“Yesterday, the mood was… well, it just happened that way, but don’t think I like you or anything. I just…”
As soon as I started speaking, I realized how awkward my words were. What even happened? The more I tried to explain, the more my thoughts tangled and my mind went blank.
“I know. I won’t misunderstand.”
Yu-geon responded as though he’d expected this.
“And don’t misunderstand me either. Espers are all like that. When the heightened senses from guiding kick in, anyone can act like a beast.”
A beast? What was he even talking about? The part where he asked for a kiss? Sure, the atmosphere was intense, but he didn’t act like a beast. He didn’t force a kiss when I refused, and he even respected my decision to stop.
“I was just the same. The physical reaction… it’s inevitable. Honestly, it’s a good thing you stopped us midway. Things could’ve—ah, no, I mean, guiding is just like that.”
His words were even more jumbled than mine. From what I knew, Yu-geon had never gone beyond the second stage of guiding. What did he mean, “guiding is just like that”?
If it really were “just guiding,” I wouldn’t have hesitated to kiss him. Guiding through contact like that is highly effective.
But the possibility that he might have feelings for me made me pull away. Judging by his stammering, it didn’t seem like he was unaffected either. Yet, he was trying hard to downplay the whole thing as if it was nothing.
“Right. Thanks for yesterday. It helped me get through the situation.”
I avoided addressing why things felt so awkward between us. If I brought it up, I feared it would make the atmosphere even harder to recover from. Guiding him and taking his blood—those were the boundaries of our relationship. Nothing more.
He probably understood that too, which is why he seemed so determined to dismiss everything. Maybe he thought he shouldn’t like me because I’m a Cremon.
“By the way, how did you hear about Ian bothering me? He wasn’t like that when he first came to our team’s office.”
I assumed one of the team members had told him. The only time Ian acted noticeably was when he asked to talk to me privately.
Even that felt exaggerated as grounds for saying Ian was “bothering” me.
“Oh? Apparently, the team members saw the two of you together a few times.”
“When?”
“During your radiating guide sessions.”
“Were there even any guides awake at that time?”
“Not just then. Sometimes Ian would watch you from a distance too.”
“What?”
I thought Ian hadn’t sought me out since our initial conversation. But according to Yu-geon, it seemed he had been observing me from afar.
How did Yu-geon know all this in such detail? More than I did, even. Who had told him?
“Was that why you ran off yesterday, thinking it was Ian? Did he threaten you or something?”
“No, it’s not that… It’s complicated.”
“Is there really something going on?”
Yu-geon had stopped eating his cereal and was now watching me with a serious expression.
I hadn’t wanted to involve him in my affairs, but the events of last night had only heightened my unease.
Even though I’m a Cremon and have some combat abilities, situations like yesterday made it clear that I couldn’t easily unleash my creature form.
I had thought the center was safe, but clearly, there were risks even here. If there were an Esper who knew my secret and could act as an ally, it would make everything easier.
And the most suitable person for that was Baek Yu-geon.
Because of his help last night, I hadn’t needed to visit Emily’s place, but I knew I’d have to face her soon. I needed to ask why she had withheld critical information from me.
The real problem was that her actions—like interfering with the search for the antibiotics—now seemed suspicious. I had to consider the worst-case scenario: the culprit might have already gotten to Emily and brainwashed her.
With a mental-type Esper as the enemy, there were too many possibilities to consider. Meeting someone alone in an enclosed space felt dangerous. Having Yu-geon with me would undoubtedly help.
But was it right to drag him into my mess? He was already keeping his distance because of what I am.
“Tell me. You can at least share this much with a close colleague, right?”
Yu-geon’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
“A colleague?”
“A ‘close colleague.’ Not just any colleague.”
The word “colleague” felt cold and distant, like we were mere coworkers.
“No, wait—‘the closest colleague.’”
Apparently, even Yu-geon didn’t like how that sounded, so he added a qualifier. Still, whether “closest colleague” or just “colleague,” it felt the same to me.
“Fine, sure… Didn’t you say to let you know if I needed help?”
“What is it?”
Yu-geon urged me to speak, his eyes bright despite it being morning.
“Well, you see…”
If I were to bring Yu-geon with me to meet Emily, he would inevitably hear our conversation. That would mean he’d learn that Emily’s statements conflicted with the facts I’d uncovered—that the missing researcher and the person who attacked me were the same individual. Knowing this, I decided to share everything that had happened so far with him.
“What? You don’t have a core?”
