Identity
Stay for me.
For whom?
For you.
Bian Shengjian didn’t speak.
After a while, he turned over to sleep.
“…Go to sleep.”
“Hm.” Lu Shen responded, and the room regained its silence.
But Bian Shengjian couldn’t sleep even for a little bit. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the touch of Lu Shen’s words that just brought to him, as if tiny thorns on a vine had pricked the tip of his heart.
Regarding the question of whether to stay in the No. 4 Middle School, the result before he met Lu Shen would definitely be beyond doubt, but now that he had gone through such a situation, to be honest, Bian Shengjian’s heart was already a little wavering.
But what Lu Shen just said was asking him if he was willing to stay for him.
This vague and ambiguous expression made Bian Shengjian feel a little complicated for a while.
He unconsciously reached out and touched the part of the collar. The teeth marks that Lu Shen bit were no longer painful, but because his body was riddled with scars from fighting, when he stretched out his hand to touch it, it seemed that the sunken part of the teeth marks was still there and it felt hot.
Lu Shen’s lips were cold when he bit him that time.
“Fuck.” Bian Shengjian cursed in his heart, then turned around and lay down on his back a little irritatedly. After a pause, he couldn’t help but glance at Lu Shen from the corner of his eye, his sleeping posture was upright, and seemed like he had really fallen asleep after closing his eyes for a while.
Bastard!
Bian Shengjian was so angry at this kind of bastard who could make him lose sleep with just one sentence, while the other was sleeping soundly, so much so that he wanted to jump up and slap him in the face right now.
“Forget it, I won’t care about you anymore.”
Bian Shengjian closed his eyes irritably, and after forcing himself to sleep for half an hour, he finally fell asleep as he wished, and even let out a small snort or two.
In the silence, Lu Shen opened his eyes, turned his head slightly to look at Bian Shengjian who was already asleep, and unconsciously curled the corners of his mouth.
Sleeping like a piglet, it seems that he was really tired.
Holding his breath, he lifted the quilt lightly, jumped out of the bed in a posture that hardly caused the mattress to shake, and even pulled the quilt over up to Shengjian’s collar, turned around and walked away, went to the bathroom and closed the door.
“Cough cough…” Lu Shen covered his mouth and couldn’t help coughing twice, his face looked like a ghost in the mirror right now .
…No, he was originally a ghost.
Lu Shen lowered his head and laughed twice, slowly raised his hand and placed it on the back of his neck, undid the chain of the black lock with a click, took it into his hand and looked at it carefully.
Sure enough, another crack appeared.
Lu Shen stared at the two small cracks for a long time, then slowly put the lock on the edge of the sink, and looked up again to examine his appearance in the mirror.
No one was there.
Lu Shen took a deep breath and tried to reach out to touch the mirror, but at this moment, just like in the past, his hand passed through the mirror easily, unable to touch anything at all.
Lu Shen’s other hand hanging by his side trembled slightly. He closed his eyes, he picked up the lock again and put it back around his neck, then let out a long breath while propping his hand on the sink.
Although he had already tried countless times, this result still made him extremely frustrated.
“What am I going to do with you……” Lu Shen stretched out his hand, and pressed his fingers against his own cheek in the mirror, drawing the line from the brow bone to the chin. as a wry smile was displayed in the corner of his mouth. “Third brother, what am I going to do with you?”
There was no real entity, and he can only rely on external objects as support, barely continuing to live in this world as a person.
But even if he knew that he could still meet Bian Shengjian without the support of the outside world, Lu Shen also knew that it was not what he wanted. He wanted a brand new identity, a real identity as a human being, to be with the person he likes openly and aboveboard. Even if the two of them quarreled, or broke up in the end, that was what he had always longed for, something that could only be done between two ordinary people.
Now, what would I use to be able to hug you?
Lu Shen stared at his face in the mirror, with a faint anger appearing on his face, then the bottles and cans placed by the sink began to vibrate and collide with a small frequency.
“Stop, don’t think about it.”
Lu Shen coughed twice more, turned on the faucet and splashed two handfuls on his face. When he raised his head again, the jars and cans finally stopped shaking, as if nothing had happened.
Lu Shen turned and pushed open the bathroom door.
The curtains in Bian Shengjian’s room had a good blackout effect, only a little moonlight came through the gaps, and the mottled light and shadow were intertwined.
The person on the bed was still sleeping peacefully.
Lu Shen stood firmly in the darkness and watched for a long time before he quietly tried to sneak back to the bed in the same posture, but just as he raised his left foot, he heard someone suddenly whisper in his ear. “Lu Shen……”
Lu Shen froze instantly, staring at Bian Shengjian’s profile in disbelief.
“Lu Shen……” This time he heard clearly, the voice really came from Bian Shengjian’s mouth.
As soon as Lu Shen bent down to get close to him, he heard another dissatisfied murmur. “Fuck you Lu Shen……”
“Pfft.” Lu Shen couldn’t help but laugh out loud. He watched Bian Shengjian’s slightly frowning expression of displeasure, and stretched out his hand, no longer being able to restrain himself, and gently brushed away the hairs on his forehead. He bent down and dropped a kiss on his forehead, which was as soft as a butterfly’s flapping wings as it passed by.
“….sleep. ” Lu Shen gently tucked the corner of the quilt for him.
****
Bian Shengjian opened his eyes, and when he faced the person lying next to him, he couldn’t help but shout. “Fuck!”
“Huh? What’s the matter?” Lu Shen opened his eyes in a daze.
“Nothing.” Bian Shengjian stared at him with ghostly eyes, and it took a while to realize why he appeared on his bed. After all, he had been sleeping alone for more than ten years, and suddenly there was another person next to him. He really couldn’t get used to it, thus he clicked his tongue before saying, “Stop sleeping, get up.”
