Chapter 8
By dawn, a thin layer of snow had settled on Li Zhi’s shoulders.
Li Xiang, whose body had gone stiff long ago, remained untouched by even a single flake.
Madam Zheng’s wails pierced the cold air, but they couldn’t wake Li Xiang from her eternal sleep.
On the path of exile, even the luxury of returning to one’s homeland as a spirit was a dream beyond reach.
Fifteen years of sisterhood had come to this—Li Zhi’s only act of remembrance was to dig a grave as deep as her bloodied fingers allowed, ensuring the wolves couldn’t drag her sister’s body away.
Shendan sniffed at Li Xiang’s lifeless form, nudging her gently before joining Li Zhi in digging.
When the grave was ready, Li Zhi carefully laid Li Xiang’s fragile body to rest. She must have been so tired to sleep this soundly. Li Zhi made sure no one would disturb her peace again.
Leaning close to her sister’s cold face, Li Zhi whispered softly, as if sharing a secret.
Zheng Gong barked impatiently, unwilling to grant her even a moment beyond the promised 30 minutes.
Finally, Li Zhi rose, her face streaked with dirt and tears. Yet her eyes shone brightly, as if lit by the lanterns of the Lantern Festival.
Grief was gone, replaced by an unyielding resolve.
She patted down the last handful of earth over the makeshift grave and gathered fifteen jagged stones, pressing their sharp edges into the sandy soil.
Li Zhi vowed, One day, she would return to bring Li Xiang home.
The convoy moved on. Madam Zheng, drained from her weeping, leaned on Li Jinzhi for support. Young Li Huizhi clutched Madam Wang’s hand, his fishbowl-swollen eyes constantly tearing. Still, he suppressed his sobs, keeping close to his mother and guarding against the uneven ground.
Madam Zhu, the concubine whose shameful methods of earning food had isolated her from the Li family, walked at the edges of the group. Her two children, Li Xiangsheng and Li Cien, clung to her hands, stumbling along.
Li Xiangsheng, twelve, had been born with clenched fists—a trait so pronounced it had taken several adults to uncurl them, prompting Li Qiaonian to name him Xiangsheng, symbolizing strength. True to his name, the boy grew into a brute of considerable power. His sister, Li Cien, eleven, was of little note—a concubine’s daughter without any remarkable talents, her presence in the Li household had always been faint.
Li Zhi’s gaze met Li Xiangsheng’s briefly. The boy flinched as though burned and quickly looked away. Though Li Zhi held no malice, a fleeting expression of animalistic wariness crossed his face.
Here, survival was paramount, and morality was a trifling thing.
This world, so far removed from the gilded order of the capital, was governed by the law of the beasts.
The three-thousand-miles journey seemed unending, especially as the convoy entered the desolate expanse of the Gobi Desert and endless wilderness. Food grew scarcer by the day. The limited rations first fed the guards before trickling down to the exiles.
Even among the exiles, there was a hierarchy. Those with ties to senior guard Zheng Gong could eat until they were half-full; those without connections ate just enough to survive. For those Zheng Gong disliked, their rations barely grazed their stomachs before disappearing.
Li Zhi fell into the last category.
Ever since she had pleaded for Li Xiang’s life, she had drawn Zheng Gong’s ire. While he dared not cross Xie Lanxu, he saw no reason not to take his frustrations out on a young, defenseless woman.
Yet despite his meager handouts, Li Zhi never collapsed like so many others.
She had long learned to survive on scraps: leaves, bark, weeds, decapitated insects, and the occasional roots Shendan dug up. If it seemed non-poisonous, she would eat it. Even when her stomach churned with acid and her mouth tingled bitterly, she forced herself to continue.
Li Zhi may have been born a noble’s daughter, but she had long since shed any pretense of pride. She could bow as low as necessary without breaking her neck.
She had to live.
Li Zhi believed she could endure the journey, scraping by like a beast until they reached the endpoint at Mingyue Tower. It was grueling, but not impossible.
But the heavens drew a deeper chasm in her path.
One evening, as exiles were divided into groups for bathroom breaks, Shendan’s anguished howls pierced the twilight.
Ignoring the guard’s shouts, Li Zhi sprinted back to the camp.
Shendan had been raised by Li Zhi and Li Xia from a starving, mistreated pup into a beloved member of the Li household. Its gentle demeanor had won over even the servants, who often tossed it scraps or petted its glossy black fur in passing.
That same trust was its downfall.
Hunger had turned men into something worse than beasts. Shendan had been lured by a scrap of food thrown on the ground, just as it had been fed in the Li household. But it had not known that desperate, green-eyed humans could be more dangerous than wolves.
“Hold her down!” Zheng Gong laughed, swinging his club down again. “Help me, and you’ll all get a share of the meat!”
Shendan’s cries of pain weakened, then ceased.
