Beast Castle

“Episode 19”

Ray woke up late. Having slept deeply without any dreams, her refreshed eyelids opened wide. She reached out her hand to the empty space beside her. The cool sheets greeted her hand. Clodan was nowhere to be found.

In his absence, Lady Mary prepared breakfast and spent the leisurely afternoon together with Ray. Most of their time was spent evaluating newly purchased items. Lady Mary praised Ray’s excellent taste and urged her to try on some clothes immediately.

“Now? But I have nowhere to go in this.”

“Why do you need somewhere to go? Just try them on and have fun.”

It seemed she had already laid out the clothes before Ray could object. Like arranging flowers, Lady Mary selected matching shoes without any mismatched colors.

The most elegant item in Lady Mary’s selection was undoubtedly the purple shoes. She clapped her hands, saying she had chosen them carefully. Then, she tied a white ribbon from the drawer around the waist of Ray’s dress.

“Should I tie it like this?”

“Just however you want.”

As Ray fidgeted with her hands, she finally asked the question that had been on her mind.

“Where is Clodan?”

“Miss.”

“Yes?”

“Why would I make you look so pretty like this?”

“Well, um…”

“Just wait a moment.”

After a short trip to the kitchen, Lady Mary returned and offered Ray a plate of cookies.

“It’s snack time for the master.”

“Oh…”

Warmth returned to Ray’s cheeks. She examined herself carefully in the mirror and adjusted her well-combed hair. Lady Mary chuckled as if amused. She seemed like the same person who had been wielding the utensils with vigor earlier.

“Do you really like it that much?”

“To be honest.”

“To be honest?”

“I want to keep looking at you.”

Goosebumps rose on Lady Mary’s wrist. Even in her lukewarm honeymoon phase, she had never felt like this. She was a lover who only loved, without being picky.

“It’s nice.”

Even with a sarcastic undertone, Ray felt like she was flying. She missed Clodan even more.

Unable to hold back any longer, Ray ignored the trivial chatter and dashed through the corridors and stairs. A cookie fell along the way, but she didn’t care. She climbed the stairs three at a time until her calves were burning and her breath was heavy. But she still felt great.

“Clodan!”

Searching meticulously as if looking for a lost gold button, Ray called out happily.

“Clodan, come have a snack and work.”

But Clodan was nowhere to be seen. Despite his keen ears, Clodan was the type to emerge on his own when he heard Ray’s voice.

Then, a loud crashing sound came from somewhere. It sounded like dishes being knocked over all at once. It was chaotic and dangerous. Ray found herself standing in front of the source of the noise as if drawn to it.

Knock, knock. She tapped on the door carefully. Ray stood in front of the door again and knocked.

“Clodan, are you there?”

Suddenly, everything went quiet inside. Even the faint sound of footsteps stopped. Ray knocked on the door again with certainty.

“Clodan, I brought snacks…”

The door opened. Clodan, looking exhausted and haggard, popped out. He seemed momentarily surprised, but Ray smiled, holding out the plate of cookies.

“Clodan, have some snacks.”

The scent of tea was in the air. Ray carefully inspected Clodan and found broken pieces of glass scattered on the floor, cuts on his hands.

“Clodan, you’re bleeding!”

“Just leave the snacks and go.”

“But you’re bleeding.”

“It’s okay. Just leave them and go.”

It was clearly a gesture of pushing her away. Anxious and hurt, Ray forced her way into the room. But she couldn’t enter because Clodan was blocking her.

“I want to come in.”

“Don’t come in.”

“Why? What are you hiding?”

“I broke the glass. I got hurt.”

Ray gently pressed the cookie plate against Clodan’s chest.

“Clodan is hurt.”

“So what? Do you want to get hurt too?”

She had come with expectations. She thought he would appreciate the effort she put into dressing up and explain the reason for his absence since morning. Somewhere inside her, a hot emotion surged, and Ray set the cookie plate down on the floor with a clatter.

“Fine. I’ll leave.”

“Ray.”

“If you hate it that much, I’ll leave. It’s fine.”

Ray ran away as if she were excited, tears of betrayal brushing her cheeks. Honestly, it wasn’t a big deal. He was busy, and she was just a leisurely person. She felt fragile and melancholic, as if her delicate flesh had been bruised.

“Ray.”

Tears streaming down her face, Ray descended the stairs, but Clodan pulled her back and embraced her from behind. When Ray tried to push him away, he wrapped his arms around her.

“Sorry.”

“Just let me go, okay?”

“Ray, look at me.”

“Let go, let go. I want to go.”

Her tormented heart didn’t easily ease. Clodan kissed Ray’s back tightly.

“It’s always hectic when I’m working. Bear with me. Okay?”

