“Episode 38”
“If you’re reading this, consider it halfway successful. I thought I could convey it through writing, but it’s quite challenging. Understand my circumstances, which inevitably led to an unusual route of delivery. I’m currently in a difficult situation. It’s fortunate that you’ve learned to read.
I can’t write a long message, so I’ll keep it brief. Come out right away, Ray. I’m always there. And I’ve been trying countless times to approach you, but you never seemed to notice. Remember my words, Ray. Come out from there.”
Although she had never seen Heish’s handwriting before, the letter was undoubtedly his. There was no mistaking the tone of her only blood relative, Heish. However, the sender’s name was not specified, and the meeting place was unclear.
Lady Mary may have been helping Heish, but it was unlikely. Her tone mocked Heish for being incompetent. She sarcastically remarked that he left without repaying his debts.
But if that possibility was ruled out, things got strange. How could Heish, who had fled the mansion, leave a letter under the plate without internal help? It was impossible without assistance.
Ray absentmindedly walked and found herself at the stairs. The door to exit was nearby. Heish always said he was outside. In other words, waiting for her to run away together seemed futile. Considering Heish’s outburst when he ran away, this was undoubtedly a subtle change. Heish must have expected to abandon her and hide forever.
The stairs and the door. Ray stood at the crossroads. She glanced outside as the rain fell, just like the day she used to come here. Did Heish wait for her under the rain? Despite knowing the awkward situation, she hesitated.
“No.”
It wasn’t hesitation. Ray was only sorry for Heish. She hadn’t genuinely cared about him since the day her brothers left. She was more concerned about Clodan, and Heish’s escape was only occasionally a concern.
Even this estranged blood relative was still a blood relative. She wished the cowardly Heish would come back. There was a time when her heart ached for her mother lying in bed. She used to feel a lump in her throat at the thought of leaving Heish alone in the village, but now her emotions were unclear.
“I’m sorry.”
Ray lifted a flowerpot and hid Heish’s letter underneath. It wouldn’t make him disappear, but she felt a sense of relief. In fact, her mind was already made up. But admitting it and feeling sorry for leaving Heish alone made her feel guilty.
Ray turned her back on the door gesturing to her and walked up the stairs. As she stepped on the melancholy blue-colored steps, she put an amusing end to her unusual choice. She wished Heish, who had established a stable family, wouldn’t see her. Maybe she was being selfish like this.
But the moment she stepped on the second floor, Ray knew. She didn’t love Heish. She didn’t love her mother, who screamed in the countryside, or her father who turned into red soil. Before that, she had mistakenly thought she loved them. She devoted herself to earn their affection, thinking it was love, before learning the true emotion of love.
“Clodan.”
Clodan was different. Ray would be proud of him even if one of his eyes was sunken, and his legs were crooked, his affection would still be unwavering. It was evident from the moment she first saw him. She wouldn’t mind being accused of being infatuated with a man and abandoning her own blood. Choosing him instead of Heish was the right thing for Ray.
“Open the door.”
At the end of the second-floor corridor. Lady Mary had hinted at it in a roundabout way, but Ray could tell. Clodan was here. Ray knocked on the door again. “Let me in.”
As Ray spoke, she anticipated a long confrontation with Clodan. He wouldn’t just casually open the door, and she would use all means to make him open it. But as if mocking her, the goddess of fate chuckled. It was from inside the door. Ray, leaning her forehead against the door, immediately raised her head.
“I’ll come in.”
A useless phrase, but she said it anyway. Turning the doorknob, Ray exhaled a breath mixed with tension. The opening door felt as heavy as a mountain. The air inside was cold, and except for the clunking sound of Ray’s rugged shoes, there was only silence.
“Clodan?”
As soon as Ray entered, the door closed. With no light to guide her, it was so dark that she wouldn’t even notice if an arrow flew at her. Walking on tiptoes, feeling her way with her shoes, Clodan was still nowhere to be found.
“Is he not here?”
Could Lady Mary have lied? Did she lock herself in here all night? Irrational doubts flooded her mind. The darkness that hindered her vision was terrifying. If Clodan wasn’t here, there was no reason for her to stay. Just as Ray was about to leave, she heard it.
“Ray.”
She almost collapsed on the spot. The voice that echoed nearby was unfamiliar, more so than Clodan’s. When fear grew on the courage that had grown on a shell, the falsehood began to unravel.
