Episode 149
As the sun rose, its light gradually seeped into the bedroom where the two lay. The warm rays illuminated Ayla’s sleeping face, filling his vision.
“Ayla.”
The name he had kept locked away in his heart was finally spoken freely throughout the night. Yet, despite having called her name countless times, his thirst for her remained unquenched. If anything, it only fueled his longing even more.
He wanted to stay like this forever.
He wanted to keep her here, to lock her away so that she could remain by his side forever.
He didn’t want to let her go anywhere.
A voice from deep within him urged him to do just that, whispering that it would be okay to keep her.
But they had already made a promise.
He had told her that he would let her go, even though his lips had trembled as he forced the words out.
‘Why did I do that?’
Regret washed over him for a moment.
He didn’t have to let her go…
Why did he say that?
But those thoughts quickly vanished as soon as he looked at her peaceful face, still asleep in his arms.
She had told him that she loved him.
If he had failed to restrain his feelings and had forcibly kept her here, he would never have heard those words.
If he had let his obsession and possessiveness take over, there was no way they could have shared their hearts as they did.
Lloydin gently stroked Ayla’s face.
Her golden hair, shining in the sunlight, her fair skin, the gentle curve of her round forehead, the eyebrows that accentuated her kind expression, the perfectly shaped nose, and her lips, tinged with a soft pink hue. Finally, there were her green eyes, which were closed now but held such depth when they were open.
There wasn’t a single part of her that wasn’t lovable.
He could have spent all day just gazing at her. She was the greatest blessing and happiness in his life.
And yet, now he would no longer be able to see her.
“Haa…”
A heavy sigh escaped him as his chest tightened.
Even though he was glad they had shared their feelings, the thought of a life without her felt like an impending hell.
Could he even go on living?
Now that he knew such profound happiness existed, could he return to his previous life, breathing and existing as before, after losing it?
He didn’t think he could.
No, he knew he couldn’t.
Losing her meant there was only one path left for him—death.
He knew this.
Yet, the reason he was letting Ayla go was because of the immense pain she had been in.
The woman who had always smiled in front of him was now suffering.
He wanted to respect her decision, the difficult choice she had made at the crossroads of agony.
He believed that this was the only way to repay her for making him feel human again.
Born into the Blighton family, having survived countless battlefields, his sole purpose in life had always been to protect Ian.
He needed to survive as long as possible to ensure Ian would never have to endure this wretched place.
So his goal was simple—survive.
It didn’t matter whether the war ended sooner or later. All that mattered was enduring.
After all, no matter how many monsters were slain, more would inevitably come, and his end would be here, in this place.
The end was inevitable.
The rampage.
Rampage was the inevitable fate of those who wielded magic.
His father had succumbed to it, as had his grandfather before him.
All the Blighton men had died because they couldn’t control their power, consumed by the very magic they wielded.
It was the cursed, tragic destiny of the Blighton family.
But bound by an unbreakable oath, they were forever trapped in that fate.
Of course, it wasn’t as if they hadn’t tried to break free.
They had struggled desperately to escape that horrific fate because their children’s futures were at stake.
But they failed every time.
They couldn’t even uncover how the vow was made, and all their efforts were in vain.
So at some point, they stopped trying.
Resigned to the fact that their fate could never change, they accepted it as inevitable.
That resignation was passed down to Lloydin as well.
He didn’t resist his fate.
His only wish was to hold on as long as possible for the sake of his younger brother.
But then, somewhere along the line, his goal changed.
It happened after he met Ayla.
After he got to know her and eventually married her, he wanted to live.
He fought and killed monsters relentlessly, using every ounce of his strength, just to return to her as quickly as possible.
Strangely, after their marriage, he felt as if his power had grown stronger.
Even when he unleashed greater amounts of magic, he didn’t lose control.
This made it easier to eliminate the monsters.
And every time he returned to find her waiting for him, welcoming him with open arms, he felt an overwhelming happiness.
That’s when he began to dream an impossible dream.
He wanted to defy his unchangeable fate.
If only she could stay by his side, if only they could be together forever, he wanted to break free from this cursed destiny somehow.
But now, that dream was over.
Without her, that dream had no reason to exist.
‘I’ll just go back to the way things were.’
He would return to the way things were, as if he had never known happiness.
But could he truly forget?
He knew the answer was no.
He would never forget, not until the moment he died.
Yet no matter how much he struggled, the end was already decided.
And…
He would meet that end as his fate dictated.
Lost in thought, Lloydin turned his hollow gaze back to the window.
The sun had fully risen, filling the room with light.
Suppressing the overwhelming urge to stay by her side, he reluctantly got out of bed.
He went to the bathroom, retrieved a damp towel, and carefully cleaned her body.
His uncontrollable emotions had left marks all over her.
Finally, he covered her up to her neck with the blanket and pressed a kiss to her lips.
Then, leaving Ayla alone in the room, he went to his study, watching from afar as she left the estate in her carriage.
He had intended not to watch, but he couldn’t help himself.
He wanted to hold onto her so badly.
But in the end, he restrained himself.
As the carriage carrying Ayla disappeared, tears streamed uncontrollably from his eyes.
And for a long time, he couldn’t stop his sorrowful sobs.
* * *
Though I boarded the carriage calmly, tears soon began to stream down my cheeks.
I thought I had finished crying, but I hadn’t.
In the end, I couldn’t contain my sadness and cried throughout the entire journey.
The tears didn’t stop even when I arrived at the Anaïs estate.
I shouldn’t cry.
My family would be worried.
I knew that, but it was as if my tear ducts had malfunctioned, refusing to obey.
It must have seemed strange that I hadn’t gotten out of the carriage even after arriving, because the door suddenly opened from the outside.
“Ayla?”
It was my mother’s voice.
I lifted my head to look at her, but my vision was blurred with tears.
“Mother…”
As I choked out the word, my mother, startled by my tearful state, quickly climbed into the carriage.
“Ayla, what’s wrong? What happened?”
“Mother…”
I couldn’t respond, only managing to collapse into her arms.
“Ayla…”
Without saying another word, my mother held me tightly, her hands full of concern as she comforted me.
In her warm embrace, I cried even harder, resolving that today would be the last time I allowed myself to cry like this.
* * *
Once I had finally calmed down, I entered the estate hand-in-hand with my mother.
She led me to the room I had used before my marriage, perhaps thinking it would be the place where I’d feel most at ease.
Her judgment was spot-on.
As I stepped into the familiar yet distant room, I felt a small sense of peace settle over me.
“Sit here.”
My mother guided me to the sofa.
“…Okay.”
Though my tears had stopped, my voice still carried traces of emotion, hoarse from crying so much.
Once we were inside, seated on the sofa, my mother sat down beside me.
Only then did I lift my head to look around my room.
It looked almost the same as it had a year ago, with very little changed.
“…Nothing has changed.”
“Right?”
“Yes, nothing has… changed.”
“I left it as it was after you left.”
She must have believed I would return someday.
And I had indeed come back to this place.
