Episode 144

“Are you cold?”

As soon as we stepped outside, Lloydin asked, concerned about how I was dressed.

“No, I’m fine.”

Though the autumn night was quite chilly, it wasn’t unbearably cold. In fact, the cool breeze felt refreshing, clearing my mind, and I didn’t mind it at all.

“Just in case, you should wear this.”

“Oh, thank you.”

Lloydin wrapped a thick shawl around my shoulders, something he must have prepared in advance. I gave him a slight smile and then we walked into the garden together.

Instead of heading directly to the pond, we strolled around the garden, engaging in casual conversation.

“Time seems to pass so quickly,” Lloydin remarked.

“It really does. It’s already been a year since I came here.”

“Sometimes I’m afraid.”

“What are you afraid of?”

I stopped walking and looked up at him, curious about his words.

“I’m afraid that this happiness we have will vanish in an instant, that it will shatter too quickly.”

“Oh…”

I found myself at a loss for words in the face of Lloydin’s fear that this happiness might soon disappear.

But the truth was, my happiness had already shattered, and I was barely holding on to the broken pieces. I knew all too well that after today, even those pieces would turn to dust and be lost forever.

If things were different—if the situation wasn’t as it was—I would have told him that everything would be fine, that there was no need to fear. I would have embraced him, comforted him, and helped soothe his worries.

But today, I couldn’t do that. The very thing he feared was about to become reality, and I couldn’t bring myself to lie to him with empty reassurances.

“Shall we go see the pond now?”

So instead, I deliberately changed the subject, avoiding a direct response.

“If you want to see the pond, it’s this way.”

“Then let’s go.”

I wasn’t sure if he noticed my evasion, but thankfully, the conversation shifted successfully. We hurried together toward the pond.

“Wow…”

The moment we arrived, a gasp of awe escaped my lips.

Even though I had caught a glimpse of it from the bedroom earlier, seeing it up close now was breathtaking. The pond at Lloydin’s estate was much larger and deeper than the one at the Anaïs estate. The area around it was beautifully decorated with stones and small plants, adding to its charm.

The pond was stunning, so much so that I could understand why it had taken so long to complete.

“It’s beautiful.”

“Do you like it?”

“…Yes, I love it.”

“Come, have a seat here.”

Lloydin guided me to a bench nearby. When I looked at his hand holding mine, a memory from the past surfaced.

Back then, I had led him to a quiet place where we could be alone, away from the noise of the banquet. And soon after, we were sitting side by side on the bench, just like now.

As before, a large moon hung in the sky, reflecting on the pond’s surface, creating a mesmerizing scene.

“It’s truly… beautiful.”

The moon seemed even larger tonight, giving the scene an almost dreamlike quality. I found myself momentarily lost in the beauty of it all, forgetting about the future. But then reality snapped me back to the present.

‘This isn’t the time to get lost in the moment.’

I reminded myself of the resolve I had made earlier and steeled my heart once more.

“Thank you for creating a space that I love so much.”

“It’s nothing. Seeing how much you like it makes me happy as well.”

When I smiled at Lloydin, he returned it with a gentle smile of his own.

“My lady.”

“Yes, my lord?”

“I’ve always had something I’ve wanted to tell you, from long ago.”

The word “long ago” brought to mind all the things Lloydin had often said to me—how there was something important he wanted to tell me someday.

It was something I had longed to hear for so long, something I could only guess at.

I had a good idea of what he might say. Perhaps it was related to what he had once mentioned to Daliah, that he had cared for me long before.

But guessing and hearing it directly are two very different things.

There was always the possibility that it might be something completely different, something I hadn’t anticipated.

And so, I had always been curious, eagerly waiting for the day he would finally tell me, my heart fluttering with anticipation.

When he said earlier that he had something to tell me, I felt a surge of selfishness.

I thought I could hear just that one thing before ending everything.

Surely that wasn’t too much to ask, right?

But then, after thinking it over, I realized I couldn’t allow it.

Letting Lloydin say those words would only give him another sliver of hope.

And when hope grows, so does the potential for despair.

No one knew that better than I did.

There had been doctors who confidently assured me and my family that they could cure my illness.

Before meeting them, we were filled with renewed hope.

But when they ultimately failed, that crushed hope brought us even deeper despair.

From that series of events, I learned firsthand that false hope can become a deadly poison.

Realizing this, I understood that I couldn’t do that to Lloydin.

‘I can’t.’

And so, right before dinner, I made a difficult decision.

I decided not to listen to what he had to say.

I would probably wonder about what he wanted to tell me for the rest of my life. I would likely regret it deeply—regret my decision not to hear his words, perhaps even to the point of despair.

But that would be my punishment, the price for dragging things out this far.

So, I had to stop here.

No more selfish desires; I had to bring this to an end.

Having made that tough decision earlier made it easier to steel my resolve once again.

“Lloydin.”

I quickly called out to him just as he was about to speak.

“Yes, my lady?”

“Um, I mentioned that I also have something I want to say. Would it be alright if I went first?”

“Oh, yes. Please, go ahead.”

His eyes, filled with trust and without a trace of doubt, pierced my heart like a needle.

I couldn’t bear to look directly at him, to meet those earnest eyes of his.

Instinctively, I wanted to avert my gaze, but I forced myself to keep looking at him, steadying myself.

I felt ashamed of trying to make things easier for myself by avoiding his eyes.

And so, I kept my eyes on him as I forced myself to speak, my lips trembling with the effort.

“What I have to say is…”

How would Lloydin react to my words?

He always said everything was okay, so would he say that again?

Even if he wasn’t okay, he was the type of person who would say so anyway. It seemed likely he would do the same this time.

Then, perhaps the conversation would be over quickly.

Hoping that this painful moment would pass swiftly, I finally forced myself to say the words.

“I want to give you your freedom now.”

As soon as I spoke, Lloydin’s usually gentle expression visibly twisted.

“Freedom… What do you mean by that?”

“Do you remember our contract?”

“…I do.”

His voice had dropped, becoming cold and heavy. I could clearly sense the shift in his demeanor, and I struggled to continue without letting his reaction intimidate me.

“You married me to protect your family and your brother. And I married you to find a cure for my illness.”

“…That matter—”

“My illness is cured.”

I cut him off, determined to finish what I needed to say.

“…What?”

“Thanks to you, I’m completely healed. I no longer wander in my dreams, and as you’ve likely noticed, I no longer fall into deep, prolonged sleep.”

“Truly, you’re completely healed?”

The stern expression on his face softened at the news of my recovery, a glimmer of relief showing for just a moment—before his face hardened again as he seemed to remember the gravity of our conversation.

“Yes, I’m fully healed. I should have told you earlier, but I had my reasons for waiting.”

“Are you certain you’re completely healed?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

Lloydin asked for confirmation again, and I nodded firmly in response.

“Then why did you wait until now to tell me?”

“I had my reasons. But I don’t think I can explain them to you…”

“I see.”

“I’m sorry. So, as I mentioned earlier, I think we should proceed with the divorce to give you—”

“Wait.”

“What?”

The moment the word “divorce” left my lips, Lloydin raised his hand, cutting me off.

“Why—”

“Please, stop. Don’t say anything more.”

I tried to speak again, but Lloydin’s voice, now even lower and more ominous, halted me.

The air around us suddenly felt as if it had frozen over. A chill swept through me, causing me to shiver as I cautiously looked at him. The sight that met my eyes shocked me into silence.

I had never seen Lloydin look so cold and menacing before. The intensity in his gaze was enough to make me clamp my mouth shut, unable to continue.