By the Time You Came Around, It Was Already Too Late

Our wedding was held in the North.

The Archduke, Karl von Ludwig, shone like the sun.

A war hero, a blessed man of this era.

When he passed by, people cheered, and I could see that everyone in the Archduke’s family believed in him and followed him.

A person who was the complete opposite of me. A man to whom the outpouring of favor and attention was as natural as breathing.

In some ways, it may’ve been natural that I was attracted to him. People are often drawn to people who have what they don’t.

The Imperial Palace. And the North.

The place, environment, and people surrounding me changed in an instant, but the gazes directed at me remained the same.

The only thing that had really changed, was my title. I went from being an abandoned princess to a woman who presumptuously took the place next to the Archduke.

People still gave me unfavorable looks.

I was used to it.

It was fine.

The raging hatred. The negative emotions.

I’d learned early on to suck it up and hold it in, not to let their fleeting glances come together to form a gaping void.

I just have to do what I’ve always done.

There was no particular meaning to the Emperor marrying the Archduke and me. He returned as a war hero, and the Emperor was wary of the Archduke’s increasing power and the support of the people, so he married me off, the abandoned princess, to suppress him.

I didn’t expect anything different just from a change of location.

However…

 

“The northerners are not used to outsiders; don’t worry, after a while they’ll all open up to you.”

 

His comfort and consideration flowed so effortlessly, as if he knew I cared about the way they looked at me.

I felt awkward receiving kindness for the first time.

My heart dropped.

I think I vaguely realized it at that time.

I realized that my heart, which I’d thought was empty, was actually thirsty for affection and attention.

The Archduke’s kindness did not end with that day.

Every night at dinner, he went over the affairs of the Archduchess and introduced the people to me.

He did everything for me, even things he didn’t have to do personally.

Naturally, my eyes were drawn to him.

His kindness wormed its way into my broken heart. As time went on, my suspicion that he hated me faded. The boundaries blurred.

I thought he couldn’t possibly like a powerless woman who had no choice but to marry at the Emperor’s command, but a timid thought sprouted that he actually just might.

I didn’t want to be hated anymore, I didn’t want to be looked at with disgust anymore.

So maybe that’s why I was being so presumptuous.

The Archduke’s respectful attitude, his consideration, and his warmth seeped into my heart little by little.

He often caressed my cheek and gave me a light peck on my forehead.

And such behavior was not limited to when we were alone. Many people in the Archduke’s family witnessed his warm attitude towards me, and very slowly, their gazes toward me began to relax.

Very slowly.

So slowly that I didn’t even notice at first.

There was no way that I, who hadn’t received even a basic education, let alone knew how to read a document, would be able to fulfill the role of hostess of the North well from the start.

It was annoying because I couldn’t do anything. Nevertheless, the Archduke explained everything in detail, without even a hint of irritation.

Even then, all I knew how to do was read, but I tried.

I figured it was up to me to keep up with him, so I pored over books and figured out the state of the North.

It may be criticized as a somewhat ignorant method, but I organized the ledgers by counting each item one by one.

That day was another all-nighter.

There was a knock on the door in the middle of the night, and when I opened it, there was a tray of tea and refreshments, still steaming, in front of me.

It was a show of goodwill from the employees.

Slowly, the people at the Archduke’s residence opened their hearts to me. Prejudices of my position and background were dispelled, and people gradually began to look at me with trust.

The warmth I felt for the first time immediately made my stony heart soften. Color was added to the gray days that usually just passed by monotonously.

Little by little, my skinny body began to gain weight, and my cheeks became brighter. My expressionless face began to regain its expression little by little. Laughter became more frequent.

Another year passed, and it’d been about a year and a half since I arrived at the Archduke’s residence.

As I was staring blankly through the window at the Archduke leading the northern knights in the training hall, swinging his sword, I suddenly realized something.

As I stared at him through the window, I had a smile on my face.

I was smiling while watching the Archduke.

At that moment, I realized my feelings and crouched down.

My heart was pounding.

I could hear my heart beating unusually loudly.

My face got hot. Even without looking in the mirror, I knew my face was red.

Bright blonde hair, like honey, fluttered in the wind. Blue eyes shining brightly in the sunlight.

Visions of the Archduke filled my head.

Ah.

The emotions I’d thought of as a luxury all my life filled my heart to the point it was overwhelming, and I couldn’t raise my head.

