I was thinking to myself that this couldn’t be happening, but then he spoke in a rather serious tone. It seemed like he was about to dive into a more profound conversation, and I instinctively swallowed hard. The tension emanating from Han-gyeol made me feel a stiffness creeping up my neck.
“Let’s keep having dinners like this in the future.”
“So, you mean outside…?”
“Whether it’s outside or here, I want to enjoy good food with you and have simple, everyday conversations. I want to make up for the times we missed.”
What was he talking about? He had always been good to me… Just as I started to feel that something was off, he gently took my hand in his.
“And if I feel like holding your hand, I want to be able to do that.”
“Wait, hold on, Sunbae.”
It wasn’t unusual for us to hold hands, but something felt off this time. It was that same subtle, almost imperceptible shift in his gaze that I’d noticed when he had previously requested a pair with me. That faint change was now more pronounced.
It was hard to put my finger on it, but there was a sense of more warmth, more depth… something that felt more intimate.
“And if I want to kiss you, I want to be able to do that too.”
“What?”
There was a longing in his voice that I had never heard before. I was so shocked that my voice came out sharper than I intended.
“Is that really impossible?”
“This is so sudden…”
“It’s not sudden.”
He gripped my hand tighter as I recoiled, clearly unsure of how to react.
“I’ve seen you as a woman for quite a while now.”
Han-gyeol sees me as a woman? This was not something I had ever considered as a possibility.
“Since when?”
I was flustered, but I tried to keep my voice steady. I was as surprised as I was disbelieving. The idea that he had been seeing me as a woman all this time felt impossible.
I was certain he didn’t see me that way. I had confirmed it many times in the past, and I could feel it every day when I was around him.
Hadn’t he just been treating me like a child earlier today?
“Ever since you went to middle school and left the Center dorms, we didn’t see each other for a long time. Even when I visited the research lab, you were always too busy to meet.”
“Yes.”
At that time, I was going through puberty. Seeing him made me feel awkward and embarrassed, so I avoided him. Eventually, he even came to my school to see me.
My friends who were interested in Espers recognized Han-gyeol immediately as the S-class Esper who had been active from a young age, and they asked me about my relationship with him. In my childish pride, I didn’t want to admit that he was just an older brother figure, so I pretended not to know him. After that, he stopped coming to my school, saying he didn’t want to make me uncomfortable.
“And then suddenly, you awakened as a Guide and joined the Alpha team. Without even a word to me. Do you know how shocked I was back then?”
I used to think that he didn’t see me as a woman because I was a regular person. So, every night I prayed to become a Guide.
Whether it was my prayers being answered or just fate, I awakened as an S-class Guide at the age of sixteen. After graduating from the academy, I immediately applied to the Alpha team, where I saw Han-gyeol again after a long time.
“But back then…”
“Yes, I was cold to you on purpose.”
That was when I realized it wasn’t because I wasn’t a Guide that he didn’t see me as a woman. Even after I became a Guide, even after earning my S-class badge, he didn’t see me as a woman. I could never be a romantic partner for him.
The more I recalled his behavior in the past, the more it contrasted with what he was saying now, making me even more confused.
“Because I thought getting close to you would be a bad idea.”
But then he said something that made no sense to me.
Why would it be a bad idea to get close?
“Why?”
He was silent for a moment, his gaze dropping as he seemed to get lost in thought. It was a long pause. I waited patiently for him to speak.
Finally, he spoke in a low, subdued voice.
“It’s too heavy a topic… I’ll tell you when the time is right. I don’t want to burden you with it right now.”
What could be so heavy? If it was something serious for him, could it be related to his mother?
On the surface, Han-gyeol seemed calm, but having known him for a long time, I could tell he wasn’t okay. His expression worried me, making it hard to press for more. Given that his mother was attacked by a Cremon, it seemed likely that the story involved that incident.
But Han-gyeol doesn’t know that I’m a Cremon… A sudden wave of anxiety washed over me, and I bit down hard on my lip.
“Am I already making you uncomfortable?”
He spoke hesitantly, noticing my silence. He was trying to explain that he had his reasons and that he had felt this way about me for a long time.
To me, however, this entire situation felt sudden and overwhelming.
“I’m sorry.”
But there was no need to think too hard about it. The answer was clear. Han-gyeol, his mother, and the painful memories of Cremons.
Just standing in front of him made my chest feel tight. Since becoming a Cremon, I had never thought about dating anyone, but with Han-gyeol, it was even more impossible.
Whatever reasons he had, I now had my own reasons for staying distant. As a Cremon, I could never be with Han-gyeol. The idea of even considering it was absurd.
“Sorry again?”
He smiled bitterly. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything more. The affection I once had for Han-gyeol was similar to the way someone might admire an idol or a handsome teacher. Letting go of those feelings wasn’t hard.
