Beast Castle

“Episode 32”

The morning sun, piercing the eyes, yearning for summer. Ray had a simple and clear realization. The warm spot beside him was where Clodan lay, and simultaneously, memories from last night poured out like a flood.

Scenes of drinking and misconduct. They were not vivid, but scattered memories of shame existed.

“Clodan, your lips are so beautiful. They catch my eye.”

Clodan’s expression was hazy, as if painted with white paint, but only the curve of his smiling lips vaguely remained in memory. Then, the location changed to an indistinct place.

In the middle of a familiar hallway, Ray floated up and down, probably in a posture Clodan had hugged.

“Go to sleep. Huh? Go to sleeeep.”

As Ray leaned against the tree like a dependent monkey and slumped, Clodan gently supported the back of his head. Amidst the confusion, he smiled brightly like a blooming flower, and his lips, murmuring, touched Ray’s cheek. It was a memory so good that even if they got drunk again, they wouldn’t regret it.

“Lie down. Here.”

The last scene was in the bedroom. Clodan, who had changed into pajamas without any desire, tempted Ray by slapping the bed beside him. Clodan, who had seemed to be contemplating something, said softly,

“Ray.”

“Hmm? Why? Why? Quickly.”

“As you know, I didn’t have a mother.”

Although drunk, the pitiful feeling worked. Ray, now filled with compassion, urged Clodan to speak, and naturally, Clodan, who occupied the spot beside him, absentmindedly played with the buttons of his pajamas with his thumb.

“So, there was something I wanted to try.”

“What is it?”

“Will you do it for me?”

Clodan’s playful demeanor was a rare sight. Even if he begged to cut off the king’s ankles, it felt like he could accomplish it. Ray also failed to perceive Clodan’s dangerous atmosphere in his drunkenness. Without suspicion, Ray pulled his arm.

“I can do it. Tell me.”

“Really?”

Even when Clodan climbed on top instead of staying beside him, Ray just blinked. His first thought was the sadness of seeing Clodan smiling falsely before revealing a sad story.

“Clodan?”

Instead of pouring out his feelings to Ray’s open ears, Clodan slowly unbuttoned his shirt. His hands, dulled by alcohol, fumbled, making the pajamas messier.

“When I was little, there was a child who sucked on his mother’s breast when he felt sad.”

“Clodan…”

“Thank you for agreeing so readily.”

The conversation about occasionally drinking together ended abruptly with Clodan’s voice. His lips, which had stopped talking, focused on something else. Grasping and releasing the nipple, he tasted it deliberately.

Ray, who hadn’t stopped feeling pity until then, only snapped out of it when the nipple was sucked deeply. It had been a while since he experienced such sensations, and the exhilaration of being soaked underneath overwhelmed him. The lips that clung desperately to his nipple sucked and licked repeatedly, as if craving milk.

“Clodan, Clodan. Just a moment.”

“Just a little more.”

“I, I can’t come out!”

At that moment, Clodan swallowed something with a gulp, his neck bobbing. The chewed flesh rolling in the hollow of his cheek looked pitiful. Despite the lack of milk, Ray’s bottom was soaked due to Clodan’s sweet sucking like fruit juice. Ray tried to sneak away deliberately, not wanting to be caught.

“Why?”

Of course, there was no way he wouldn’t know the problem at hand. He hadn’t even taken a sip of alcohol, so Ray’s thoughts were like a palm-sized object to him. His fingers, settled on the rounded wet area, began to gently stroke. It was a touch more of an assessment than a caress.

“Ray, is it because you want to sleep?”

“Uh, it’s embarrassing…”

“You were comforting me, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, but… that’s not it.”

Clodan, who had inserted his fingers into Ray’s mouth again, filled his mouth with Ray’s chest once more. The stimulation was intense enough to sober him up. Even in his tipsy state, it felt appropriate to have a bedmate. The water, with no one to absorb it, faithfully clung to Clodan’s fingertips as he greedily indulged in Ray’s chest. It was around that time that Clodan rolled his eyes.

“Nothing’s coming out here, either.”

“That, well, can’t be helped.”

“Do you want to try something else?”

Emboldened by the alcohol, Ray grabbed Clodan’s cheek. It was clear that if he put his tongue into the nipple, he wouldn’t come to his senses. It was better to offer his chest instead. Suppressing his embarrassment, Ray brought Clodan’s face to his chest.

“Here, eat this.”

Perhaps it was something he could say because he hadn’t come to his senses, but Clodan’s expression was not one of provocation.

“Say it again.”

Even in his drunken state, Ray understood the word “limit.” As Ray, with reddened eyes, turned his head in disregard, Clodan, frustrated, asked again.

“Just once more.”

“I understand everything already!”

“What do you want me to eat?”

In the end, Ray couldn’t contain his temper, fueled by the alcohol. His patience, which he had been holding back, finally burst. As Ray vehemently refused, Clodan, driven by greed, roughly engulfed Ray’s right nipple. It was painful as he chewed on the nipple with his molars.

Even more humiliating was Clodan, who kept swallowing something continuously. Laughing heartily as if he had eaten his fill last night, and later, groaning and panting as if he had poured out all his fluids while devouring the breast. It was a memory highlighted by a face flushed with embarrassment.

