Episode 91. Crack (2)
What Odette had come up with was clearly the most plausible theory she could think of.
At the same time, it was a hypothesis she desperately wished to be true.
So if Walter had been a bit more rational, Odette would have undoubtedly nodded alongside his affirmation.
If he hadn’t lost his composure.
If lying hadn’t been so uncharacteristically easy for him.
And if Odette hadn’t realized that he was lying.
Now Walter’s demeanor was back to its usual self.
Relaxed and casual. While it might have seemed sharp to others, to Odette, it was always affectionate and trustworthy…….
“I suppose that answers all your questions.”
“……Is that all you just said? What you’re hiding from me. Are you sure there’s nothing more?”
“There isn’t.”
Lying.
“I’ve said it before, but I hope you can be as honest with me as I am with you. I don’t want to lose trust in you.”
Odette’s hand clenched slowly. Her nails digging into her palm.
Please.
“Can I trust what you’re saying?”
“……Yes.”
A shock of cold water poured over Odette’s head.
She was a bit surprised that she could maintain her composure in such a situation.
Was it because her heart normally beat fiercely, suddenly turning cold?
Or was it that she was used to betrayal, nurtured by her upbringing in the Palace.
Looking back, she remembered feeling this way even on the day she realized the trusted maid had poisoned her tea.
And again, when she made the maid drink the poisoned tea herself.
“……I see.”
Odette found herself placing her hand over her heart without realizing it, her voice breaking the silence.
When she was with Walter, she had worried that her heart would beat so loudly it might give her away.
But now, it was back to its usual rhythm.
“I’m relieved to know. I didn’t want to keep suspecting you.”
Now that she knew he was lying, there was no need to scrutinize him with suspicion.
“My heart used to race when I saw you…… I wondered if it was because I had feelings for you. But now, I realize it was just anxiety. It’s much calmer now. I guess it wasn’t what I thought.”
Perhaps it was for the best.
It was better to have a slightly amusing misunderstanding than to love someone who deceives you.
But Odette’s words brought a complicated expression to Walter’s face.
He reached out to her as usual.
But Odette’s hand pushed his away in that moment.
“……Odette.”
“Don’t touch me, it’s unnecessary.”
“Are you angry because I haven’t told you the truth all this time?”
“No.”
I’m angry because you’re still deceiving me.
And I can’t figure out what else you’re deceiving me about.
Because you’re so good at it, and I feel a little more clumsy than usual around you.
“It’s just that I realize I’ve been mistakenly thinking I like you, and I don’t want to be mistaken anymore, so let’s draw a line.”
“Odette.”
“I’m going to sleep in my room tonight. Get some rest.”
Odette gave me a nonchalant smile and left.
Before opening the bedroom door and leaving the room.
For some reason, Odette glanced back.
She saw Walter staring back at her, his face unchanged from the last time she had seen him.
A face that reminded her of the parasol abandoned in the rain, looking as if it might burst into tears at any moment.
His pitiful expression gave her the sudden urge to hug him, but Odette resisted.
‘I don’t want to give my heart to someone who deceives me.’
Though she didn’t show it, but she was hurt too.
So Odette closed the door and left.
She wanted to cry.
* * *
“Your Excellency is hiding something? and even lying about it?”
“Shh, Ellie. Lower your voice.”
“Oops, sorry!”
Startled, Ellie covered her mouth with both hands.
Odette sighed quietly at Ellie’s lack of caution.
The two of them were meeting to attend a ball held at the palace today.
To be honest, Odette just wanted to dismiss the ball and hole up at home, but there was a reason she had to attend this one.
‘Because I made a mess at Countess Myra’s social gathering.’
She needed to take action before the incident became a topic of discussion in society.
Countess Myra was quite influential in social circles, and she could easily spin the events of that day against Odette.
Moreover, if the social gathering ended in chaos, Odette wouldn’t achieve anything she wanted.
‘I wanted to lay the groundwork for social activities, but it seems that plan has gone awry.’
So what could she do? Attend grand events like the Palace ball and exchange pleasantries appropriately.
Of course, that didn’t necessarily mean she had to call Ellie.
“For some reason, I thought you had called for me…….”
“Yes. I needed an excuse to enter separately from Walter……. We’ve been separated for days.”
Odette sighed and buried her face in her hands.
After that day, Odette avoided Walter.
Or rather, she avoided him, but only in the sense that she didn’t go out of her way to see him off, only to speak through him, and didn’t share meals or bedrooms.
