But Emily shook her head right away.
“I thought that maybe you didn’t have a core because you’re a guide when I first heard that, but my guide friends all have cores.”
“Right, that’s true…”
When I was desperate to find my core, I considered every possible reason why I might not have one.
Maybe the antibiotic I received was wrong, or the creature that bit me was special in some way. Perhaps it was because I wasn’t an adult yet or because I was a guide.
If it was the first or second reason, the chances of finding my core were slim. The third and fourth reasons were confirmed by other Cremons. They all had cores.
But the rumor that you lose your core by eating a guide seemed unsettling to ignore.
‘There might be something to it.’
Previous rumors were really baseless, but this time might be different.
No, I hoped this wasn’t true.
If I learned the relationship between guides and cores, I might be able to find my core without waiting for the antibiotics.
“I want to know the source of the rumor. Is it hard to find?”
“Yes, Cremons move discreetly.”
“If we set a trap and wait, wouldn’t they show up again?”
“They might, but then you’d have to overpower them, and if you release your creature form, your identity as a Cremon will be revealed.”
“We can just extract information and then kill them.”
I wouldn’t hesitate to do anything to hide my identity. If I hesitated, my secret might be exposed.
“But it’s not a good idea. They might be working as a group. If you approach carelessly, your identity will be exposed, and you might not catch them.”
Emily had a point. If they were doing something like this, it probably wasn’t the work of an individual.
It was likely a group of Cremons who had banded together after hearing the rumor. I started to get a headache.
“Let’s wait for now. The center is also investigating because of the incident. It’s too dangerous right now.”
I felt frustrated not being able to move freely.
“What about the antibiotics?”
I calmed down and asked calmly. If I could just find the antibiotics, I wouldn’t need to take such risks.
“Oh… that? The researcher is said to be in Area C, but their whereabouts are still unknown. It might take more time.”
But the lack of progress made me even more anxious. I couldn’t just sit back and do nothing, so I pressed further.
“What was the name of the friend who provided that information? Can I talk to them?”
“You want to meet them?”
I usually didn’t take the initiative. Being affiliated with the center, if I got caught, I’d be immediately executed. While I wanted to become human, I had also thought that dying like this might not be so bad.
But things changed after getting involved with Yu-geon. I realized how complacent I had been. No matter how meticulously I hid, you never know what might happen.
If it had been Han-gyeol who found out that day instead of Yu-geon, I would have been more shocked. I might have silently left the center as Yu-geon wished.
I didn’t want to face Han-gyeol as a Cremon. He would find me horrifying. It would remind me of my parents, and I didn’t want to see that look of resentment in his eyes.
So, I felt I couldn’t avoid reality any longer. I had to become human somehow.
Whether it was because I wanted to end my life or be honest with Han-gyeol, I felt a sense of urgency.
“Yeah. If meeting is difficult, at least get me their contact information. I’ll look into it myself.”
“…I’ll try to find it.”
Emily seemed a bit uncertain. I knew she had a cautious personality, but sometimes it felt too passive.
The whereabouts of the researcher in Area C initially seemed like it would be easy to find, but it had been six months with no progress.
I started to suspect that maybe Emily was content with staying as a Cremon.
She had many Cremon friends besides me, and some of them had chosen to remain Cremons. While some people found Cremons horrifying, others revered their abilities and found them convenient.
But Emily didn’t become a Cremon by choice. She also had a tragic incident. So, it was hard to ask if she no longer wanted to become human.
‘If that’s the case, I wish she would just say it outright.’
Even if she didn’t want to become human, I wouldn’t be disappointed or angry. Over time, people adapt, and it’s natural to want to settle into that.
The only difference between Emily and me was that she had learned to enjoy her life as a Cremon. I had learned ways to enjoy it from her, but the anxiety in my heart only grew.
Since becoming a Cremon, I had started wearing heavier makeup, but it seemed to lighten recently. After Yu-geon discovered my secret, my makeup became thicker again. Adding more layers made me feel slightly better. It was a sign that I still found being a Cremon horrifying.
I still felt self-loathing and wanted to hide. It was my only shame and weakness.
A moment of silence passed between us. Emily was about to say something when the doorbell rang.
“Why is it so quiet? Was I too late?”
Yu-geon came in holding the cheese Emily had asked for and a bottle of whiskey in his other hand.
“No, it’s fine. Why did you buy so much?”