It is understood that it didn’t go to the end. Despite needing to remove his soaked underwear, Clodan did not insist or force his genitals. He simply wanted Ray to release milk. He lay beside Ray, appearing relaxed with a satisfied complexion after eating to his heart’s content last night. Ray clumsily put on the nightshirt without buttons. When he saw Clodan’s slick hand on his waist, he felt embarrassed. It was because he imagined Clodan, with his slender and delicate hands, fumbling with his genitals.

Unable to go all the way, thoughts of the aftermath kept coming back. He needed to quickly wash away the remnants of last night’s passionate urge. For the first time, Ray left the bed before Clodan.

***

Even though Clodan wasn’t carrying a rain cloud, strangely, the weather seemed better when he was absent. Today was no different from before. After finishing dressing, without mentioning it separately, Philip and Mrs. Mary were already preparing for her outing.

Actually, the word “outing” was exaggerated. It was just passing the time in the usual garden. But, being outside was being outside. Mrs. Mary would make snacks for the outing, and Philip would remove traps set to catch foxes.

“Hello.”

And there was the busiest gardener. Perhaps enjoying Ray’s praise, he had been collecting rare breeds from various places. Thanks to him, the uniqueness of the blue roses had long been buried.

Whenever he saw pink sunflowers or flowers that seemed out of season, the surrealism of the mansion became more pronounced. But Ray quickly adapted. Living apart from the outside world, even the gardener, who didn’t know what was strange, seemed pitiable.

“It must be nice for the children to see the sunlight after a long time.”

The taciturn gardener nodded with a smile. That’s why Ray liked him. When there was a lot to think about, the gardener who silently cared for the flowers was much more comfortable than Mrs. Mary, who constantly tried to solve problems with words.

The majority stake in his mind was undoubtedly occupied by Clodan. Worries traced back to last night. It might be a trivial speculation, but Clodan was an extraordinary pivot of desire. He also had exceptional skills in staying up all night with a barely conscious Ray.

However, yesterday he didn’t go all the way even in such a situation. Ray worries whether Clodan didn’t go all the way because they are not lovers. An influx of useless worries floods his mind.

He declares waiting arrogantly, only to weaken quickly. Could it be that he’s being cast aside in a lifetime relationship without any significance? Perhaps another woman, like Ray, has become attached to him and might steal him away.

Why wouldn’t such a possibility exist? Life is unpredictable, and Ray and Clodan, who lived in a separated world like it was cut with scissors, met. Clodan could be tied to many other connections besides Ray.

At that moment, a clear floral scent wafted to the left side of Ray’s gloomy face. It was a purple hydrangea with newly formed droplets. Taken aback, Ray accepted it, and the gardener, encouraged, murmured enthusiastically.

“The language of flowers. Happiness. That’s why.”

Ray couldn’t help but smile. They were such gentle people. If it wasn’t ordinary, what was it? Ray thought the criteria for being ordinary were vague. The people here, who offered considerate and thoughtful words, were more ordinary than those who criticized with pristine faces.

“Thank you so much.”

Although Ray gratefully thanked him, the gardener’s expression was strange. It was as if a laborer who had secretly picked grain in the fields and was caught by a cruel overseer with a whip.

“Where are you off to so early in the morning?”

In an instant, the hydrangea in Ray’s hand turned into ashes. It was Clodan’s doing by the door. Seeing that, the gardener swung his arms to protect the meticulously tended flowerbed. It was clear who the next victim would be.

“Clodan.”

Despite Ray’s call, Clodan’s expressionless eyes seemed to stare into space. Afraid of turning the gardener into ashes, Ray hurriedly ran towards him.

“Why are you like this?”

“Why are you like this?”

Clodan reflexively laughed as if under the influence of a drug. Looking down at Ray’s worn-out shoes, he said,

“I didn’t ask for something I didn’t earn or deserve.”

“That’s…”

“Is that all a single flower can bring to your smile?”

Ray felt unfairly treated. It was regrettable. He had hesitated to wear his neatly ironed clothes and clean shoes, reserving them only for special occasions. Interpreting it like that hurt.

“If those worn-out shoes are so precious, then throw away everything else.”

“I saved, I saved them.”

Trying to dispel misunderstandings, Ray touched his hand, only to quickly withdraw it uncomfortably.

“Don’t touch me as you please.”

His relentless anger was directed at innocent Philip.

“Philip.”

Pale-faced, Philip, who had been watching from behind, answered hastily.

“Yes.”

“Get rid of that.”

The gardener was a cursed figure. Stepping out of the mansion turned people into beasts or worse. It was like a death sentence. Moreover, in times of unrest like the current ones, they might be branded as monsters or witches and face a grim fate.

Philip’s thought to impose a severe punishment was foolish. However, he couldn’t refuse outright. Caught in a dilemma, Philip’s gaze stabbed the gardener sharply. Despite conveying his message clearly, this was the outcome.

This time, Ray’s efforts were futile too. Clodan, who refused to listen to her, was as elusive as smoke. Philip’s concerns had become a reality. Although the sky was clear, an ominous afternoon was unfolding at the mansion, overshadowed by dark clouds of gloom.