“Episode 4”
Ray spent three days in seclusion. Curled up under thick blankets like a winter animal, she remained hidden. On the first day, an unfamiliar Haisch knocked on the door, complaining rudely, but from the second day onwards, he avoided her.
The household servants were excessively indifferent. Mary, who brought a watery soup, provided the only care, devoid of concern or interest. Perhaps due to this, Ray suffered intensely. Her internal issues surpassed the problems with her healthy limbs. The inflammation pressing from within intensified and burst, causing considerable pain.
Mary, the housekeeper, took care of Ray. She was the only woman among the remaining staff at the mansion and had little to do apart from meals. Occasionally, she visited Ray to administer medicine. Given her always polite demeanor, Ray expected her to be the same today.
“Is it because of the young lord?”
Mary, who was giving her a fever-reducing medicine, asked. Ray hesitated for a moment before weakly shaking her head.
“No.”
“Really not?”
“If I have to be specific, it’s because of me.”
Feeling too wretched to face herself, she hid beneath her breath. However, Mary misinterpreted, casually weaving through the conversation.
“Perhaps you want to run away.”
“Run away?”
“No need to lie. I saw you with the young lord. Quite affectionate, I must say.”
Although Mary seemed to be teasing, her expression remained unchanged. Ray began to feel perplexed.
“Isn’t the young lord… unpleasant?”
“Why would my emotions matter in this matter of servants working here?”
“A while ago, I met a lady named Della, and I felt something similar. She didn’t speak well of the young lord.”
“So you met Della. She’s the young lord’s nurse. It’s quite an unfortunate position for her. Well, maybe she’s the luckiest one since she’s the only one free to come and go.”
That day, Mary left after uttering puzzling words. From the next day, her attitude changed. Aside from using the weather as an excuse to talk, she checked on Ray’s condition frequently and expressed concern. She even ventured to make jokes.
“It seems like you’re upset.”
“Who?”
“The one living upstairs.”
“The young lord?”
“He used to be in high spirits. Ask the young lady to take care of him.”
Ray, who was sipping on the spoon, put it down. Mary, who had been observing, wrinkled her nose in frustration.
“It seems like the young lady is causing some irritation. She’s been even more unbearable since you started avoiding her. Oh, young lady. You know everything.”
Ray, looking pathetic, started to choke up.
“Miss, maybe you want to get away?”
“Get away?”
“Don’t lie; you probably want to escape from here. I’ve seen the young lord together. It seemed quite serious.”
Mary seemed to mock, but her expression remained unmoved. Ray’s confusion deepened.
“Miss, is the young lord not to your liking?”
“Here, working on the subject of the young lord, what does my emotion have to do with it?”
“A while ago, I met Della, and it felt the same. She didn’t speak well of the young lord.”
“So you met Della. She’s the young lord’s nurse. It’s quite unfortunate for her. Well, maybe she’s the luckiest one since she’s the only one free to come and go.”
That day, Mary left after uttering puzzling words. From the next day, her attitude changed. Aside from using the weather as an excuse to talk, she checked on Ray’s condition frequently and expressed concern. She even ventured to make jokes.
“It seems like you’re upset.”
“Who?”
“The one living upstairs.”
“The young lord?”
“He used to be in high spirits. Ask the young lady to take care of him.”
Ray, who was sipping on the spoon, put it down. Mary, who had been observing, wrinkled her nose in frustration.
“It seems like the young lady is causing some irritation. She’s been even more unbearable since you started avoiding her. Oh, young lady. You know everything.”
Ray, looking pathetic, started to choke up.
“Miss, maybe you want to get away?”
“Get away?”
“Don’t lie; you probably want to escape from here. I’ve seen the young lord together. It seemed quite serious.”
Mary seemed to mock, but her expression remained unmoved. Ray’s confusion deepened.
“Miss, is the young lord not to your liking?”
Ray, hesitatingly, uttered a weak “no.” However, Mary nonchalantly continued.
“After all, since the young lady is so naive, it’s a bit of a foolish venture, isn’t it?”
It was an absurd statement until the engagement was settled. Even the ants in the mansion knew about it. About the foolish business venture. Even if they only recovered the invested capital, it would be considered fortunate, as profits were nonexistent.
“Young lady, I gave it to you because you’re the young lord’s sister. It’s like this. Don’t worry, young lady. Our young lord can endure any hardships with whatever means necessary.”
Ray’s head drooped deeply.
