By the Time You Came Around, It Was Already Too Late

A month passed, and then another since I received the letter.

I thought it was useless, that I shouldn’t bother with it, but I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away.

It must’ve been about a week after I received the letter that his demeanor toward me began to grow colder and colder, as if his warm expression and whispered nudges were all a lie.

At first, I thought I was mistaken.However, his attitude changed so drastically, to the extent that it could hardly be just an illusion.

He didn’t visit me as often as he used to, and I couldn’t even dream of sharing a meal with him.

It wasn’t uncommon for me to not see him for a whole day.

If we happened to run into each other, he would just pass by and, in a cold voice, say we would talk later.

I wasn’t the only one who noticed the changes in the Archduke’s attitude, I could hear the residents of the mansion whispering.

I held my tongue.

He was an Archduke. It was natural for him to be busy all the time.

I knew it. I knew… But I was still disappointed.

I looked forward to the day we would share a bed, which happened once a month. Because on that day, I could spend the whole night alone with him.

I’ll go and ask if he’s busy. I’d like to ask him if he could spare a bit of time for me, we are a couple after all.

Or that’s what I thought.

My anxiety, which had originally been just a tiny spec, grew bigger and bigger.

 

-If you think Karl really loves you, I’ll tell you the truth.

 

That one sentence lingered in my head for the past two months.

This was the first time I’d ever received love, and also the first time I’d ever given it. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but my worries kept increasing.

And when, for the first time, he postponed the night we were supposed to share relations, my hands shook in anxiety as I finally pulled the letter out of the drawer again.

The meeting date written in the letter was today. A generous amount of time was given, as if the writer had anticipated my distress.

The location was a dessert shop located in the northern downtown area.

I prepared to leave very slowly and leisurely.

I didn’t want to go.

I didn’t want to go, but I had to know.

I wanted to know the truth of what the woman who sent this letter was saying, and why the Archduke’s kind attitude towards me had suddenly changed.

Whether this person… Was really carrying the Archduke’s child. Is she really his mistress?

When I had the maid summon the carriage, the door burst open without warning.

I wasn’t surprised.

“Asyria.”

I wondered why he’d taken so long.

“Where are you going?”

“Out. I heard that a good cafe opened in the downtown area…”

“I’ll tell someone to go there for you. You know I hate you going out, right?”

Since coming to the North, I’ve never left the Archduke’s residence. I only walked around the garden occasionally, but never went outside the gates.

No, it’d be more accurate to say I couldn’t leave.

The Archduke prevented me from entering social circles or even going out on a stroll through town.

Yeah, just like now.

He offered to buy everything for me, asking why I wanted to bother with such inconveniences. Just stay in.

I hid my shaking hands behind my back.

I didn’t think there was anything strange, until now. However, once the doubts arose, they grew increasingly larger.

I hadn’t left the mansion in over two years, not even once.

This was not normal.

Before I came here, I’d been trapped in the imperial palace, so I didn’t think much of it.

If I can’t go out freely, how is it any different from being in the imperial palace?

I thought of the prison I’d been in, the one I hadn’t thought about since arriving at the Archduke’s residence, the one I’d tried so hard to forget.

“… Just… I’m just going out for a while. I’ll be back soon.”

The Archduke’s blue eyes narrowed at me.

” You can’t. The people of the North…”

“They’re afraid of outsiders?”

“… Yes.”

His oppressiveness, once noticed, began to reveal itself more and more.

Why can’t I go outside?

No, why is the Archduke trying so desperately to prevent me from going outside? Because northerners are afraid of foreigners?

Even though I’d been locked up my whole life, I could see through his words.

It’s so absurd that it’s not even funny.

Those eyes, which I’d always thought were the color of a warm sea, gazed back at me with an unrelenting, cold glint.

Since when?

I had an extreme thought.

Had he ever loved me?

Why did he avoid talking to me all this time, saying he was busy, but now that I’m leaving, he’s finally willing to talk?

“I’ll be back soon. I’m just feeling frustrated.”

