Episode 1
My first impression of that child was that he was gentle.
So gentle, in fact, that he didn’t cry when he soiled his diaper.
He didn’t cry when he was hungry.
He didn’t even smile.
Could this really be called ‘gentle’?
If he showed any kind of reaction, at least someone would know to take care of him. But he was so indifferent.
I was told that it had been a struggle because of that.
Seeing his bottom covered in filth and reddened, I patted on some white powder until it turned white again.
It was a little cute.
The child’s name was Si-ha.
He was my younger brother, twenty years younger than me.
As time passed, I became a little closer to him.
Would it be right to say we became close?
Si-ha simply followed me around everywhere.
I hadn’t done anything for him, yet he trailed after me like a little chick, so I patted his head.
He babbled “Ah ah,” as if trying to say something. That must have been a sign that he liked me.
But why exactly did this child like following me around?
My stepmother once said that he seemed to like his older brother more than his own mother.
One time, I even asked him directly.
“Do you like your brother?”
“Ah ah!”
I didn’t know if that meant “yes” or “no”.
I think it was around the time he started following me that I truly accepted him as my little brother.
He smelled like baby formula, and I had even been hit in the face with his pee.
Rather than a younger brother, he felt more like a nephew.
Then, one day, when Si-ha turned three—
After the Lunar New Year, my father said he would stop by my aunt’s place for a while.
“Look after Si-ha and the house!”
My mother waved at us cheerfully.
I sat Si-ha down to eat lunch and took out a frying pan.
There were days like that.
Days when everything strangely went smoothly.
When you cracked an egg and found a double yolk inside.
When you got a call from your department, saying you’ve been awarded a scholarship for the year.
When an old friend suddenly contacted you and sent you a gift voucher.
When everything in a day went so well that you start to wonder if it was too good to be true.
“Why is my luck so good today? Si-ha, don’t you think so too?”
“Ah ah.”
Si-ha was already three years old, yet he still only said “Ah ah.” That worried me a little.
By now, he should be able to say “Mom” and “Dad”.
Whether he understood my concerns or not, Si-ha was busy pressing buttons on the remote control.
Click. Click.
As I stroked Si-ha’s head, my phone rang.
“Is this Mr. Lee Jang-hyuk’s son?”
There must have been a reason why everything had gone so smoothly that day.
As if it was a warning.
A caution.
A sign not to let my guard down.
All those streaks of good luck existed to lead up to one great misfortune.
There were two photographs placed at the funeral hall.
One was of my father, Lee Jang-hyuk.
The other was of my mother, Kim Hye-ryeon.
The reason for their passing was an unfortunate series of misfortunes that had collided all at once.
It was an accident where no one could be blamed.
The police showed me footage from the black box.
A truck had run over a leaf spring that was on the highway, causing it to bounce up and pierce through the windshield, striking my father directly in the heart.
It was instant death.
With my father’s foot still pressing the accelerator, the car inevitably led to a collision, and my mother lost her life in the crash.
‘Why did this happen?’
Tears did not come.
No, they couldn’t come.
Now, the only family left was me and Si-ha.
I didn’t want to show my sadness to my young brother.
I looked at Si-ha, who was being held in a relative’s arms.
Did my little brother know?
That he would never see our father or mother again?
He was far too young to understand the concept of death.
Seeing him sleeping so soundly—
That made it hurt even more.
I pinched my thigh to hold back the tears.
I had to think about something else.
I had to greet the mourners who were coming.
Shaking hands, bowing, feeling pats on my shoulder, and being pulled into embraces.
“Oh dear, how could this happen?”
“Stay strong.”
“Hang in there, brother.”
“My deepest condolences.”
“Jang-hyuk was a good friend.”
Everyone said different things, but their meaning was the same.
Words meant to comfort me.
I wished they wouldn’t.
Because I felt like I was about to cry.
Everyone dies.
Someone’s mother and father will pass away.
That was the law of nature.
I just lost my parents earlier than most.
I repeated these words in my head, unsure of whom they were meant for, and continued to bow to the mourners.
“How pitiful, really.”
“What will the two of them do? Who’s going to take them in?”
“Shi-hyuk is an adult now, right?”
“He’s only just started university. How is he supposed to raise such a young child?”
I could hear the murmurs of my relatives.
They spoke quietly as if they didn’t want me to hear, but I heard everything.
“They’re not even related by blood. Does Shi-hyuk really have to raise him?”
The words were becoming harsher.
“Oh, don’t say things like that.”
I couldn’t stay there any longer. I stepped outside.
“Ah, did I say something wrong?”
“Shh, shh. Shi-hyuk is coming out.”
I walked toward the smoking area outside the funeral hall.
I had quit smoking long ago, but today, I couldn’t resist.
I just needed a moment to catch my breath.
But even there, I found no place for myself.
“Is there an insurance payout?”
“What?”
“The life insurance payout.”
“And if there is?”
“If there is, we could take them in. Our kids are still young and get attached easily.”
“You really….”
I knew exactly who they were.
My aunt and uncle.
It was absurd.
Were they really such shameless people?
And to say such things after meeting my father just before he passed?
“Times are tough these days, so if we borrow it for a bit—”
“Hmm. If we just borrow it for a while and pay it back later, wouldn’t it be fine?”
“That’s why you should talk to Shi-hyuk properly.”
I felt my chest grow cold.
These people are supposed to be my relatives.
But this place feels more like enemy territory than family.
For the first time, I realized just how large and sturdy the fence that my parents had built to protect me was.
With trembling hands and a racing heart, I closed my eyes.
‘I’m tired.’
As I turned to go back inside, I ran into a university staff member.
“Hyung…”
Moon Do-hwan.
A staff member from Kangin University’s career center.
He grabbed my arm and led me to a quieter place.
