have a sense of having an affair just now.”

“Okay.” Lu Shen smiled and held his hand, then he picked up the gig bag that Bian Shengjian had left at his feet. “Young Bian.”

“Hmm? What?” Bian Shengjian glanced at him.

“Can you sing for me alone in the future? Like just now.” Lu Shen said with a smile.

“Give you one?” Bian Shengjian raised his eyebrows, “Okay, if you beg.”

“Please.” Lu Shen didn’t let go of his hand, and leaned into his ear with a smile and said softly, “Boyfriend.”

****

“Brother Jian, where did you go just now?” Zhou Li spotted Bian Shengjian who was about to sneak out the back door from a long distance, ran up through the crowd and patted him on the shoulder. “I was looking for you .”

“Ah!” Bian Shengjian was startled and turned around, quickly and quietly shook off Lu Shen’s hand. “…..Going out to get some air, it’s too stuffy inside.”

“Are there still a lot of programs left? Don’t you want to watch? I think they’re quite interesting……” Lu Shen said and suddenly came up again.

 “Hey , what happened to your face? Why is it so red?”

“Damn, it’s nothing” Bian Shengjian quickly touched his face with his hands, and it turned out to be a little hot. He coughed lightly and said, “Maybe I was too excited just now.”

“That’s not true,” Zhou Li immediately gave him a thumbs up. “Brother, you were really handsome just now! I recorded the whole performance, and I will send it to you later!”

“Ha, then let’s just talk about it later.” Bian Shengjian silently moved towards the door. “I’m going out first.”

“Okay.” Zhou Li hesitated for a while and then whispered. “But if you want to leave now, go quickly. I just saw a large group of girls crowded towards our class, and they seem to be planning on blocking you.”

“I’m leaving.” Bian Shengjian immediately jumped a few steps towards the door: “Thank you.”

“Go ahead. Remember to teach me how to play the guitar next time. I might just be able to flirt with the girls in the future.” Zhou Li said with a smile.

“Oh, okay.” Bian Shengjian nodded, took two steps back and accidentally bumped into Lu Shen’s shoulder. Thanks to Lu Shen’s own miraculous negligible existence, otherwise Zhou Li would have seen the cut in Lu Shen’s mouth and he really didn’t know what he would think after seeing it……He didn’t want to be forced to come out to someone after that dizzying confession.

“Follow me,” Lu Shen grabbed his hand again amidst the deafening sound, his voice sounding very pleasant. “I’ll take you somewhere.”

The place Lu Shen was talking about was on the roof of a certain teaching building. Although it was far away from the crowd, Shengjian really couldn’t understand the romantic side of choosing to go upstairs to get some air on this cold night.

“Fuck, why don’t we just go down.” Bian Shengjian squinted his eyes due to the oncoming cold wind, and the hotness in his heart that was aroused by Lu Shen’s words just now calmed down. “You’re sick. Why have you thought of coming to the rooftop to get some air at night?”

“I read the news that there will be meteors tonight,” Lu Shen looked up at the sky. “I don’t know if it’s true.”

“It’s nonsense, I’m freezing to death here.” Bian Shengjian could only look up at the sky with him, but all he could see were dark clouds. “I say, you’re really sick.”.

“Is it cold?” Lu Shen squeezed his wrist and put his hand inside his pocket, looking at him with bright eyes. “Young Bian, I have something for you.”

“Give it if you want, why are you acting so gay?” Bian Shengjian spat.

Lu Shen didn’t speak, and slowly took out a small box from his trouser pocket and handed it to him. “This…I think it’s very suitable for you.”

Bian Shengjian shook his stiff fingers, opened the box under Lu Shen’s expectant eyes, and was slightly taken aback.

It’s a pair of black earrings.

The style was monotonous, but it looked very cool.

“I…I don’t usually wear earrings.” Bian Shengjian touched his ears subconsciously.

It’s good that he has pierced ears, but he usually didn’t like those messy accessories, which would only make his whole person look greasy.

“This one is not obvious.” Lu Shen stretched out his hand to pinch one of them, and said with some embarrassment. “Moreover, this is given by me…..it can be regarded as a token of love.”

“Ah?” Bian Shengjian was stunned for a moment and couldn’t help but want to laugh. “Did you prepare to confess your love to me today? You even have a token of love, you are so old-fashioned.”

“It doesn’t count…” Lu Shen rubbed his nose. Bian Shengjian couldn’t help but click his tongue twice when he saw his appearance.

 It must have been really embarrassing for him to give him a gift, not to mention that forceful kiss just a while back.

He really looks like an old-fashioned bastard.

“Shall I put it on for you?” Lu Shen blinked his eyes lightly, “Actually, this earring also has an effect, it can temporarily mask your breath, so that the resentful spirits will not invade your dreams. “

“Don’t worry, I am not afraid.” Bian Shengjian sighed, and slightly tilted his head. “Put it on, if it hurts, I’ll beat you to death.”

Lu Shen stretched out his hand, carefully put the two earrings through Bian Shengjian’s earlobe, and finally pinched the tip of it and said with a smile. “Handsome.”

“Let me take a look.” Bian Shengjian turned on the front cam of his phone and looked left and right. After a while, he reluctantly responded. “Mn, not bad.”

“I don’t know if there will really be meteors tonight…” Lu Shen murmured, and then put his arms around Bian Shengjian’s shoulders, and the two of them leaned against the railing quietly and looked into the distance. Here, was the teaching building with lights on, and a little further away was the dark back mountain.

Dots of street lights were intertwined on the school road below, looking like a flowing river of light from a height.

It wasn’t an astonishingly beautiful scene, but Bian Shengjian felt inexplicably at ease at the moment.

It’s like a kind of peace of mind when the dust settles after going through the chaos of war.

It’s quite miraculous to say that, just one night later, he had somehow gained a boyfriend, and this boyfriend was not even a human being. Tsk tsk, was this the legendary love between ghosts and humans?

“If there was a shooting star, what wish would you make?” Bian Shengjian asked, suddenly looking at the night sky.

“Well…… I wish I can be with you forever.” Lu Shen said seriously after thinking for a while.

“It’s too old-fashioned,” Bian Shengjian clicked, “Change to another one.”

“Change to another one? Then…” Lu Shen paused for a while, then grabbed his hand and smiled suddenly. “Then I hope that my boyfriend’s wish will come true.”