<Episode 70>
***
Meinhardt strangely had no recollection of what happened afterwards.
He just wanders around the Duke’s residence, which became in ruins after what happened, and vomited countless times.1Oh my god, he was just a baby then(༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ)
It seemed like he left his hellish family home after running out of both his spirit and energy and wandered aimlessly through the streets.
‘……Boy. Why are you here alone?’
Then, at one point.
At the moment when the thick fog in his head cleared and his memories became clear.
That girl showed up.
‘Why aren’t you answering? I think it’s true that you are alive.’
Every time the girl opened her mouth, her breath became white from cold and flew into the air.
The girl looked down at him as he sat down in the fluffy snowflakes, but her expression was expressionless, without any hint of emotions, but there was an unusually bright sparkle in her eyes.
Meinhardt, who suddenly returned to reality, looked blankly at the girl.
Not long after, he was once again immersed in helpless despair, lowering his gaze and muttering.
‘……Leave me alone.’
The instinctive realization of what had caused all this terrible tragedy washed over him like a wave, and he felt like he could barely survive without being consumed by emptiness and ignoring reality.
But he couldn’t forget everything just because he ignored the truth.
Meinhard closed his eyes and lowered his head because his will to live and even the basic desires that stimulated his body were sinful.
Just waiting for the eternal silence that will come soon.
‘…… It looks like you don’t even have the basic will to live, but all of that is just a temporary thing. After you reach the end you want, you will definitely regret it.’
The thin voice muttering incomprehensible words was annoying.
Meinhardt showed an expression on his face for the first time since the previous incident and stared at the girl looking down at him from above.
‘If you have nowhere to go…’
The black eyes that did not let in a single ray of light and the dazzling golden eyes that seemed to embrace all the light in the world faced each other.
‘Why don’t you come with me?’
The girl said that and held out her pretty hand.
‘…….’
Meinhardt looked up blankly at the small, shining white hand that came down towards him.2It is frustrating really, I would love if there were more colored characters in korean novels…
If you have nowhere to go, why don’t you come with me?
This is nonsense.
How can I, who would rather die, hold those hands?
I am the one who caused her to die so cruelly.
I only embrace sin, I am ashamed to even be alive.
‘Hurry up and hold it.’
Nevertheless, it was a moment when he hesitated due to an inexplicable attraction his foolish and selfish self had.
The girl spoke softly as if she had seen into his inner thoughts.
‘I will make sure you never regret choosing to follow me.’
‘…….’
I won’t let you regret it.
Those words stuck in his heart in a particularly unforgettable way.
‘……..’
Meinhardt slowly raised his thin hand and touched the small white hand that had been waiting for him for a long time in the air.
‘You chose well.’
A very vague but clear smile appeared on the girl’s face, as if she liked his choice.
The hands he held were warm.
If I touch that warmth, I might be able to drive away the coldness that seemed to freeze my soul, to the point where I was ashamed of myself for thinking that.
It was warm.
3I made his monologue in cursive font to make it distinctive from the other narration (◕ᴗ◕✿)***
‘You……. Where have you been all this time? Where have you been?
He later found out that the girl’s name was Mariette Aydin Bastevan.
She was the only daughter of Judith most special friend, Siorn Archaic Bastevan, whom she often spoke of to Meinhardt.
Due to the shocking events that occurred over the last few days and the cruel death of a close friend, along with the disappearance of the child Siorn developed a haggard complexion, as if he had aged by several decades.
But unexpectedly, his daughter, and no one else, brought home the child who had been unable to find his whereabouts no matter how desperately he searched.
He couldn’t say anything for a while, and eventually he collapsed to the ground, hugging the small, thin boy and sobbing.
‘Your great-aunt entrusted you to me. I will protect you from now on. Even though you can no longer use your original last name… it doesn’t matter. I will protect you at all costs…….’
What came out after that was his new name.
……Even in life and in death, you4e.i.His great aunt. protected me.
Thinking like that, Meinhardt couldn’t shed a single tear due to the guilt that was overwhelming him.
***
Unlike the days he spent at Duke Kandel’s residence, Meinhardt lived a peaceful life as each day passed.
‘Huh…. Ugh, no, stop…….’
The painful memory never left Meinhardt’s mind and kept recurring.
In his dreams, and sometimes in reality.
‘Do you have nightmares?’
Finally, one night…
He had a nightmare in which his burned-out relatives crawl toward him from all directions, muttering unintelligible words, and Judith, who struck down lightning on the dead beings and scattered them to pieces, was once again scattered to ashes and died.
Meinhard suddenly opened his eyes at the sensation of his hand being held down, and before he knew it, he found Mariette sitting next to the bed, staring at him.
‘Ah…….’
Cold sweat was flowing down his entire body like rain.
Meinhard lowered his gaze, unable to answer right away.
In the meantime, Mariette’s hand was held tightly, showing no signs of letting go.
‘……… It was I who decided to bring you. I have to take responsibility for everything about you.’
Mariette looked intently at Meinhardt’s face and spoke slowly.
‘Father doesn’t want to know the details of how his friend lost his life. Because he thinks that the pain and the hatred that cannot be resolved will only deepen. That’s why he doesn’t ask you any questions about what happened that day.’
The girl, who turned her head and stared into the space in the dark room lit only by candles, spoke softly.