He was far more shocked by the fact that I lacked a core than by the information I had discovered. Even when we were paired, I had been cautious and avoided sharing much about myself with him.
It seemed that, despite his understanding of Cremons increasing through Emily’s explanations and his observations, he still didn’t know much about me.
“Why?”
“Maybe it’s like Ian said. The properties of my wavelength as a high-ranking Guide might have intensified its effect. Since the core shares the same properties, it disappeared. And because I don’t have a core, I think the culprit is targeting me.”
His eyes slowly scanned me from head to toe, his expression still doubtful despite hearing my explanation. Covering his gaping mouth with his hand, he seemed to recall something and suddenly asked a question.
“Then what happens?”
“What do you mean?”
“If you don’t have a core…?”
“I don’t die.”
“Ever?”
“I’ll die of old age. But until then, no matter what happens, I’ll regenerate.”
This time, he couldn’t even attempt to hide his shock. His jaw dropped.
“So that’s why you said to kill you if the chance came…”
I realized he was muttering to himself, recalling the words I had said when he first learned my secret and cornered me in the conference room.
“That’s not what’s important right now. Emily deliberately hid information from me. I need to meet her tomorrow—can you come with me?”
“Of course. That’s definitely strange. Why would Emily hide something? Are you sure she wasn’t just mistaken?”
“I don’t know, which is why I’m going to ask her directly.”
“That is strange.”
A brief silence followed. Although his expression was grim, Yu-geon didn’t jump to accuse or condemn Emily. Instead, he looked genuinely puzzled by her actions.
“Could she really have been brainwashed? I don’t think Emily would harbor ill intent toward you. She’s so worried about you.”
“Worried about me?”
“She said so when we had drinks once. That she hoped you’d be happy, both as a Cremon and later as a human. She said since she couldn’t always be there for you at the center, she wanted me to take good care of you.”
“…She said that?”
“Yeah.”
Her words only made my thoughts more tangled. Emily had helped me, someone who loathed the life of a Cremon, to enjoy it at least a little.
She would talk about what we’d do first if we found the antibiotics and both became human, or what we’d look like in ten years. Looking back, she had been almost desperate when she said those things, as if trying to block something from happening.
I felt suffocated, unable to grasp the truth just out of reach. I wanted to run to Emily right away and demand answers, but today I had to meet Han-gyeol.
Checking the clock, I saw it was already past 1:30 PM. The appointment time was drawing near.
“What’s with Ian? Why does he act so weird around you?”
“He’s the biggest mystery lately.”
“Doesn’t it seem like he knows something?”
“I’ll explain in detail after I get back. I have plans now.”
“Alright.”
Ending the conversation, I moved to change clothes. While I was doing my makeup and getting ready, Yu-geon waited at the table. When I finished, we left the dorm together.
In the elevator, just as we reached the first floor, Yu-geon didn’t step out and remained still.
“What are you doing? Aren’t you getting out?”
“Look.”
With a short reply, he gestured outside the elevator with his chin. Han-gyeol’s car was parked right in front of the dorm. If I’d known this would happen, I would’ve just told him earlier whom I was meeting.
Moreover, if Han-gyeol saw Yu-geon and me coming out together, he might think something was going on. Especially since I hadn’t even filed a report about conducting a separate guiding session with Yu-geon yesterday.
“I want coffee. I’ll spend some time at the café on the second floor before heading out. You go ahead.”
“Alright.”
Yu-geon’s voice was bright, almost as if this arrangement was convenient for him.
“Are you coming back today?”
He cautiously added another question.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, are you coming back today after meeting him?”
He was asking if I was spending the night with Han-gyeol.
“Yeah. I’ll come back after dinner.”
“Okay. What time are we going tomorrow?”
“Let’s meet at the same time.”
“Got it.”
His expression brightened ever so slightly. He waved goodbye until the elevator doors closed completely.
As I turned to leave the dorm, a strange feeling washed over me. It was hard to get used to how easily he let me go.
Calling me his “close colleague” and yet avoiding Han-gyeol as if he cared too much.
And this whole situation—spending a weekend morning waking up in the same bed, having breakfast together, and sending me off—felt the most bizarre of all.
It was like sneaking away to cheat on my boyfriend. Or maybe… leaving my boyfriend to cheat.
“Ugh, I don’t know anymore.”
I shook off the unpleasant thoughts clouding my mind and quickened my steps.
Neither. It couldn’t be either.
By not choosing anything, I could help both Baek Yu-geon and Baek Han-gyeol.