It was unusual, considering that they usually spent most of their time together at the manor.
Even Emma would cautiously ask, “Madam, did something happen between you two?”
The problem was that, despite the situation, Walter didn’t look for Odette.
– ……Is that really it, Emma?
– Yes? Oh, yeah……. I went to deliver your message while you napped, he just gestured and said okay, go ahead.
– He didn’t seem upset?
– Well, I’m not sure.
To be honest, in Emma’s eyes, Walter always seemed similarly unhappy when Odette wasn’t around.
Odette’s loyal maid wondered if she should mention it, then closed her mouth for fear of disloyalty.
– His Excellency seemed as usual.
– ……I see. All right, thank you.
And Odette interpreted Emma’s words as, “Walter doesn’t care what she do”.
This makes it impossible for her to approach him, even out of pride.
Moreover, there’s an upcoming ball which is typical for couples to enter together.
For this reason, Odette informs Walter that she will enter separately and calls for Ellie.
This provided a plausible excuse, but her heart was not at ease.
Ellie seems shocked too, confused, and angry that Walter has been deceiving Odette all this time.
“I never expected this from him. He acted as if he would grant Her Highness any request as though it were nothing!”
“……I don’t know, I wonder what Walter is hiding.”
How much of what he said to her was true?
Where does the truth end and the lies begin?
“Still, I want to believe that not everything was a lie.”
“Human heart is a complicated thing, but…… I’m starting to doubt. I’ve always been wondering. People said the Duke was meeting other women behind your back.”
“That was a misunderstanding.”
“It was. But chimney sweeps don’t get covered in ash without doing any cleaning.”
In short, the misunderstanding was caused by Walter’s behavior.
“When a husband treats his wife so well that it raises suspicion, usually, there’s one reason. An affair.”
“…… Where did you hear that?”
“Shall I lend it to you? It’s quite a classic. An enormous soap opera with as many as three illicit relationships!”
“……Maybe later.”
Odette briefly wondered how many books like that Ellie’s had on her shelves, but she stopped herself.
Ellie insisted that times like these called for escapist novels as entertainment, but Odette still didn’t feel in the mood.
‘An affair.’
It was like something she’d forgotten about for a while had risen to the surface and choked her.
Anxiety about how far Walter’s lies extended, thoughts about infidelity, these thoughts weighed heavily on her.
Even amidst all this, she felt ashamed to be having these thoughts about Walter.
‘He’s been so good to me.’
He had faithfully fulfilled the terms of their contract, and even more so.
It wasn’t likely out of genuine love.
If he had put in so much effort for her sake, perhaps it would be better to just turn a blind eye and pretend not to know about any infidelity.
‘Maybe that’s the way to go for Walter.’
Even just thinking about it felt like dozens of needles were piercing her chest, but Odette tried to be rational.
However, there was another reason she had refused Ellie’s book.
Infidelity.
The moment she heard that word, the dreams that had been haunting her suddenly resurfaced.
‘In that dream, I was married to Count Clovis, but I had Walter in my heart.’
Odette’s dreams became clearer as days went by.
Or should she say, they became more specific.
In her dreams, Odette was miserably unhappy.
The marriage she had believed would be successful with Louis through a contractual arrangement had turned out to be a complete failure.
As she is now, Odette’s mental state was beyond imagination.
She easily felt helpless over trivial matters and often burst into tears.
These symptoms had rapidly worsened after Cedric’s death, sometimes causing her to act like a madwoman.
Of course, this only made things worse.
The important thing was that scenes that should have remained just dreams began to feel more and more like memories.
Sometimes Odette would sob uncontrollably in her dreams, only to wake up here in reality, still feeling powerless and continuing to cry.
‘It’s fortunate that these emotions subside somewhat after a little time passes.’
But not all of them did.
The affection for Louis, her former husband, and the tenderness she felt towards Walter, who had been a support in that hellish situation, lingered like flotsam.
The problem was that this fact was extremely shocking to Odette.
‘How could I harbor such feelings while having a husband?’
Odette was a conservative person, even more so when it came to affairs.
But in reality, she was married to Walter, so it was a good thing that it never happened.
Although there was a bit of a side effect in not being able to read books where infidelity was the main theme.
‘If nothing happens, it will soon be erased.’
Odette thought as she made her way to the ballroom.
Little did she imagine that there, she would unexpectedly encounter Louis alone.
