Episode 146

I must have been frowning without realizing it.

Suddenly, I felt Lloydin’s hand moving toward the space between my brows.

Sensing his touch quickly, I tightly shut my eyes and hurriedly turned my head to the side.

The cold night breeze blew through the silence, lightly tousling my hair.

When I glanced at Lloydin out of the corner of my eye, his face was stiff, as if he was deeply shocked by my rejection.

“My lady…”

This was probably the first time I had so openly refused Lloydin’s touch.

I didn’t want to go this far, but there was no other choice.

Suppressing the urge to apologize, I spoke in a cold voice.

“Please, don’t do this.”

“I just wanted to smooth out the frown on your forehead,” Lloydin replied with a sorrowful smile.

Seeing that smile, the image of myself from just moments ago flashed in my mind, filling me with mixed emotions.

I wanted to stroke Lloydin’s cheek.

His words about wanting to correct any wrongs were so pitiful that I wanted to comfort him, to tell him it wasn’t his fault, to assure him not to think such thoughts, to insist he had done nothing wrong.

I wanted to stroke his cheek and then embrace him.

But I held back, not letting those feelings show, forcing myself not to act on them.

The limit of how much I could endure was becoming dangerously close.

If I stayed any longer, I felt I might explode like a bomb without realizing it.

I knew it would be hard to tell Lloydin we should part ways, but I didn’t realize it would be this painful.

More than anything, it was because he wasn’t acting the way I had expected.

‘So, I have to hurry.’

If not, I might truly lose control of my emotions.

If that happens, everything will be ruined and fall apart.

Just a little longer.

I repeatedly urged myself in my heart, and after countless inner whippings, I finally forced my lips to part.

“I made a promise to my family.”

“A promise? What do you mean?”

“I promised them that once I recovered, I would return to the Anaïs duchy. To me… my family is more important than you, Your Grace. My parents and brothers are irreplaceable to me, more precious than anything in this world.”

I didn’t want to say anything that would hurt him too much.

I really wanted to part on good terms if possible.

But it seems that’s not going to happen.

It was just a foolish delusion of mine.

So…

In a state of resignation, I continued with words that would undoubtedly pierce his heart.

“I admit, Your Grace treated me well while I was at the Blighton estate, and I did develop feelings for you. But it was a very small emotion. I’m sorry for confusing you, but to me, you are not someone important.”

“I’m not important to you?”

“Yes. There are people more important and precious to me than you, Your Grace. I just want to return to them. So please, let’s end this here. Please.”

I desperately hoped he would let me go before I said anything more hurtful.

The harsh words I was throwing at him were coming back to me like daggers, piercing my heart.

I sincerely wished for it to stop here.

But of course, that too was a vain hope.

“It’s alright.”

“…What?”

“It doesn’t matter if I’m not important to you.”

“Your Grace, please…!”

“As long as you are by my side… nothing else matters to me. So, you cannot leave this place.”

His face was filled with both desperation and determination as he said those words.

“Are you planning to imprison me here?”

Lloydin nodded in response instead of answering.

“If that’s what it takes to keep you, then I will.”

“Your Grace!”

I couldn’t get through to him. It felt like talking to a wall, no matter what I said.

Was he always like this?

So obsessive…

‘Ah.’

Suddenly, a memory from the past flashed through my mind.

The moment when Felix had warned me about Lloydin’s unusual behavior.

Felix had cautioned me to be wary of Lloydin’s atypical reactions.

But I had brushed it off, insisting that Felix was mistaken, that Lloydin could never do such a thing.

Because Lloydin wasn’t that kind of person.

He was kind and gentle.

Of course, I might have been more dismissive because I didn’t understand Lloydin’s feelings for me at the time, but in any case, I had taken the matter lightly.

I had ignored Felix’s advice, treating it as trivial.

‘Now I see Felix understood Lloydin better than I did.’

What if I hadn’t ignored Felix’s warning that day?

Would I not feel so suffocated now?

I don’t know.

Lloydin had never shown me that side of him until now.

So it was natural that I didn’t realize it.

But if I had taken my friend’s advice more seriously and thought about it deeply, maybe the situation would have been different.

I had underestimated this, believing I knew Lloydin well.

“I never knew Your Grace was like this.”

“Is that so?”

Lloydin responded calmly to my words.

“Did you hide it on purpose?”

“I didn’t hide it.”

“You didn’t?”

“No. It just never came up before, so I never showed it.”

Lloydin said this with a self-deprecating smile.

At that moment, an inexplicable fear began to creep in.

I love Lloydin, but the man before me now isn’t the one I know.

I didn’t know this man who was speaking and acting this way.

This man, who was so possessive and obsessive, was someone I was encountering for the first time.

“You can’t keep me locked up here forever. If my father doesn’t hear from me, he will get suspicious and won’t stay still.”

“I know. But I still won’t let you go.”

“The more you do this, the harder it will be for both of us. Please, let’s end this here. Please?”

“No. Even if the whole world turns against me, I will be with you.”

“Even though I’m saying I don’t want this? Even though I’m saying I no longer have feelings for you?”

Lloydin’s face hardened, and he remained silent for a moment.

Then, as if he was thinking of something, he finally spoke.

“…It doesn’t matter if you no longer have feelings for me. That no longer matters to me.”

With each word, Lloydin’s expression twisted in pain.

Seeing him force himself like this, I felt utterly wretched.

“Please don’t do this, Your Grace. Please… this is the best thing for everyone. Otherwise, ah!”

Unable to bear it any longer, I accidentally let something slip.

“…What do you mean by that?”

“What? No, it’s nothing.”

I tried to cover it up as if it were no big deal, but Lloydin had already noticed something and his eyes glinted sharply.

“What did you mean when you said it was the best thing for everyone?”

“It’s nothing. It just slipped out.”

“My lady.”

Lloydin called me, his voice even more menacing than before.

Why did I say that?

Even as I tried to cover up my words, I berated myself for letting it slip.

What should I do?

How can I fix this situation?

It seemed too late, as Lloydin had already sensed something was wrong, but I kept repeating the same words with my head slightly bowed, trying desperately to escape the situation.

“It really was nothing. I just meant…”

“My lady. Look me in the eyes.”

“What?”

“Look me in the eyes and say it.”

I was so out of it that I didn’t even notice when Lloydin placed his hand on my cheek.

So when he lifted my face, I saw the familiar man I knew, looking at me with tender and warm eyes.

And that look seemed to say he would take on all the difficulties himself, so I shouldn’t worry about anything.

That look stirred up all the mixed emotions of sorrow, anxiety, frustration, and sadness that had been welling up inside me, and tears suddenly burst forth.

“My lady, what’s wrong?”

Lloydin, flustered by my tears, tried to wipe them away.

But the tears, once they started, wouldn’t stop, and I clung to his hand, weeping uncontrollably for a long time.

“Don’t cry. If you cry, I… haah.”

As I continued to cry without saying anything, Lloydin sighed softly and pulled me into his arms.

And I, unable to reject his touch any longer, cried even harder in his embrace.