“You really don’t feel the same?”
“It’s not that.”
Even if my feelings for him weren’t romantic, there was no one I trusted or respected more than Han-gyeol. He was objectively handsome and a person of great character. More than anything, I trusted and admired him.
Looking back now, I couldn’t help but wonder if things would have been different if Han-gyeol hadn’t pushed me away when I became a Guide and sought him out. Maybe our relationship would have developed, and we might have even started dating.
But then again, I became a Cremon afterward, so we would have broken up anyway.
“You’ve always been quick to cut things off when it comes to relationships like this.”
“……”
“Is there a particular reason?”
I didn’t expect him to notice that much. Maybe I should have pretended to think about it for a moment. I was feeling a bit caught off guard, so I kept silent, but Han-gyeol asked again.
“Is it because of Yu-geon?”
Thankfully, that was completely off the mark. For a moment, I considered lying to him. Being in a pair was a convenient excuse. Some Guides deliberately avoided relationships to maintain their pairing.
However, if I used that excuse, I’d have to pretend to like Yu-geon, or at least pretend we were on good terms, which felt awkward even in theory.
Plus, while lying to protect my secret seemed necessary, this felt like an unnecessary lie that would only complicate things further.
“If it’s because of that, I already have his permission.”
“What?”
“Yu-geon gave us his blessing.”
I was still trying to figure out the best response when Han-gyeol’s words stopped me in my tracks.
“Does that still bother you?”
“No, wait a second. Baek Yu-geon gave his permission?”
“Yeah.”
“That can’t be true. Really?”
“Yes.”
Even though he was speaking the same language as me, it felt like I couldn’t understand him. It was like I was hearing something from another world, and I couldn’t believe it even after he repeated it.
Baek Yu-geon gave his permission? For what? For me to see Han-gyeol? Why?
My fingers began to tremble. My heart started to race, and a hot flush crept up from my feet.
“Sa-weol, are you okay?”
Noticing the growing darkness in my expression, Han-gyeol looked concerned. A raw, unexplainable anger was building inside me.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Suddenly, a loud noise shattered the tense atmosphere. In the midst of my confusion, the sound reverberated in my ears, jarring me.
Bang! Bang!
“Gu Sa-weol!”
I recognized the voice instantly. It was Yu-geon. He was pounding on Han-gyeol’s door with great force.
“You’re in there, aren’t you! I know you are!”
Han-gyeol seemed to hesitate for a moment, debating whether to open the door or not. I got up first.
“Gu Sa-weol! Open the door!”
The closer I got to the door, the louder the banging and the more urgent his voice became. Han-gyeol followed closely behind me.
“Are you sure about this?”
“Yes.”
When I reached the front door, I saw that the metal was dented where Yu-geon had been pounding on it with his fist.
The rattling doorknob made it clear that if I didn’t open the door, he would have broken it down.
As soon as I unlocked the door, it flew open with a violent force.
“Gu Sa-weol.”
Yu-geon’s eyes were wide and wild. His brown irises were tinged with a yellow glow, a sign of intense emotional turmoil that caused a temporary luminescence in the eyes of Awakened individuals.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to eat.”
“So why are you eating at Han-gyeol hyung’s place, just the two of you?”
He must have come straight from the gate because he was still in his combat gear, with traces of creature fluids staining his clothes.
Judging by the fact that he came directly here without any prior notice, someone must have tipped him off after overhearing our conversation in the break room.
‘The people at the Center do love to gossip.’
As I stood there, tired and exasperated, Yu-geon suddenly began scrutinizing my clothes, as if searching for something. His gaze, which had been persistently scanning me, suddenly froze as he stared intently at a spot on my face.
“What are you doing?”
Yu-geon ran his thumb roughly over my lips, his touch harsh and unrestrained. Irritated, I pushed his hand away, and he let out a bitter laugh.
“Ha…”
When I wiped the area where Yu-geon had touched, I saw a smear of red lipstick on my fingers. Earlier, when Han-gyeol had wiped the cream from my lips and I had rubbed my mouth with the back of my hand, the makeup must have smudged.
A fierce, burning anger ignited in Yu-geon’s eyes.
“Come with me.”
“Yu-geon.”
“Let go, hyung.”
Yu-geon grabbed my wrist and pulled, while Han-gyeol held onto my other wrist. Yu-geon glared at Han-gyeol and spoke.
“What did you do while I wasn’t here? Why did you bring her to your place?”
“I already told you, I’ll follow the rules.”
“Then why are her lips… like this…!”
He couldn’t even finish his sentence, as if the thought was too distasteful. He glanced back and forth between Han-gyeol and me with a look of utter disgust.
It suddenly dawned on me what he was thinking. Yu-geon had completely misunderstood. He was imagining something utterly ridiculous… something that was completely wrong.