“Will I be chased away?”
“No.”
It was an unreasonable argument. Mrs. Mary just chuckled.
“It’s more likely to be the opposite.”
After that, Mrs. Mary often gossiped about Clodan. Most of the content was embarrassingly inappropriate, making Ray’s cheeks turn red.
“Seriously.”
“Enough, please stop.”
“A tall man like him is not to be taken lightly either. The young lord’s height alone is painful to mention. It must be tough for you.”
“I don’t want to eat anymore. I’m done for today.”
“But it would be good to keep in mind for later. I guarantee it. With your lovely voice, the young lord will melt gently every night.”
There was nothing Ray could say. She reluctantly covered herself up to her head with the blanket and waited for Mrs. Mary, who had finished her chores, to leave.
“Miss.”
“I’m tired.”
“Don’t think too badly about it.”
It was a previously unseen serious attitude. Ray pulled down the blanket until her head was revealed.
“About the young lord?”
“Do you think the young lady has found her match now? Accepting this as my destiny.”
Then, Mrs. Mary suddenly had a teary face.
“Don’t come in two days.”
“What’s wrong?”
Mrs. Mary didn’t answer. It was the day Ray had been bedridden for a week.
* * *
It was a rare outing. Ray wore a dress adorned with roses, and she put on her only red shoes. She tied her twisted hair three times. It was a pretense of adorning herself with things she cherished.
The reason for going out was the fairy tale book. She intended to return it to Clodan, using it as an excuse to explain herself. Clodan, who came to her mind as soon as she felt better, remained unforgettable. Her steps were much lighter than the days when she dug into the ground. Ray crossed the quiet mansion and quickly ascended the stairs.
It was absurd to deceive Clodan, who had blue eyes. She should have been scared all this time. She wanted to apologize, laugh together, and had been waiting for him to forget about it. The fact that the accident was turning into something positive.
But finding Clodan was difficult. The taciturn Philip just shrugged, and the other servants all remained tight-lipped. This was Clodan’s mansion. If he was determined to hide, Ray’s efforts were in vain.
On the third floor, Ray circled around and sat on a small chair. It was an exceptionally sunny day. The sun shone on outdated furniture and a carpet with impressive blue patterns. As Ray swept her hair while looking at the cover of the fairy tale book, her hair even shimmered. It was a lethargic morning. Ray, who became free, flipped through the fairy tale book, imagining the quaint illustrations.
“Ha.”
It came from right in front. Someone’s breathless sigh. Ray slowly closed the fairy tale book and pressed her ear against the wall.
“Ugh.”
There was a small ring on the wall. It was the same ring Clodan had pulled before. Perhaps Clodan was inside. Moreover, he seemed to be not in great health. Ray pulled the ring without hesitation.
The door started to open but stopped. Something was stuck in the doorway. It turned out to be a rolling bottle. Ray quickly removed the bottle, allowing her to enter easily.
“Ha.”
Indecipherable sounds continued incessantly, accompanied by a damp sensation in the air. The atmosphere inside was overall warm and humid, akin to swimming in a midsummer pond.
“Young Lord?”
Ray quietly called the room’s owner.
The sounds grew louder. Ray’s breath gradually ceased. A large, white blanket covered the floor, and on top of it lay Clodan. However, Ray couldn’t regain her composure.
Clodan lay on the pillow, moving only his hips, while his exposed genitals were evident. A notably thick organ rested on the pillow, sweat streaming down his arms covered by a shirt, and Clodan’s slightly parted lips appeared in succession. Clodan seemed rather relaxed, but his strained back and hands told a different story.
Ray stiffened like a statue. Clodan, with wetted hair, made eye contact and smirked, a clear mockery. Clodan fervently continued to caress himself. He breathed heavily, perhaps nearing climax, frowning as he took rough breaths.
“Ray…”
White fluid seeped into the shirt and pillow. Some splattered on his chest. Casually catching his breath, Clodan stood up, splashing water on his face from a prepared bowl. The sound of droplets falling was pristine.
Having washed, Clodan nonchalantly took some water with his palm, neatly washing his exposed organ.
“Why are you here?”
Both his gaze and tone were cold. Ray, whose tongue hadn’t fully regained control, stumbled through her response.
“I came to return this… this…”
With tomato-stained fingernails, Ray stammered.
“Leave it there and go.”
Clodan, pointing to a drawer, indicated where she should put the book. Ray neither left it nor took it, standing there in shock.