Pinned to the ground by countless hands, Li Zhi couldn’t even count how many pressed her down. All she could see was the malicious darkness that had engulfed the world and Shendan’s still body at Zheng Gong’s feet.
Eventually, Li Zhi stopped struggling.
When the hands finally released her, Li Zhi remained motionless, her eyes locked on Shendan’s lifeless form.
How familiar this felt.
Bright red blood and the soul-rending pain of loss—history seemed to repeat itself.
Because of her incompetence.
“What’s going on?”
Zhen Qiao frowned as he rejoined Zheng Gong, who had arrived earlier.
Behind Zhen Qiao trailed the slowest of the exiles: the elderly, the infirm, and the weak. The familiar jingle of bells on the carriage rang faintly as the last group merged with the camp.
“We’re eating meat tonight,” Zheng Gong replied cheerfully, tossing aside the bloodied club.
Zhen Qiao’s gaze shifted from the dead dog on the ground to Li Zhi lying motionless in the sand. A trace of pity flickered in his eyes.
But it was only pity.
He turned away, unwilling to witness this scene of despair.
Li Zhi felt her soul drifting above her body while her decaying physical form remained trapped in the sand. She watched as Zheng Gong skinned and butchered Shendan, transforming the loyal dog into a bubbling pot of soup.
She saw the exiles, who had helped restrain her, each receiving a portion of the stew. Their faces lit with joy as they tasted the meat, as if they had been granted salvation.
Li Zhi felt nothing.
It was as if her heart had ceased to exist. No pain, no sorrow.
She didn’t even know when she had managed to rise to her feet.
Step by step, she wandered, searching for bones left uneaten by the others. She gathered the remnants into a small pile and, while the others rested, knelt to dig a shallow grave.
Zheng Gong lashed her with a few half-hearted strikes, but when she showed no reaction, he gave up and left her to her task.
Here, amid endless dunes and desolation, he wasn’t worried about her trying to escape or taking her own life.
The Li family whispered among themselves. Zheng Gong leisurely picked his teeth with a piece of wood. The carriage stood silent in the wilderness.
The world was so noisy, yet Li Zhi’s ears heard only silence.
She gently placed Shendan’s remains into the grave. The hole was barren; once she left, how lonely Shendan would be.
Li Zhi scanned her surroundings, wandering to every nearby tree.
She searched and searched, becoming more frantic with each failed attempt. A burning frustration rose within her, an invisible flame threatening to consume her whole.
“What are you looking for?”
A voice, faint and distant, reached her ears.
When the question came again, Li Zhi looked up. A blurred figure dressed in muted purple, like a bellflower swaying in the night breeze, appeared abruptly in the wasteland.
“I’m looking for a smooth branch,” Li Zhi replied earnestly. “It was Shendan’s favorite toy. Can you help me?”
The figure said nothing, merely raising his head to survey the trees. After a moment, he selected a branch and skillfully whittled it down with a small knife.
Li Zhi accepted the polished branch with the innocence of a child, her expression sincere. “Thank you.”
Xie Lanxu watched as she walked toward the grave. Her fingers, yet to heal from their last injuries, were once again bleeding. In less than a month, she had buried two members of her family with her own hands.
He knew her back was crisscrossed with whip scars, yet she never showed a trace of pain.
She moved steadily, her slender shoulders unshaken, her steps unwavering.
It was as if she were a sieve through which suffering poured—passing through her without leaving a trace.
She seemed utterly devoid of warmth.
He couldn’t help but wonder: if Li Zhi had lived his life, what choices would she have made?
“I once had a horse,” Xie Lanxu said suddenly, his voice rare in its candidness. “I named him Thunderbolt.”
Though Li Zhi kept her back to him, fully absorbed in covering the grave, he continued speaking.
“Later, because he disobeyed orders, my half-brother lashed him with a barbed whip. He bled until there was nothing left.”
Something in his words seemed to stir Li Zhi. Her body, as if caught in a dream, trembled slightly.
“Afterward,” Xie Lanxu said flatly, “my half-brother also died.”
Li Zhi froze, unmoving.
To Xie Lanxu, it was like looking at his younger self.
He had stood beside Thunderbolt’s body for a long time, staring at the bloody wounds.
Li Zhi’s silence bored him. Perhaps his half-brother had felt the same frustration back then.
He glanced at her one last time before turning to walk back to the carriage.
Long after Xie Lanxu had left, Li Zhi finally pressed the last handful of dirt over the grave.
What happened afterward was a blur.
She vaguely remembered returning to the exiles’ convoy but had no recollection of sleeping.
For the next few days, she moved like a lifeless shell, blindly following the group and trudging forward in a numb daze—
Until, like Li Xiang, she too collapsed.
Translator’s Note:- Hey guys, as a Christmas Gift I have decided to do mass release (10 chapters) of the novel which gets most votes in the poll posted on my Ko-fi page.
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