“Clodan!”
How could she not have known? He was right in front of her. But she wanted to revoke her dignified determination. Sitting Clodan was tied up like a condemned criminal, his arms bound by rough iron chains, suspended from the pitch-black ceiling. Thanks to that, his arms stretched upward like those of a punished child looked awkward.
“I’ll untie you.”
Ray, with tears welling up from the shock, but Clodan laughed as if he was amazed. “Untie?”
“Wh-who did this?”
“Who do you think?”
Clodan immediately shook his bound hands as if he could untie them easily. The clang of iron against iron sounded ominous.
“Come closer.”
She was going to do it anyway. She worried if his wrists bound tightly with iron might get hurt. But Clodan urged her impatiently even as she walked closer. His dry lips moved like those of a starving beggar before a feast.
“Faster.”
She was already close enough to satisfy him. Ray, kneeling down, touched Clodan’s forehead, sweaty and feverish. “You seem to have a fever.”
He tilted his head along Ray’s touch, eager like a traveler under the scorching sun seeking shade. When Ray tried to move her hand to check his wrist, Clodan twisted his body roughly.
“Where are you going?”
“Nowhere.”
“Then sit back down. No, come up here.”
“Just a moment. Let me check your wrist. Huh?”
Because of her resistance and shaking hand, the iron chains rattled even louder.
“Stop shaking. Clodan!”
“Untie.”
“How…?”
Then, kindly enough, a keyhole appeared. Perhaps the key was not here. There was only Clodan and the iron chains that bound him. There was no one in this mansion who would tie up Clodan, nor did anyone have a legitimate reason to harm him. In the end, it was self-inflicted, and perhaps Phillip had the key.
“Clodan, I’m sorry.”
Fortunately, his wrists were intact. Ray, after confirming this, kneeled again and met Clodan’s gaze. “I can’t untie you.”
“Is that so?”
Unlike his usual indifference, Clodan was sharp with his emotions this time. Even now, he was glaring at Ray with betrayed eyes. He was a man who knew how to manipulate Ray’s emotions. He must have hidden himself deeply to avoid showing such malice. Ray gently brushed Clodan’s cheek with pity.
“But I’ll stay with you.”
“Just with words?”
“How do you want me to help?”
Seizing the opportunity, Clodan lightly shook his wrist as if to taunt her. “Call Phillip.”
“Why?”
“He has the key. With that…”
“I already said I can’t untie you.”
Clodan’s sly smile quickly turned sour. His eyes, filled with sudden rage, fixed precisely on Ray.
“Then why did you come here?”
It was as if he thought she was useless otherwise. With a bitter expression, Ray cautiously sat on Clodan’s thigh. Then, she embraced his precious head tightly.
“I came to do this for you.”
Clodan, who had been silent for a moment, leaned closer to Ray’s ear.
“Did you deliberately try to drive me crazy?”
His eyes were half out of his mind. Clodan, breathing pitifully, leaned against Ray’s shoulder, brushing his hair against her shoulder. When Ray responded with her lips, he eagerly kissed her as if drinking water. His lower body, pressed against Ray’s dullness, surged up as if to divide her in half.
“Ray, untie me. Untie me. Please?”
Having made her decision, Ray remained firm. She shook her head and pulled away her lips. At that moment, Clodan burst in as if having a seizure.
“You said you love me. Is that true? Don’t you want me?”
“I love you. But I can’t. Clodan will be sad.”
“Who’s that! I’m right here in front of you…!”
Ray tenderly kissed his stubborn lips. Ironically, such consideration seemed to anger Clodan even more, and he forcefully clenched the chains in refusal. Ray couldn’t help but feel sorry for Clodan.
“Clodan.”
“Get out. I don’t need you.”
“Really?”
Ray’s hand reached his swollen lower body. “Really, you don’t need me?”
Clodan’s lower body was worryingly warm. Ray wanted to handle the situation as smoothly as possible, but it was difficult to hide her embarrassment. Her cheeks turned red, and her gaze kept dropping to the floor. However, she didn’t withdraw her raised hand.
“If I release your hands… you’ll try to hurt yourself again, right? But I can’t leave you alone like this.”
As if to validate her words, Ray repeated her plea like a mantra.
“Can’t we stay together, Clodan?”
At this moment, there was no one who could refute her words. It was going to be a long night for both Ray and Clodan.