“There was some good whiskey. It’s a shame to have meat without drinks. Since Sa-weol has to drive, let’s drink together.”
“Sure.”
“……”
Yu-geon and Emily drank late into the night. She confessed to Yu-geon that I always had to drive whenever we met, so she never got to drink, and it seemed like she was having a lot of fun for the first time in a while.
Feeling drained between the two of them, I laid down for a while in Emily’s room. When I opened my eyes again, it was already 2 a.m.
When I came out of the room, Emily and Yu-geon were sprawled out on the living room floor. I went back to the room and tried to sleep again. I spent the night there and headed to the center early in the morning.
“Oh, I stayed up too late last night. Emily sure can drink.”
“She’s a regular drinker. She drinks alone every day.”
“When she got tipsy, she transformed into her Cremon form to detoxify her liver. Cremons are really similar to Espers.”
Yu-geon rambled on about last night’s events from the passenger seat. Espers typically don’t get drunk on most alcohols. Even if they do, they can detoxify themselves by focusing their wavelengths on their liver.
That’s why, despite drinking heavily, Yu-geon was fine without a hangover.
‘It seems Emily was really excited last night.’
Transforming into her Cremon form in front of a non-Cremon. Usually, ordinary people find our appearance terrifying. Especially our black sclera and predator-like yellow eyes, which naturally remind people of creatures. But Yu-geon didn’t seem startled by Emily’s appearance.
Maybe he had gotten used to seeing me transform a few times.
“During the drinking games, neither of us got drunk, so we didn’t get caught. Eventually, we agreed not to detoxify and just drink.”
“You two have fun.”
“Oh, and I accidentally broke a glass last night, and while cleaning it up, I cut myself.”
“What?”
I was listening calmly to Yu-geon when I suddenly slammed on the brakes. With a screeching sound, the car jerked forward and came to a halt.
“Ouch.”
“What happened?”
Yu-geon seemed surprised by the sudden stop, but I didn’t care and questioned him sternly.
To think something like that happened while I was asleep. Cremons have a hard time resisting the scent of human blood directly in the air.
Though I consider myself an exception with my strong self-control, a typical Cremon would be overwhelmed by a destructive desire.
“What do you mean, what happened? Emily suddenly rushed to the bathroom, and when I knocked, she handed me a band-aid through the door. I put it on and continued having fun with her.”
“……”
“Did you think I’d give my blood to another Cremon?”
“No… I’m relieved. Just be careful around Cremons next time.”
I pressed the accelerator gently, pretending everything was fine. I realized I had overreacted.
Emily had been a Cremon for a long time, so she could probably control herself. But the shock had my heart still racing.
“Both you and Emily, it seems not all Cremons are scary.”
“Weren’t you scared of me before?”
“That was because I didn’t know you well.”
Yu-geon said, looking quietly out the window. His voice was unusually low and somber.
“It’s rather pitiful. You didn’t choose to live like this.”
“What are you talking about…”
I retorted grumpily, finding his tone awkward. He probably didn’t know that I became a Cremon due to the Rift Gate accident. Maybe Emily shared her story with him yesterday.
Sometimes, Yu-geon made me think deeply.
He definitely had prejudices about Cremons initially. But he didn’t reject us outright because of those prejudices.
He constantly asked about our experiences, what we thought, and why we did certain things, trying to understand. He even wanted to experience things himself.
At first, I thought his curiosity about Cremons was just because he found us interesting and novel. Or maybe he wanted to be cautious because he saw us as dangerous.
But I started to think he genuinely wanted to understand us from our perspective.
He admitted when his past prejudices were wrong. How could someone change so quickly and simply?
This honest and straightforward attitude ironically made people feel at ease. Initially suspicious, you’d eventually feel that he was harmless.
Perhaps that’s why he got along with people so quickly and had many friends.
In contrast, I was used to doubting and being wary of people. Not that I envied Yu-geon’s personality or thought it was the right way.
We were just different because we grew up in different environments. If there was something I envied about him, it was that he lived a life without hardship, trusting people without getting hurt.
If I became human, would my sharp demeanor soften a bit? If I weren’t an S-class Guide, would people not try to use me? If I had met Yu-geon outside of the Esper-Guide relationship, what would have happened? If he didn’t need me, would he have tried to understand me?
I had such idle fantasies. Even knowing they were meaningless, countless questions swirled in my mind. Like waves relentlessly approaching, I closed my eyes.
