Episode 148

Once again, silence descended upon the room.

This was the first time during a conversation with Lloydin that silence had settled so often between us.

He seemed to be deep in thought.

I was curious about what he was thinking, but I was too afraid to ask.

But now, we were standing at a point of no return.

There was no going back, nor could I change direction and go somewhere else.

Watching Lloydin closely, I cautiously began to speak.

“Now you understand why I made this choice, don’t you?”

Lloydin stared at me intently before responding.

“…No. I don’t understand.”

“What?”

His words were so unexpected that I was momentarily stunned.

I had thought that once he heard everything, he would naturally understand my situation.

I believed that anyone would realize that the decision I made was the best possible one given the current circumstances.

But Lloydin was telling me that he didn’t understand.

I was bewildered by his firm response and asked him again.

“You don’t understand? But this is the best way… for everyone…”

“My lady.”

Lloydin cut me off, fixing his gaze on me.

“It doesn’t matter to me if it’s the best way for everyone.”

What did he mean by that?

He was giving me answers I hadn’t expected at all.

I needed to think for a moment to understand what he was saying.

But before I could even begin to process it, Lloydin continued speaking.

“Because to me, you are the only one who matters.”

‘Ah…’

I finally understood his words, and all I could do was sigh inwardly.

Does this method not work on him either?

If that’s the case, then I truly have no other options. What should I do?

My heart pounded with anxiety, fearing that he might once again say he couldn’t let me go.

This was truly the limit.

If he said that, I might be overwhelmed with the urge to give up on everything.

But I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t abandon everything that was destined to happen in the future just to stay by his side.

The truth is…

I had said that as long as he lived, it was enough, even if we couldn’t be together. But that was only half true and half a lie.

If we were to part, I knew I would live the rest of my life without ever knowing happiness again.

It would be a life where, even though I was alive, my heart would be dead.

In that case, wouldn’t it be better to spend even a short time living happily by his side?

Such a deeply selfish thought was slowly taking over my mind.

I was just that emotionally exhausted.

“Even though I don’t understand…”

Despite everything, I prayed inwardly.

Please, don’t let me give up on everything.

Please… don’t let me do something terrible.

Perhaps my desperate plea reached him.

“I don’t want to see you suffer here any longer, so I will accept your decision.”

When I heard his words, I felt a deep sense of relief.

Yet, why did his acceptance feel so heartbreaking?

Even though I had achieved the result I wanted, I felt as if everything inside me had vanished, leaving my heart empty.

‘No, it’s fine. It’s over now.’

But… it was finally over.

I closed my eyes briefly, accepting the decision he had made while struggling to hold my crumbling heart together.

After a moment, I opened my eyes, barely managing to collect myself.

And then, I noticed the hollow look in Lloydin’s eyes.

“Duke… thank you…”

I felt tears welling up again.

But I couldn’t let myself cry here.

If I cried now, parting would become even more difficult.

Even seeing him with those eyes, there was nothing more I could do for him.

I couldn’t comfort him, nor could I hold him.

Because I shouldn’t.

Because we were over.

So I had to hold back. I had to endure it.

I would cry when I returned, in a place where he wouldn’t be.

I would cry my heart out.

So, let’s leave this place quickly.

With that thought in mind, I parted my lips to bid Lloydin a final farewell.

“Then, I will…”

“My lady…”

Just as I was about to rise from the sofa, Lloydin reached out and grabbed my wrist.

But when I silently looked at him, he released my wrist and stood up, stepping closer to me.

I watched his actions in silence.

The thought that this was the last time made me determined not to miss a single detail.

I wanted to remember everything, so I imprinted each of his movements deeply in my heart.

As I did, Lloydin suddenly knelt on one knee before me.

“D-Duke!”

Startled, I quickly reached out to lift him up.

But before I could, he grasped my hand.

“Do you remember?”

I remained silent, listening intently to his words.

“On the day we promised to marry, you said to me, ‘Don’t bear the burdens alone anymore. From now on, I’ll be with you.’”

How could I forget that day?

That moment was still vivid in my mind.

When he kissed the back of my hand, it felt as though everything around us vanished, leaving only the two of us in the world.

My heart had pounded so hard that I could hardly calm myself.

I remember being so anxious that he might hear my racing heartbeat.

I would never forget that moment, not then, not now, and not in the future.

Tears began to fall uncontrollably as I slowly nodded.

“And I told you then that I would never forget that moment.”

He had said that to me as well.

That day was one neither of us would ever forget, even in death.

As I stood there, tears streaming down my face, looking down at him, Lloydin once again pressed his lips to the back of my hand, just as he had that day.

The only difference was that back then, his lips had quickly lifted away, but today they lingered for a long time.

And while we had smiled then, now we were both crying.

Back then was the beginning; now was the end.

“Duke…”

I called out to him through my sobs, and only then did his lips leave my hand.

“Today, I will say the same thing. I will never forget this moment.”

I knew exactly what he meant by those words.

It felt as though my heart was breaking.

No, it had already shattered, beyond repair.

“I love you.”

“…What?”

“I love you, Ayla.”

“Oh…”

He called me Ayla.

And he said he loved me.

The moment those words reached my ears, I couldn’t hold back my emotions any longer.

Tomorrow hadn’t arrived yet.

It was still a dark night.

When dawn came, I wouldn’t be able to stay here, but for now, there was still time, meaning I had the right to be with him.

“Huh… Duke!”

I rushed into his arms, wrapping mine tightly around his neck, whispering in his ear.

“I love you too. I love you so, so much.”

I kept whispering my love to him, and Lloydin, in turn, repeatedly told me he loved me.

The words “I love you” stopped echoing in the room only when our lips met.

We sought each other out as if we were the only two people in the world.

As if it were the last time, and it truly was the last, so it was only natural.

The first and the last.

There was no time to catch our breath.

We desperately reached for each other, accepting one another completely.

I was no longer afraid.

There was no time to hesitate out of fear.

But time passed too quickly.

The time we spent together was far too short, and dawn was slowly breaking.

Still, we didn’t stop.

Even amidst the waves of pleasure, I tried my hardest to stay conscious, fighting to hold onto him a little longer in my gaze.

But eventually, I lost consciousness, and when I opened my eyes again, it was already a bright morning.

The bedroom was empty.

As if everything that happened last night had been a dream, Lloydin was nowhere to be seen.

But the sensations lingering in my body told me it hadn’t been a dream.

When I lifted the blanket and looked at my body, I realized that at some point, I had been thoroughly cleaned, though I hadn’t noticed when.

Yet, despite that, the marks remained.

“Ah…”

As soon as I stepped out of bed and planted my feet on the floor, a sharp pain shot through me, causing me to wince.

But it was only momentary. I quickly steadied myself on my feet.

Then I prepared myself and left the Blighton estate.

Just before boarding the carriage, I turned back to look at the mansion.

Memories of the happy moments I had when I first arrived here flooded my mind.

‘Lloydin…’

I hadn’t seen Lloydin at all while I was getting ready to leave.

And I hadn’t sought him out either.

I wanted to respect his decision not to see me.

‘It’s over now.’

With a faint smile, I silently bid him farewell.

Goodbye, Lloydin.

With that final goodbye, I boarded the carriage and returned to the Anaïs duchy.