“Sorry. I’m sorry, Young Lord.”
Clodan, with a look of indifference, precisely wetted the end of the unused sheet of the book with his tongue.
“What’s there to be sorry about?”
“I saw… and…”
Ray was on the verge of tears. The area around her eyes turned pink. Clodan, with an emotionless face, spoke.
“Enough, get out.”
Ray finally understood. Clodan had lost interest in her. Considering the circumstances she had been observed in, it was even reasonable to despise her. Suppressing a sob, Ray gently placed the fairy tale book back. Clodan didn’t spare her a glance.
“I’m really sorry.”
Clodan, who hadn’t cleaned the end of the sheet, raised an eyebrow.
“For what?”
“For what I saw… And…”
Ray was about to cry. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and her voice trembled.
“Sorry. Sorry, Young Lord.”
Clodan muttered, “What a bother,” and waved her off. Ray, with tear-streaked cheeks, fled the room as if escaping. Tears streamed down her face, either through her nose or mouth. Her eyes and ears were blurred. Sitting on the deserted corridor, she sobbed until the overturned stomachache turned into anger.
First, initiating it.
Ray bit her lips firmly. Then she turned around. Every second, her emotions swung wildly.
When Ray pulled the doorknob and entered, Clodan, sitting at the desk, was leisurely smoking a cigarette. He glanced at the empty palm Ray was holding down and looked back at the one with nothing in it. Ray was painfully miserable.
“Why haven’t you come all this time?”
He quietly observed Ray.
“I wanted to read books, write letters… so much. Even that day, how embarrassed I was. Yet today…”
A single teardrop fell from Ray’s hand like a ladybug. Suppressing her sobs, she whispered.
“I was embarrassed and couldn’t… read or borrow books… Like a fool telling lies.”
Clodan, with a shirt soaked as if with tomato juice, merely watched Ray.
“Sorry. Sorry, Young Lord.”
Clodan, with a face as indifferent as ever, continued smoking his cigarette.
“I don’t know about such things. I’m not interested.”
“Even if I lied?”
“Did I say something about you lying?”
“Even though I lied?”
“Ray, you spent the night with me that day.”
Clodan touched Ray’s chin gently with his thumb.
“But if you don’t come the next day, how should I interpret that?”
Clodan approached as if about to kiss her. Ray was surprised to the point of being breathless.
“Did you dislike it?”
“I waited for you.”
“Did you dislike it?”
“I waited for you.”
“Did you dislike it?”
Ray gently shook her head from side to side, tears having dried up long ago.
“I don’t hate you, do I? Don’t you think I’m a fool or clueless?”
Her lips pressed anxiously together. Her tongue twisted in haste, and occasionally swallowing, her lips were becoming parched. Ray almost clung to Clodan’s wrist. She was desperately rambling. The meeting of their lips, almost connecting but not quite, left her dissatisfied. Clodan seemed to share the sentiment. Each time their lips parted, from cheek to jaw, he kissed her with a sense of longing and pulled her in.
“Young Lord, just a moment.”
“I don’t want to.”
Trying to pacify him by aligning their lips, Ray’s lips almost covered her mouth. Their lips that connected were just a fleeting moment of disappointment. It seemed that Clodan felt the same way. Trying to talk her way through, Ray pouted and puckered her lips.
“Young Lord, now.”
“I said I don’t want to.”
“Clodan…”
Clodan’s eyes widened slightly, creating a gap big enough for the wind to pass through. Ray shyly smiled.
“Clodan.”
“…”
“Can’t you read a book for me?”
“I want to do something else.”
“Clodan…”
Clodan’s eyes slightly narrowed, and there was a noticeable gap in the wind. Ray laughed timidly.
“Clodan.”
“I’m completely…”
Clodan’s voice trailed off, and he sighed. Even that sigh felt sweet to Ray. When she tried to soothe him by matching their lips again, Clodan remained firm.
“I don’t want to.”
“Clodan…”
Clodan’s eyes now widened, and the wind made a gap again. Ray laughed coyly.
“Why are you so pretty?”
Throughout her life, she had heard the phrase “You’re pretty” only from Clodan. Not from the mother who bore her, not from the father who raised her, and certainly not from the stepmother who harassed her, claiming she was unremarkable. Ray wanted to cry endlessly, like an incessant monsoon. She wanted to cry because it was too warm. She liked him. There was no other option but to like him, Ray thought.
