“And it’s not just about your guiding. I wanted to protect your secret… I wanted to help you.”
“Sure. Because if people find out I’m a Cremon, I’ll be executed, S-class Guide or not.”
“No, it’s not just that. I genuinely wanted to understand you, to get closer. The more I watched you, the more I understood why you acted so coldly toward me, and I wanted to be kind to you.”
“Stop pretending, Baek Yu-geon. I never asked you for help. When you push yourself into someone’s life uninvited, that’s not kindness, that’s just meddling.”
I didn’t want to hear any more. The sincerity in Yu-geon’s eyes and the tremor in his voice all felt like lies to me.
The thought that he had deceived me completely filled my mind. No, to be more accurate, I didn’t want to believe there could be any other reason. He felt like nothing more than a manipulative liar.
“You just wanted to control my mind and make me dependent on you because you wanted me to guide only you. Admit it, and then everything you’ve done will make sense.”
“Why are you so twisted? Can’t I do something for you without it being about guiding? Did I control you? Am I the one being manipulated here?”
He shouted, refusing to accept my accusations. But I wasn’t really listening to him anymore.
I tilted my head defiantly, thinking, Go ahead, keep barking. And then, as if giving up, he said,
“If you don’t trust me, fine. Let’s end the pair.”
My heart skipped a beat. For a moment, I thought maybe I was wrong. I glanced at him, and he pleaded with genuine emotion.
“I don’t need your guiding. Will you believe that I genuinely cared for you and wanted to help if I give up on that?”
But even this felt like an act to me, a desperate attempt to escape the situation. From what I knew of him, he would never give up on my guiding so easily.
“Don’t bluff. I don’t believe you anymore.”
“What will it take for you to believe me?”
“Nothing. I won’t believe you, no matter what.”
“Why are you so complicated?”
“Maybe because you’re too shallow.”
“…I just wanted to be kind to you. Is that so hard to believe?”
His light brown eyes wavered, yet his gaze remained steady and almost pleading.
“Just wanted to be kind?”
Out of all the possible reasons he could have come up with, this one was the least logical, the least sincere.
Yet, for a fleeting moment, that response felt so… Yu-geon. There had been times, brief as they were, when I had felt that he wasn’t a threat.
‘But is that really the true Yu-geon?’
Doubt gnawed at me. How could someone so obsessed with guiding show me such kindness without any ulterior motive?
“Really? You just wanted to be kind?”
I took a step toward him. He retreated, matching my advance. I stepped forward again, and he stepped back until his head hit the shoe rack behind him. His expression quickly turned to one of confusion and discomfort.
“Is guiding that important to you? Are you pulling out all the stops because you don’t want to break the pair? Am I supposed to believe this act?”
“I’m telling you, that’s not it. Please, just listen to me….”
“Your fake kindness makes me sick.”
I spat the words at him with venom.
“If you’re going to try to manipulate me, why not just offer me your blood as a bargaining chip?”
Plenty of people had tried to seduce me to get my guiding, using all sorts of tricks. I usually ignored them rather than getting angry.
But with Yu-geon, my anger was uncontrollable. I had to admit that I had let my guard down, warmed by his supposed kindness. I had allowed myself to feel some sort of attachment to him, to start trusting him.
We were slowly growing closer, and now the betrayal stung more than it should have.
“You’re only using me because you need me, not because you like me. Sure, I was harsh at first, but I know now that you don’t want anyone else’s blood. I see how much you restrain yourself.”
“What do you know?”
“I can see it. I can see how much you hate the Cremons who can’t control themselves.”
“You’re wrong. I’m just like every other Cremon.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Stop it.”
I was afraid that if this conversation went on any longer, I might start believing him.
Why was Yu-geon so determined to convince me that I was different from other Cremons? He didn’t know anything about my life, and we’d only been paired for a few days.
Since we became a pair, he had been hyper-focused on me, paying attention to every little detail and showing an almost obsessive interest in my life. Flashes of Yu-geon’s attempts to understand my situation crossed my mind.
Could he really have picked up on my internal struggles, my hatred for the savage Cremons, and my conflicted values in such a short time? Why was he so determined to believe in me? Why, of all people, was it him?
