Unedited
For the first time in a while, the regular meeting of the girls’ salon took place. I leaned against the doorway, my legs stretched out against the doorstep, and collected a bag of roasted turkey-flavored popcorn from Kelly and Liz as they crossed over. Roasted turkey-flavored popcorn, the most popular item at the Fitzsimmons snack bar in September, was a must-have for participants at this gathering.
Trailing behind Anaïs, who handed over the final bag of popcorn, was an uninvited guest.
“Who’s that?”
Brianna, pouring popcorn into a portable cast iron cauldron typically used for brewing potions, scrunched up her face in open displeasure.
“That’s so rude!”
Jacqueline Faulkner, Anaïs’s roommate, childhood friend, and maid, raised her head and snapped.
“I came to keep an eye on Anna because she might get influenced by your weird ideologies again!”
“Jackie was very upset because she couldn’t do my hair. Sorry, but could we let her join just this once?”
“As long as she pays the membership fee, I guess.”
Anais shoved two bags of popcorn into my hand. I nodded and ushered Anais and Faulkner in.
“Just know that I’m only letting you off the hook because our boss is lenient.”
“Are we bandits, or something?”
Kelly burst out laughing but paused mid-chuckle when she noticed the two pillows cradled in Faulkner’s arms. Her eyes widened, and so did Brianna’s.
I patted Elizabeth on the shoulder, who had promised to watch her diet until the wedding day but was busy devouring popcorn right now. The only time popcorn makes sense as a healthy snack is when it’s not mixed with roasted turkey seasoning, but I guess she either doesn’t know or is pretending not to know.
Anais wore a mischievous expression as the room’s attention turned to her, except for Faulkner, who remained blissfully unaware of her mistress’s schemes and was curiously inspecting her surroundings.
When Faulkner spotted the <The Adventures of Nivea: Historical Hotties of Milua>, reverently placed on Brianna’s bedside table, Faulkner was so excited that she screamed. She explained that in Illestia, only <The Adventures of Nivea: Historical Hotties of Illestia> was available. Although she had managed to acquire <The Adventures of Nivea: Historical Hotties of Nadon>, this was her first encounter with the Milua edition.
“Hey, where did you get <The Adventures of Nivea: Historical Hotties of Nadon>? I heard it’s out of print!”
Now Brianna also had to bring down her proud shoulders. Kelly and Elizabeth went to their room to get their pillows, taking advantage of the moment of unity between the two women who had been snarling at each other earlier. Anais came next to me and sat down with her back straight. I wasn’t a boy, but I thought the nape of her neck visible through her short brown hair was quite attractive.
“How’s swordsmanship class going?”
“Hmm, it’s fun, but also tough… I should’ve taken the lower-grade class instead.”
‘I’m glad I have Kendra,’ Anais whispered. I was startled and dropped three or four popcorns, but I picked them up and ate them before my roommate, who is sensitive to cleanliness, glared at me.
“They say food that falls on the floor is clean if you eat it within 3 seconds. By the way, Kendra? The Kendra Bradley I know? Is she taking up swordsmanship again?”
Since she had already taken senior swordsmanship class in the first semester, there was no room for swordsmanship in Kendra Bradley’s second semester schedule. Moreover, she was much stronger than me. There’s no way she would have gotten NP (No Pass) without at least stabbing Professor Moore in the butt with a wooden sword. As I tilted my head in question, Anais put her index and middle fingers to her lips and giggled gracefully.
“No. I get tutored by her every weekend… .”
“Kendra? In her dictionary, there is no such thing as unprofitable work.”
“I promised to help with her campaign for student council president in November.”
For Kendra Bradley, who had a lot at stake for the position of student council president, Anaïs O’Brien was a card too good to miss. Of course, we cannot ignore her enormous group of followers, but more than that, it was because of her unique charisma that only she had.
As a girl who was called the Queen of Fitzsimmons, Anais possessed an aura that was impossible for ordinary people to replicate. If she could make Anaïs her campaign assistant, or even a member of the student council—especially since Anaïs was expected to still be a fifth-year at Fitzsimmons when Kendra was a fifth-year—it would be well worth investing her weekends. It’s understandable so I nodded.
“She mentioned she might ask you for a favor soon, too.”
“Me? Why?”
I didn’t have a following, I wasn’t charismatic, and I didn’t repeat a grade, so I’ll be in the 5th grade next year. Placing me in her tent would not make Kendra’s battle any easier, for all I had now was dishonor.
When I said that, Anais didn’t seem to agree. Her neatly arranged eyebrows furrowed deeply.
“But I am your follower.”
“What? Anna! What are you talking about!”
Anais declared solemnly. Then Faulkner, who had been talking about the value of handsome men in the history of the continent, somehow heard and intervened. Her face had turned as pale as a sheet.
