Chapter 9: The Name of the Survival Strategy Is… (3)
My hands and feet were tingling, and my chest felt heavy. I think I could somewhat understand the late Emperor’s state of mind, who supposedly took his own life out of unbearable shame.
The impact of my remark “I’m going to marry Brother!” turned out to be far greater than expected. It was obvious that it had reached the ears of all the staff in less than half a day. Why else would Emma be constantly flashing that smile while stealing glances at me?
AHHHHHHHHH, I’m dying of embarrassment! I’m crazy, crazy! How did I even come up with something like that? How am I ever going to look at my brother’s face again…?
…Oh, that’s right. I think Levina said something like that too once. Not to my brother but to Father. Back then, I thought it was some bizarre new type of immorality, but Father actually seemed pleased. I still can’t figure out why he liked it though!!!
I get it now. Come to think of it, I’ve spent the last three years closely observing how a girl like Levina could utterly charm grown men. And now, here I am, using her tactics. Haha, should I thank her? Levina probably never imagined her own words and actions would come back to bite her like this.
“Ahem, Young Miss?”
Ack, when did she get so close? And that “Young Miss” title still feels so strange… ugh.
“Come over here and take a look. His Grace has sent two dresses for the party, and he’s asked for you ladies to choose which one is better.”
Wait, Father and what?! Dresses?! …Oh, right, because I’m a girl now. Sob. The party to announce Levina’s entry into the family, under the guise of my brother’s birthday celebration, was coming up soon.
The two dresses hung on the wall were both light green, but with different designs. Even someone like me, who knew nothing about women’s clothes, could tell they were luxurious. Just one problem: I’ll be the one wearing it. Oh god… No, keep it together. I have to seduce my brother, so I must look beautiful. It’s his birthday too.
…Though, thinking that doesn’t bring much comfort. How on earth did I end up in such a terrible, inhumane, and downright forbidden situation? Hic.
One dress had ribbons and frills, making it look cute, while the other was more mature with sheer chiffon and lace.
To be honest, I didn’t like either but…! I needed to look pretty. And I knew exactly what men find attractive. If I was trying to charm a boy my age, dressing maturely would be the way to go. But the target was my brother, who’s five years older than me. This wasn’t meant to be! Cough, ahem ahem.
So I should go with the one with frills…
“I’ll choose the one on the right.”
“The lace one? Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
After Emma left with the dress, I came back to the mirror. Was I becoming too narcissistic? No! I was simply practicing my facial expressions! This was called survival training! Damn it. I needed to figure out how to make this cute face as lovely as possible and practice until it felt natural.
I wasn’t just practicing smiles; there were also sad expressions, pouting faces, angry looks—anything that would move the other’s heart as much as possible!
Ugh, I’ve been practicing so much that my facial muscles were starting to ache. What was this life? First, I became a eunuch, and now I was going to seduce my brother…
“Sister?”
…I knew it. Suppressing the evil smile forming on my face, I turned and greeted Levina with a more amiable one. Her sparkling ocean-blue eyes were fixated on the dress hanging on the wall.
“Sister… I have a favor to ask of you.”
“What is it? I’ll help if it’s something I can do.”
“Really?”
“Of course. We’re sisters now, aren’t we?”
…It felt like my soul was being sucked into a cringey void.
Levina scanned me up and down for a moment with an appraising look, but soon flashed an innocent, radiant smile and blurted out what she wanted.
“Can I wear that dress instead?”
I’m so glad I know you well.
“Really…? Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry, but I thought it would suit me better.”
“Then let’s do that.”
I answered easily, and her big, round, ocean-blue eyes were a bit flustered, as if caught off guard. Hah, of course, she came here expecting me to refuse. Once I did, she’d run straight back to Father and Brother, complaining about how I was so mean and couldn’t even give up a mere dress. She’d exaggerate it too to make it seem worse. It was obvious, you fox!
Though Levina got the dress she wanted, she didn’t look very satisfied. On the other hand, I was extremely pleased. Hahahaha! But why was she still lingering around instead of leaving?
“Sister, what are you going to give dear brother Eugene as a present?”
“Huh? Well, what about you?”
“I, I don’t know yet. I don’t know anything about Brother…”
Those pitiful eyes won’t work on me. Even if you say you don’t know anything, you sure know exactly how to win everyone’s affection, don’t you? I vividly remembered how this banquet went down and exactly what you did that day.
At the banquet in the past, which was the same as the banquet coming up, Levina suddenly asked me to dance. I didn’t know the first thing about dancing, and I didn’t want to be in the spotlight, but it wasn’t proper for a gentleman to decline a lady’s request to dance. Thus, I had no choice but to accept.
Ugh, just thinking about it made me want to kick the air. Anyway, people praised the dance of the Ducal siblings. More than anything, they were dying of cuteness because of Levina.
However, it was hell for me. I still felt wronged when I thought of what Father said to me afterwards. Sniff. It was unfair that Levina was praised as cute even when she stepped on my foot or made a mistake, but I was deemed not good enough for the same thing.
The whole banquet revolved around Levina. Most nobles wanted to stay in Father’s good graces, so they all played along with what he wanted. Near the end of the banquet, Levina presented a picture she’d drawn to my brother as his birthday gift. It was a family portrait, and people wouldn’t stop going on about how the bluebird of happiness had finally arrived at the Tydis family.
…Sigh, I don’t want to recall the past. Hey, let’s focus on the present! The present!