‘But I am different. No matter what story you tell, no matter how much pain you are in.…because you are just someone I have to take responsibility for, and I am not so irrational as to be buried in your emotions. So tell me, Meinhard Ciel Astraphe.’
Mariette’s golden eyes were illuminated with an extremely cold and clear light.
‘Your feelings that you could not reveal to anyone…’
The dam of his heart that seemed to overflow at any moment eventually collapsed.
For the first time, Meinhard hugged someone and didn’t suffer alone, tears rolling down his empty face.
He let out the emotions that were too much to bear.
‘……I see.’
The voices died down and there was silence for a long time.
Mariette, who seemed lost in thought for a moment, turned her head and looked straight at Meinhardt and said.
‘You don’t necessarily have to remember the love that makes you suffer.’
‘…….’
‘So let’s forget about it for a moment until the day when you remind yourself of her love and there will be no more pain.’
Judith’s noble sacrifice to protect him from the unjust expectations and desires of her family members was a burden too much for young Meinhardt to bear.
So Meinhard decided to follow Mariette’s words.
He desided to bury all his painful past and live only by following Mariette, who saved him.
He was shameless indeed. After throwing such a cruel monologue regarding Judith, Meinhardt turned away from the past.
He consciously ignored his rising emotions and lived a life only for Mariette.5I don’t think this is the right way to solve this though :-\
However, in the distant future.
Meinhard would learn that the fragments of the past, which he found repulsive even to recall, would be aimed at Edith.
He immediately ran to where the child was staying and burned the trap sent by the evil being, destroying it.
‘I had no choice but to visit because something disturbing had caught my eye. From now on, don’t tell anyone about the Kandel family.’
He made a desperate request to Edith, who was looking up at him with a surprised face.
But at the end, the child touched the invitation.
Thus, Meinhardt, who stepped into Arkane’s trap to find the child, witnessed the same scene he had lived in before with Edith.
His dirty relatives…
Judith, who protected him from their greed and malice.
‘Don’t be caught up in a petty mind like me and live your life. Be free and don’t sacrifice yourself for anything else.’
‘What remains after sacrifice……in the end is nothing.’
The death of that person was repeated before his eyes once again, and the words she left behind….
***
“……You left a will telling me not to sacrifice anything for anyone else.”
After everything is over.
Meinhardt, who was looking at Edith telling the second prince about the unbelievable experience she had gone through in the flower garden beyond the window bathed in warm sunlight, suddenly froze.
Don’t sacrifice.
Nevertheless, isn’t my life, built on your sacrifice, nothing more than something I can’t even say the first word about without those words?
“Why did I… why did I just ignore you and try to forget you all this time?”
Meinhard smiled bitterly and thought.
Judith left a vain will, saying that there was nothing left at the end of her sacrifice.
However, even as she punished her blood relatives by burning them, not even a single fragment of electricity reached Meinhardt.
The concern that was clearly written in those eyes that left a will for him even as they eventually disappeared into a handful of ash.
The love that was clearly there…
“You, who told me not to sacrifice anything for anything, why did you give yourself up to save me, who has nothing to gain from being alive?”
Wasn’t that contradictory?
You sacrificed everything for me, and yet you tell me to never sacrifice again.
Those long years were like a process of ignoring my own feelings in order not to understand her.
He denigrated his own worth that dared to cause the death of a great hero.
So, after being overcome with disgust, thinking that I was worthless and a sinner who should not be alive, I decided to run away and never recall memories of her…or the past again.
But at the end of the long period of neglect, when he completely fell in love with the child who was just like her….
In the face of her death again, Meinhard was finally able to fully understand Judith’s choice and her heart…
It was love.
Pure love that doesn’t need any other formulas.
It was just because of that.
There was no other reason.
“…… finally.”
I, who was so fearful of my past, was now able to fully accept the past that I had hidden and buried.
After realizing my affection for a small and delicate being.
In a silence that could not be more peaceful, Meinhard closed his eyes.
He lived a life in which the love embedded in sacrifice was too much to bear, so he was forced to ignore it, unable to make any of his own choices, and simply relying on someone else’s salvation.
But he could no longer remain an abandoned child on a heartless winter day.
Meinhardt now wanted to escape the shadow of salvation and make his own choices.
“Anyway…. Ashamed. Do you really have no idea why Arkane considers you so… particularly special?”
“Didn’t you see it with your own eyes? I’m used to seeing all kinds of crazy people. He’s nothing more than a crazy person I’ve never seen before.”
“…Yeah, I guess you don’t know the reason either. Hey, let’s stop talking about things that have no conclusion. By the way, Ashamed, Finally, I can use my powers without summoning spirits, look at this!”
Underneath the small feet of Edith, who was shouting excitedly, the earth wriggled and created a small hole.
“Really? That’s good, Edith.”
“…But it’s still nothing near you.”
“It’s okay. You’ll get used to it soon.”
Meinhard opened his closed eyes and looked at Edith smiling broadly at the boy in front of her.
Just as Judith sacrificed herself to protect him.
Like Mariette, who saved him from wandering alone in the cold winter.
Now it was his turn.
Even if at the end of my devotion, I turn into ashes and nothing remains.
Meinhardt thought that he was willing to sacrifice everything to protect that child.
***
TL:
I am not sure I liked how Mariette treated him, it felt wrong like she treated him as a burden…But I am happy Ashamed and Edith are finally reappearing after so long(*´ω｀*).
I hope you enjoyed~