The thing is, if Anais followed me, Faulkner wouldn’t be happy because she would have to follow me, whom Anais followed. Deliberately, I let out an obnoxiously loud laugh.
“That’s right, Faulkner. Starting tomorrow, you will help me get rid of the horned grasshoppers in the newspaper room.”
“Please, Anna! I can’t even go near that cursed insect!”
“Please don’t tease Jackie…”
Faulkner suddenly clung to Anais’s forearm, who was trying to stop herself from laughing.
“And her hair is completely like a broom!”
Her desperate index finger pointed directly at me. ‘Hey!’ I’ve never felt like my hair was silky, but I’ve never felt like it was a broom either. Incensed at such a blatant insult, I hurled the pillow in my hand.
My pillow embroidered with begonia flowers hit Faulkner squarely in the face. After a moment of silence, Faulkner huffed and grabbed a pillow in each hand. She swung her arms wildly, and part of her pillow came out and floated in the air around her. With my mouth wide open in laughter, I inadvertently inhaled some of the fluff that looked like animal fur.
As I coughed out the pillow innards and realized how it felt to be a pillow, Kelly and Liz returned with their pillows. They seemed to think we had already started a pillow fight. Anaïs was laughing until she got hit with a pillow herself. Bree crouched down to protect Milua’s historic hotties only to have Liz mercilessly batter her curled-up back with a pillow.
***
Professor Nanna, as an elf who lived among “tainted blobs” (as she put it), dealt with various challenges, but her biggest problem was making students doze off like sick chickens.
It wasn’t just because the subject she taught was extremely boring. In the similarly boring Magic Science class, I was the only one getting a good night’s sleep. Admittedly, some blame lay with Professor Houston, who bulldozed through the material without even a single relatable anecdote, like a first-love story, to lighten the mood. But if I were being honest, the bigger fault probably lay with me.
In the case of “Ancient Magic and Mythology,” I wasn’t entirely blameless, but the fault didn’t lie heavily with me either. Perhaps it was because of the outdated voice-transmitting device of her old protective suit, but when Professor Nanna stood at the lectern, emitting those incessant hissing sounds, there were hardly any humans or dwarves who could endure it.
So, when the magic doll sent by Professor Humpreys pushed through the back door of the classroom and grabbed my cape, I felt a thrilling sense of victory, basking in the envious stares directed at me.
“Why is the professor calling for you?”
Jaden frowned and looked at me and the magic doll in turn. He was the only friend who cared about me during the conflict between Professor Humphreys and me. I smiled happily and patted Jaden’s broad shoulder.
“Maybe the pathological liar is at it again. Don’t worry.”
Despite what I said, Christa Edwards actually had a very good reason to report me—I really had released bugs in the newspaper clubroom.
Unfortunately, it was not the ‘cursed insect’ that Jacqueline Faulkner was terrified of. Despite several attempts to capture a horned grasshopper by bringing a cup into the communal bathroom, I had failed. Instead, I had secretly obtained twelve pairs of “letter-eaters,” insects that suck ink off paper with the tube under their chins.
Letter-eating bugs are literally bugs that eat letters and are also called ‘eraser bugs’ because they leave no letters behind where they pass by. It was so cleanly erased that some students even used letter ink instead of correction fluid (although without proper training, they’d suck up all the ink on the page, leaving their owners pounding the floor in regret as their notebooks turned blank).
There was one reason why I let letter-eaters into the newspaper club. It was to turn all of Christa Edwards’ damn newspapers into blank sheets.
Contrary to my hopes, though, the novel exploring the mysterious relationship between Fitzsimmons’s demon and Fitzsimmons’s prostitute was safely passed from Edwards to Chavez and from Chavez to everyone else.
I was in the midst of wondering whether my bug friends had fulfilled their purpose, but apparently they had pissed Edwards off enough for her to rush to the professor in charge of disciplinary action. It was very satisfying.
I hummed and packed my bag. It was hard to hold back because I couldn’t wait to see Edwards rampage down the street. I was about to leave the classroom, leaving behind Professor Nanna, were raving about how aesthetically perfect the composition of the old magic circle was and the students who were nodding off.
Just then, another magic doll appeared. Like the doll that came to pick me up, it had a symbol symbolizing the Magic Tower carved into its head, and this time it tugged on Jaden’s cloak.
“Jaden? Did you do something?”
From what I’ve seen so far, Professor Humphreys, who was in charge of discipline, had no reason to summon someone as good-natured as Jaden Spencer. So I asked, and Jaden tilted his head as if puzzled. He didn’t seem to have any clue.
“I guess we’ll find out when we get there.”
Anyway, since we were both wondering if Professor Nanna’s voice transmitter was spitting sleeping powder instead of her actual voice, we willingly followed the magic dolls to Professor Humphreys’ office.
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