Episode 147

How much time had passed, I didn’t know.

It was as if my tear ducts had malfunctioned, and the tears just kept flowing.

At some point, though, I became acutely aware of the familiar scent of his body, the warmth of his hand gently stroking my back, and the occasional worried sigh that escaped his lips.

I clung to Lloydin even tighter.

As if letting go would be the death of me, I held onto him with all my might.

And as I held him, I thought, how wonderful it would be if that were truly the case.

Then I’d have an excuse not to leave him.

But knowing such a thing would never happen made me even more sorrowful, and the tears continued to fall.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the tears that had been soaking my face began to slow.

Lloydin’s careful voice filled the space as he noticed that I had stopped crying.

“My lady.”

Without responding, I burrowed deeper into his embrace.

I heard a small chuckle above my head.

“The night is getting cold. Perhaps we should head inside?”

The chill in the air was indeed noticeable, just as Lloydin said.

Even though I wasn’t cold, thanks to his embrace, I knew Lloydin must be feeling it.

I still didn’t answer, only nodding slightly.

“Then let’s go inside.”

Just as I was about to pull away from him to rise from the bench, Lloydin suddenly lifted me up in his arms as he stood.

“D-Duke!”

Startled, I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, fearing I might fall, my eyes widening as I looked at him in shock.

“Your eyes are quite red.”

When Lloydin frowned slightly and pointed this out, I felt a wave of embarrassment and buried my face in his chest.

“I’m okay now… I can walk, so please put me down.”

But despite my words, Lloydin didn’t budge, striding across the garden with me still in his arms.

“Duke…”

I was about to ask him to put me down again when I suddenly felt his lips brush lightly against my forehead.

Startled, I looked up at him, only to find him gazing at me with an incredibly gentle smile.

“We’ll be there soon, so please stay like this just a little longer.”

His voice was so tender that I nodded without even realizing it.

And once again, I found myself fighting back the tears that threatened to spill as I buried my face in his chest.

Before long, we entered the mansion.

I glanced around but was relieved to see that the servants were nowhere to be seen.

Still in Lloydin’s arms, I was carried up the stairs and into the bedroom.

As the warmth of the room began to seep into me, I waited for him to put me down.

But even after some time had passed, he showed no sign of releasing me.

Curious, I looked up and found myself locking eyes with Lloydin.

We gazed at each other in silence for a while.

I wondered how I must look to him now.

I had cried so much that my eyes must be swollen.

I must also look terribly confused.

Because that’s how I felt inside.

I might even appear a bit ridiculous.

After all, I had treated him so coldly earlier as if everything was over, yet here I was, leaning on him for support. Even I felt ashamed and embarrassed by my own behavior.

But Lloydin was no different.

The unfamiliar side of him that had appeared earlier was now completely gone, and the Lloydin I knew was standing before me once again.

The one full of warmth, whose presence was so comforting that it made me feel at ease just being near him.

But our conversation wasn’t over yet.

Looking at the moon sinking lower, I realized there wasn’t much time left.

There was something that had to be done before the dark night gave way to the light of day.

Gathering myself as if I hadn’t just been crying, I steadied my resolve and spoke again.

“…Please put me down now.”

When Lloydin gently set me down, I made my way to the sofa. As I settled into my seat, Lloydin followed and sat across from me.

Silence enveloped us again as neither of us spoke.

I needed to say something, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak.

‘No, I have to.’

I clenched my fists tightly, hiding them from his view, and then resolutely looked at him as I began to speak.

“You must have been very surprised when I started crying. I lost control of my emotions for a moment. I’m sorry.”

“…It’s alright.”

“There’s something you want to hear from me, isn’t there? You probably already figured it out, even though I said it was nothing. Am I right?”

Lloydin slowly nodded his head.

“What’s going on?”

“Before that, I have a condition.”

“A condition?”

“Yes. You must promise to fulfill it.”

Lloydin stared intently at me, as if trying to uncover my thoughts.

I didn’t avoid his gaze and met it head-on.

“What is it?”

“You must promise to do as I wish after hearing what I have to say.”

“As you wish?”

“Yes. Of course, you already know what I want, don’t you?”

“My lady, what on earth…”

“Duke.”

I deliberately interrupted Lloydin, calling his attention.

“I won’t lie anymore. The things I said earlier weren’t how I truly feel. You know that, right? You know where my heart truly lies.”

“Then why did you say those things?”

“Because I have to achieve my goal. I didn’t originally plan to tell you the truth. I thought it would be alright. But I was wrong. That’s why I’m going to tell you the truth now. But the outcome won’t change. If you agree to that, then yes, I’ll tell you.”

“Haah.”

Lloydin’s deep sigh was audible right in front of me.

“Should I give you some time to think? But I can’t give you too long since we’re running out of time.”

In the end, I had no other choice.

Even though I lied, saying I didn’t have feelings, it didn’t work, so I had to resort to the final option.

I wished he could go his entire life without knowing…

Knowing how much self-loathing this would cause him, I had desperately hoped Lloydin would remain in the dark.

But nothing else worked.

Time was running out for me, and once again, I came to the same conclusion.

I had to save everyone, no matter what.

That was all I needed to remember.

“Should I give you more time?”

When I asked Lloydin again, who hadn’t yet responded, his eyes flashed coldly for a brief moment.

“…Go ahead. I’m listening.”

“Alright. Good. Now, where should I start… Well, from the beginning…”

I started from our first meeting, recounting the things the Crown Prince had said to me, the prophetic dreams I began having after recovering from my illness, and everything in between.

Since I had promised not to lie to him, I didn’t want to deceive him any longer.

Lloydin remained silent for a long time after listening to everything I had to say.

Unlike before, I felt at ease, having shared everything with him, and waited calmly for him to speak.

Eventually, his low voice broke the silence.

“In the end… In the end, it’s because of me…”

I knew this would happen.

It was obvious how he would react after hearing this.

Because that’s the kind of person he is.

The kind of person who blames himself rather than others.

“No, it’s not because of you, Your Grace.”

“But if I hadn’t asked you to take care of Ian…”

“No. But because of that, you prevented Ian from losing control. You saved him. You chose the best possible option at that time. So it’s absolutely not your fault.”

“My lady…”

“So please, don’t blame yourself. And remember, this all started because I came to you. If I hadn’t come, you would have found another way.”

“This isn’t your fault.”

“No, since it started with me, it’s…”

“It’s not!”

Lloydin denied it with a voice louder than I’d ever heard from him.

“Your Grace…”

“You tell me I’m not at fault, yet why do you insist on blaming yourself?”

“Because it really is my fault…”

“No, it isn’t. So if you don’t want me to blame myself, you must also stop blaming yourself.”

At Lloydin’s words, I could only fall silent, unable to respond.

“Are the prophetic dreams accurate?”

“Yes, they are. I saw the scenes exactly as they happened in my dreams.”

“…I see. His Highness the Crown Prince gave you until tomorrow, didn’t he?”

“Yes. He said that if we don’t act, there will be no way to save Her Highness Princess Daina. I can’t send Her Highness to the Kailon Kingdom. Not just for Jade, but I don’t want her to be alone in a foreign land either.”

The meaning behind my words was clear.

I was saying that as long as I sacrificed myself, everything would be alright.