Somehow, he knew—this was a place where I belonged.
“Are you okay?”
“…”
“No… I’m sorry. That was the wrong thing to ask. Of course, you’re not okay. I’m sorry.”
“I know. I know you didn’t mean it like that.”
“Haa… There are so many people who are just beasts, aren’t there?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what to do now.”
I had no idea what to do.
I still had two years left before I could graduate from university, and I had no idea how long it would take to find a job.
No, I couldn’t even think about that—I had to start working right away.
“Did you cry at all?”
“No.”
The fence that had once protected me was gone.
In that moment, I realized I had to become the fence that would protect my brother.
From the moment I heard my uncle’s words, I made up my mind.
If I wasn’t careful, we’d be devoured.
I had to protect Si-ha.
So I couldn’t cry.
Crying wouldn’t change reality.
No matter how heartless it seemed, I had to steel my mind and face reality head-on.
Moon Do-hwan sighed as if he knew exactly what I was thinking.
“So, what are you going to do now?”
“I’ll drop out and start working.”
“Just stay in school.”
“Hyung, tuition alone is 3.8 million won. For two semesters, it’s 8 million won.”
“I know. But in the long run, getting your degree and finding a stable job will be better for you.”
“Then who’s going to take care of Si-ha?”
Moon Do-hwan fell silent.
“Haa… Damn it! Why is this happening?!”
“I’ll try to find work I can do from home. Even if it’s tough, I’ll make sure we have enough to get by.”
“Are you really going to devote your entire life to Si-ha?”
“It’s just 20 years.”
“Hey, 20 years is no small thing. You’ll be 43 by then.”
“I know.”
But who else could I entrust my little brother to?
I had to be the one to protect him.
Si-ha had no one else left but me.
“Hyung.”
“Shi-hyuk, let’s think this through again. I can’t get you a job right away, but I can at least help you find opportunities. Let’s make use of the university. There are more options than you think.”
“That means I’d have to work at a company, right?”
“Yeah. You’d have to. But you can put Si-ha in daycare—”
“No.”
“Why not?”
I shook my head.
“Hyung, I grew up without a mother.”
“I know.”
“Do you know what people said about me?”
“What?”
“They said I grew up without enough love.”
“Who said that? Who?”
“Everyone. They said I had shadows on my face. That I didn’t grow up in a happy home.”
“Damn it…”
“That’s why. I don’t want Si-ha to have that shadow. I don’t want him to hear things like that. I want him to grow up surrounded by love.”
“That’s…”
“Si-ha has it even worse than I did. He doesn’t have a father. And now, he doesn’t have a mother either. But if I disappear too, won’t he be unbearably lonely? Won’t that shadow appear on his face too?”
“This is… complicated.”
“It’s not complicated at all. I’ll be his mom and dad. Relatives? They’re nothing. I’m the only one who will protect Si-ha.”
“…And what about you? Who’s going to protect you?”
“I’m an adult. I don’t need anyone to protect me. It’s time for me to face reality.”
“Damn it…”
Moon Do-hwan pounded his chest in frustration, as if he was suffocating from the weight of my reality.
“Hyung. Si-ha… He can only say ‘ah-ah.’ His language development is slow. He barely even cries. He never even got to say ‘Dad’ or ‘Mom.’”
“I know. You told me that was what worried you.”
“Do you think I never considered daycare? But what about a kid who can’t even speak yet? Will he be okay there? What am I supposed to do? Just go back to university? What about tuition? What about child-rearing expenses?”
“Shi-hyuk, that’s—”
“I just want to raise Si-ha properly until he becomes an adult. After that, he can take care of himself. By then, I won’t have to worry about him anymore.”
As I spoke, my once-scattered thoughts started to organize themselves.
Yes, I would raise my precious Si-ha properly.
Some people might say, “Why sacrifice your life like that?”
They might ask, “Why invest so much time in a brother who isn’t even related to you by blood, someone you’ve only lived with for a short while?”
‘Does blood even matter?’
What mattered was that Si-ha was my brother, and I was Si-ha’s hyung.
What could be more important than that?
Blood? DNA?
They were just sequences of nucleotides.
“That’s how I feel.”
Just as Moon Do-hwan was about to say something more—
“Waaah!”
A baby’s cry echoed through the air.
The only baby here was Si-ha.
Moon Do-hwan and I locked eyes.
I hurried inside the funeral hall.
Si-ha had never cried like this before.
What had happened?
Inside, a relative was holding Si-ha, looking flustered as they tried to calm him down.
As soon as they saw me, they stammered,
“Ah, no, he just woke up and suddenly started crying…”
Si-ha looked at me.
He tried to hold back his tears.
Did he know?
Did he somehow understand that he would never see Mom and Dad again?
Did he feel reassured now that I was here?
As those thoughts raced through my mind, I took Si-ha into my arms and patted his back.
“It’s okay, Si-ha. Hyung is here.”
“Hyung… Hyung… Waaah!”
“…!!”
I gasped.
His first words—
Tears welled up in my eyes.
No one had been able to break through his silence.
But Si-ha had let me in so easily.
“Yes. I’m your hyung. Hyung.”
“Hyung… Hyung… Waaah!”
“Hic… Yeah. That’s right.”
Tears streamed down my face.
Because his first word wasn’t “Mom” or “Dad.”
Because he would never get the chance to say them.
The dam inside me finally broke, and I sobbed.
“Hyung… Hyung…”
Did he know?
That from the moment he called me that, I was bound to that word forever?
“Hyung… Hyung…”
“Yeah. I’m your hyung. Hic…”
Who was protecting whom?
As he cried, he tried to comfort me.
His tiny, warm hands patted my back.
I’ll protect you.
With that thought, I held Si-ha a little tighter—
A little more carefully—
And embraced him.