Looking into Ray’s eyes as she tried to break free, Clodan’s injured hand came into view. Amidst her anger, she felt a pang of guilt. Ray tenderly examined Clodan’s wound.

“You should treat this immediately… Aren’t you going to apply medicine?”

“Are you treating me nicely?”

“I was just upset earlier. I wasn’t really mad. I’ll go work now. I won’t bother you while I’m working.”

“Ugh…”

Clodan, with a disgruntled expression, sighed heavily as he wrinkled his nose.

“Why are you like this? You were mad at me.”

“Because I kept bothering you…”

“It’s not bothering me. Don’t say it like that.”

Ray recalled her father. Her father, who was obsessed with his work, missed playing with his rabbit and lion dolls in his study.

Sometimes, when she performed puppet shows near her father, he would cough and ask if she had eaten. Then he would call the nanny to escort her out. He never directly said she was a bother. But she knew. There were thousands of ways to express it without saying it directly.

“Okay. But you look really tired, so take it easy for a bit. I’ll go downstairs.”

“You’re leaving?”

“Yeah. And I wasn’t really trying to bother you…”

“You said you weren’t bothering me.”

His voice was tinged with gloom. It was as if a volcano was about to erupt. Ray struggled to free herself from his grasp.

“I just wanted to give you the cookies and… hurry up and apply the medicine…”

“Where are you going?”

“To the restaurant, to the restaurant.”

“Why?”

“You wouldn’t understand, Clodan.”

“There’s still something unresolved.”

“There’s nothing like that!”

“You’re trying to run away from me in anger. Why?”

“I wasn’t angry. I just… came because I wanted to see you…”

“You came to see me but you’re leaving without even seeing me?”

They were a pair of arms. Trapped within just a pair of arms, yet so powerless to break free. Ray, unlike her restless self, found Clodan’s composure irritating, which made her words come out sharp.

“I’ve seen enough. I’m going to work now.”

“After dressing up so nicely.”

Knowing it all made it even more disgusting. Ray turned her head stiffly, clutching the hem of her skirt tightly.

“We’ll talk about it later.”

“Later when? At night?”

“If it’s too inconvenient, you don’t have to come.”

“Ray.”

Clodan’s voice was as cold as ice. Helpless, Ray trembled slightly.

“I like it when you’re feisty. I do.”

“…”

“I don’t want you to hide from me and drift away.”

“I’m not doing that…”

“Then why are you leaving?”

“Because I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I’m bothering you, Clodan.”

Clodan shook his head in front of Ray’s eyes.

“Apply the medicine.”

She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to do anything. But Clodan, who had taken her away, sat down at the living room table. Ray urgently asked Philip for the medicine kit.

Using her index finger, she dabbed a bit of ointment from the tube and applied it to Clodan’s injured hand. Silence filled the room. In the somewhat awkward atmosphere, only the sound of applying the medicine softly echoed. Clodan was the first to break the silence.

“Do it properly.”

“Huh?”

“Like this.”

Clodan blew gently with his lips. He flicked Ray’s forehead with his finger.

“Hurry.”

As Ray was about to close the lid of the medicine bottle, her hand slipped due to confusion.

“But it’s still not better.”

“Did you try?”

“I didn’t have to try to know.”

Nevertheless, Ray blew on Clodan’s hand. Clodan’s expression turned slightly bitter.

“Ray.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m not bothered by you.”

“I said I understand.”

“I don’t think you do.”

Clodan kissed Ray’s forehead and gently touched the lace on her dress.

“Just as you want to look pretty, I have aspects of myself that I don’t want to show.”

Ray, feeling relieved, slowly revealed her inner thoughts.

“Still, it’s upsetting. I just wanted to be with Clodan, no matter what.”

“I understand.”

The conclusion came with both lovers holding hands and apologizing to each other, and they ended it with a bland dinner together. But in Ray’s heart, a seed of anxiety had taken root.

Unlike Clodan, who couldn’t sleep due to busyness, she had nothing to do. With her hands covered in flour dough, as well as Philip overseeing household chores and the newly hired John, there were tasks assigned to her.

That anxiety crept in. What if she lived like a princess in the mansion, but Clodan secretly resented her? If he acted kind outwardly but harbored malice inside? If he thought of the siblings as nothing more than cash cows? If one day, he told her to go find work outside?

She knew it was just paranoia. Moreover, Clodan was welcoming of her. He didn’t like it when she only paid attention to Mary’s backside, and he outright opposed her meddling in household chores with wet hands. He treated her like a lazy princess. She knew.

But Ray was anxious. What if one day, she lost her crown as a princess and was chased away? She didn’t want to cry and beg miserably. She knew Clodan well. He wasn’t the type to reconsider once he made a decision.

Why, Ray always prepared for the end. She would fret when signs of separation appeared.

“Clodan.”

Ray knew the reason well.
She didn’t believe in love.