Yes, I was happy at that time.

Loving the Archduke was completely different from when I was in the imperial palace, yearning for the love of my father, the Emperor, and my mother.

I’d assumed these feelings weren’t one-sided. He also displayed his love, through both words and actions.

My heart soared.

The world seemed to shine brightly.

In some ways, it was easier in the cold, barren North than it’d been in the imperial palace, even though I was dealing with far more smaller illnesses.

Having someone by my side whom I could rely on was much better than I’d thought.

Especially when it was my first love.

As time went on, the Archduke became busier and busier, and had less and less time to give me, but that was okay.

My heart grew bigger and bigger with every minute he was gone, and the life he made for me within the residence was warm enough.

The hateful gazes of the people didn’t touch me anymore, the goodwill of the employees replacing them. The love and warmth from the Archduke filled my empty heart.

My life, which had been ashen and untouched by light, had turned around. It was as if a warm light was shining down on the frozen walls, trying to melt them.

The Archduke was my savior.

Everything I looked at reminded me of his face. When I look at the bedroom, I saw him holding me affectionately his arms on the bed, and when I look at the flowers, I remember him comparing me to them.

Are we only lovers?

No, it was deeper than that.

We were husband and wife. We were family.

I was so happy that the first person I could rely on was so kind.

I felt that I could finally leave behind my dark past in the imperial palace and live a brighter life.

I thought that God had heard my prayers and blessed me.

However, the second winter at the Archduke’s residence, misfortune came upon me without warning.

Monsters frequently invaded the North. The Archduke was away with his knights that day, slaying the creatures that’d crept in through the weakened defenses.

 

“Your Highness, this is a letter addressed to you.”

 

I didn’t have any noble lords or ladies that I was acquainted with.

There was no way that an abandoned princess would have such a thing, and the only thing the Archduke, who provided me with everything I wanted, prevented was going in and out of society.

Since there was no way in hell that the imperial palace would send me a personal message, my first reaction was disbelief.

Who could this be?

The butler who’d so politely handed me the letter stepped aside, and I turned the pink envelope over.

 

[Sarsha von Warthe]

 

I’d never heard the name before. After a moment’s hesitation, I tore the envelope open.

I had a sneaking suspicion that someone had misdirected an envelope meant for the Archduke, but my name was clearly written in the recipient’s space.

 

[Asyria von Ludwig]

 

It caught my eye that the Archduke’s last name, not the imperial family’s, was written.

Even a little thing like this made me feel good. Smiling slightly, I took out the paper and unfolded it.

In retrospect, that was the beginning.

With that one letter, everything surrounding me began to crack.

I wonder if things would be different now if I hadn’t opened that letter?

I slowly unfolded the paper and immediately froze.

 

[This is the person who is carrying Karl’s child. Before we join the family, I would like to meet Her Highness the Archduchess. If you think Karl really loves you, I’ll tell you the truth.]

 

Tuk

The paper fell to the floor.

My hands became weak.

The thoughts in my head halted.

Karl…?

The Archduke’s name. The Archduke hadn’t even given me, his wife, permission to call him by name.

Why was it that even I, his wife, wasn’t allowed to use his name?

And a child? What does that mean?

The Archduke had relations with me once a month, on my most fertile day. If we were to have a child, I should be the first to know…

Family… Before joining the family?

I was the archduke’s lover and wife. It was I who received his tender kisses.

I loved him, and he responded in kind. What other truth was there?

The words of the letter jumbled together in my head.

I was confused; things didn’t make sense.

 

“Did something happen, Asyria?”

 

After returning from the raid, I couldn’t say anything to the Archduke as he stroked my cheek with concern.

Maybe it was my desperate instinct to avoid getting hurt.

I didn’t want to ask about the letter.

If what the woman in the letter says is true… If it’s really true….

I was scared that I would break down the moment I heard the answer. Even at this moment, my feelings for the Archduke were growing beyond my wildest imagination.

Every single thing he did for me was filled with affection. Or, that’s what I thought.

 

“No, I love you, Archduke.”

 

Because the contents of the letter were so confusing, I didn’t even realize that I’d just told him I loved him for the first time.

I didn’t see the smile that played at the corners of his mouth, a smile too twisted to be called affection.

I didn’t realize that I’d just opened the door to more misery.