Chapter 6: I’m a Eunuch?! (2)
It felt like my head was going to split open. Mother, why did you give birth to me? Forgive this unfilial son of yours, but your worthless second son is no longer a son anymore.
I raised my hand and pinched my cheek as if I were trapped in a dream that refused to end, but all it did was hurt. but all it did was hurt. Sob sob. God, have you finally abandoned me?
I couldn’t just sit there lost in thought, so I forced myself to calm down and sort out the current situation. To summarize:
- I died.
- When I regained consciousness, it wasn’t my life that had been taken but something far more (?) important.
- I’m a eu… No, I’m a girl.
- I’m a eu… No, a girl, and this is my home.
- Even though I’ve become a girl, the reactions of people around me are a bit strange.
- Today seems to be the day Levina first set foot into our house.
- In other words, I’ve gone back in time, but as a girl?
…No matter how hard I pondered, the only conclusion I could come to was that I had been caught up in the twisted whims of some god with a perverse sense of humor. It was beyond bizarre. Was this god someone who didn’t need my soul but just that part of me? What kind of perverted god was that?
“Aghhhh…”
Was that some kind of warning not to blaspheme? A sharp pain throbbed in my chest and I groaned. That strange high-pitched and childish voice again. Oh, Mother! Where did my voice go? Give me back my original semi-baritone voice!
Reluctantly, I decided to accept that this was reality. But if this was reality, what should I do from now on? I knew what was going to happen in the future, and I knew exactly how I would live and die…
…No, wait a minute. Let’s get a grip. Right now, I’m a girl. I didn’t know what kind of divine prank this was, but I’ve turned into a girl anyways.That meant I wouldn’t be able to join even the regular army of the Emperor. Unless the Aeternus Empire suddenly passed a law allowing female knights, I would have no way to escape my family once I came of age.
Even if I could, I’d have to live under the same roof as that terrifying Levina for a while, reliving the whole ordeal. Of course, that’s assuming that I had truly gone back in time.
Should I just run away? Maybe that would be better. The problem was, the only place women with nowhere to go in the empire was a temple dedicated to Goddess Prose. However, I had a rough idea of what the Temple of Prose was so I wasn’t inclined to go there.
The Temple of Prose, the so-called “sanctuary” that supposedly cared for all women, was more like a legal brothel disguised as a temple. I had never been there, but I’d heard from my fellow knights. Just the thought of the eyes of men like me lighting up at the sight of my naked body made my skin crawl and want to vomit. Blegh!
As I paced around in distress, my gaze fell on a corner of the cozy room. It was where the mirror I had shattered earlier had stood. Either they had cleaned it up and put it back together before I could blink, or they replaced it with another identical full-length mirror. The reflection showed my wide-eyed, shocked expression.
I rolled off the bed and landed on the floor. Thud! Aigoo, I’m really going to break my tailbone at this rate!
I crawled over to the mirror and carefully examined myself again.
One thing was certain: I was a girl, and I looked so much like my younger self that you could almost say I was a twin. However, the atmosphere was completely different, though it may have been the difference between the feeling of a boy and a girl.
Large ruby-colored eyes, like those of a startled rabbit, blinked back at me. Long hair of the same color reached down past my waist. Rosy cheeks, slightly-parted plump lips, and a round nose all looked so adorable that if this weren’t my own reflection, I’d want to hug this girl.
It was so strange. I blinked a few more times before pulling the corners of my mouth up into a smile. The girl in the mirror smiled back brightly. Her clear eyes crinkled at the corners, creating dimples in her cheeks and around her lips. Huh? Huhhhh???
W-What? This heart-skipping sensation. Wasn’t it a hundred times cuter than Levina!
…It may just be my own bias, but it was a waste to send such a pretty girl to some place like the Temple of Prose.
I could vaguely understand now why that self-obsessed man looked at his reflection in the water and became so enchanted that he turned into a flower1Myth of Narcissus.. Come to think of it, even Levina had cute moments, as long as you ignored what she did. That must be why both my father and brother abandoned me and only had eyes for that awful girl.
The most powerful beings in the world were definitely cute girls. The problem was that I’ve somehow become one of them. I continued to stare at the mirror as if entranced, then imitated Levina’s bright smile once more.
“Big Brother.”
T-This was bad for my heart. It felt incredibly wrong to be reacting like this to my own face, but it wasn’t like this was my original appearance, so did it really matter? Did my brother feel this way every time he looked at Levina? Like his heart was about to drop, and he wanted to do anything for her.
Knock, knock, knock.
“Young Miss? It’s Emma.”
Hmm, the voice of that middle-aged maid from earlier. Why did she just barge in before but now knock?
“Why are you sitting on the floor again? Goodness, you’re quite unusual today…”
Huh? What do you mean by strange?
“How am I usually like?”
When I blurted out the question without realizing it, Emma tilted her head for a moment, then smiled kindly as she placed a steaming cup on the table.
“You rarely ever leave your bed, and you hardly speak… You don’t know how surprised I was to see you earlier.”
Was I a shut-in? If that was the case, there was no way my father would’ve just left me alone. Ugh.
“Um, where’s my bro—I mean, where is my dear brother2He calls his brother by the casual ‘hyung’ at first, but then switches to a polite ‘oraeboni’. You could think of it as the difference between calling your mom ‘mama’ and ‘mother’ (not quite the same though).?”
I could hardly stand how cringe-worthy it was to say that. Esteemed Brother, seriously?! I can’t believe the day I imitated Levina had come! Oh, God, have mercy on this poor boy whose last wish was only…
Last wish…
“You mean Young Master Eugene? He’s downstairs with… the new young lady.”