For a brief moment, it felt like he was the only person in the world who would stand by me, even if everyone else saw me as a monster. That one thought made me waver, shaking my resolve to dismiss his words as mere lies, to ignore the possibility that he was sincere.
But then, I realized that whether I was right or wrong, I had to cut ties with him. My life was a constant struggle, a tightrope walk where I was always on edge, irritable, and twisted.
Every day was filled with doubt, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Just as I had pushed others away, Yu-geon, too, would gain nothing from being involved with someone like me.
Even if his words were genuine, what good would it do if I kept rejecting and pushing him away? No matter how much he tried, I would only keep him at a distance, build walls, and drive him off. If he was indeed a good person, he shouldn’t be tangled up with someone like me. Just because we had a high compatibility didn’t mean he was obligated to endure this.
“Do you know why I survived that day?”
I forced myself to say the words I had never wanted to speak to anyone.
“The people at the lab either died or disappeared, but why do you think I was the only one who survived? Have you ever thought about that?”
A bitter, twisted smile crept onto my lips as I stared at Yu-geon. He looked at me, transfixed, as if he were staring at something he couldn’t comprehend.
“I killed them all. Creatures, humans, even my parents… I killed them all without knowing what I was doing.”
“Gu Sa-weol…”
“Now do you understand? Even if I hate everything else about you, I’m addicted to your blood. If you want to keep this pair, you’d better strip down. Maybe then I’ll consider it.”
The pity in his eyes turned into a look of shock, as if he’d been slapped. His brows furrowed, and his lips quivered with a mix of disdain and shame.
“Does saying all that make you feel better?”
He still didn’t believe me. Whether he doubted that I had killed those people or that I was truly obsessed with blood, I couldn’t tell.
My heart felt like it was being crushed by a heavy stone. The memories I had buried deep inside started to surface, unbidden.
“You said you don’t need guiding, right?”
But I wasn’t about to back down now. The more Yu-geon tried to believe in me, the more determined I became to sever our ties.
“Then try rejecting me.”
“What are you doing?”
I grabbed his collar and pulled him close, so close that I could feel his breath against my skin.
“Push me away. If you do, I’ll believe you.”
He looked like he was about to shove me away when I added,
“But if you do, we’re done. I’ll break the pair, and I’ll never guide you again.”
He froze, his body stiffening as he remained motionless.
“We’re over. No more pairing, no more guiding.”
His body, which had been leaning back slightly, stilled. He stood there, paralyzed, not moving closer, but not backing away either. His face was a mask of confusion, his teeth clenched as he struggled with his emotions. I couldn’t help but let a twisted smile curl my lips as I watched his helpless expression.
“Finally, you’re listening. Why did you put up such a fuss if you were going to give in like this?”
And with that, I yanked him forward and crushed my lips against his.
“Mmph.”
He flinched as if shocked by electricity when our lips met. He tried to push me away, but I twisted my head, deepening the kiss.
I kissed him harder, sucking on his upper and lower lips in turn, then flicked my tongue against his closed lips. His teeth were clenched tightly, blocking my way.
“Are you going to open up?”
I changed tactics, licking the inside of his lips with my tongue, gently tracing the sensitive skin. I tugged on his lower lip with my teeth, then released it, letting it snap back with a wet sound. He gasped for breath as soon as our lips parted, and I took the opportunity to plunge deeper.
Yu-geon’s tongue darted around in panic, trying to escape, but there was nowhere to run in the confined space of his mouth. I tangled my tongue with his, his sweet taste filling my senses. Instinctively, I began to suck on his tongue, drawing out a small, involuntary moan from him. But he was still confused, his movements hesitant and uncertain. His body trembled as he tried to pull away, as if he were fighting against something he couldn’t control.
“Gu Sa-weol… Wait… Stop. Mmph.”
I ignored his weak protests and let my wavelength pulse out, pressing him to open up. His breath hitched, and his body tensed as I continued to kiss him, slow and insistent.
I rubbed against him, feeling his chest rise and fall rapidly beneath his tight-fitting clothes. The sight of him, so vulnerable and exposed, was strangely erotic. As my hand wandered lower, he suddenly grabbed my wrist, holding it firmly.
“That’s enough.”
His voice was low and tinged with anger. He was playing along, but his tone made it clear he still didn’t believe that I was acting out of anything other than pure manipulation.