“I’m not sure either. Perhaps a book would be a good idea.”
“Ahh, I see. I thought you’d have a good idea.”
Can you please stop with that relieved face? Honestly, I’d like to put you over my knee and give you a good spanking! You sly, nasty thing! Ugh. If I added up all the times I got beaten because of you, a lifetime of spankings wouldn’t be enough to make up for it!
Book my ass. My brother was such an avid reader that whatever book I gave him, he had already read it long ago. How was he able to be skilled in both literary and martial arts? Heh… No, wait! He was just a beast!
Because he was a beast, he was already serving in the court and was the crown prince’s history tutor. Dammit, my brother must’ve played a major role in the stupid crown prince going astray in the future. I guarantee it.
And so, the day of the grand banquet and my brother’s birthday arrived.
As soon as I finished an early lunch, I was grabbed by the maids to begin the long process of cleaning and polishing, led by the ever-diligent Emma. Seriously, how could there be so much to do with a thirteen-year-old child? From bathing, to washing and drying my hair, putting on makeup, and finally, wearing a corset so tight I could barely breathe! How do girls walk around so gracefully in these things? I’m in awe! I think my ribs were about to break!
But that wasn’t the end of it. I could tolerate the makeup that coated my entire face, but why did they have to brush my hair like they’re trying to peel my scalp off? And don’t get me started on this pretty dress that was unbelievably uncomfortable! I was about to trip on the hem with every step I took! More than anything, I couldn’t breathe! I think I finally understand why some ladies faint from suffocation. Wuuu.
I was suddenly reminded of a dimwitted fellow knight who used to complain that women take forever to do anything. I was itching to curse him out now! Did he have any idea how hard this was? Did he know how these heeled shoes made you suffer? I don’t think I can even walk properly in them. Thankfully, I could endure pain well… uahhh, stop thinking about the past!
“Oh my, Young Miss, how could you be so beautiful? Absolutely lovely.”
“You’re starting to look more and more like the late Madam… Oh dear, listen to me rambling.”
Alright, alright, enough with the flattery. I know it’s because of your hard work! Tch.
I shuffled over to the mirror feeling utterly exhausted, indifferent, and confused about my gender identity. The next moment, I nearly tripped and sprained my foot. You think I should be used to this by now? No way, I was just too shocked!
In the mirror stood a girl wrapped in a cute, light green frilly dress, as fresh and sweet as a flower. Ahem, this may sound like shameless self-praise, but it was honestly amazing. Now I understood why they brushed my hair so vigorously earlier. My red hair was tied into two lively pigtails and adorned with yellow ribbons. My rosy face looked even more lively because of the makeup, and I looked twice as lovely and vibrant as usual.
I couldn’t help but feel guilty for my rough manly soul (?) taking over the body of such a cute little girl. God, this was all your fault, you know?
Anyway, this should serve as a decent enough battle armor. As long as I don’t pass out from suffocation, that is. Ughhh. They say beautiful roses have thorns, and judging by how I felt like I was walking barefoot on a bed of thorns, they were right! Oh, my poor feet!
I stared in the mirror for a moment longer, then raised my hand and pulled the ribbon tying my hair. The hair that had been fixed high up cascaded down like a blood-red waterfall.
“Young Miss?”
“Oh my, Young Miss, what are you doing?”
What else? I was letting my hair down. I know how much effort you put in to keep this unruly hair in place, but my scalp was starting to ache, and this hairstyle looked exactly the same as Levina’s. I really didn’t want to create a wholesome image of appearing like sisters with her!
Plus, my terrifying brother secretly liked it when girls wear their hair down. Hmph. I know it even if you act like you don’t. Every girl he’d ever shown a smidgen of interest in had their hair down. Tch, it was baffling why those ladies ever chased after someone as cold and unfeeling as him.
But why was my heart pounding like this? There was no way of telling whether it was the corset squeezing my ribs or because I was nervous. Sure, I looked cute in the mirror, but I didn’t feel happy or proud. It was more like looking at a well-decorated doll.
Maybe I should think of myself as a puppeteer. I just had to polish this doll and put it to use. If I thought of it that way, there’s nothing I can’t do.
There was some time left so I decided to practice walking. I spent a few minutes pacing up and down the hallway, trying to master walking in these ridiculously high-heeled shoes.
It wasn’t an easy task. I couldn’t even imagine running or walking quickly in this state. If something happened, there was no way to escape in a hurry. Ugh, I felt like the soul of my seventeen-year-old imperial warrior self was screaming in agony. I want to run wild! I want to run through the wind without thinking about anything! I want to dive into a lake and swim freely!!!
“…Isn’t it strange?”
“…It’s impossible to even imagine.”
Huh? What was this? As I leaned against the wall for a quick rest, I overheard whispering from somewhere. Oho, was this some juicy gossip from the staff? It’d be great if I could get some useful info.
“…They never even made eye contact.”
“That’s not all. The last time they spoke was over a year ago. Something about aphasia1Aphasia – loss of ability to understand or express speech. or whatever.”
“But they say that the moment the new girl showed up, she suddenly started talking?”
…What? What were they talking about? Aphasia? Who were they talking about?
“That was definitely His Grace’s fault. How could he…”
“Are you crazy? What if someone hears you…”
“No one’s listening. Honestly, if she were still in that state, do you think she’d even be at an event like this?”
Oh God, what were they talking about? If you have a mouth, then speak plainly!