Wait a second ma’am, your expression didn’t look too pleased when you mentioned the new lady. Do you not like her? Haha! …Tch. It seems that my fearsome brother was about to be ensnared by Levina again. He was a cold and heartless guy to the end.
“Shall I call for the young master?”
Oh no, please don’t say such frightening things. How could I dare summon that terrifying brother of mine?
Since it had come to this, I may as well take a good last look at his face before I go. After all, I was practically dead already. Ahem, let’s indulge in one final glance at my heartless brother’s oh-so-handsome face.
If this was just a dream I’m having before I permanently depart to the afterlife, then I should wake up soon. And if this was reality, I’ll really have to run away to the Temple of Prose or somewhere else.
They say that people’s minds go blurry when they’re about to die. That’s exactly what was happening to me. After Emma left, I quietly slipped out of the room and began to tiptoe down the familiar hallway. It must have been midday, as sunlight poured over the familiar scenery of my home. It felt so warm and peaceful.
Damn, I should’ve asked exactly where downstairs they were. Sure, downstairs was downstairs, but was it the hall, the dining room, the parlor?
I grabbed the railing of the spiral staircase and slowly made my way down. When I reached the middle of the staircase, I heard chattering coming from the hall, and my steps froze.
There, I saw my father and Levina sitting on the parlor sofa, chatting away. A girl with silver-blue hair and lovely ocean-colored eyes. Levina. My half-sister and lifelong enemy…
I couldn’t make out what they were talking about, but I didn’t dare interrupt. I sat down, holding onto the banister, and quietly observed the two.
Looking at them now, Levina really did seem more like our father’s child than I ever did. I’d always felt that way, but seeing them side by side with their matching pale silver hair and ocean-blue eyes, they were like two ice sculptures facing each other. In comparison, I… looked like I was self-combusting, yeah.
An overwhelming sense of sadness washed over me. A sorrow so deep I couldn’t even put it into words.
As I was about to quietly retreat, letting go of the banister, Levina, who had been happily chattering to our father, suddenly turned her head and looked straight at me. W-W-What?
“Oh? It’s Big Sister!”
No, this brat! Who are you calling ‘big sister’? And stop smiling at me like that! Even if you smile innocently, I already know your true colors!
While I silently cursed and glared at her as menacingly as I could, Levina smiled brightly, as if scheming something else. She jumped off the sofa and bounded towards me. My body flinched instinctively. Hey, don’t come any closer! You scare me! You’re the scariest thing in the world!
“Ray?”
Thanks to Levina, now Father was looking at me too. Ugh, terrifying… No, don’t be scared. Stay calm. Even though I look like this, I was once the commander of a border outpost! That mean father—
“What are you doing there?”
…Hic, is still scary.
“Sister, play with me!”
What? What are you plotting now? Go ask our foolish father who loves you so much to play with you. I have no desire to be anywhere near you, you little devil! Do you think I’ll spend my final moments with a sneaky b*stard as devious as you?
If I could tally up all the beatings I’ve taken because of you, I wouldn’t hesitate to tie you up right here and thrash you with a stick until I was satisfied! Stay back! I’m not ready yet! Ready for what? I didn’t even know myself…
Of course, I couldn’t actually say all that out loud. So instead, I started retreating, only to bump into something behind me. Huh? What was this now?
“What are you doing here?”
I forgot the situation for a second and looked up blankly. Then, I sank down.
It was an unbelievable sight that didn’t feel real at all. I thought that I would never see you again, but now seeing you so close… I couldn’t remember the last time I saw my brother from this close.
The longing I had buried deep in my heart surged up like a wave. Heh, it’s nice to see you, brother. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Of course, you probably aren’t happy to see me, but…
I missed you, damn it.
“Ray?”
I looked up at my brother who was calling my name softly, and I felt like crying for some reason. At the same time, I wondered why I wanted to cry. Was it because I recalled those rare times he was kind to me when I was little?
You were good to me sometimes before Levina showed up. Before that nasty little brat wrapped you around her finger…
As I was frozen in place, staring up at him, my brother knelt down on one knee in front of me. My eyes widened. The world must be ending. If this wasn’t a dream, then the world was definitely going to collapse. Yup, that was it.
“Why… are you crying?”
How was I supposed to know?! This was all your fault, you heartless jerk! And who was crying?! Father always said men only cried three times in their lives said I was crying anyway?! Dad always said men only cry three times in their lives, but… No, wait, this wasn’t the time for that. I need to pull myself together because this was the last time. The last time… Waaaah. Why can’t I stop crying?! I’m not supposed to cry, but I can’t help it!
I sniffled a bit, then smiled brightly at those cold, ocean-blue eyes in front of me. Cough, it’s a good thing there’s no mirror around. It was obvious how ridiculous I looked right now even without seeing it. Tch. It was the last time anyways, so who cares.
“Ray…?”
As I suddenly clung to him, I felt his body stiffen and hug me back reflexively. I don’t think I’d ever get the chance again if I didn’t do it now.
Was the reason I couldn’t stop crying because I knew that this was just an illusion? Judging from the hesitant way his hand touched my back, it must be a dream.
After crying for a long time, my brother grabbed my shoulder and gently pulled me away when I finally calmed down. His cool, ocean-blue eyes stared into mine with an unreadable expression.
“Ray, what’s wrong with you? Why are you crying?”
“…I wanted to.”
“What?”
“…I missed you”
It was silent.
When I sensed the strange tension in the air and looked around wondering what was going on, I realized the terrifying fact that my entire family’s dumbfounded eyes were staring at me.
It’s over. I’m dead.
Thank you