“Oh, okay.” Lu Shen rubbed his eyes and sat up, looking cute with his messy hair and dazed look.
“Hurry up, don’t dawdle.” Bian Shengjian jumped out of bed and went to the bathroom to wash up. It took a while for Lu Shen to follow slowly, took the toiletry set that Bian Shengjian gave him last night, and started brushing his teeth slowly, still with a dazed expression.
“Did you sneak around last night?” Bian Shengjian wet his face and began to squeeze cleansing mousse into his palm, “You look so sleepy.”
“Ah.” With a toothbrush in his mouth, Lu Shen leaned on Bian Shengjian’s shoulder with his half-lidded eyes. “Yes.”
“Go away, I’m washing my face.” Bian Shengjian gave him an elbow angrily, and the foam almost got on his clothes. “Don’t dawdle all day, are you a dog?”
“Yes.” Lu Shen spit out the foam and rinsed his mouth, then smiled and hugged Bian Shengjian’s waist. “Do you want me to wear a collar for you, Master?”
“…Get out!” Bian Shengjian was so startled that water almost entered his eyes, he straightened up and wiped his face vigorously. “Lu Shen, what the hell is going on in that fucking brain of yours?”
Lu Shen smiled and pinched his waist before turning around and going out.
“Fuck, do you want to die!” Bian Shengjian roared, staring at his back, slammed the bathroom door shut, sat on the toilet and began to vent his anger.
This early in the morning, he felt as if he was being molested. The experience was very unpleasant, therefore when Bian Shengjian went out, he still couldn’t hold back and kicked Lu Shen’s ass. “Dog!”
“Hey!” Lu Shen yelled, and turned to look at him, “Don’t do it, I’m sick.”
“Go to the hospital for treatment if you are sick, and let them take a look at your brain along the way.” Bian Shengjian gritted his teeth and said.
“Third Brother, I was wrong.” Lu Shen smiled.
“Go down and eat, my dad should have gone to work by now.” Bian Shengjian didn’t bother to talk to him, and looked down at his watch.
“Isn’t today your mother’s anniversary?” Lu Shen asked softly.
“Well, he had an important document to deal with today, but he should go directly to the cemetery after he’s done with it in a while.” Bian Shengjian couldn’t help but sighed.
Even if Dad chooses the best cemetery for Mom, the tombstone was still cold.
But that day when her hair passed through his fingertips, it felt warm to the touch.
I really want to hug her again.
****
Bian Shengjian stared quietly at the black and white photo for a long time, while Bian Jianhua stood beside him without saying anything.
Speaking of which, it seemed that this was the first time that the father and son came to visit the grave together, and Bian Shengjian did not forget to bring flowers this time.
“Mom.” Bian Shengjian gently placed a bouquet of lilies in front of the monument, “Don’t worry, I’m doing well now.”
“Wife,” Bian Jianhua put a hand on Bian Shengjian’s shoulder, his tone trembling, “Our son has really changed a lot. If you can see him now, you will be very happy.”
“Hm.” Bian Shengjian lowered his eyes slightly, and then showed a slightly relieved smile. “Mom, I’m leaving, I will come see you again when I have time.”
“Are you going back tomorrow?” Bian Jianhua said hesitantly, “Son, if you are really not used to the new school……”
“No need,” Bian Shengjian interrupted him, “I’m doing fine.”
“That’s good.” Bian Jianhua breathed a sigh of relief. “When your class adviser came to me at the beginning of school, I was shocked. I thought you had a fight with a teacher.”
“Can you stop mentioning these things?” Bian Shengjian clicked his tongue, and then looked at him with his arms crossed. “Dad, you are quite good, I didn’t know you were among the school’s board of trustees.”
“Isn’t this because I was afraid that you will suffer in school?” Bian Jianhua smiled and patted him on the shoulder. “Yes, it’s because Dad didn’t discuss with you about investing in your school.”
“No, if you always want to do this kind of thing, you can go for it, but please consult with me first.” Bian Shengjian sighed. “However, this time you really made me shine in school…”
Lu Shen stood not far away and quietly watched the conversation between the father and son. The atmosphere looked warm and harmonious, and there was no trace left by the bloody storm before.
“Very good.” Lu Shen curled the corner of his mouth, but his eyes were a little gloomy.
Bian Shengjian had been avoiding the topic of transferring schools yesterday, and he hadn’t observed any clues from his expression this morning, thus until now Lu Shen still hasn’t figured out whether Bian Shengjian was going to continue to study in No. 4 Middle School, or not.
Will he accept it reluctantly, or simply reject it?
After all, his family background was good, and it wouldn’t be difficult to find another school.
What’s more, the school was also…
“Lu Shen!” Bian Shengjian waved to him and shouted, “Let’s go, why are you still standing there in a daze?”
“Coming.” Lu Shen followed immediately, and nervously asked, “Where are you going now?”
“Go home and pack the luggage,” Bian Shengjian looked at him with an expression of ‘are you stupid?’
“Ah.” Lu Shen was taken aback for a moment and laughed. Although he already knew the final result, he still couldn’t help but want to ask again. “Where are you going after packing your luggage?”
“Go to school.” Bian Shengjian clicked his tongue, and added slowly at the end, “… If anything happens again, will you protect me?”
“I will,” Lu Shen grabbed his hand, ignoring Father Bian still following behind them, “I will definitely!”
“Hey, what are you shouting about!” Bian Shengjian was taken aback by him, and shook his hand a few times, but he still couldn’t shake it off, therefore he raised his hand viciously and gave him a thump on his forehead. “Stupid.”
Lu Shen smiled and said nothing, lowered his head and scratched his palm twice. “I’m happy.”