After staring at me for a long moment, the Archduke nodded, clearly annoyed.

” Very well, I’ll get you an escort.”

An escort.

It was proper for a noble lady to bring one, so why? Why did it sound like he was trying to attach a watchdog.

“… Alright.”

I couldn’t refuse.

I felt more and more uncomfortable in the Archduke’s residence, and yet, my heart still beat for him, it was overwhelming.

Escorted by a knight, I boarded the carriage. Once I was settled, it sped off down the snow-covered road.

Even as I recited the address of the dessert café from the letter, my hands were shaking as I recalled the cold image of the Archduke.

And then, I entered the cafe.

“Hello, Your Highness. My name is Sarsha von Warthe. Thank you for coming.”

Fluttering pink hair. Big green eyes that could only be described as adorable.

On the quiet fourth floor, a small woman greeted me by lifting the hem of her skirt and then gently stroked her pregnant belly as if showing off.

My gaze was naturally drawn to the swollen belly.

The child in that belly is really…

“It’s Karl’s child.”

As if reading my thoughts, Sarsha answered.

It was a bubbly, cheerful voice.

My heart sank.

Full term. A belly that looked at least eight or nine months term. The Archduke’s child.

Was it possible for someone to love two people at the same time?

“Wow, you really had no idea.”

Sarsha’s face broke into a smile.

“Didn’t you ever notice there was something strange? It’s natural for humans to sense it. Did you feel like Karl really loved you?”

Something strange?

Keeping me from going outside. Being too controlling of my actions. The sudden chill in the air.

But, but…

“The Archduke’s wife…”

It’s me.

“It’s you.”

My eyes shook.

“I thought Karl would’ve told you by now, but you really didn’t know anything.”

By now, what…?

Then it hit me.

He hadn’t even given me the slightest indication that he liked me.

Although he was friendly, he maintained an ambiguous attitude throughout.

My vision was turning dark.

Since when did the Archduke’s attitude become cold?

It was definitely that day. The day I said ‘I love you’…

“You know, Karl hates the imperial family. His parents, the former Archduke and his wife, died because of His Majesty the Emperor.”

I stared at Sarsha, dumbfounded.

She was laughing bitterly as if she thought this whole situation was funny.

“Her Highness the Archduchess, no, Her Highness the Princess. Did you believe that Karl would really love ‘you’, the daughter of such a person?”

Enough.

This wasn’t what I wanted.

“He married you for revenge, perhaps, but never for love. There are many kinds of marriages, and yours with Karl is one of those… A sham. Not everyone loves their wives. Your Highness is just a naïve princess.”

I listened to her speak in a daze.

“Sarsha!”

-Bang!

“Oh my, Karl.”

The Archduke burst through the door.

He looked at the woman, Sarsha, with the most tender, worried, and fierce expression I’d ever seen on his face.

Then he turned back to me, his face cold.

I think I instinctively realized then.

Ah, the warmth, the kindness, the loving gaze and actions that person showed me. All those things were lies.

The expression on his face and the warmth he showed on me were completely different from what he showed that woman, Sarsha.

I was merely mistaken.

It had been so long since I’d felt warmth from a human being that even the shallowest hint of warmth stirred my emotions.

I see, it was a lie.

– Tuduk.

Tears that I didn’t even know were in my eyes fell to the carpeted floor.

“What are you doing, Asyria?”

As if he believed I’d done something to Sarsha, the Archduke growled lowly and hid her behind his back.

The cold eyes gazed down at me as my shoulders slumped.

“Did you ever love me? Really, was it really all for revenge…”

I stammered, my throat choking with tears.

I grabbed the hem of his clothes, hoping this wouldn’t be the end.

“… Sarsha, why did you say that?”

He didn’t answer. He only asked his pregnant lover in a cautious tone.

“Your lover is me, but she acts as if she is your lover.”

The hand holding him fell weakly.

As if something was broken, tears were flowing out.

I wanted to rip out my heart, which was still beating for him.